09 September 2011 Friday
Kurt spent the week hoping for everything to click into place. Expecting that any minute he would feel at home in this universe. But that feeling didn't come.
On Tuesday, his mom had made good on her promise to drag him to the doctor. Somehow, despite the holiday weekend, she had made an appointment with a brain specialist. Kurt wasn't sure how she did it on such short notice but he suspected that Mrs. Anderson had something to do with it. So he'd missed an entire day of school to be poked, prodded, and scanned until he was exhausted, feeling like an escaped lab rat. He'd hoped that it would at least give him a clean bill of health and allay his mom's fears but unfortunately not. Instead, they were sent away at the end of the day and told to return in a week to meet with the doctor and go over the test results.
Kurt wasn't afraid they would find anything. He doubted that there was anything physical in his brain that would light up for the doctor declaring that he was some sort of freak mutant who could jump universes. At least, he was pretty sure it didn't work that way.
School kept him busy the rest of the week as did the Warblers. Besides his duties on the council, there was movie night, rehearsals, and just general hanging out. Through it all, Kurt discovered that he really missed the company of girls. It seemed that the only female influence in his life was his mother and as much as he loved her, he missed Rachel, Mercedes, and Tina. He missed Santana, as bitchy as she could be, and Brittany's sweet unique view of the world. In fact, he missed all the New Directions. He even missed Finn in all of his clueless, messy, boyish stupidity.
Most of all, he missed his father. Burt. The man who had been the same in every universe. The one constant pillar of stability that he could count on. Everything else shifted in unexpected ways but not his dad. Even in the last universe...with time to separate him from his anger, Kurt was sure that the man hadn't meant his words the way that Kurt had taken them. He couldn't have been that different. Not that Kurt would have stayed there; he'd lost far too much in that accidental jump.
Every day that he spend with his mom sealed his resolved to never lose her again but every day without his father broke his heart and he didn't know how to resolve the conflict. So Kurt sat on the couch looking through pictures of the three of them. A bitter reminder that in this universe he'd had everything at least for a while but he'd never be able to remember it that way. He'd pieced together the timeline. Burt had died of a heart attack in his freshman year and then for some reason his mother had transferred him to Dalton the next year.
"Baby boy, what are you doing?"
"Just looking though some pictures, Mom"
She sat beside him and pulled him close to her. Kurt put his head on his mom's shoulder as she took the picture out of his hand. She chuckled softly.
"I remember this. You made your dad sit there, sipping tea with his pinky extended." She paused and kissed Kurt on the top of his head. "I asked if you would rather that I join you so he could escape but you told me in your sassiest voice that is was a boys' tea party. He didn't mind, though. Not really. Kurt, you know he loved you so much, don't you?"
Kurt laughed but his eyes teared up at the same time. He didn't remember it that way at all. There had been many tea parties with his father but there hadn't been anyone to take pictures because his mom was gone. The way he remembered it, he'd desperately wanted her there, pouring pretend tea into little tiny cups the way she used to.
"It's OK, baby boy. It's OK."
"How is it OK?" He retorted. "How is it OK that he's dead? How is that ever going to be OK?"
She sighed and held him for a while before speaking.
"It isn't, I know. But it is OK that we're alive, sweetie. It's OK for us to live our lives and be happy. He'd want that. You know he would. He'd love Blaine. Don't you think?"
"No. I don't think he'd like me having a boyfriend at all. But he'd get used to it. And he'd accept me no matter what. And he'd accept Blaine because I love him." Burt hadn't liked Blaine in the beginning. Something about him being inappropriate but over time he'd accepted the boy just because it was obvious how much he cared about Kurt. Kurt couldn't help but wonder what things would have been like if he hadn't jumped in New York.
"Well, I suppose it's true that I've been more permissive with you than your father would have but what can I say? I trust you."
They spend some time looking at pictures, his mother occasionally exclaiming things like "Oh, do you remember this?" but of course she didn't expect him to answer. He let her talk and reminisce for him. Filling in the gaps to give him a portrait of this life he'd decided to call his own.
"What's this?" He asked when he came across a DVD. It was labeled summer 2007.
