Chapter Three: Remember The Dead
Marian is sitting on her bed with her hands clutched in her lap. Her knuckles are white with the grip she holds on an amulet. It was her mother's, and she had given it to Anders to protect him after he'd come to live with her. She'd had a hard time convincing Cullen to let her have it back before the templars had started burning the bodies of the mages littering the streets.
Cullen had acquiesced, after a very tear stained plea on her part, and she had thrown it in the bottom of her wardrobe so she wouldn't ever see it. Why did the bloody Queen of Ferelden have to show up and throw her already discombobulated brain back into the grinder after she'd spent a month trying to claw her way out? Marian squeezes so hard she can feel the sharp metal of the settings start to cut through her skin.
She had almost left this house and moved into the Keep. Certainly it was expected of her now that she held the title of Viscount but this was the Amell family home. This was her heritage and however difficult it might be to sit here and think that she had spent long and naked hours with Anders on this very bed she would not give this home up. The nights had been so long. The ghost of his memory haunts her even as she sits here willing it away.
That first time had been short and desperate. She'd watched the blue of Justice burn in his eyes as he exploded inside her and the thrill of it all made her scream in ecstasy. As their nights started piling up they went slower, deeper. She learned to love the way she could always tell he was about to spend just by seeing his eyes brighten.
He had been embarrassed. Downright blushing when he'd apologized for the intrusion. Marian could only lay her head on his chest and explain that Justice was a part of him and she loved every piece of the puzzle that was Anders. Unexpectedly he had taken her again. She loved him for that too; their bond was so deeply physical that at times she failed to see the mental things going on.
She should have known that he was up to something terrible. She, of all people, should have seen it. If she had . . . then what? She believes with every ounce of her being that Anders would have ended up dead for his cause no matter what course she'd taken personally. She's thought on this almost every night between his death and now. He was destined for this.
A knock on the door draws her from her revelry. She looks up to find Bethany standing at the threshold. She wears her mage robes and carries a letter. The younger sister takes a step into the room and holds out the missive. "This just came for you, sister. The courier didn't say who it was from."
Marian holds out her hand and Bethany gasps in horror before rushing to her sister's side. Both take in the bloody fingers and the cuts from the amulet that has been held far too tightly. Bethany closes her eyes quickly and Marian can hear a soft chant coming from her sister's lips. The wounds are gone in moments. The ones on her skin at any rate.
The amulet, still coated in her blood, is telling. Marian thinks that Bethany surely recognizes it and can tell she's been thinking of Anders. This is the first time since she's put herself back together that she's really allowed any serious contemplation of her dead lover. Bethany knows this. The younger embraces the elder and Marian allows herself to cry, at least for a moment.
The letter, forgotten on the floor, is remembered hours later as Marian prepares for bed. Her foot sends the paper sliding across the polished wood floor boards towards the fireplace. It is a well thrown dagger that pins it and saves it from doom. Muttering about nicks in the flooring, again, Marian pulls out the knife and retrieves the letter. It bears the writing M. Hawke and a non-descript wax seal.
She is not surprised when she opens the letter and finds that the sender is Elissa. Marian's eyes widen. Elissa requests an audience that evening. Marian is to light a candle in her window if she is amenable, otherwise Elissa will honor the appointment made for the morning. Marian considers both for a long while over a glass of wine. It's been a long day and she knows any conversation with Elissa will turn to Anders. She doesn't want to talk about Anders. Not at all.
But, things being what they are, the Queen of Ferelden requests an immediate audience. Who is the Viscountess of Kirkwall to refuse? She lights the candle and waits. Minutes later three sharp raps sound from the front door. Marian hears her new valet, a friend of Varric's named Santo, open the door for her visitor. She's at her bedroom door calling down the stairs for the guest to be admitted when Elissa appears in the entry way.
Marian notes that Elissa has changed out of her armor and into a set of comfortable clothing; yet she still carries her blades. She wonders if the Elissa is always armed as such and guesses that she is. It is a dangerous, saving the world from dark spawn, even when there are no Blights. Elissa smiles up at her before dismissing Santo with a nod. "Shall we talk up there or will you join me?"
