The beginnings of an explanation for why the characters are in this mess are here.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, its Abridged Series, Moulin Rouge, or any of the songs parodied in this story. I don't even own a bottle of Absinthe.

(1) To the tune of "Dragostea Din Tei" by O-zone (the "Numa Numa" song).

(2) To the tune of "Witch in the Ditch" by Erasure. (I love it so much, I parodied it twice.)

-O-o-O-o-O-

Of course they had to celebrate. Of course they had to have Abysmalinth.

In the apartment upstairs, everyone else was having a wonderful time licking the walls and seeing pink elephants and white dragons. Tristan abstained. He had to get to work on a full-length script so Duke could read it in a few days, and he did want to write something coherent.

He was running up against a few blocks. How exactly do the duelist and courtesan fall in love? They couldn't very well be all over each other at first sight; that was just stupid. And why did the evil Pharaoh brother want a courtesan so badly? Why did the courtesan have to save the kingdom? Did this courtesan have some magical powers that could stop the evil Pharaoh or something? Perhaps he was related to the dead, rightful Pharaoh.

Tristan scrunched up his nose at the implications of that. "I need a break." He went out to his fire escape with his pipe, kicking away the dead rats by the door.

Across the alley, Joey sat in his own apartment. He cared neither for the taste of Abysmalinth nor the feeling of plaster in his tonsils, so he chose not to go to the party.

It was all well and good to stay at the club and do art pieces and trade the occasional favor for donations for the rest of his life. Except it wasn't. He didn't want to be stuck in Domino all his life. Bless them, they tried, but the HeighHoGoodBi Black Dragon Palace was, for all its glitter, a dump. It was a dump in a little dump city that had been going downhill since the fall of the House of Duelists.

"What was so wrong wit' duelin'? Why did everyone just…stop?" Joey often wondered, the way he did now. Dueling used to be so honorable and exciting. Everyone was doing it, all over the world. Now, duels were relegated to a public access channel available only in Domino, Monopolis, and Yahtzee Town, and the cards were barely good for bookmarks (and sartorial creations). Dice games were the way of the world now.

But Joey had other ideas. He still had his deck. He remembered the rules (old and new) quite clearly. He could start a revolution.

He could bring dueling back.

"If only I could leave dis place." He sank onto the worn window seat. "Domino City is cheap, but otha places aren't." He heard the door close in the adjacent apartment. "And what about Serenity? I can't just leave her in dis hole."

He drew in the dirt on the windowsill and sang absently.

"Wanna be

Somewhere new.

But all I got

Is not enough."

Tristan craned his neck to hear the plaintive song. "Here's some emotion," he thought, taking note of Joey's defeated figure in the window.

Joey continued:

"I know it's you

I love; not Duke.

But I can't go.

Away from here

Without feelin' some fear."

Tristan was so moved, he joined in softly:

"I know. I know.

I, too, long to go

From these streets."

Tristan and Joey plunked themselves down, Joey on the floor, Tristan on the windowsill. They sang an unknowing duet:

"Life's got me beat

Like a punching bag of meat."

Joey snapped up. What the hell was he doing, basking in woe-is-me thinking? He was going to start his duelist revolution, even if he had to go to the ends of the earth to find a working duel disk. Though, going to Kaiba might be easier. And cheaper—Kaiba got mighty desperate after the fall of the House.

Joey, with his new energy, ran up to the roof. Who cared if he was singing with the toilets? He was going to let the world know it couldn't keep Joey Wheeler down.

"Spread my wings and truly fly away.

Neva could I stay

In dis town for all my days.

Can't pull me down neva, no, no way.

To da west, I'll fly away."

Tristan strolled across the scaffolding to the roof of Joey's building. He sat down on a toilet and sang:

"Ain't it strange, he wants to fly away.

Thought I'd done the same,

Turns out all my plans were lame.

Never has a single sunshine ray

Fallen on me until today." (1)

Tristan looked up at Joey, who was standing on a toilet basin, arms outstretched. "Hi."

Joey jumped a little, then turned around to look at Tristan with a sheepish look. "Hey."

"So do you come here often?" Tristan asked, leaning on the back of the toilet.

"Yeah, a few times a day." Joey sat down on the edge of the toilet. "So what brings you here dis fine evening?"

