Dean stared at Castiel glowing in front of the sun behind them. His eyes roamed down the features that had changed, strengthened, and moulded into the man he was today. His appearance had changed but his personality was still so strong but so childlike that he looked to others for answers and chose the wrong paths. Castiel smiled faintly fidgeting with the amulet hanging around his neck that would now be a forever fixture. Dean's heart glowed at the sight of him wearing it once again and he stood facing him.
"You seriously can't remember writing this?" Dean said thrusting the letter forward so it fluttered in the light breeze. Castiel shook his head stepping forward and taking it off him.
"Oh…yes" he breathed and chuckled. "I poured my heart and soul into this"
"Maybe that's where it's been all this time" Dean replied with a cocky grin.
Castiel narrowed his eyes amused handing it back to him. "I meant every word I wrote, Dean, I regret not sending it more than anything. I think we could have resolved our issues better than we have now"
"Probably" Dean agreed kicking the dirt with the tip of his shoe.
"I've booked my flight back to Colorado"
"Oh? When are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow at 6pm"
Dean's eyes widened shocked and he stepped forward. "What? I thought you were waiting"
"Zach told me I could go, it's unprofessional, but since Balthazar is travelling to Japan I can over now and sort everything out"
Dean's heart beat painfully in his chest at the thought of him leaving so soon and he turned away with a nod.
"Are you coming back?"
Castiel moved closer to him and shrugged his shoulders up and down.
"It all depends really. I have my family here of course but I can see them anytime I want…I'd have to come back for someone who wanted me to come back and was willing to give us another chance"
"Little old me" Dean said with a nod.
"Yes, I won't return if you don't want me too, Dean, I can leave and you'll never see me again. I can give that closure you want" Castiel said softly looking out across the town and state. "I remember now why I loved this hill so much"
"The view was always gorgeous" Dean murmured in agreement.
"Oh I don't know…"
Dean looked over to Castiel staring at him with a faint smile. He rolled his eyes up to the sky and sat down carefully feeling and seeing Castiel do the same. They remained silent looking out over the hill till Dean sighed cracking his knuckles.
"I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to take you back and the other is afraid"
"You must know I will never, ever, let you go again, Dean, I have realised my mistakes and I've grown up. We live one life and one life only and it's up to us to take the chances presented to us. Life is far too short" Castiel said leaning his cheek on his knee. "I want you, Dean, I want to love you, make it up to you, and spend the rest of my stupid life looking after you till we're old and can no longer fuck or even walk"
Dean chuckled shaking his head and shutting his eyes. The sun beat down on them warming their skins, the summer breeze blew around them, and Dean could smell summer. It was a pleasant smell and it made him happy.
"That sounds like heaven"
"Shouldn't we create our own heavens?"
"I guess or just wait till we die"
"You're so morbid" Castiel whispered with a puff of laughter burying his face into his arms.
Dean fell back into the grass staring up at the leaves and sky up ahead and feeling Castiel roll onto his front next to him.
"We've spent these past few weeks in a rollercoaster, Dean, it's had its up and downs, its twists and turns and now it's coming to an end. We're on the final loop and its make or break for the both of us" Castiel murmured softly ripping grass between his fingertips. "Do we end it together or apart?"
Dean looked over to his wide eyes and Dean lost himself in them. They were beautifully blue reminding Dean of the ocean at their pier. They were endless, deep, and full of secrets, lies, and most of all love for Dean that it terrified him to his core. Castiel's hopeful expression fell at the silence and he nodded dropping the grass pushing up onto his knees.
"I guess we part ways on this rollercoaster" Castiel whispered rubbing his fingers on the grass stain on his jeans. Dean pushed up staring up at him and opened his mouth to speak and felt no words come out. Castiel's smile was sad and serene enough for Dean's own heart to break and he moved forward kissing Dean on the forehead.
"It will be okay" he whispered stroking a hand down his cheek. "I guess this is time for me to give you your closure"
"Cas…" Dean whispered pained looking up at him.
"I love you" Castiel whispered. "Always have, always will"
Dean shut his eyes and reached out when he moved away walking back down the hill not saying another word. Dean swore gently watching him walk quickly down the hill and back towards his car.
The wind rustled above him and he frowned deeply knowing it was either laughing at him or calling him every word under the sun for a being a complete and utter idiot. Dean shoved the letter into his pocket and took off after him stopping halfway down to see him driving away in his car.
