Balthazar looked up when the door went and stood looking at Castiel who entered browner than usual and happier.
"Hello, darling"
Castiel turned with a startled gasp and smiled pleasantly at him. "Hello, you're early"
Balthazar hummed twirling the engagement ring in his hand in swift circles.
"You forgot something" he said holding it up to Castiel who patted the edge of his neck and stared at him shocked.
"I…I must of just forgotten…it's always around my neck"
Balthazar nodded and beckoned his finger at him to walk forward; Castiel moved towards him and stopped staring up at him.
"Turn around" Balthazar whispered and slid the engagement ring over his neck till it lay against his chest and his arms wrapped around his waist. Castiel gasped softly leaning against him when his mouth moved to the nape of his neck and kissed it softly.
"You smell of the sea"
"I was at the beach"
"On your own" Balthazar questioned skimming his hands up his stomach and sucking hard enough to leave a mark. Castiel gasped and nodded quickly when his fingernails stroked across his skin leaving red lines against his stomach.
"You smell of something else as well" Balthazar murmured into his ear.
His eyes flew open in a panic and he turned his head to peek at him.
"What?"
"I don't know but it's nice" he whispered stealing a kiss. "Come to bed"
"I will in a moment, I need a nice shower and food" Castiel whispered kissing him back and moving out of his arms.
"Don't take it off, Cas"
Castiel turned giving him a puzzled look before it dawned and he cupped a hand around the engagement ring.
"I promise" he said with a small smile before retreating into the bathroom. Castiel shut and locked the door leaning against it letting out harsh raggedy breaths. He knew it was a foolish mistake leaving his engagement ring here and could have blown it all with one stupid mistake. Castiel also knew that the smell Balthazar smelt wasn't the sea or anything else it was either Dean, sex, or the back of the Impala.
Castiel stayed under the water for what felt like forever, his skin hurt from the sun, his fingers and toes wrinkled from the spray, and his stomach churned and twisted desperately for food. He stood out breathing through the stream and wrapped a towel around his waist before heading out to see Balthazar cooking.
"I thought you died in there" Balthazar said turning when he walked towards him.
"No I was simply daydreaming" he said standing by his side and furrowed his brow picking up a slip of paper.
"Your mother called us, she's invited us for dinner tomorrow night" Balthazar spoke softly and handed over the sausage sandwich. Castiel smiled a little in thank you and stared down at the slip of paper.
"Sounds good" he whispered and threw it away taking a bite of the sandwich relishing the taste. Balthazar glanced at him before sitting down and threw up his legs and folded his arms contemplating his next approach.
"So…have you seen much of Dean lately?"
"Briefly on occasions" Castiel said with a hard swallow. "I'm allowed to be friends with him again"
"Of course, my love, but friends only"
"I know that" Castiel said with a glare refocusing on his sandwich. "He's…invited us to Jo's party this weekend"
"Oh?"
"Yes, I'm going of course because despite my relationship with Dean, Jo is a good friend" he said picking at the bread. "Do you want to come?"
Balthazar pursued his lips and nodded. "Yes I would like to come"
"Are you sure?"
"To spent the evening with my fiancés friends would be a delight"
Castiel forced a smile at him and moved towards sitting down. "Dean will be there"
"I know, I should like to get to know him"
"Why?"
"He was the man you loved and I…well, I like checking out the competition" he murmured with a wink which caused Castiel to chuckle lightly.
"There is no competition"
"I would sincerely hope not" he said softly leaning towards him and brushing away crumbs on his bottom lip.
Castiel pressed his lips together in a tight line knowing without a doubt that this was going to be as equally painful and a disaster. Balthazar took the plate away from his hands and held out both hands for him to take. Castiel eyed them beforehand and stood up staring into his eyes confused.
"Our wedding will be splendid" he whispered bringing him closer and stroking a hand down his cheek. Castiel closed his eyes at his touch and swallowed the lump in his throat which began to rise.