Her footsteps seem heavier than normal as Marian makes her way downstairs. She can hear her sister in their mother's old room moving around. The door cracks as she passes by and she pauses long enough to ensure her sister that everything is just fine. Bethany peers past her to their guest and gives her a questioning glance. Marian returns with one that will broker no debate.
"I wasn't sure you were going to invite me in. I've been waiting since the letter was delivered."
Maker, that's right. She'd gotten so caught up thinking about Anders that she waited hours to read the letter. "It has been a taxing day. I did not read your letter until I was preparing for bed. I apologize for keeping you waiting." Marian is the consummate diplomat. She offers Elissa a seat by the fire and a drink. The other woman accepts both gracefully while Marian turns to fetch refreshments. Santo is waiting for her just inside the entrance to the kitchen with two glasses of light wine. She feels relieved that he's so effective and returns to her guest.
"I thank you for meeting with me, especially as such an uncommon time. I understand this is highly eccentric, considering our respective political positions, but I would like to make it clear that I come to you as an equal."
Marian is surprised at herself when she raises an eyebrow. "Haven't we always been equals? You the Queen and I the Viscountess?" Elissa seems to be condescending, even as she's asking for an even footing.
"Ah, but I'm also a Warden." Elissa's tone seems light. But not completely friendly. Marian looks at her, shrewdly. Who is this woman to come here and wave titles in front of her? Elissa senses that Marian is becoming defensive and she raises her hand in supplication. "Please, do not misunderstand. I don't normally have the occasion to converse with others like this. Other than my husband I am sure I never get a true answer out of anyone, only the answer that I want."
That makes sense, at least. Marian relaxes her face. She's quick to anger right now because of her thoughts over the last few hours but she should keep from taking it out on Elissa.
"I think, though, that you will be honest with me and I hope that we can be friends." Elissa smiles so warmly as she wraps up her explanation that Marian is almost shamed of her strong words. She attempts a smile back and a quick subject change.
"I understand you went to see Cullen after you were in my office. Did you know him in Ferelden?"
"I did, indeed. I met him twice before he came to Kirkwall. I was hoping to discuss Anders with him but he told me ask you. So, I've come to ask."
Marian laughs, coldly. She could be a bloody soothsayer. "It's in the report, like I said."
"I don't believe your report. I know something is missing. I knew Anders, very well, and your report does nothing to explain the massive change that occurred in him. Sure, he was always very anti-Chantry but the man was noble. He almost gave his life defending the men and women at Vigil's Keep before he disappeared. The Anders I knew would have never blown up a Chantry."
"Anders spoke highly of his former commander but he'd never indicated that you were so close."
"Who do you think inducted him into the Wardens?"
Marian's eyes are shrewd as they watch Elissa. The woman seems genuine and bears no ill will towards the rogue mage. She is honestly distressed over this death yet Marian cannot bring herself to discuss her relationship with Anders.
Elissa senses her hesitation. "Both of us have been on grand adventures, haven't we? Between the two of us I bet we could give good King Maric a run for his coin when it comes to life lived. We have lost many people. We have lost our homes. Pushed from the realm of the known to that of the unknowable. And we survived. We have thrived. Know that when I ask about Anders it is because I honestly need to know what happened to my friend."
The tone of Elissa's voice is reassuring yet bittersweet. She sounds pained and Marian wants, terribly, to help ease some of this discomfort. First, she has some questions of her own.
"You inducted Anders? What was he like?" She leans forward and watches the other woman closely. Anders had never really discussed this with her.
A reminiscent smile lit across the Warden's face. "Funny. Very funny. He had an unflappable sense of humor that was present even as a group of templars held him at the point of their swords. When I found him he was in that very situation, still cracking jokes. I never regretted freeing and conscripting him. We never had a chance to really talk about how he came to be a warden, between death and the taint, but I think, in the end, he was pleased with the overall outcome. At least I hope he was."
"But he left the wardens. He told me it was because they took away his cat."
Elissa's laughter fills the room again. "That they did. It was most disturbing, the removal of brave Ser-Pounce-A-Lot. That silly cat was good for him. I wish his new commander could have seen that, but alas it was not to be and it was beyond my scope of responsibility. I wonder, did he try to find himself a new kitten here? I could see him doing that."