"Fuck!" Dean hissed and ran down to his own car. Dean jumped in the car twisting the key hard to start her up and wondering where he could possibly go. Eve jumped automatically into his mind and he stepped down driving straight to hers. Dean was faced with a challenge though when he arrived to see the car not there.
"Great" he said with a sigh and did a U-turn to the art gallery finding the car not there either.
"Did you disappear to Narnia?" Dean hissed pulling out his phone and dialling his number to get no answer. "I'm going to kick our ass and then kiss it, call me back when you get this"
Castiel drove you into town to pick up supplies struggling to get a grip on his own emotions. Half of him wanted to cry, fight, and break down but the other wanted to remain strong and know that maybe just maybe it was for the best. Castiel ignored his cell knowing it would be Becky demanding to know the plans of the day and he couldn't deal with that today.
He walked into the local store collecting items of food for his long trip back and mentally decided what he would need. The thought of returning to an empty house and packing everything away scared him to death when he realised he had nowhere to go.
"Apartment for now" Castiel mumbled softly. "The look abroad further out and build my life"
Castiel felt uneasy about the plan and sighed dropping his basket at the checkout smiling at the little old lady scanning his items.
Dean tapped his fingers thoughtfully on the steering wheel staring at his phone.
"Dammit, Cas" he hissed dialling his number and getting voicemail once again. Dean closed his eyes dropping his head against the steering wheel erupting pain across his forehead and nose. Dean knew he had well and truly screwed it up now.
Dean looked up at the art gallery not knowing what the pull of art brought. He had loved Castiel's work because it was unique and special to Castiel so it made it special for Dean. Dean was so lost in his thoughts he didn't notice Castiel's car pull up behind him and he stepped out walking in. Dean froze staring at his figure walking in and rolled his eyes.
"Stupid…" he hissed darting out and running after him. "Cas!"
Castiel turned startled in the middle of his art gallery watching Dean run towards him.
"What are you doing here?"
Dean walked towards till he was stood only inches apart looking into his eyes.
"I've been a stupid bastard, you've been a stupid bastard, and together we're insanity but that's the beauty of it. I don't work without you, Cas, and I know I've been an insufferable jerk these past few days but so have you. I know I pushed you out but it's because you hurt me, but I guess I hurt you right back. I know one thing though… you're mine and I'm yours, it's always been that way since we were fourteen and all we had were each other" Dean said trailing his hand down his cheek and smiling when Castiel did.
"I love you too and I always have…I can't stop!" he exclaimed making Castiel laugh softly moving them together and pressing his forehead against his. "We've both said our piece, I've spoken mine out load and you've wrote yours down…we have both our families on our backs about just getting together again…and the only thing is stopping us is our stubbornness. I think we both need to stop now"
"What about not taking me back straight away?" Castiel whispered.
"Well…I haven't really, it's been a day" Dean said with a shrug and a smirk.
"Oh okay then" Castiel whispered giving in and looking into his eyes. "So…are we…?"
Dean moved forward into his personal space meeting Castiel who cupped his cheek and nuzzled into his mouth. The kiss was slow, languid and perfect enough for Castiel who moaned pressing into him.
Becky who had approached stopped at the doors and pressed a hand over her heart breathing out wistfully. Dean drew back pressing a kiss over his top lip and laughing softly.
"It feels good to do that without wanting to punch you or know that any minute your fiancé will walk in on us"
"Punch me?"
Dean hummed cupping the back of his neck and kissing him over and over again. Castiel smiled drawing back to look at him.
"Do you think we can do this?"
"I think we can do anything if we put our mind to it"
"I am leaving tomorrow though; I do have to go back"
"I know and that's why we are going to make it worthwhile until you come back" Dean said holding out his hand watching Castiel slide his hand down to meet his so they interlinked together.
Dean couldn't deny the dwelling fear in the pit of his stomach at the thought of losing him again but pushed it aside because he had to. The past is the past until it bites you on the ass.
~0~0~0~
"Hotel room?" Castiel questioned when they parked outside the hotel miles away.
"Well what I want to do requires four walls and no family members with ears" Dean said when they walked in getting their room card. "I thankfully have enough money for this"
"I feel cheap"
Dean rolled his eyes at him as they stepped into the lift and Dean realised they were on the top floor of the huge hotel. Castiel looked around leaning against the wall and looking at Dean who walked over pressing him into the wall.