"I love you more than anything and these past months have shown me that I can settle down and I want to settle down with you" he murmured kissing him gently and pulling away. "Do you feel the same way?"
"I wouldn't have said yes"
"That was then; this is now…what do you feel?"
"I feel tired" Castiel said with a shrug.
"Don't divert the question"
"I'm not; I am simply not answering a stupid question" Castiel said removing his hands and walking into the bedroom. Balthazar let his hands fall and stared at nothing before giving in and following him back into the bedroom. Castiel dressed into his black bottom and slid into bed looking over to him.
"What?"
"We've been here two weeks now and there's something different about you"
"Good or bad different?"
"I don't know yet"
Castiel flexed his hands and burrowed under the covers. "Are you coming to bed?"
Balthazar moved swiftly and climbed into the covers tugging Castiel towards him.
"I want to spend the day together tomorrow before we go see Eve, I feel like I haven't spent anytime with you"
"Okay" he whispered and held still when he was cuddled closely and let his cheek rest against his chest. It pained Castiel more than anything that he wished for another set of arms wrapped around him and knew Dean would be more than willing to take Balthazar's place.
~0~0~0~
Dean smiled when Jo bounced on her feet in front of him holding out her hand.
"Happy birthday, you're now getting old"
"Twenty one is not old!" she protested and took it out with a gasp of relief "This is one of my favourite perfumes, Dean, how did…how did you know?"
"I honestly didn't…but I am amazing" Dean said and hugged her back when she threw her arms around him.
Dean patted her back and let her go. "I'm glad you like it"
"I love it!" she said with a sincere smile. "Where's Sam?"
"Garden" he replied watching her walk away and call out for him. Dean smiled and flicked open his cell calling for Castiel.
Castiel looked down at his phone with a sigh shutting the bathroom door.
"Dean, I can't talk"
"Why?"
"Because I am spending the day with Balthazar and I have a dinner with my mom tonight"
"Right" Dean muttered dropping down on the bottom stair of the staircase. "No time for little old me"
"I know I'm sorry" Castiel said leaning against the wooden door with a sigh. "Tomorrow, I promise you"
"Okay" Dean said picking at the worn carpet feeling the old stab of jealously. "I'll see you tomorrow"
"Dean"
"What?"
"I miss you too" he whispered before hanging up. Dean let the phone drop out of his hands and pocketed it quickly feeling his jealously burn his heart and his feeling of loneliness rise up again inside of him.
"What's with the long face?" Bobby questioned when he stepped in through the front door.
"Life" Dean murmured softly rising up and edging past him out of the door. Dean looked up at the cluster of grey clouds hanging in the air suitable to his mood and he climbed in ignoring the fact it was Jo's birthday and went to find a pub.
Castiel edged out of the bathroom to see Balthazar ready to go out.
"Where are you going?"
"Where are we going" Balthazar corrected him looking over to him. "We're going to the art gallery to check on everything, and then we're going for lunch, take a walk, and return to Eve's for dinner and the rest will follow"
Castiel smiled when he helped him into his jacket and nodded in approval.
"It sounds nice"
Balthazar held out his hand which Castiel slowly linked together with his own, he tipped his head back when he bent down to kiss him.
"Come"
Castiel followed after him and remembered the first time he realised he was in love with him. It made a smile form on his lips and he stepped into the car settling into the seat and glanced into the back. An echo of yesterday hit him and his eyes shut on their own accord as he felt Dean's hot breath in his ear and remembered the movement of their bodies together as they fucked hard and fast in the back of Dean's Impala. His cock stirred to life and he pressed a hand towards it and turned in his seat uncomfortable.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes" he said in a tight voice and looked out of the window when the car was started up and they drove out to the art gallery. Balthazar moved ahead when they arrived seeking out Zach whilst Castiel searched for Becky.
"Hey!" she said brightly when he found her. "You've been ignoring my calls, dickwad"
"I know, I know, I'm sorry but I need to speak to you" he hissed dragging her into a private room and closing the door.
