"My birthday party!" Jo cried joyful spinning in circles. "I'm excited"

"I can tell" Dean said flicking through a magazine and throwing it on the coffee table with a tired sigh. Jo regarded him thoughtfully and dropped down next to him.

"Are you okay?" Jo said touching his hand gently.

"I'm fine" he said folding his arms over his chest and staring thoughtfully to the television. "I miss him…it's been five days since we ended it and it sucks"

"I know, babe, but you know it's for the best" Jo reassured him and smiled when Dean glared at her. "Anyway, what about…whatshisname"

"Jake?"

"He was really nice to you when we went out and he really likes you" Jo said trailing a hand into his hair. "This could be your new start! Have you invited him tonight?"

"No"

"Do it" Jo said thrusting his cell into his hands.

Dean frowned deeply looking down at his cell and thinking back to six nights ago when they went for their night out and did get hammered. They went club to club drinking, having a laugh, and it was the final club they went to that Dean met Jake Power. He stood tall with wavy blonde brown hair, sparkling hazel eyes, and a cute smile. He wasn't Dean's usual type but he was the only one willing to talk and not just fuck. They exchanged numbers and a kiss between them before they all stumbled back home drunk. Since that night, Dean hadn't contacted him.

"I can't, Jo, I haven't spoken to the guy since that night"

"So?"

"It's weird!"

"Stop acting like a baby, call him" she said with fierce eyes. Dean glared at her finding the number and dialling it. It rang and rang till it got voicemail to Dean's delight and he hung up.

"He didn't answer and I'm glad, Jo, I thought I was ready and I'm not" he said pushing up and moving to walk out.

"When will you ever be ready? Look we both know Castiel is going to marry Balthazar and that's that, he's going to marry him and move away leaving you behind"

"Then you shouldn't have thrusted that news article into my hands then should you?" Dean said in a cold voice turning to look at her. "You shouldn't have shown me that article! I would have never met him!"

"Are you kidding me? Yes you would have, Dean, you would have ran into him on the street somewhere or heard about it from someone or somewhere else" Jo ranted. "Don't you dare start blaming me for this! You are the one who met up with him, you are the one who is still in love with him, and you are the one who fucked him"

"I feel like I'm in a circle and the same shit keeps going around and around and around" Dean said raking his hands into his hair. "What do I do, Jo, Sam's no help?"

"Sam just wants you to be happy and it seems really far away right now but it will happen"

"With who though? I want him, I don't want anyone else, I think that after six years I finally know what I want and Cas…well he has no idea what he wants"

Jo let out a sigh dropping back into the cushions and giving him a sidelong glance.

"I feel like I'm in a bad rom com or a soap drama from hell" she said and smiling when Dean laughed. Dean nodded in agreement and nudged her ribs.

"It's your 21st birthday party tonight, go get ready"

"You're going to be okay and if you don't get the guy in the end…I'll marry you" she said and smirked when Dean scoffed shoving her away. Dean sat on the couch pulling out his cell and staring at Castiel's number debating whether to call or not before snapping it shut and throwing back his head.

"Stupid" he hissed hating that he was so weak.

Castiel stood in the art gallery staring at another artists work when he heard footsteps approach him and turned to see Becky walk over brushing a hand down his back.

"You've been staring at that for ages, Castiel, don't go insane on me"

"I was admiring it, silly"

"How are you?" Becky said leaning against the wall.

"I'm okay" he said with a small smile looking back to the painting. "I can't wait till this over; I just want to get back to Colorado"

"Hold on, I thought you were staying for the wedding"

"We are but we're flying back first to move over and I don't want to be living in an apartment all my life"

"Castiel, are you sure you want this? Once you're married that's it, the only way out is through divorce or separation but you are still married to the guy. I know you, I know how you feel about Dean and you are not thinking straight! You need proper time to think about what you want instead of sitting back and letting everyone else make your decisions!"

"So I end it with him?

"That's up to you but can you marry him with this dishonesty between you?"

Castiel slid his eyes over to her and shook his head. "I can barely touch him anymore"

"Isn't that your answer?" she whispered placing her hand on his forearms.

"I guess" he whispered turning away. "Jo's party is tonight and I'm invited to go"

"Are you going to?"

"I don't know yet"

"Well…this isn't about Dean, this is about Jo and her birthday so go see her, give her a present, and wish her a happy birthday"

"What if I see Dean?"

"Then do what your heart tells you" she said poking him in the ribs with a smirk and walking back out of the gallery.

Castiel stared at nothing and moved looking around the large space. He knew Becky was right about going tonight so he would and brave the consequences. His feet took him out of the gallery and into his car driving towards Eve's home.

Eve looked up when the doorbell went and shushed Luke's squalling as she answered it.

"Hello, mom" he greeted when she kissed his cheek and welcomed him in. "Where's Anna?"

"With her new boyfriend" she said with an amused laugh. "I give it a week before she dumps him and finds someone else"

"She's too young for boyfriends"

"Oh be quiet! She's ten and the most they do is hold hands and ignore each other"

"Ah to be young" he teased and smiled when his mom laughed loudly scooping up Luke.