"I wanted to thank you for helping me get that writing job," Tristan hurried before either of them could make any more awkward toilet comments.

Joey grinned. "It was nothin'."

"No, really. I swear, if I had to write one more non-story for that newspaper, I think I was gonna throw myself off the Mastodon."

"Dat'd be pretty hard to do, since you'd neva seen it before last night."

Tristan wrinkled his brows. "How did you know it was my first time last night?"

"I'm psychic."

Tristan nearly fell off the toilet trying not to laugh. "What?"

"Not really. You just looked so shocked by everythin', I figga'd you'd probably neva seen anythin' like it before."

Tristan slid off the toilet. "Am I really that much of a tourist?"

"Just wit' dat. You seemed like you fit in pretty well at da Black Dragon."

"To tell you the truth, I was kind of overwhelmed. I could get used to it though. I'll have to get used to it, if I'm going to do this show."

"It takes a while." Joey sat down next to Tristan on the floor and stared straight ahead. "By da third day, you don't even realize you're naked."

Tristan gaped, until he remembered his conversation about Yugi with the kazoos. "Is it…bad at first?"

"Nah. It's for da art, y'know?" Joey snickered. "I still laugh when I watch videos of da first show we did naked. It wasn't like, porn or anythin', but we had to rip off our clothes, give a speech, and stomp on 'em…Somethin' about dem representin' da Man and oppression. Dis was shortly after da fall of Duelin', and some of us were still pretty sore about it. Anyway, I guess some of us were sorer den othas, 'cause Moneybags…" Joey snickered again. "He took his part furtha. He ripped off his pants and just started tearin' into dem wit' his teeth, all while screamin' about card games." Joey barked out a laugh. "Crazy shit, dude."

Tristan wondered how they eventually turned to sexual favors, but knew it wasn't his place to ask. It just wasn't right to talk about things like that. Plus, he could sort of figure out how. He hadn't been aware of how badly the fall of Dueling had affected everyone; Yahtzee couldn't keep up with Domino even with a ten-year head start. He shuddered to think of how it must have been shortly after the fall.

Joey must've shared the awkward mood. "Well, I should go. We both have a big day tomorrow and I wouldn't wanna keep you up." He got up and started back down.

"Wait." Tristan stood.

Joey stopped. "Yeah?"

"Earlier when you thought I was Duke, you said you were in love. Were you serious?"

Joey shifted anxiously on his feet. "Well…no. To be honest, I'm not even sure if I can fall in love. Or if I want to."

Tristan was floored. "Whaddya mean you can't fall in love? Love is like food, love is a many-faceted jewel!"

A giant sweat drop formed on Joey's head. "Let's not get carried away here."

Tristan went on, getting louder. "Love lifts us up above the fray. Love is all we need!"

"Loving hell, let me go in peace!" They heard Yami shout from the adjacent roof.

Joey turned his head away. "Love is just a house of cards. Build it, and someone's gonna come and blow it ova. And den kill da cards altogetha."

Tristan decided the correct response in this situation would be to hop on top of the toilet and sing.

"How could I ever reside in a world

Where nobody listens to their hearts?

I've looked and I've wandered far from where I've come

In search of a fire to start."

Joey rolled his eyes and started for the door. He couldn't let Tristan start that fire; his emotional fire extinguisher was currently malfunctioning. He also had to bar the door in case Tristan was talking about literally committing arson.

Tristan leapt in front of the door to the stairs, singing:

"There must be more to life."

Joey retorted:

"Don't make me turn around."

Tristan sidled up to Joey, singing:

"How can you fly away

With feet stuck on the ground?"

Joey tried his best to keep his back to Tristan. He managed to keep facing the other direction just long enough so that by the time he turned around, Tristan was twirling between the two toilets. Joey couldn't help but smile.

Tristan stopped and sat down on the toilet to catch his breath while singing:

"Ideas may be misbegotten

But I think I've got it right."

Joey shook his head, half snickering, half singing:

"Boy, you are dreamin', all right."

Tristan jumped up again, singing:

"I can't bear the thought of no love when

It's cold and lonely at night."

Tristan looked over his shoulder at the city below.

"Thank god I'm not scared of heights."