"I'm kind of having an affair"
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me"
"Dean?"
"Yes"
"You've been fucking"
"Whenever we can"
Becky raised an eyebrow and looked away from him. "You're like a pair of horny rabbits!"
"Shut up" he said rolling his eyes.
"How many times"
"More than I can remember" he replied leaning against the wall with a sigh of defeat.
"So…you've been secretly fucking for days the love child of the Greek god and the underwear model behind Balthazar's back?"
"In a way, yes"
Becky pouted and turned towards him with a wounded expression. "Why are you getting all the action? I should have been a man, a gay man, I mean you have two men who desperately love you and want that cock of yours and what do I have? No one"
Castiel chuckled covering his eyes and pulling his hand away to look at her.
"This is why I love you"
"Oh great the only "I love you" I get is from a gay man!" she protested and grunted when arms came around her and Castiel hugged her tight.
"You know it's wrong, right?"
"Yes, I feel terrible"
"You can't have both of them, Castiel; you need to choose who you truly want"
"I know" he whispered letting her go and stepping back. "I should go find him"
Becky rolled her eyes and went back to her paperwork seeing him head towards the door.
"Quick question, which is the better fuck? Dean or Balthazar?"
"I'm not answering that"
"The love child?"
Castiel chuckled and bobbed his head quickly before walking out and leaving Becky to giggle loudly. Castiel found Balthazar in deep discussion with Zach and tugged on his arm gently.
"Are we ready to leave?"
"Yes, two minutes, my love" Balthazar replied letting Castiel leave to enter his own gallery and look at his paintings. The paintings that once stood on his wall unchecked, worthless to anyone else but him, and now here they all were being stood and sold for people who enjoyed art. Castiel thought back to his life in high school and college when he painted for fun, acted like a hippie with more stubble, and created messy work of red and orange claiming it to be the uncontrollable relationship he held with Dean and Dean alone. Castiel missed those days more than anything and wondered if he could ever reclaim them again.
Balthazar noticed him standing in the midst of his gallery and walked over tugging on his hand.
"I don't know about you but I am starving" he whispered into his ear.
"Me too" he agreed turning and smiling up at him. "Where do we go?"
"Well this is California I am sure we can find something adequate" Balthazar said with a teasing grin dragging him out of the gallery and back towards the car. They ended up driving and finding a fancy restaurant which Balthazar relished and Castiel sat by and ordered from titles he didn't understand.
"I haven't had lobster in years!"
Castiel looked at him with a raised eyebrow and it came the moment when he questioned what he was marrying into. His life had changed in the past six years and the past two years with Balthazar, he just didn't understand when it came to this. The engagement ring felt heavy around his neck and the bruise on the side of his neck was a heavy reminder of what he had done in the past few days. Castiel knew that if his mom knew what he had done and what was still doing she would be ashamed of him.
"You look so distant from me, Castiel"
Castiel looked up at the sound of Balthazar's voice who was staring back at him with inquisitive interest in his eyes.
"I don't know what you mean"
"I mean I look at you and I see your smiles, your humour, and your general patience but when I look into your eyes you are so far away from me"
"I was merely thinking"
"About what or should I say who?"
"No one important" Castiel said taking a bread stick and munching on it thoughtfully. "What do you think my mom will want?"
"Talk about the wedding"
"That is not for another year or…two" Castiel said brushing it away. Balthazar narrowed his eyes at him and disliked the reluctance in his tone.
"I am sure it is important"
Castiel hummed grabbing his glass of wine and sipping it gently. "I'm sure it will be"
~0~0~0~
It was 6pm when Balthazar and Castiel stood at Eve's door and knocked loudly. Castiel looked over his shoulder towards the Singer household and couldn't see the Impala everywhere.
"My boy!" Eve said delighted when she opened the door and pulled Castiel towards her.
"Hello, mom" he said pecking her cheek and stepping inside the house. Balthazar welcomed her with open arms and kissed her cheek.