"Oh, I'd forgotten that we even had this. Do you want to watch? It's the trip to King Island that we went on with your aunt. She filmed everything. It was the last time she saw...well, I guess she didn't know at the time but looking back, it's strange how she came to see us. She rarely visits and then she insisted on filming your father nearly every minute...I'm glad she did. I'm glad she got to see her brother one last time. They didn't always get along but family is family."
They watched the video which his aunt Brenda must have edited heavily. Maybe even after Burt's death since it seemed to be in part a tribute to him. Later, reluctantly, they put away the pictures and other memorabilia.
"Kurt, we should talk about the future. I know things have been crazy your first weeks back at school and with everything else that had been going on but I have some things we really need to decide."
"Mom, maybe I should go back to McKinley."
"No," she answered sounding shocked. "This is the second time in as many weeks that you've suggested that. It can't be about money this time. Kurt, I promise we have things under control now and I have a plan to solve the commute for you."
"No, it isn't that. It's just...I ran away. I should face up to my fears. I need to be strong and show them that they can't win." He was only guessing that she had moved him due to bullying but it was a pretty good guess. The world wasn't that different.
"Kurt, all that adversity builds characters stuff? That's bullshit."
"Mom!"
"I won't allow it, Kurt. I won't allow my son to be tormented for some stupid idea of bravery. There is going to be plenty of time for you to face all sorts of hardship and heartache when you're an adult. You're still my baby boy and I get to protect you for a little longer. Besides, you've had enough pain for a lifetime and your senior year shouldn't be a test of fortitude. You need to enjoy your childhood a while longer."
"I'm hardly a child, Mom. And things are getting better. Gay marriage is legal in ten states."
His mother snorted and rolled her eyes.
"There shouldn't even be a debate about such things. Ten states - why is there even a question? You should marry whoever you want. I know, you aren't a child. You're all grown up but indulge me, OK?" she asked touching his cheek affectionately. "Besides, changing world aside, we still live in Lima and things are behind the times here."
"Why do we live in Lima?" Kurt asked as he sank into his mom and laid his head on her shoulder signaling that he was giving up the fight.
"I came here for your father, of course," she answered with a chuckle.
"Because you loved him so much," Kurt supplied.
"Well, not at first. He was an arrogant ass when we met. That was back when he was a football player and so full of himself."
"Before he blew his knee out," Kurt finished. He knew the story well.
"Yes, I was his tutor," she continued as she absentmindedly ran her fingers through Kurt's hair. "He was such a...well, let's just say arrogant and leave it at that." She knew that Kurt had heard this story many times but she told it any way. "He expected me to do his homework for him...somehow make sure he made good grades even if he never studied. He never thought for minute that he wouldn't be a big NFL star."
"And then he was injured and everything changed."
"Yes, he became a different person after that. Oh, baby boy, you should have seen how hard he tried to stay in college; how smart he was once he really tried. It was like he saw me for the first time even though we'd known each other for over a year. He would graduated too if..."
"If grandpa hadn't gotten sick."
"Yeah. He was such a good son. He took over the business and took care of your grandmother. He was so wonderful."
"Do you think he regretted it? Not finishing college? Spending his life on the Hummel auto shop?"
"No, baby, I think he loved it. He certainly loved our life together. He loved you and me and that stupid auto shop. I don't think he had any regrets. I know I don't."
"Not even coming to Lima to marry him?"
"Especially not that. I've been happy, Kurt. But there isn't anything to keep me here now. Or you either. So let's drop this nonsense about going back to McKinley and let me tell you what I've been up to."
"OK," he agreed. She was right, it wouldn't be the same anyway. He could probably befriend some of his old friends but it wouldn't be the same as spending the last few years in New Directions.
"Let's start with housing. I've decided...if you're OK with this plan...to rent this house out and rent an apartment near Westerville. It will be much less room but plenty for the two of us and for Blaine to stay over whenever he wants. Linda and I went apartment shopping and found a lovely place just twenty minutes from Dalton. Renting this place out is a risk and more hassle but it means that we could move at the first of November instead of waiting for a sale. What do you think of that part?"
"Well, it's better than me moving back into the dorm. I could spend more time with you. I didn't really want to be so far away from you."
"Good, now for more good news. With the lotto money, I do have more options."
He smiled smugly which prompted a stern look from his mother.
