Blaine-6

29 August 2011

I have a date with Kurt frickin' Hummel. Who would have thought it was possible? OK, I'll admit that I've been thinking about it all Summer but there was a time when it would have seemed like science fiction to have even considered it. Sure, I'd noticed how sexy he was. Who hasn't? I mean, when he isn't in a Dalton uniform that is. Kurt made it his policy to never wear his uniform after hours, and the painted on pants he wore certainly showed off his ass.

On the other hand, as much as I appreciated his physical attributes, his attitude was another story. He gave new meaning to the term ice princess. If his general air of superiority and sharp wit weren't enough, he hated me, and he made no secret of it. He blamed me for having all the solos, which was just crazy since the council decides who gets the solos. If he couldn't get them when his boyfriend was on the council, how was that my fault?

Speaking of boyfriends, yeah, that was the other reason that Kurt was off limits. My boyfriend Jeff and his boyfriend Thad. That all changed in New York with a kiss that put the nail in the coffin of my beleaguered relationship with Jeff. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered but at the time it all seemed to revolve around that kiss...

27 May 2011

As soon as we saw the leader board, the Warblers started hugging each other and making a commotion as we tended to do. I hadn't even noticed that Jeff was missing until I let go of David and turned to look for him. That's when I came face to face with Kurt Hummel. We never liked each other much - or rather he loathed me. I think I would have liked him very much if he'd ever given me the chance. We hugged awkwardly and then something really strange happened. I leaned in to give Kurt a peck on the cheek - I can't even explain why I thought that was a good idea - I was high on the excitement of possibly winning at Nationals. Then it happened. It was like the air was suddenly filled with electricity and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I looked in Kurt's eyes and in a flash something changed in him, and it was as if he truly saw me for the first time. I know it sounds crazy, but I swear to god it happened. Then I kissed him. The infamous kiss that was the unraveling of my already tattered relationship with Jeff.

If I needed more proof that something strange was happening, Kurt's reaction was it. Instead of pushing me away or slapping me, he kissed me back. For one amazing second, we were kissing and the entire world disappeared as we spun around with romantic music swelling in the distance. OK, maybe it didn't happen exactly like that, but I kissed him and he kissed me back and it felt good. Then I came to my senses and realized that my super-hot boyfriend was going to show up any second, and I pushed Kurt away.

No sooner had I done that when Jeff did show up - with food of course. That boy has an unending appetite. At the same time, my real problem, Nick, dragged Kurt away. Nick was Jeff's roommate, best friend, and everything but lover and most of all the bane of my existence. The real reason Jeff and I broke up. The reason he never loved me. On good days, I think that Jeff and I just weren't meant to be because we were too different. Yeah, there aren't many of those days. On bad days, I just ask myself what's wrong with me? What does he have that I don't? Am I that unlovable?

But I digress. Nick dragged Kurt off for a confab, and I knew immediately that no good would come of it. I managed to make small talk with my boyfriend and act like the freakiest thing that had ever happened to me hadn't just happened.

After Wes dismissed us, Nick, Jeff, and I went to dinner together. It was either that or eat alone. It wasn't always like that. When we first started dating, Jeff was sweet and attentive. I was head over heels in love with him and for months, I did my best to get him to fall for me. We went out like couples do. We spent time together and got to know each other's likes and dislikes. But there was always Nick - hovering around like an unwanted, uninvited gadfly.

I'm not stupid. I knew that Jeff was in love with him and that the only thing keeping them apart was Nick's sexuality. Or rather Jeff's perception of it. He thought Nick was straight. Oh yeah, there is no doubt that Nick has an eye for the ladies, and he dated a girl for a while after Jeff and I first got together but I'd seen the way he looked at Jeff. If he wasn't bisexual, he was at least Jeff-sexual. I had just hoped that somehow I could get Jeff to love me before either of them realized it.

28 May 2011

I woke up alone, as usual. Of course, Jeff and I had had sex the night before, but he went back to his room with Nick just like always. Even though we were in New York, in a hotel, not at Dalton, he still left me when we were done.