He seemed to be winning Joey over. Joey laughed at that last line, then tried so hard to toughen up when Tristan grinned at him. Joey crossed his arms and raised his chin to look impassive. But he and Tristan were engaged in a sort of waltz, stepping back and forth around the door. That made his tough act very difficult to maintain, to say the least.

Joey sighed, letting his shoulders and arms drop, singing:

"Son of a bitch; ain't love just like a ditch.

You always think you'll neva fall in.

Den you start stumblin' and soon you'll be tumblin',

And den you hear voices callin'…"

Tristan twirled Joey, then dipped him as they both sang:

"One day we'll fly away

Oh, never to be found."

Joey broke away. How could he fall so easily for a few pop-waltzy lines? He turned to Tristan singing:

"How do I know it's not misbegotten,

What if you're tellin' all lies?"

Tristan slid over, singing:

"You don't, but I swear on my life.

Oh, to you I will be faithful,

I won't leave you high and dry."

He and Joey tangoed toward the door, the sounds of toilets flushing on neighboring roofs providing the beat of their duet:

"We're flying high as a kite!"

The Abysmalinth-drunk partygoers overhearing below swayed to the beat. "Look at the colors and lights!" they sang.

Tristan and Joey tangoed around the toilets for a last burst of singing:

"It's too good to be misbegotten.

This is no trick or mind lie."

Kaiba, who was on a nearby roof, cleansing himself of the Abysmalinth, muttered under his breath, "Are they gonna do this all night?"

Joey and Tristan paid him no mind and continued their tango-waltz and duet:

"Oh, to you I will be loyal.

I'll never tell you goodbye.

Not without a decent fight!" (2)

Joey and Tristan stopped in front of the door to the stairs.

"You know you're a madman, right?" Joey chuckled.

Tristan pecked him.

-O-o-O-

The next day, Bakura sat in his office, waiting for Duke. He couldn't print the contract until Duke came to review its terms. Ink was too expensive to have to do a reprint for a one-line difference. As it was, he was surfing the net on the ancient white box that Kaiba had fished out of the trash and fixed after the Fall. A few years ago, he would have laughed at the antique computers and the rotary phones they'd been reduced to using. Now he didn't bat an eye if someone asked for a quarter to use the payphone or complained about dial-up.

Had dueling really been so important to their old world?

"Bakura."

Bakura looked up to see Kaiba standing in the doorway.

"Oh, hello there, Kaiba."

Kaiba stomped to him, swished his slightly worn coat out of the way, and plunked himself down on the desk. His eyes bored into Bakura's like two very annoyed lasers.

"Are we seriously going to do this? With Duke?" He swung one leg over the other.

"We have to. Unless we do something, this place is going to go under. And both of us will be down and out-again." Bakura twiddled a pen with his forefingers.

Kaiba turned and folded his arms. "I don't trust him. He's part of the reason we all went under in the first place."

Bakura sighed. "One, you don't trust anyone. Two, he couldn't have known the rise of his Diceland empire would fell the House of Duelists. And three, he's willing to pay up front, in cash. No checks that could bounce, no credit, cold hard cash. His influence could take us much further than we'd get on our own. We'd be fools not to give him a cut of the business, and you of all people should know that."

"I should've known in advance about the fall of Dueling and figured out how to get out before the crash, and you see how that turned out." Kaiba snorted. "Where the hell did you get all that money, anyway? I set the price of Kaibaland in the clouds for a reason."

"I'm not entirely sure." Bakura trailed off, his index finger absently tracing the huge ring dangling from his ear. "But it's really not all that important now, is it? Aren't you the one who hates the past?"

"I'm thinking of the future. How do we know Duke's not going to crush us all again?"

"We don't. But isn't business about taking risks?"

Kaiba narrowed his eyes. He was a near impossible sell, but he was also desperate. He slid off the desk. "Let's get this over with, then," he growled, sounding uncharacteristically subdued. "Bad enough my own brother works for him."

"Times are hard. Noah had to take work where he could find it." Bakura gave a start when Kaiba went over to the computer and printed the document. "We're supposed to wait for Duke's approval-"

"Screw Duke's approval; he can take what he gets." Kaiba snatched up a pen and practically slashed his signature into the paper.