"Just because we got lucky is no reason to start thinking that was a good idea, Kurt. It's a windfall but I don't want you to start thinking luck can replace hard work. OK?"
"Yes, Mom," he supplied dutifully.
"Well, since I've had so much trouble selling Hummel Tire and Lube, I've decided to keep it as an invstment. I spent some time with a lawyer this week and I'm going to incorporate it to protect our personal assets and liability. Obviously, I can't run it so I've decided to bite the bullet and hire a manager. I never wanted to hand over management as long as we owned it but I think it's for the best. I found someone with good experience and I think it will be in good hands. What do you think? I don't want to do any of this unless you're OK with it."
"So who is this manager that you're going to trust with our shop?"
"His name is Chris Hudson. He was a mechanic is the army and I think you would have known his son, Finn, at McKinley. I'm pretty sure you mentioned Finn and few times. Didn't you have a crush on him in junior high? I promise, I won't tell Blaine," she laughed.
"Chris Hudson?" was all he managed to squeak out.
"Yeah, What's wrong, Kurt? You look so pale. I swear, you look like you just saw a ghost."
"I'm tired, Mom. I just want to go to bed. I'm meeting Blaine tomorrow morning so I should get some sleep."
"OK, we'll talk some more tomorrow. We need to make some decisions so I can get the ball rolling on all of this. I want to make the offer to Chris on Monday and go ahead put the house in the hands of a rental management company as soon as possible. So think about it, OK? If we're going to move, I want to move into the apartment on the first so you won't have to commute much longer."
"I don't need to think about it. It's all fine, Mom. Everything sounds great. We have to move on from our old life, right? We just need to think about the future like you said."
"OK. Good night. But remember, if you change your mind, talk to me - promise?"
"Yea, Good night."
Kurt barely made it to his bedroom before the tears started flowing. He punched his pillow in frustration as he sobbed himself to sleep. It just wasn't fair. Why does Finn get his father?
He knew he shouldn't resent someone simply for being alive but he couldn't help it. This was the best universe he'd ever found and yet he felt like he'd lost everything.
24 September 2011 Saturday
Kurt put the finishing touches on his hair then spun around in front of his full length mirror. He sighed. It would have to due. His wardrobe was shockingly bereft of high fashion - a situation that he was determined to remedy. Blaine hadn't been able to come home with him the night before much to both boys' disappointment but they were meeting at the mall for a day of fun and shopping. Kurt didn't have many opportunities to dress the way he would like attending Dalton but he intended to spend every minute that he wasn't in uniform looking fabulous.
Kurt had managed to settle in a little more as the days flew by. It helped that he was so busy. There was always Warbler business, including preparing for sectionals. Added to that, his upcoming move to the apartment that would put him closer to Dalton and Blaine. And of course, their weekend in New York to celebrate their second anniversary was just around the corner.
Time had given him the chance to calm down and think. One thing he was sure of; he wasn't going to lose what he had with another stupid jump. He'd lost Blaine reaching for a trophy and he would never make that mistake again. He could spend his whole life searching for a universe where both his parents were alive but he could lose everything he loved in the process. He was resolved that he wouldn't do it. He'd never searched for his mother for fear of losing his father and now he was faced with the same dilemma in reverse. He hadn't found her by searching and he was more convinced than ever that he could never get where he wanted to go on purpose.
No matter how adrift and disconnected he felt, Kurt was determined that he would make this his home. It would just take time he promised himself. At least now he didn't always feel that he'd arrived mid-conversation. His talks with Blaine were always about the future not the past. They spent time filling out applications to schools including several prospects in New York. Kurt had his doubts that either of them had the experience to get into a performing arts school. Dalton didn't have musicals and their only experience was singing in the Warblers. Blaine was closer to his family than in other universes and he'd never spend time singing at theme parks over the breaks. At least the Warblers made it to Nationals the last two years. They hadn't brought home a trophy in this universe but Blaine was confident that just making it to Nationals was good enough. Besides, they were both sure they'd be winning this year.
Kurt had also used his time to memorize every souvenir in his closet, every date he and Blaine had been on, the places they'd been, all of the important milestones in their relationship, so meticulously scrap-booked and annotated. He was ready to be the best boyfriend Blaine could wish for.
