Here's chapter six. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, its Abridged Series, Moulin Rouge, or any of the songs parodied in this story.
(1) To the tune of "Sexyback" by Justin Timberlake. (Also known as: Duke's theme song, except it will be turned against him, sort of)
(2) To the tune of "Hung Up" by Madonna.
(3) To the tune of "Dance in the Dark" by Lady Gaga.
Note: The song-snippet parodies in this chapter also don't correspond to any of the songs in the movie.
-O-o-O-o-O-
Between rehearsals one day and on the lawn (if you could call it that) of the old Duelpark, Tristan, Joey, Yugi, and Yami had a snack attack. They kicked aside the overturned, burnt trashcans, the scrap metal from some discarded duel disks, and cardboard boxes (the ones that weren't inhabited by ex-duelists, anyway) and spread their mat on the sunniest spot in the park. It also happened to be the spot with the most feral cats.
When they finished moving their things and drenching themselves in hydrogen peroxide, they sat down to eat. Yugi and Yami went to wash their hands, while Joey and Tristan, caring nothing about germs, dug in.
"At least they didn't get our food," Tristan said, tearing into his taco.
"Too bad cats don't duel." Joey pulled a burrito out of the bag. "'Cause den we coulda played 'em for dere cheeseburgers."
"Wouldn't count on it," Tristan replied. "Look over there."
They looked over at the herd of cats playing in the shade. The click, click, click of the grimy dice they batted around was barely audible over the sounds of the gang's conversation and the box-dwellers' swearing. Joey and Tristan watched as the cats swatted the dice, then hopped over each other, craning their tiny necks into the center of the pack. Two of the cats, a calico and tabby, began to hiss at each other. Soon they were circling and slashing at each other, while the rest of the cats skittered around.
"Grrr…Even da cats are playin' dice games!" Joey yelled.
"Shut up over there, I'm trying to sleep!" Rex Raptor slurred from his cardboard box.
"You shut it, ya burnt out bum!" Joey yelled back.
"Hey, calm down, man." Tristan put a hand on Joey's shoulder.
Joey threw himself back onto the blanket. "Call demselves real duelists…Dey wouldn't know a real duelist if it bit em on da ass-OW!" Joey rubbed his butt as the cat that bit him wandered away.
"You can't really blame them," Tristan said. "They're just swept up in the dice-mania like everyone else."
"Yeah. Just like everyone else…" Joey drew in the dirt.
Tristan looked at the small town of cardboard, decorated jauntily with colorful egg cartons and bottle glass. "Dueling was like a way of life here in Domino, wasn't it?" he asked.
Joey looked up, his anger temporarily forgotten. "Are you kiddin'? It was all anyone ever played! And, man, was it awesome!"
Tristan tossed a stray grocery bag around. "Was it really?"
Joey turned from his dirt masterpiece to stare at Tristan. "Don't tell me you've neva dueled."
Tristan shrugged. "I've never had the chance to."
Joey's mouth dropped open, giving Tristan a nice view of his thoroughly chewed burrito. Sexy.
Joey closed his mouth, swallowed, then clamped his hands down on Tristan's shoulders. "You have no idea what you're missin'."
Yugi began to bang rhythmically on an empty trashcan. Yami peppered the beat with melodies created by juggling broken bottle glass. Joey jumped up and began to gyrate to the music. After a few measures, he began to sing. Absolutely nobody batted an eye.
"I'm bringin' duelin' back.
Dem dice playas must be smokin' crack.
Draw anotha card from da freakin' stack.
Whip out your deck and plan your first attack." (1)
Joey whipped out two decks. He juggled them and shuffled them both together. Tristan tilted his head in wonder as he watched. Cards flew left and right as Joey continued to shuffle. Soon, all the cards were flying in the air in a gravity-defying cloud, before they swirled around Tristan, who twirled like a Disney hero. Joey leapt from one patch of dirt to another, legs suddenly clad in legwarmers, shirt hanging off one shoulder. He bent backwards over a bench and was promptly drenched in muddy water as someone bicycled past.