There were several rules in our relationship - not that we ever talked about them. They just sort of evolved over time. First, Jeff always toped. I never objected to that, but it wasn't for the reasons one might think. Or at least, I didn't think so. I always thought it was because he was saving a part of himself for Nick, subconsciously. The second rule was no eye contact during sex. Same reason; I think he must have been imagining that he was with Nick. He always took me from behind and even when I blew him, he never looked me in the eye. Finally, he didn't sleep with me. That last one wasn't always true but eventually it became a rule too.

I know he sounds like a real jerk, but he isn't. In the beginning, he did sleep with me. We would make love, cuddle, pillow talk, and he would sleep spooning me. He'd spend so much time with me, introducing me to his favorite movies, explaining the various advantages of super powers, telling me why the zombie apocalypse was inevitable...He's such a dork, and I found that adorable. I loved him and sometimes I still do. Sometimes I thought I wanted to recapture the magic of our early romance and other times...well, other times I thought...other things.

I got dressed and checked in the mirror to make sure my dapper persona was in place. It was an impenetrable armor that protected me in the world. Luckily, Jeff didn't intercept me for a little morning something something as he often did, so I made to our morning meet-up looking like I was ready to take home the championship trophy for the Warblers, and I was.

Jeff was his usual task master as we rehearsed for our semi-finalist performance. We did Misery, which was one of his best pieces of choreography yet. Jeff is a brilliant choreographer and a snappy dancer as well. At the beginning of the year, the Warblers never did more than a boring two-step routine during a performance but Jeff and Kurt had slowly shaken the council off their sanctimonious high horse. They were strange allies in the cause, having nothing else in common but their love of dance.

During one of our breaks, I decided to talk to Kurt and make sure there was no misunderstanding about our encounter the previous day. I'd really lucked out because Nick hadn't told Jeff about it and as magical as it had seemed the day before, I wasn't ready to throw away my awesome sex life with Jeff for who knows what with Kurt. Especially, since Kurt was in love with Thad and must have been having a temporary brain seizure or something to have kissed me.

Regardless of why it happened, I explained in no uncertain terms that it was not happening again. Ever. Kurt had other ideas.

"I'mwith Jeff. I can't...I just can't, OK?"

"Are you sure you're with Jeff? Looks like to me, he's cuckolding you with Nick even as we speak. Just look at them! I bet they've been fucking each other behind your back for months," commented Kurt looking over at the two boys in question.

"They're best friends... so they spend time together."

"Are you sure that's all it is?"

"Nick is straight."

"Who cares about them anyway? Why don't we go up to my room, and you can show me what that pretty little mouth is good for besides singing. No one has to know, if you want to keep Jeff, too."

OK, maybe he didn't exactly say that, but I know that's what he meant. I'm pretty proud of the self-restraint I showed. We placed in the top five but that night the shit hit the fan. Jeff had found out about the kiss, and he was pissed.

Jeff pinned me up against the door and growled, "So what happened between you and Kurt?"

I had a hard time focusing on the question because, despite the fact that he was mad at me, jealous Jeff was sexy as fuck. I began to think that maybe that's all our relationship needed. A little competition to make him want me more.

"It was nothing. I swear, barely a peck to celebrate making the semi-finals," I managed to squeak out.

"That's not what Nick said happened."

Fucking Nick!

"I love you. Only you," I promised. "I want you and I just got carried away in the moment. It meant nothing. I want you."

Jeff press harder against me and began to worry my neck with his mouth, leaving what was going to be a huge visible hickey. Marking his territory. I moaned and begged him to take me. I'm not proud of how much I begged. but to be fair...well... Jeff.