"Why are you here, darling?"

"I came to see my family"

"Where's Balthazar?"

"Work" Castiel muttered handing Luke his toy and smiling when he clapped at him.

Eve noticed the hidden misery in his eyes and placed Luke in his playpen and turned towards him.

"What has happened to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Look at the mess you are in, Castiel, and look at what your actions and your heart have done to your life. There are two men in your life; one is the love of your life, the constant presence that is always there when you can't even see him, and he is the one you have hurt the most, then there is the other who is devoted to you, prepared to marry you and live his life with you and you have betrayed him"

"I don't deserve either of them do I?"

Eve smiled at him. "No and yes"

"I know I've hurt Dean in more ways than possible and I regret everything I have done to hurt him…"

"You need to decide who you love more, darling, who you want to be with, wake up next to every morning, and kiss them when you say goodbye or in hello. If you want to be with Balthazar then accept who you are together and love him more than you could ever love Dean and if it Dean who you want then you end this engagement with Balthazar and you tell him the truth"

Castiel nodded looking down at the floor. "You always had a way of words"

"I'm your mother and it's my job to kick your ass" she joked moving forward and cupping his cheeks. "You want some food?"

"Yeah" he said with a nod shutting his eyes when she kissed his forehead.

"Play with your brother" she ordered walking out of the living area and into the kitchen. Castiel smiled looking down at Luke who smiled up at him innocently and waved his toy at him.

"Don't fall in love too young, okay? If you do don't hurt them, I want you to stay with them, care for them, love them, and don't break their heart so much that it can't be healed without proper attention. Don't make the same mistakes as me" he said picking him up and staring into his light blue eyes. "You get into a lot of trouble with everyone who cares about you and you end up hurting the ones you love most"

"Ba" Luke replied shoving the cuddly toy into his face.

"Exactly" Castiel murmured taking it off him and staring at the toy cow. "It's more of a moo"

"Ba"

"Okay" Castiel agreed kissing his temple and turning to see Eve leaning against the door watching and listening to them.

"I think I may be a little bit more proud of you"

"You liked my speech?"

"I think your speech was very honest of you" she said handing him a sandwich and taking Luke out of his hands. "I don't think he'll make the same ones as you mind you but you've always been a secret troublemaker"

"Lies" he muttered with a fake gasp.

"Eat your sandwich and get out of my house" Eve responded with an amused smile and looked back to her youngest tickling him till peals of laughter escaped Luke's mouth.

Castiel knew that a mother always knows best and it was time for him to decide and make amends.

~0~0~0~

The local pub was hired out for that one night and it was in full swing come 9pm. Jo greeted her guests warmly and others who wanted to join in on the celebrations. Dean sat at the table simply watching and sipping his drink.

"Remember when she was fourteen and had a major crush on you?" Sam muttered into his ear. Dean chuckled and nodded looking over to her in the limelight.

"Yeah" he said looking down at his beer and knocking it back. "But we're not kids anymore, Sam"

"You invited Cas didn't you?"

"He won't come" Dean said looking over to him.

Sam shot him a mournful look and stood up walking away to greet and talk to some of the guests dotted around. Dean sat staring down at his beer when he heard one of the stools scrape back and glanced up to see Jake staring back at him.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"You invited me remember?"

"Really?"

"You were very drunk" Jake said leaning forward to look into his eyes.

"I guess so" Dean said softly. "Why are you here though?"

"Party, drinks, pleasant company, and a night out" Jake said gesturing around. "You were happier to see me the other night"

"I was drunk on liquor and shots" Dean shot back amused. "I guess you're good company for now"

Jake raised his eyebrows amused and brought his drink up in a toast for him.

Back at the apartments, Balthazar stood in front of Castiel eyeing him carefully.

"So you're going now and I'm not?"

"I'm going to give the present and come back; I don't want to see Dean"

"I thought you were friends"

"We were…it ended because it was too weird" Castiel lied pulling on his coat avoiding his eye contact. "I'll be back in an hour"

"One hour?"

"Yes" Castiel snapped and stopped seeing the flicker of hurt. "I may talk to her; I'm giving myself a wide berth"

"Fine" Balthazar said folding his arms over. Castiel looked back to him before shutting the door and heading over to the car driving to the pub. Balthazar stared at the now closed door letting out a deep sigh. It rattled him deeply that he wasn't attending all of the sudden and he was curious about Castiel's motives.

Castiel arrived in no time at all and got out staring up at the pub. He knew his presence wouldn't be wanted by Dean and he knew Jo would be on his side but it had to be done.

Jo was stood talking with friends when she felt a gentle pressure on her shoulder and turned to see Castiel stood at her shoulder holding up a little blue bag.

"Cas!" she exclaimed and hugged him close. "I honestly didn't think you'd come"

"I'm not staying, Jo, I only came to give you this"

Jo took it off him surprised and peered inside pulling out a little box and opened to see two diamond studs that made her gasp.