After a morning of rigorous shopping, Kurt and Blaine walked along the mall carrying several bags of clothes. They stood as close as they dared but not touching like they both would have liked. Blaine-8 was very affectionate and less cautious than other Blaines Kurt had known. He reckoned that the lack of a serious beat down for simply being gay in his past was a factor. Still, they were well aware that they were in Ohio. Affection at private family affairs and even at Dalton was common but two boys holding hands at the mall would be pushing things too far and they both knew it.
"...no one cares about the extracurriculars, Kurt. All that matters is the audition. We'll make a killer audition tape and when they hear you in person...well, how can they not love you?"
"You're probably right. It doesn't matter now; there isn't much I can do to pad my resumé. Unless, I take up polo," Kurt teased.
"Are you hungry?" asked Blaine, ignoring the jab. "I'm starving. I've never done so much shopping in my life. When are you planning on wearing all this stuff? In case you haven't noticed, we all wear uniforms at Dalton."
"Yes, lunch would be good about now. And we aren't at Dalton every minute so why not look good when we can? Like right now for instance."
"You always look good," said Blaine with a sly smile. "No matter what you're wearing...or not wearing," he smirked.
"Blaine!"
"What?" his boyfriend answered innocently.
"Your mind is always in the gutter. I swear..."
"Whose fault is that? If you didn't sashay around looking so hot maybe I could think of other things."
"I'd think you'd be used to it by now," laughed Kurt.
"Well, I'm not," insisted Blaine shyly. "In fact, maybe we should go try on some more clothes together." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"Blaine! Stop it. We're not doing that," admonished Kurt. "At least not until we are safely in private," he continued in a whisper. "Maybe if you're good, when we get home."
"Promise?"
"No. I said maybe," Kurt said with a smile that betrayed his words. There was no way he'd resist Blaine once they were back in his bedroom.
"Hummel? Oh my god, Hummel is that really you?" said a familiar female voice.
Kurt looked around and saw Brittany and Santana, pinkies linked as aways, standing a few feet away. Kurt smiled. They were wearing their Cheerios uniforms on a Saturday. Sometimes he wondered if they had any other clothes.
"Brittany, Satan...I mean Santana. How nice to see you." It came out more sincere than he'd expected. He really was happy to see them.
"Oh my god," Santana muttered. "I haven't seen you since freshman year! How are you?" She surprised him by coming in for a hug. Even more startling was the way she felt him up while she was at it. "Oh my, you've really filled out. Hello, puberty!" She exclaimed as he squeaked and pulled away. "And who is this?" she asked setting her sights on Blaine.
"My boyfriend, Blaine," Kurt declared proudly. "Blaine, this is Santana and Brittany. I used to go to school with them."
"Pleased to meet you. Would you like to join us for lunch?" Blaine asked politely.
"We don't eat," insisted Brittany. "But we were going to sit down and have a Sue shake."
"Sure, we can catch up with what you're up to these days, Hummel," agreed Santana. "By the way," she said causally but quietly as she glanced around noting the no one was close to them. "Britts and I are totally together. Like together together."
Kurt gave her a surprised look. Not because he didn't know but because she'd told him when they were practically strangers in this universe.
"It feels good to tell someone and I know you won't go blabbing it. It's just...there's no one at McKinley...It's just the two of us and we have to keep things secret."
"Kurt's a unicorn," Brittany declared.
Kurt laughed and leaned into Blaine saying, "Don't worry she always says stuff like that. I miss it."
"Ah, Kurt, I miss you, too," the blond cheerleader said as she hugged Kurt. "I haven't seen you in days!"
"Years, sweetie, you haven't seen Kurt in years," corrected Santana.
The four of them found a table. The girls pulled out travel mugs full of the noxious liquid they called Sue shakes while the boys brought back fast food. Kurt was pleased to find that the food court at least had several healthy selections including an organic salad bar.
"...so I'm the head cheerleader this year and coming off of a six year run of national championships, our senior year is going to be a triumph. Our football team sucks, but who cares about them?"
"Is Finn still the quarterback?" asked Kurt.
"Kurt, I didn't know you cared about football," exclaimed a surprised Blaine. "I love football," he confided in the girls. "But Kurt, not so much...or at least that's what I thought."