This seemed to snap everyone out of the acid dance sequence that would surely have continued long into the night. The cards settled back into the form of two decks and Joey and Tristan began to duel.
They drew a card. They placed it on the mat. They squinted into their hands.
They drew a card. They placed it on the mat. They squinted into their hands some more.
They drew a card. They placed it on the mat. They wondered why they couldn't just draw six cards and put them all on the mat at once.
Yugi and Yami watched this riveting action from the shade of a car on cinderblocks.
"I'd be on the edge of my seat, if I could afford to actually buy chairs instead of renting," Yugi said.
"It's so exciting, I have to tap this bottle to keep from falling asleep!" Yami added.
The car window rolled down as the occupant turned the crank. "Get off my lawn!"
Yugi and Yami scurried away and sat next to the mat. Yami continued to tap the bottle on the neck and body with a "tick tock tick tock."
Tristan drew another card and began to sing to keep from falling over.
"Turns go by so slowly with every draw.
I think my strategy's flawed.
How is this fun? When will it be done?
Oh, wait, wait! I think I'm winning the duel!"
Joey perked up. "See? It's fun when you win!"
Tristan nodded. "I get it now!"
Joey jumped up and continued the verse.
"Ain't it grand, dis duelin'?
When it's not bland or gruelin'."
"It's quite fun, this dueling.
I think I like to duel!" Tristan sang, his face brightening.
He jumped up next to Joey and the two began a dance routine involving kicks, shoulder-shimmies, and other terrible, outdated moves that can't even be mentioned. Yugi continued to bang on differently sized trashcans, forming the beat and part of the tune. Yami wasn't so much trying to make music with the bottle glass as he was throwing it at Rex, who had the gall to attempt stealing his deck. The other inhabitants of the cardboard community started dancing to the beat, even the ones who were lying down in refrigerator boxes.
"Every single card that I draw is fuel
For machines powered by multiple duels.
Holographic cards are like cardstock jewels,
And who cares if nobody knows the rules?" Tristan bounced while singing.
"Every single game that I play with you
Gets me hot…" Joey moved closer to Tristan.
"I think that I am feeling it, too," Tristan agreed.
"When da game is done, let's pack up our cards
And we'll have a whole otha kind of duel." (2)
Yugi changed the beat. Joey and Tristan stopped dancing and stood still while making odd arm movements. Yami stopped throwing glass at Rex. "They're making the same strange motions! They must be soul mates!" he shouted. Then he began to play xylophone on the park bench.
To the clanging of the trashcans, Joey began to chant:
"Solitaire…Go Fish…P-P-P-Poker…
Forget all dose games!
Shuffle like you're a maniac,
Den point like you're disco dancin'.
Put your deck inside da slot,
Strike a pose,
Yell a lot."
Tristan answered his chant with this:
"You can't go wrong with the cards.
Dice rolling, we'll disregard.
You can't go wrong with the cards.
Especially the ones with heart."
They quit doing the arm movements and sang together:
"We'll have them all playing with cards.
Without dueling life's just too hard.
Get a paper cut and you'll surely be scarred."
They pumped their fists in the air and kicked up their legs. Yugi and Yami joined in and they all sang:
"Bringing back the heart of the cards
Because we are too avant-garde!
We won't spend our time bringing back billiards." (3)
The four skipped into the sunset, arms linked, free arms pointing up in the air.
Rex sat and sulked in his cardboard box, which was now next to the rusty car. "They probably didn't have any good cards, anyway."
"GET OFF MY LAWN!" the voice roared from the car. Rex obeyed.
-O-o-O-o-O-
I've decided there must be a song in each chapter. I suppose I won't write a chapter until I can think of a decent parody for a song, then (but that usually doesn't take too terribly long to happen).