"He tried, but there were none to be found in the city." Marian's getting misty-eyed, she realizes. She wipes her face dry with one hand while the other tightens around her wine glass. She had almost forgotten about his attempts at finding another pet. She remembers then that she had made light inquiries around town about illegally importing a nug for him from Ferelden before he . . . before . . .
A hand on her shoulder pulls her out of her misery and she looks up at Elissa with freshly dampened eyes. Marian's voice is cracking when she whispers now to the other woman. "I never knew what love was before Anders came along."
Outside her home in Kirkwall the moon grows heavy with age and sinks below the horizon. Marian Hawke dissolves into tears and explains how she came to know, and love, Anders.
-!-
"So, I've just cut a swatch through the Circle and I'm bleeding from about ten different places, none of them pretty, when suddenly I realize there's a blade at my sister's throat. And it's the Knight Commander. I haven't been frightened of too many people but her armor made her seem . . . "
"Colossal?"
"Exactly! It seemed as though she was ten feet tall and she had this sword that kind of glows. I swear, any other day and I would have run home with my tail between my legs but I'd come too far and I couldn't let her hurt Bethany, ya know?"
"I know exactly what you mean." In her seat Elissa's gaze drifts away and Marian can tell she's not thinking about the final confrontation at the Gallows, but something from her own past. Marian gives her a few moments to finish off her thoughts before wrapping up her own story.
"That worst part was the clean-up. We're still finding bodies, even now, and it's baffling. So many innocent citizens lost their lives but the thing is, the city should have been fine. The Annulment was never meant to impact anyone outside of the Gallows and yet so many lives were lost." She feels something inside her harden. "Some deaths were warranted. Despite my love for Anders I couldn't let him live, not after-" She'd not glossed over that part of her retelling and she doesn't care if the other woman thinks less of her for it. Marian might burn from the pain of that act every day but she does not, cannot, regret it.
"I once thought the same as you did. Duty first and all that. It took the clear and inescapable death of the man I love to convince me that sometimes duty must be damned."
"The King?"
Elissa nods once and looks to the fire. "There's a small problem with be a Warden during a Blight and it results in one's death. I can't tell you more but when the moment came to decide who'd be sacrificed, Alistair wouldn't allow me and I couldn't allow him. So, we found a solution. I'm sure that'll come back to haunt us both, but hopefully after the problem with the mages and the Chantry is resolved." She's looking pointedly at Marian now; in her hands her fists are tight and her knuckles are colorless.
The problem with the mages. It sounds so innocuous when said like that, as though there's been an outbreak of accidental magical incidents. Containable. Resolvable. It is anything but, to be sure. She's spent a month rebuilding; a month of long days and sleepless nights trying to balance the Templar Order and the Circle. Both have their own ideas about what they should be doing and neither is willing to fully work with one another.
Marian knows about the past Cullen and Solona share. Some days she hears her cousin crying in her room and some days the mage comes back to the estate so angry poor Santos has to replace many scorched furnishings. They've reached a tenuous agreement though and Marian likes what they've done over the last few days. Security and comfort for the mages. Mandatory checks for blood magic markings for the templar's sanity. It's not perfect but it's the best they can come up with.
The hardest parts have been the influx of apostates, catching wind that there's a change coming from the City of Chains, and the fallout from the citizens. The people of Kirkwall want nothing to do with magic users. Not anymore. They clamor at her door daily lodging complaints about magic in the streets and squatters at every corner.
She thinks, again, that she is no magician and she's only been at the job for a month. She needs time. Most days she thinks the people of this city won't even give her that.
"I'm trying to keep the uprising contained. I honestly don't know how you found out; so far as I know we've managed to keep all word from leaving the city except for a few very carefully worded missives and word of mouth to families with apostates. I've been working with Cullen and the new First Enchanter. She's from Ferelden's Circle; an illustrious career marked by only a few moments of weakness."
That catches Elissa's attention and the other woman leans forward in her chair. The wine glass in Elissa's hand is almost empty and Marian reaches across to refill it for her. She fills her own glass as well. "Who is this First Enchanter? I was at the Circle Tower once; perhaps I know her."