"Lovely to see you again" Balthazar said warmly and honestly.
"Cas!" Anna said with a squeal running towards him and he caught her with a grunt.
"You are getting far too old for that, where is your brother?"
"Luke is in high chair" Eve answered side stepping them and he entered the warm kitchen to see him giggling and sucking on his fist.
"Due to the warm heat, we're having sandwiches" she said with a small smile.
"That sounds excellent" Balthazar said pulling Luke out of his highchair. Eve smiled warmly looking over to Castiel and frowning.
"What's wrong?" she said pulling him aside.
"Nothing is wrong"
"Castiel, I gave birth to you and for twenty three year I have watched, listened, and learnt everything there is to know about you. I know when you are lying to me and this is this moment now tell me what's wrong" Eve said in a stern voice.
"I can't" he whispered in a low voice.
Eve pressed her lips together and looked to Balthazar. "I have something to show Castiel upstairs would you be a love and take care of my baby"?
"Of course" Balthazar said jiggling Luke. Eve gripped Castiel's hand and tugged him upstairs towards the attic and into his old room. Castiel looked around the small space and wondered how he had ever lived up here.
"We're all alone up here" Eve said shutting the door. "What is going on?"
"I can't"
"Why not?"
"Because you will hate me"
"Hate you? Sweetheart, you are my boy and I could never hate you" Eve said sternly gripping his forearms. "What have you done that has caused this…misery in your eyes?"
"I'm sleeping with Dean" he whispered and looked down at the floor. "It started a few days ago and I can't stop"
Eve stared at his face and pulled back with a huge tired sigh. "I knew this would happen"
"What?"
"I knew this would happen!" she hissed and turned away running a hand into her black curls. "The moment you came back and the moment you told me you and Dean were interacting once again…I knew this would happen. You're having sex behind Balthazar's back aren't you?"
"I'm so sorry"
"Why are you apologising to me?"
"Because I know I've disappointed you"
"Yes, yes you have but I don't hate you and…I…I understand" she said finally and looking into Castiel's startled eyes.
"Castiel, you have been in love with Dean since you were fourteen years old and you came back from school so excited, so happy, and so overjoyed that the famous, Dean Winchester, had befriended you. I must admit it broke my heart as well when you two parted and I had to watch from afar when Dean broke down completely because you left him. Dean loved…loves you more than anything in this world and I am not condoning this cheating at all and I am telling you to either end it with Dean or end it with Balthazar because you are engaged and there is going to be a wedding one day"
Castiel swallowed when she cupped his cheeks.
"In this life you have to think of others but most importantly yourself and you need to think about what you want. I know that the thrill of cheating and the thrill of being caught are heavy in the air but it is not right" she said and pulled away from him. "Balthazar is a kind and loving man who is devoted to you and he does not deserve this"
"I know, mom, I know" he pleaded. "I just…I love Dean but I love him at the same time"
"You have to decide who you love more because you can't have your cake and eat it as they say"
Castiel nodded and held still with shut eyes when she kissed his cheek.
"Come on, we have dinner and a good old catch up" Eve said. "Let's forget this for one night"
Castiel nodded and swallowed the lump scratching at his throat.
They returned downstairs to see Balthazar entertaining both Anna and Luke.
"You are simply amazing with children" Eve praised him taking Luke out of his arm.
"I learnt well from my sister, Rachel, who has two twin boys" Balthazar said smiling at Anna who sighed in bliss. Castiel took the seat next to him when dinner was prepared and meat feast sandwiches were handed out with chips and salsa dip.
"Oh this is delicious, Eve, you are a wonderful woman" Balthazar praised to Eve who blushed striking his hand.
"Stop it" she said embarrassed and flashed a look over to Castiel who avoided her eyes.
The dinner was well underway with stories exchanged from Castiel and Balthazar's travels, Anna's stories from school, and Eve's adventures in the garden when Balthazar dropped a bombshell.
"I have news" Balthazar said when Anna's story ended.