"You're mine," he growled as we made it to the bed. He fucked me hard and rough, and afterwards, I just lay on my stomach basking in this new-found possessiveness. Enjoying the fact that he was lying next to me naked instead of getting up and leaving. I rolled over on my side and smiled at him, reaching out to stroke his face. I was filled with a renewed sense of hope and in that moment, I knew - just knew that he finally loved me. After all isn't jealousy proof that someone loves you? Jeff rolled me on my back and pinned my arms over my head as he kissed me fiercely. He looked down at me and said seriously, "You ever cheat on me again and we're over. Do you understand?"

Damn. So much for making him jealous.

I nodded my agreement and sucked him off to show him just how sorry I was. Unfortunately, even though he stayed until I fell asleep, he wasn't there when I woke up.

29 May 2011

I went down to breakfast ready for a whole new day. I had my boyfriend back, and nothing was going to come between us. Not even Nick and his stupid waffle sharing flirtiness. Not even Jeff and Nick making incomprehensible jokes about cyclones. What the heck did hurricanes have to do with winning Nationals? Sometimes it's like those two are speaking Latin. I didn't let it get to me because Jeff showed his true colors in an epic battle with Kurt for my affections.

"Kurt, keep your hands off of my man! Blaine is mine, and I love him. I'll fight you for him with every last breath I have!" declared Jeff.

"Oh sweetie, you don't need to fight for me, I'm yours. Always," I assured him as Kurt and his boyfriend fled in fear of the wrath of my BAMF boyfriend.

OK, so maybe it didn't go down exactly like that, but it felt like it at the time. That's why the next part came as such a kick in the gut.

Jeff took my hand and said, "Blaine, we need to talk." Nick, thank god, took the hint and disappeared. Jeff led me out of the dining hall but instead of going back to my room which I'd hoped for, he stopped at the first secluded spot he could find.

"Blaine, I don't know how to say this..."

"You don't have to say anything, sweetie. Everything is OK now and you don't have to say it for me to know it."

"It's not OK, Blaine. I'm breaking up with you."

"No. No. Why? Because I kissed Kurt? I swear, it will never happen again."

"It isn't that things are all wrong because you kissed Kurt. Blaine, you kissed Kurt because things are all wrong between us."

In that moment, I knew he was right, but it didn't hurt any less.

"I can try harder," I begged. "I can be a better boyfriend. I'll watch all of those scifi and action movies you like. I'll..."

"Blaine, no. I'm using you."

"What?"

"You're supposed to say 'I'm not really complaining' and then I say.."

"Are you breaking up with me using some stupid movie reference?"

"It's not stupid," he said defensively. "It was Sarah Michelle Gellers' finest performance. And I finally understand it. When she said 'I can't love you, and it's killing me', I didn't understand before but now I do. Blaine, being with you is changing me and not in a good way. I don't like who I'm becoming. I treat you like shit and you just take it. It isn't supposed to be likethat. I'm not supposed to be like that!"

"It's because of Nick, isn't it? Because you're in love with him instead of me."

"Yes, it is. I tried, Blaine. I swear. I wanted to love you but my heart belongs to him and I can't seem to help it."

"So that's it. I'm so awful to be around that you can't even make yourself love me. I'm such a bad boyfriend that..." I couldn't finish. I left him standing there as I ran blindly toward my room. I didn't end up there, though. I don't know what insane impulse took me there, but I ended up in Kurt's room instead. I didn't tell him that Jeff had dumped me. I don't know why. Maybe it was a perverted test. To see if Kurt would want me even if I was with someone else. It didn't go well. Instead of falling into my arms, he kicked me out with a self righteous line about not cheating on his boyfriend.

So I went back to my room where I said hello to Captain Morgan, Conrad Smirnoff, and Señor Patron and several of their little friends in the minibar. They were far more helpful to my mood than Kurt or Jeff had been. I don't remember much of the rest of the day but we came in third place so I at least did that right.

While we were waiting for the judges, I saw Nick and Jeff practically making out on stage and in the greenroom. As I looked at them, I wasn't jealous any more. I just wished that someone would look at me the way they looked at each other. It might have been overwhelmingly depressing but I had some coffee to perk me up. And by coffee, I mean that I poured a bottle of rum from the minibar in my coffee cup then filled it with coffee.