"I don't know a thing about it," insisted Kurt. "I just troll my old school's websites just for fun sometimes. You know just to see what's going on and last I checked Finn was quarterback but I didn't know if that was still true."
"I didn't know you did that," said Blaine thoughtfully.
"I'm just full of surprises, aren't I?" Kurt said nervously as he patted Blaine's knee.
"Well, to answer your question. Yes, Frankenteen is still the quarterback. I'm surprised that you even asked about him, Kurt. The way he treated you back when you were at McKinley..."
"He wasn't always so bad," Kurt insisted defensively.
"Really? When he and Puckerman and the rest of those jocks threw you in the dumpster day after day; that wasn't so bad?"
"Finn didn't...I mean he wasn't usually the one to actually throw me in..." Kurt paused reaching for anything to explain it to them. "Sometimes he would hold my bag and my jacket so they wouldn't get dirty..." If the look on Blaine and Santana's wasn't enough, hearing the words aloud for the first time was. He'd never said it before. "Wow, that didn't sound as bad in my head," he admitted.
"They shouldn't have done that, Kurt. I'm sorry that I never did anything to stop it. I just was just afraid to be seen..."
"Hanging out with a queer?"
"Yes," she admitted.
Kurt had to wonder why she was being so nice. It was down right creepy. The Santana he knew was full of venom and insults. But then again, he didn't know anything about this girl. Perhaps she was different.
"I fine Finn confusing," mused Brittany.
"You find everything confusing, sweetie. That's why you have me," replied Santana indulgently.
"Finn is confusing," insisted the blond cheerleader. "Sometimes Finn is dating Rachel and sometimes he's dating Quinn and yesterday I saw him kissing that ghost girl."
"Please, Rachel Berry? That gnome? Finn would never date her. She dresses like a cross between a naughty librarian and Japanese school girl and still manages to miss making it look sexy. You saw Finn kissing, Sidney. She been Finn's girlfriend for two years."
Brittany leaned in and whispered, "She's a ghost. Truefax."
"That's interesting," answered Blaine, nonplused.
"You know what's interesting?" chirped Brittany. "You!" she continued looking at Blaine. "You should come on my show "Fondue for Two." This week's topic - socks!"
"You have a show?" Blaine asked. "Like on television?" he continued, clearly excited.
"It's a web show," clarified Santana. "It has a huge following. Brits is the biggest star on MyVid. The Lord Tubbington intervention episode had 20 million hits." Santana looked at Brittany proudly.
"You too, Kurt. You know I love everything about you. Your style. Your singing. You and Blaine could come on the show together."
"Isn't it fondue for two?" Kurt asked.
"Exactly," beamed Brittany.
Kurt looked at Blaine to see his boyfriend nodding with encouragement.
"Sure, count us in," replied Kurt with a shrug.
Brittany squealed and clapped.
"But I'm still going to crush you," she said suddenly serious. "I'm going to be president because girls need to rule the world now."
Santana laughed and hugged her girlfriend, giving her a sweet kiss on the cheek. Kurt couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy. He couldn't be that affectionate with Blaine in a public place like the mall. No one thought twice about girls holding hands, hugging, or even kissing but it wasn't OK for boys.
Brittany looked at Blaine and said, "You look great with nude erections. You should sing with them all the time."
"What?" Blaine looked at the blond cheerleader in shock, not completely sure he'd heard her correctly.
Kurt looked at her with equal shock but for an entirely different reason. Could it be? He'd rarely paid attention to the things that Brittany said because she didn't seem to be living in the same world as everyone else. She's once claimed that Vikings had plundered the school home ec. kitchen. But now he began to think about her words in a different light. She'd said Finn dated Rachel but Santana didn't know anything about that. Not in this universe. And New Directions...that had to be what she meant despite what it sounded like she'd said. They didn't exist here either. Kurt had always that he was alone but what if...
"I need a diet coke," Kurt said quickly as he stood up and grabbed Brittany's hand. "Come with me and help me pick it out."
"OK," she agreed as she followed him leaving Blaine and Santana looking on. "Fatty ducks." she said triumphantly as they walked away.
"What?"
"Your hands are soft like a baby's because you have fat ducks."
"Oh, duck fat. Yes, I use duck fat on my hands. How did you know that?"