"I bet I can get you to reach orgasm before we reach the top floor" Dean said in a low voice. Castiel gasped when Dean's hands unfastened the top of his buttons at lightning speed fisting around his half hard cock.
"Oh my god" Castiel whispered against his shoulder. "Anyone can call for the lift!"
"Makes it more fun" Dean hissed back stroking him hard and fast. The lift dinged causing Dean to spring back swallowing hard while Castiel adjusted flushing furiously. A horde of people moved inside talking and chattering from a conference.
Dean gripped Castiel tugging him to the back pressing him into the wall looking into his wide eyes.
"No!" Castiel mouthed at him shocked when Dean half covered him from view slipping his hand back into his pants rubbing him softly. Castiel panted gently into his shoulder looking at the men and women chatting amongst themselves as they stopped and started as people left and people joined them.
Dean stroked his hand harder pressing him against the wall feeling Castiel turn his head with a quiet whimper into his neck. It was when Castiel glanced up at the clock seeing it reach the top floor was when he gasped loudly feeling his orgasm explode hard and painfully all over him as he came into his trousers and over his hand. Heads turned towards them questioningly when Dean slipped his hand out quickly stepping back.
"I'm just…I'm just so glad to be at the top floor" he lied with a smile when they exchanged glances with each other and walked out. Dean stared at Castiel with shocked amusement walking out quickly followed by a stumbling Castiel. Dean held in his laughter as they found their room.
Castiel glared at him furiously when he closed the door and laughed hard.
"I'm just so glad to be at the top?"
"What did you want me to say? My boyfriend just gave me a hand job in a lift surrounded by people"
Dean smirked dropping his phone and keys on the side table.
"Boyfriend?"
"Well...yes or no…I mean I can say something else if you want for now…" Castiel rambled and was cut off when Dean pounced on him kissing him hard and roughly. Castiel responded eagerly wrapping his arms around him with a heartfelt moan. Dean pushed him back till they hit the end of the king bed and shoved him on. Castiel gasped with a smile moving up the bed till he hit the headboard watching Dean strip out of his clothing and join him.
Dean straddled his hips keeping him in place unbuttoning his borrowed shirt slowly till his chest was revealed. He marvelled kissing down his chest and licking a warm tongue over his nipple. Castiel shivered in delight rising up to him and shaking his head.
"It's my turn" he whispered gripping his forearms and spinning them around till Castiel was plastering Dean against the mattress.
"Your turn?"
Yes, it's my job now" he cooed into his ear stroking a hand down his cheek and smiling when Dean shuddered in anticipation. Castiel raised staring over him and moving to kneel between his legs and took down his underwear slowly revealing him in all his glory. Dean groaned lightly when he moved his head kissing his hipbone softly, his hands tangled into the mess of dark brown hair urging him forward. Castiel inhaled deeply taking in Dean who gasped when his hands wrapped around his cock and he licked the slit taking the pre-come bubbling on the tip. Dean gasped rocking his hips deep into Castiel's mouth that sucked him down till his lips were buried at the hilt.
Dean panted dragging and yanking on his hair roughly till his orgasm peaked and he flooded Castiel's mouth and throat. Castiel hummed licking the wet cock till every last drop was taken and Dean shivered over sensitive.
"You were always good with that mouth" Dean murmured exhausted pulling him down kissing him gently. Castiel hummed leaning his cheek against his inhaling his musky smell and smiling when Dean linked their hands together.
"Do we need to talk?" Castiel murmured leaning up to look at him.
"Haven't we done enough talking?"
"Yes but I think we need to talk about our future"
"I thought you had our future planned?" Dean said thoughtfully.
"I hope for a future with you"
"I realise now that I want this future"
"What made you change your mind? You were so set on not wanting me back?" Castiel said gently cupping the side of his face peering into his eyes.
"Fear" Dean said honestly. "The letter as well…I realised how much of a pain in the ass I was being and you had been, I also didn't want to lose you so soon. I had no idea you would leave"
"It wasn't intentional…I just wanted to make a move with my life. I would and will always fight for you till the end of time but why fight a losing battle?" Castiel murmured looking away from him. "You didn't want me and as much as it pained me to leave or even give you up I wanted to do what was best".
Dean nodded once looking towards the window and back to him.
"We've missed out on six years, six long years in fact, and I don't feel like missing a single second anymore, do you?"
Castiel shook his head with a gentle smile nuzzling the side of his neck and pulling back.