"Irving sent her over. Right after the Gallows I realized my sister would have no idea how to scrape together this mess into something resembling cohesion. I wrote the Circle Tower and a few weeks ago Solona showed up. It was tricky business, writing that letter. I didn't want to give anything away but I needed the best I could find. I've been in communication with Solona for years now and I knew she'd be able to give Bethany the help needed." Marian thinks back on the day Solona arrived in the city and chuckled softly. "She made a mess of it initially. She knew Cullen too, in Ferelden, and from what I gather they had some bad blood between the two of them."
There'd been flames, that first day. And a massive mana wipe that had knocked the mages still alive onto their rears for the better part of the afternoon. Solona had gotten her revenge though. Marian is pretty sure Cullen has a scar on his shoulder.
"It got so bad that they had to replace the furniture around the Gallows every other day because of fiery outbursts and templar retribution. No one was seriously hurt but I finally had to sit the two of them down and tell them, in no uncertain terms, that they could deal with each other or find new cities to harass." Marian takes a long sip of her wine, coughing at the sweetness when it hits the back of her throat. "They've been much better since." She's getting a little deep in her cups and she sets the glass down when she realizes that sounded much funnier than it probably was.
She doesn't end her monologue though. "She is actually a relative of mine. Second or third cousin. We met up at Ostagar; she saved my live. We had no idea we were related. Not during our long trek back to Lothering to find my family. It wasn't until I sent her a letter sealed with my ancestral Amell seal that she connected the dots and did a little research. She's awfully good at that research stuff."
Throughout her explanation Elissa's eyes had grown progressively wider. Now, at the end, her jaw also hangs open and the sight is so humorous to Marian that she laughs. That this woman would find her story shocking is of great amusement, She of the Archdemon Slaying. When Elissa attempts to speak she has to try twice before actual words will come out. "Wait. You were at Ostagar? Very few soldiers made it out alive. How did you survive?"
"Barely!" Marian parts her robe and hikes up her undershirt until a very large scar up the side of her body is exposed. "Were it not for aforementioned cousin, still unknown as a relative, I would have bled to death on the battlefield. She managed to pull me out from under a hurlock towards the end and pulled me to safety. She'd suffered some strange injury that damaged her mana and she had to carry me more often than not until we finally reached Lothering. We parted ways there and I collected my family and fled. We barely made it through everything, but we did. For the most part."
Elissa is still looking at her with wonder and Marian wonders where she'd been during that whole part of the battle at Ostagar. The Hero of Ferelden's story is well known enough, she thinks, that the King and Queen were not on the main battle field but it never did explain how they'd escaped when so many others had not. The two fall into companionable silence until something else that Marian mentioned tugs at Elissa's curiosity.
"So, the three of you. Running the city and dealing with the blowback. I have a . . . friend with the Chantry and she's the one that told me about Anders. She mentioned that the Chantry is wiping its hand of Kirkwall for the time being. What exactly is going on?"
"Well, the Chantry wasn't supposed to know about the explosion. I thought we'd kept that close to the chest, like I said. We've got services in the city and we've set up a make-shift chantry to deal with the sick and injured. We've got a handful of mages and a couple dozen templars left. We're on the way to being autonomous, to be honest." Marian wants this to be their end goal. She loves this city. She wants to see it flourish.
"You seem to have a good grasp of the situation here. I'm surprised and I applaud you. Ferelden was a mess after the Blight. I can understand a nation in ruin. I'd like to offer my services, in whatever capacity, to helping you get things back in order."
Neither has to ask or explain why Elissa would have an interest in Kirkwall. "I welcome the assistance, if you can think of anything."
The Warden ponders for a few moments. "In the morning, I think." She raises her glass in salute before downing the remaining liquid. Marian follows suit. "It's late and I've not had a good night's sleep in over a week. Damned hard to get used to a ship."
Standing, and stretching out her sore shoulders, Marian gives Elissa a warm smile. "You are more than welcome to spend the night if you'd like. I know the Keep is just around the corner but we've got plenty of spare beds and I would be honored if you'd join us. A house full of women is just what I need to terrify my manservant. He's not seen the full insanity of the Hawke family yet."
Elissa gives a low chuckle and nods her head. "It will be my pleasure, my new friend, to terrify your hired help."
-!-