"Holy shit" she breathed looking up at him.

"It's your 21st" Castiel replied with a shrug and carefully lifted his eyes to look around amongst all the people and looked back to her.

"He's over there with a guy called Jake"

Castiel felt a pang of pain and nodded quickly. "He told me he would move on"

"Cas, what are you doing? Why are you not fighting for him like he fought for you?"

"He ended it"

"Because you're engaged and he knew you were going to end it as well so he got there first instead and I don't blame him. Dean loves you more than any of us put together and yes, he's an idiot for sticking around but that shows what he truly wants and he wants that little nerd he met in high school who tucked him under his wing and fell in love with him first…you broke his heart yeah but that's life, we fall in love and we get our hearts broke" Jo said leading him away from everyone to talk to him in private.

"You're the third today to give me this speech"

"Are we all doing good or wasting our breaths?"

"Good"

"Do you know what you truly want?" she hissed at him. Castiel looked away from her to see Dean now talking and laughing with Jake who was telling an animated and humorous story. The ache remaining in his chest flared and he shut his eyes looking away.

"I've hurt him far too much"

"That's what time is for, it's there to give you and many others time to do the right thing and make the right decisions" Jo said stepping back. "I'm the third apparently so you have all our words running through your head so listen to them and do the right thing"

Castiel looked over to Jo who stepped away leaving him with his thoughts. His mind was clouded, his hearing dimmed, and his eyes went over to Dean who was laughing deeply at something Jake had said. Jealously bubbled inside of him and it hurt more than anything to see him and knowing one day he could really move on.

Dean placed his drink down and moved to go to the toilet. He hummed as he rounded the corner heading towards the men's room when he felt a gentle tugging on his wrist and was tugged back hidden into the corner.

"Cas" Dean breathed staring into eyes. Castiel stared back into his and touched his cheek gently looking over him and tugged him closer. Dean moaned low when he kissed him gently and gasped pushing him away.

"No, no way, Cas, I'm not doing this again…" Dean protested and was silenced when a hand went over his lips.

"I've had Becky, my mom, and now Jo talking to me today, each other with their own opinion on what I should. I've listened to them all and they're all right…I am the shit boyfriend you once called me. I'm the worst example for a relationship and I have hurt you in so many ways that you shouldn't even forgive me, Dean; I don't deserve you at all. I don't deserve either of you and I don't know how you can love me"

"Believe me, I ask that question to myself everyday"

"I don't blame you"

"Why are you here?"

"I came to give Jo her birthday present and went to leave when common sense hit him over the head" Castiel replied staring into his eyes.

"Common sense is not cheating on your precious fiancé"

"I'm not cheating on him any longer"

Dean eyed him suspiciously and pulled away. "Have you ended it?"

"No, not yet"

"But you're going to end it"

"No, I'm going to let him when I tell him the truth about what I've done, how I feel, and who I really love"

"You think you can win me around so easily?"

"I don't know"

"You're really going to tell him the truth?"

"Yes"

"Okay, so when he ends it because he will…what are you going to do then?"

Castiel looked down at Dean's trembling hands and took it gently with his.

"Make amends to one I love"

"Which one" Dean hissed removing his hand.

"Who do you think?"

"I don't know, I don't think you quite understand what love is to be honest with you, Cas, because you're a coward and a child" Dean said and nodded when he looked away from him biting into his lip. "You're selfish, you're greedy, and yeah I love you and I miss you like crazy but that feeling has always been there and while you were away fucking dozens of men, becoming successful, and drinking and eating from the millions of dollars you have stashed away I was here. I was always here waiting for you to come back one day with the one bit of hope I had"

Dean held up his wrist showing him the bracelet. "I never took it off, not once; I kept it on because it was yours and I had a part of you to own for myself. You have no idea how I felt when you ended it, how many times I called you and you ignored me after that night. I drank myself into oblivion nearly every night scaring Sam half to death, I sat on that hill, our hill actually, and I did…nothing. I sound pathetic I know and I think that too but I was just a kid in love with another kid who didn't want me anymore because I wasn't good enough"

Castiel felt tears coat his eyes and slide down his cheeks in warm streams.

"I'm so, so, sorry, Dean, you have to believe me"

"Save this speech for later on" Dean said with wide eyes. "If you really want to win me back"

"Is that hope?"

"I don't know" Dean said stepping back. "Just go and do the right thing for once"

Dean moved away walking down the corridor and into the men's room. Castiel breathed out shakily wiping under his eyes and leaving through the pub, he reached the doors and turned back to see Jo and Sam watching him and nodded once with a flicker of a smile.

"You don't think…" Sam said looking over to Jo who shrugged.

"Let's wait and see"

Castiel arrive back and looked over to the apartment door with determination in his heart. He sniffed hard and opened the apartment door to see Balthazar watching the television.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"We need to talk" Castiel said shutting the door and facing Balthazar who sat up straight and instantly knew he was in for a rough night with the look in Castiel's eyes.

A/N: I'm just going to leave it there...ahaha.

You lot have been so supportive! Thank you.