"Lost time indeed" Castiel said spreading Dean's legs wide. Dean sucked in a sharp breath watching him rake his eyes down him and hum disappointed.
"What?"
"I would fuck you so hard you'd feel it for days, Dean, but I have no lube for you" Castiel said trailing his fingers down his inner thighs. Dean moaned squeezing his eyes shut.
"My-my pocket" he hissed pointing down at his jeans. Castiel raised an eyebrow scooping it up and fishing out a small blue bottle.
"You carry around lube?"
"Of course I do! You never know when you just want to fuck against a wall" Dean said breathless when Castiel stroked his hands down his legs and rested them on his feet.
Castiel hummed popping open the cap with a knowing look in his eyes. Dean spread his legs wider rocking his hips upwards eager and demanding. Castiel lips quirked into a smirk and he rubbed the cool liquid between his fingers eager to please him and slipped a single finger inside him. Dean gasped at the sharp heat exploding inside him and moaned ardently when he crooked it deep inside of him. Castiel slipped a second inside him scissoring and sliding them in and out of the wet heat.
"Please, Cas, please" he begged covering his eyes and throwing them down. Castiel clucked his tongue in his cheek meeting his eyes and moving sharply up to hover over him.
"I'm sorry"
"Save it, fuck me" Dean hissed bringing him towards him ravishing his mouth. Castiel moaned pulling back gripping his hips and pushing deep inside of him. Dean gaped wordlessly at the sudden intrusion and breathed through clenched teeth when he bottomed out.
"Are you okay?" Castiel whispered down at him looking at the sweat that had broken across his forehead and chest.
"Yeah" Dean said breathless with a nod. "Move, Cas"
Castiel thrust inside the tight wet heat gripping Dean's hand as they rocked together fast and hard making up for lost time. The suite was filled with harsh moans, the slap of sweaty skin touching each other with every thrust, the headboard banging against the wall and the smell of sex penetrating the air. Castiel tilted Dean's chin up kissing him hard when he climaxed and filled him with hot heat that trickled inside of him. Dean gasped pulling away seeing white in the corner of his eyes and feeling his heart beat hard against his ribcage.
They fell against each other panting hard for breath and comforting one another with loving caresses and silence. Dean let his chin rest on Castiel's shoulder for a moment before pulling away settling into the cushion underneath his head.
Castiel pulled out slowly rolling away and onto his back. Dean's eyes looked over to him and he reached out rolling onto his side.
"Why did you say, I'm sorry?"
"Because I am" Castiel said settling into the circle of his arms. "I will never stop being sorry, Dean, and this is why I am never going to stop making it up to you"
"You can stop in ten years" Dean joked trailing his fingers down his bare arm. "I still don't know if I can trust that you'll come back, Cas"
Castiel stared back at him with sad eyes reaching out to stroke his sweaty fallen hair. "You don't know if you can trust me"
"No, no, I just…I think it's like anyone who's been hurt by someone they care about…you can love them to death but the trust? It's hard to gain back when it's been broken so many times" Dean admitted.
"I swear I won't break it, I will come back" he said cupping the back of his neck. Dean didn't say a word as he bent his head capturing his lips and kissing him slowly till Castiel near enough fell asleep still kissing him. Dean looked over him brushing a gentle hand into the locks of his hair and looked away towards the window not wanting to think about tomorrow.
~0~0~0~
Throughout the night and most of the morning was spent reconnecting in every way possible and on every surface of the room till they were sore and spent.
"Where are we going now?" Dean questioned when they were dressed and ready to leave.
"My mom's if you want to come with me before I leave, I think she would like to know" Castiel answered moving from the mirror and grabbing his jacket.
"Okay" Dean said with a bob of his head following him out as they set off out and towards Eve's.
Eve stood in the kitchen secretly frantic with worry for her missing son and ran to the door when the knocker went.
"Castiel, I swear to god I am going to…" he said furiously and stopped when she opened the door. Castiel smiled sheepishly back at his mother who looked between him and Dean stood on her doorstep.
"Please, please, please tell me this is good news and you two children have sorted those silly differences" she said looking between them.
Castiel inhaled deeply looking over to Dean who looked back at him with raised eyebrows.
"I don't know, Cas, are we?"
"I'm not sure, Dean" he teased before gripping the front of his jacket and bringing him into a brief kiss. Dean smiled into it pulling back only slightly with a nod.
"I think so" Castiel breathed turning to his mom. Eve looked between them and moved forward hugging them both tight.