August 29th, 2011

My junior year ended in humiliation and pain, but that was months ago. Since then, I had a great ego boost performing at Six Flags and rooming with Jesse St. James. Jesse is older and more experience than I am, and he taught me a thing or two over the summer. He wasn't really a boyfriend - he made it clear from the start that we were just fooling around, nothing serious - but at least he was withme and not imagining he was with someone else.

As I drive to my sister's apartment, I watch to make sure Kurt is still behind me. He has directions but still I'd hate for him to get lost. We meet in the parking lot, and I take him up to the apartment. He looks so incredibly sexy that I can't believe he is the same stuck-up ice princess that I went to Dalton with. He's practically eye fucking me as I get the door open and I can't help imagining things getting dirty. My mind goes to the image of Kurt naked spread-eagle on my bed hitting that high F that I know he can as I...

Calm down. I try to remember that this is our first date and my goal is first base. I get confused about second and third but I know first is just kissing and that's all I should hope for tonight. I send the nanny home and introduce Kurt to my nephew Carson. The little boy is such a jewel. He's going to be a performer someday - I know it.

Surprisingly, Carson runs to Kurt and hugs him like he's a long lost friend. It's strange because my nephew is usually shy around strangers. Kurt smiles indulgently at the boy and picks him up.

"Hi, I'm Kurt."

"Kurt!" yells Carson and buries his face into Kurt's neck.

"I think he likes you," I laugh.

I order us some pizza and browse the extensive DVD collection my sister has for Carson's approved viewing.

"C.U.R.T Curt! C.U.R.T. spells Curt," yells Carson dancing on the couch.

"No, it's Kurt with a K," explains Kurt. "Wow, he's really smart."

"Yeah, he is," I agree.

We eat our pizza, watch Disney movies, and cuddle on the couch. I feel like Kurt and I are really connecting.

"Who's you favorite Disney princess?" I ask him.

"Who says that I have one?" he answers coyly.

"Oh come on, of course you do. I'll tell you mine," I counter. "It's Ariel."

"Why Ariel?" he asks.

"Because she has a beautiful voice that mesmerizes the prince but she is willing to give it all up for love."

Kurt smiles at this revelation as if it's profound or something. I mean it's just a movie and so what if I love it? I am gay.

"Belle. Belle is my favorite," he admits.

"Do tell. Why Belle?" I laugh at my unintentional rhyme.

"She smart and articulate. She reads and she loves the beast for his true self - not what everyone else sees."

"Oh," I say stupidly because that made my heart pound more than his tight jeans, flawless skin, and piercing blue eyes.

We put Carson to bed and I take Kurt to my bedroom to show him around. Before I know it, we are on the bed and I have his shirt off. I didn't really intend to but he is responding to my kisses and he feels so good lying on top of me. So solid. I've always thought of Kurt as etherial...delicate but he is certainly not at the moment as I feel his muscles. He skin is pale, perfect, soft, and hairless and everything is just so much to take it at once. We roll over on our sides and I feel his erection against my leg.

I start kissing his chest and running my hands over his creamy expanse of skin. The sounds he makes while I do...well I can't really be held responsible for getting a little carried away when he's making those sounds, can I?

"I can't wait to feel your hard cock pounding my ass." Uh, did I just say that out loud? Fuck!

"Blaine! How dare you violate my delicate ears and question my honor and virtue with your crude and inappropriate language!"

OK, maybe that isn't exactly what he said but that was the gist of it. I tried to salvage the situation, I really did but it was kind of hard to think clearly with no blood in my brain. He kept giving me that I'm better than you look that just irritates me so much and I may have gotten a tad defensive. So here I stand, on the balcony, watching Kurt Hummel drive away. Our first date in ruins and no idea if there is going to be a second. Honestly? I feel like I just messed up a chance of a life time. I have a sinking feeling in my gut that something precious and perfect was nearly in my grasp and it just slipped away. Yeah, I know. I suck and not in a good way.