"News?" Eve said curiously.
"News that will delight you I think, I have decided that we are staying here in California after the gallery has ended and we are moving the wedding forward to this year" Balthazar said flashing Eve a smile.
Eve gasped covering her mouth while Castiel stared at Balthazar in horror.
"Oh my god!" Eve squealed and came around hugging them both in delight. "I can't believe this…does that mean I can plan the wedding?"
"Yes" Balthazar said simply and getting another squeal of delight from Eve who clapped and sobered when she saw Castiel's face and remembered what she told him.
Balthazar looked over to Castiel who held his tongue and looked away from him staring at his now empty plate.
"Does that mean I get to be bridesmaid?" Anna injected into the sudden silence.
"Yes" Eve said quickly and looked over to Luke. "Luke can be pageboy"
Castiel could feel the panic rise up so fast inside him it hurt and he couldn't look at Balthazar without wanting to punch and hurt him. The evening ended quickly after that as they said their goodbyes to Eve who kissed Balthazar goodbye and let him leave first before grabbing Castiel's hand.
"You didn't know did you?"
"No"
"I advise you to think very, very, carefully before you decide who you truly want to be with, Castiel, because he does love you"
"Goodbye mom" he murmured kissing her cheek and stepping out of the house. Eve watched from the door and gripped it tight in her hand watching the car leave. Her eyes shut when she closed the door and her stomach churned at the mess Castiel had made already.
The ride home was stiff and full of silence.
"Cassy…"
"Don't" he snapped looking out of the window and away from him.
Balthazar looked straight ahead and pushed on home. Castiel slammed the door hard enough to break the window and stormed into the apartment.
"Cassy, just listen to me…" Balthazar said when he closed the door.
"No! How could you? We haven't even spoken about it! I…" Castiel said trailing off and shaking his head furiously. "You had no right to tell my mom that"
"What that I decided our wedding was coming forward? I thought you would want that and your mother here!" Balthazar shouted.
"We hadn't even spoken about it! I had no fucking idea what you were going on about! Our wedding is not for another year and now it is suddenly this year and we're staying here?" Castiel yelled at him. "You should have waited until we were home to talk about it"
"I thought you would want this, I thought you would have wanted to have your mom here and she is so happy to plan this wedding" Balthazar protested.
"I do! I want her at the wedding more than anything but how dare you not consult me about our wedding and about our plans beforehand" Castiel hissed moving towards him. "Get out"
"What?"
"I can't look at you right now I am so angry, get out now!" Castiel shouted trembling.
Balthazar gritted his teeth and nodded moving out of the apartment and slamming the door hard behind him. Castiel buried his face into his hands and breathed hard not knowing what to do or think. His hand moved down and he reached for his phone dialling Dean's number.
Dean who had spent the day in the pub, park, and simply driving was now in his room staring at the TV screen when the phone rang.
"Cas?"
"Will you come here?"
"The apartment?"
"Please"
"Okay…Cas, are you okay?"
"Just come quickly" he said and hung up the phone. Castiel stepped forward opening the door to see Balthazar's car gone and nowhere in sight. It was a ten minute wait before a knock sound and Castiel threw it open and threw his arms around Dean who held him close. Dean blinked startled cupping one hand at the back of his neck and the other around his waist feeling him shake against him.
"Cas, what's happened?"
"Everything is a mess, I feel like everything is crashing around me making a bigger mess and my mistakes are catching up on me" Castiel whispered into his neck. "I just want you to hold me, please hold me"
Dean nodded clutching him closer and stroking a warm hand down his back. Castiel leaned his head against his and stared at the darkness outside feeling like the walls were closing in around him and he had no way out. Dean held him feeling more confused than ever but didn't mind as long as he got to hold him for one moment of the day. They were just ticking time bomb waiting to go off and one simple mistake would make them and everything around blow up with a whimper.
A/N: Oh drama, drama, drama. It's getting into the heavy stuff now I think.
Reviews are very welcome.