"Well, I can be very persuasive." Bakura dragged a fingernail across the ring, producing a sharp chime. He signed the contract on the line below Kaiba's signature.

Shortly after Kaiba left to watch them from the observation room next door ("I value my sanity-and my lunch," he'd sneered), Duke sailed in. Bakura could understand what Kaiba meant when he made that crack about his lunch; he smelled Duke before he saw him.

"So Duke, we've printed out the paperwork and everything," Bakura started.

"Already? But I had some suggestions for the contract," Duke said.

Bakura sighed. He turned back to the monitor.

"No, you don't have to reprint the whole thing. I know how money's tight for you," Duke reassured in a not at all reassuring voice. Through the tiny window in the corner, Bakura could see Kaiba pretending to vomit.

"Okay, then, I'll just write them in with pen." Bakura picked up the pen, making sure to show Duke that it was non-erasable. "What did you have in mind?"

Duke turned his trucker cap approximately thirty degrees. "So you want to convert your club into a proper theater, right?"

"Correct."

"Well." Duke took off his cap and began to wring it. "You'll need a very large amount of money, you and Kaiba." He looked around. "Where is Kaiba?"

"He was feeling under the weather." Bakura tried not to glance at the observation window to see Kaiba's reaction.

"You remember your promise earlier this week, don't you? The one involving Joey?"

"Go on…" Bakura said.

"I'm going to need something in return related to that. Something that binds Joey to me and me only. Think of it as a sort of security deposit at the Bank of Duke."

"And what would this deposit be?"

"Oh, maybe the deeds to the Black Dragon Palace."

Both Bakura and Kaiba's jaws dropped at least two inches.

"I'm not naïve, Bakura. I need to know you're going to do your part and in order to do that, I needs the deeds."

"But, Duke-"

"It's called collateral." Duke's voice dropped to an eerie depth. "If you don't understand, I can have Noah get some props and we'll put on a little skit to show you."

The door swung open with a bang. Kaiba marched in and closed the door quietly, revealing the imprint the doorknob made in the wall.

"Where were you?" Duke asked.

"Around," Kaiba answered tersely.

"I thought you were sick."

"I got better." He planted himself in the chair next to Duke's. "And I couldn't help overhearing your suggestion-it is just a suggestion-and wondering if you're out of your goddamn mind."

"Kaiba!" Bakura gasped. Duke only smirked.

"You just march right in here and think you're gonna get it that easily?"

"Well, I hear all Bandit Keith paid was a few hundred dollars," Duke retorted. Bakura braced himself, but Kaiba seemed to have found something very interesting about the floor molding and decided he needed to appreciate it in silence.

"Let's be civil here," Bakura urged, more toward Duke than Kaiba, surprisingly. "Is it really necessary to have the deeds to the Black Dragon Palace?"

"I told you, it's collateral. If I didn't ask for it, it wouldn't be good business practice, would it?"

"But does it have to be that?" Bakura pressed. "Isn't there something else we could use?"

"Well, there really isn't much else I can ask for. The deed is the only concrete thing you have to offer."

Try as he might, Bakura couldn't find a reasonable argument outside of "You're a dirty, dirty little man and we don't like you much." He dithered, searching his brain for a last resort.

"Fine. Have the damn deed."

Bakura was shocked to hear Kaiba's answer.

"You're playing by the rules and we're not in any position to break them, so why the hell not?"

Duke's smug expression deepened. "I'm glad you understand. Noah and I aren't as good performers as the two of you; I'd have hated to bore you with our explanatory skit. I do look forward to opening night with Joey."

Kaiba snarled at Duke and headed for the door. Bakura averted his gaze.

"It's not what it looks like." Duke's hasty speech prompted Bakura and Kaiba to look at him sideways. "I don't own him, I know. It's just I have this tiny jealous streak. I'm not insanely jealous, like enough to do much of anything, no, of course not! I wouldn't even think to do it. Really, I wouldn't. I certainly don't hate the other men around, it's just I WILL NOT HESITATE TO CHOKE A BITCH IF HE TOUCHES MY MAN!"

Bakura looked and felt as if he'd taken a medicine ball to the head. Kaiba gripped the doorknob, stock-still.

Duke's face twitched, then he smiled brightly. "So where do I sign?"

-O-o-O-o-O-