"You told me when you were my boyfriend. Can I tell you a secret?"
Kurt turned to her and said, "Brit, you can tell me the truth. Can you go from one universe to another? Can you travel to other possibilities?"
She looked puzzled and cocked her head before replying.
"I don't understand what you're saying."
"OK, what's the secret?"
"You're the best kisser at McKinley. Don't tell Santana. I love her more than anybody else but you're still a better kisser."
"Um..thanks? Brittany, do you sometimes remember things differently than everyone else?" Like kissing me when I never did that.
"Everyone says I'm forgetful but I remember things better than anyone else."
"OK, listen to me." Kurt chose his words carefully. He had his own internal language about what he did but clearly he couldn't expect her to understand quantum physics. He didn't even. "Do you sometimes choose to go somewhere else? Where things are different?"
"We decided to come to the mall today. Don't you want me to help you pick out your diet coke? The cheese cake factory has the best diet coke but that's pretty far away."
"Never mind the diet coke for now." Kurt thought for a bit before getting an idea. "Look at that woman there - the one in the pink dress." Brittany nodded. "Now watch her." He expanded his awareness so he could see the universes split as she made choices. "See she's stopped in front of Salads and Stuff trying to decide where to eat. There she goes to the pizza place but see she's still standing there thinking in another universe. And there...she is going to the salad place in that one too. And in another she just got a phone call but now it's split again because she didn't get it and she's picked the pizza place again..." He let go of the other universes and focused on Brittany. She was staring intently at the woman who'd finally moved to the line at Salads and Stuff in this universe. "Did you see it?"
"She's getting in line..." Brittany said puzzled. She knew Kurt wanted her to see all of the things he described but she didn't.
"You can't see them? The other worlds? Then how..Oh god it must be so confusing for you. Do you just travel randomly?" No wonder she never seemed to make sense. Kurt couldn't even begin to understand how she could cope if she traveled from one universe to another with no choice at all. "Never mind, let's just get that diet coke, OK."
"OK," she agreed with a smile. As they headed back to the table, Brittany casually said, "Sometimes, Santana doesn't remember that we're dating. It makes me sad."
Kurt squeezed her hand and replied, "I know. Sometimes Blaine forgets me too but we always find each other."
"It's OK if you don't remember being my boyfriend, Kurt. You were the best boyfriend I ever had and I can remember for the both of us," the blond cheerleader promised in a surprising moment of clarity.
"That's good but we shouldn't mention that to Blaine or Santana, OK?"
He just hoped the she understood as they arrived back at the table.
"I used to date a robot," Brittany declared to Blaine who had lost the ability to be shocked by the girl's declarations. "He thinks I'm stupid."
"I'd never call you that," promised Santana. "You have a really beautiful imagination."
The two couples hung out for a while longer but Kurt was distracted for the most part. He'd always thought that he was alone. But now that he thought about it - why should he be the only one? What if people slipped across to other possibilities all the time without knowing it? How would they if they only traveled to the closest universes? Brittany, however, apparently traveled far and often judging by the things she seemed to know about the universes where he'd been in New Directions with her. The strangest part was that Santana seem to accept Brittany's declarations without question. Well, maybe it wasn't strange, Kurt mused. After all everyone just assumed that she lived in her own special world and it never occurred to them that she lived in all of them.
As the boys drove home, they chatted about the upcoming trip to New York. Kurt was so excited that he could barely contain his enthusiasm. As fantastic as his trip had been before, now he'd be with Blaine. His Blaine.
"Look at that," exclaimed Blaine as they sailed through another green light. "Apparently, I have great timing today. I'm hitting every green light - I haven't had to stop once."
The next light was green too but they didn't sail through it like they had all the others. Kurt didn't see what happened but there was the horrifying shriek of crumpling metal accompanied by the terrifying sound of breaking glass. He couldn't see it but he felt and heard everything as the car spun at a dizzying pace. They say that time slows in these situations but it didn't seem that way to him. Rather things happened so fast that he couldn't think, could barely register more than the feeling of dread and an overwhelming desire to not be here. His hand was clutched in Blaine's in a tight grip but he didn't remember how it got there. He... no, they had to get away. It was more an instinct than a thought as he jumped.