"You two!" she exclaimed moving back inside.
"Do you think she's happy?"
"Yes" Castiel said moving inside to see her scooping up Luke.
"I beg you to not out like this one and be the sweet little angel you are now" she cooed kissing his cheek.
"Should I be offended?"
"You had me so worried! Are you leaving tonight then? I got your message" she said with concern in her eyes for Dean.
"I'm leaving for Colorado and returning soon after with everything until we decide what to do"
"Why don't you go with him?" Eve said looking over to Dean.
"No money and no time" Dean said with a shrug. Castiel looked back at him with soft eyes for a moment before turning back to mother.
"Or…you don't come back and you pay for Dean to go over to there" Eve said jiggling Luke who squealed restfully.
"It's an idea yes but I have no home" Castiel said with a tired sigh. "It's in Balthazar's name, not mine, and I would need to find somewhere for us to live"
"Where's Balthazar?"
"Japan"
"Well…while you find this new place just live there together"
Castiel considered and looked over to Dean who bit his lip gently.
"I'd have to leave Sam behind" Dean said slowly.
"Dean, this is just an idea" Castiel said reassuring him placing two hands on his hips. "I will come back and we'll decide what we're going to do when I do"
Dean nodded kissing him back and looking over to Eve who watched them closely.
"I'm sure whatever happens, you two will be fine" she said softly walking away.
"I hope so" Dean murmured coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around his waist. Castiel smiled leaning back into his warmth resting there for a moment and craning his neck to look at him.
"I need to pack…so you go home and tell them all and I'll come join you when I'm finished" Castiel whispered against his cheek. Dean nodded kissing his nose like he used to when they were younger and receiving a small humoured smile in return. Dean smacked him on the ass as he left and headed back over to home with a little spring in his step.
Sam ran to the door when it opened and sighed in relief.
"Have you lost the ability to use a phone?"
"Chill" Dean said looking as the other three joined him all looking annoyed. "I was with Cas"
"And?" Jo said waving her hand.
"We're back on track"
Jo squealed in joy running towards him and throwing her arms around him.
"You do listen to me!"
"It wasn't for you, it was for me" he said letting her go.
"What made you change your mind from all the "I'm not taking him back" "I'm moving on" and all that shit along with it" Sam said curiously.
"The letter and fear I guess…I was right not to take him back straight away but…I guess I was on my own high horse" he said with a shrug. "It's just about trusting again…he's leaving for Colorado tonight"
"Oh my god" Jo whispered. "He is coming back right?"
"Yeah…I hope so" Dean said scrubbing hands down his face and sniffing deeply.
Castiel packed the last of his things and looked at his passport with a deep sigh. He hated the thought of leaving Dean behind for one second when things were so new between them and back on track. He knew that the fear of rejection would be high in the air for him more than ever.
~0~0~0~
Castiel stared at Dean as they stood in the airport.
"Well this brings back a whole load of shit memories" Dean muttered looking away from Castiel.
"That was different, Dean, this is now" Castiel said urgently wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. "I love you so much and I'm not about to throw this away, not now, not ever"
Dean clung to him breathing in his cologne and brushed his nose along his stubble.
"You're mine, I'm yours" Dean whispered looking into his eyes.
"For forever and a day" Castiel whispered back and turned his head to see he was boarding. "I hate saying this but I have to go"
"Go then, go pack that life up and haul your ass back here"
"Keep your phone on and alert at all times" Castiel warned pulling him into a heated kiss. "I'll see you in a few days"
Dean nodded stepping back and swallowing hard.
"I love you, Deano" Castiel teased and laughing when he rolled his eyes at him.
"I may love you, Casanova"
Castiel grinned blowing him an air kiss amused when Dean shook his head at him. Castiel turned on his heel walking to the terminal door and leaving Dean to breathe out heavily and watch him turn back as he reached the door and mouth, "I love you"
"I love you too" Dean whispered over to him before looking down at his feet when he left through the door.
It was just the waiting game as Castiel boarded the plane looking down at the gold head on his chest and smiling faintly. Dean walked outside sliding in the car, shutting his eyes, and rubbing his forehead willing the ache to fade away. Dean knew he would return but the trust he held wavered when memories hit him of last time and he wondered how long he would have to wait this time for a phone call and his return.
A/N: There are two chapters left, the last chapter, and of course a future chapter. This was meant to be the last but I got carried away as per usual. Ha!
Enjoy, my faithful angels.