Chapter Fourteen: Breathing Space

"You're coming to the wedding, no arguments."

"Thank you, that's so generous of you."

"What are friends for?" Billy smiled at me warmly.

I barely knew the guy and already I was going to his wedding. Were the people in Forks for real?

I'd been invited over for dinner at Charlie's house, having been forcibly removed from my own by Ness, when she'd discovered that I'd spent the day eating toast. After last night's talk with Daniel, the resulting lying awake thinking about him and the hangover from last night's drinking; I didn't have the energy to fix a proper meal. So here I was; with Billy, Charlie, Heather, Ness and Jake. On the basis of less than two hour's acquaintance, Jake's Dad had invited me to his and Maggie's wedding at the end of next month.

"Ness and I are going shopping for dresses next weekend, do you want to come?" Asked Heather.

"That would be great!" I exclaimed. It had been a long few weeks and I was starting to get cabin fever.

The relaxed atmosphere around the table was suddenly shattered by the sound of breaking glass and the screech of tyres as they pulled away. Charlie, Ness and Jake were up and out like greased lighting and I had a horrible feeling that I knew where the broken glass would be.

"It's your kitchen window." Charlie came back and confirmed my fears. He came with me as we went into my house and discovered a rock on the floor of my kitchen. There was a note wrapped around it. Of course there would be a note wrapped around it. Charlie picked it up, pulled off the string and opened up the paper. He showed it to me.

This is where you start running.

There was a knock on the door.

"Can we come in?" It was Ness and Jake.

"One moment!" I called; motioning to Charlie to hide the paper. They came in to the kitchen. Charlie was stood there with the rock in his hand.

"They threw a rock through your window?" Ness was appalled. "What the hell's going on?"

"I really don't know." I replied.

"Jake, I thought you'd sorted things out on the Reservation?" Ness added sternly.

"I thought I had. Obviously not."

I didn't want to contradict them, but this wasn't anything to do with Korvin Silversmith, but those who were out to stop Daniel and I getting together. Where was my shield? Where was my protection? I needed to call Daniel as a matter of urgency. I was beginning to lose patience with this.

I called later, but I couldn't raise him. I tried several times and each time his phone diverted straight to his answering service. There was no message, just a tone. I eventually gave up and left a brief, terse message asking him to call me. I looked at the boarded-up window that Jake and Charlie had fixed, the glazier was booked for tomorrow. In the meantime, the episode brought me yet more uncertainty about Daniel.

"This is where you start running." I said out loud, to no one in particular. "Running where, and how?" I continued, looking down at the cast on my leg. It was itchy, a good sign, but driving me to distraction. Just a couple more weeks and I could get the wretched thing off. I was anxious to get back to my students, yearning for a bit of normality if truth be told. I was changing and the person I'd been at the start of the school year was being ever so subtly altered. My life in September was very black and white, clear and ordered. Now I had a brain like marshmallow and I was beginning to resemble one of those women who allowed men to mess up their lives and did nothing about it, bleating that they 'loved him'. Holding on to Scott for so long was sheer laziness on my part, but this was in a different league. Where was my sense of reason? Where was my gut reaction to flee from this guy who'd come into my life with his spectrum of grey? And why was I putting up with this crap?

Away from Daniel I could think clearly. When he wasn't around I saw things as they truly were – shadowy, increasingly dangerous and not at all what I wanted my life to be. When he was around, his intoxicating beauty messed with my head and I couldn't think straight. But here was the great irony: Despite him being the source of the danger, when he was around it didn't seem so great. I felt protected, safe at the eye of a storm, even though he'd never protected me in the way I'd hoped he might – by folding me into his arms and holding me close. He was incapable of doing that, he said. He was also incapable of returning a call and as the night slowly wound its way to midnight, I gave up waiting for him and took myself off to bed.

Another Monday came around and the day didn't start well when I badly overslept and ended up being woken by the guys who'd come to replace the broken glass. The rude awakening left me snappy and on the back foot for the rest of the day. There was still no reply from Daniel and my head alternated, between wondering sadly if he'd gone for good and being livid with him for leaving me unprotected - yet again. I thought about his comment that being with him over the other side of this line, would be more dangerous but safer, because he'd be able to protect me properly. I was beginning to think that either way, a hand gun and some target practice was looking a very good idea.

When the glaziers had gone, I settled down to prepare next week's classes to send in. There was knock on the door. I was certain I knew who this would be and it was: Daniel. He stood there looking like he'd been hewn from marble. By then I was in pissed off mode and left him standing on the porch. I leaned against the door jamb and didn't let him in.

"I owe you an apology." He said in a voice dripping with seductive qualities. I said nothing and didn't meet his eye; knowing full well what would happen if I did. "I'm sorry." He continued. I still didn't reply. "I was in Canada."

"They don't have phones in Canada?" I snapped.

"There was no service where I was."

"They don't have landlines?"

"Not in the forests of British Columbia. I picked up your message early this morning and came straight back. I heard what happened."

"I thought I was protected."

"It… didn't work. Can I come in? Please?"

I shook my head.

"Do you want me to go?"

"Yes."

"Just for now? Or forever?"

I thought about it. "A couple of weeks. Give me three. I need time to decide whether I can go on with this." I still hadn't looked him in the eye; knowing that this was the best chance I had of being resolute. I added one further thing. "And take the shield thing away."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Yes. It's doing more harm than good."

"I-I don't understand…"

"I want to feel safe." I snapped. "This… thing, this shield it's not shielding me at all - well, not what I'd call shielding. It just makes me feel even more uneasy about a situation that is frankly, starting to freak me out!" My voice left him in no doubt that I was angry with him.

"That's understandable." He said quietly.

"Can you make it stop?"

"I'm doing my very best to make it stop." He ran his hand through his hair, a sign I now knew, that he was stressed. Silence descended between us for an awkward minute. "Can I call you in three weeks' time?" His voice was quiet and sad, laced with emotion that I could almost touch. It made all this so very hard; but it was necessary. My breath caught as my heart declared war on my head, angry with it for taking away its drug of choice. But on this, sense prevailed and I would not be swayed. I had to get clarity. I nodded a yes, unsure now if I could get any words out. "If you need me just call; anytime." He added. I still refused to meet his eye and only bobbed my head in acknowledgement. He turned, walked off my porch and down the street away from me. My heart wanted to run after him; but reason won out. His was a dangerous world and I needed breathing space and the opportunity to get back to work and normality.

It was Saturday and busy in the department store. Ness and I had to stand in line for the changing cubicles to try our dresses on. Heather wasn't with us, having been called away at the last minute by the sudden death of one of her congregation members. Ness and I had come to Port Angeles anyway and I was enjoying being out for a while and Ness was good company. I was getting to know her better now she was a neighbour. She looked out for me and stopped by every day, amusingly rolling her eyes at Mike's assertion that he had it all under control.

"You bought her white bread," she remonstrated with him. "She doesn't eat white bread, she eats whole wheat."

"You do?" Mike looked at me with disappointment.

I smiled ruefully. "It's OK, I'll live."

"You should've told me."

"You should've looked at the wrapper." She mumbled. "So are you cleaning the bathroom, Mr Newton?"

"Nobody needs to clean my bathroom!" I was not an invalid but the pair of them seemed to treat me as such.

"Yeah, I'll clean it," asserted Mike. He seemed stung by Ness's comment that he hadn't been observant enough to know which brand of bread I preferred.

"Good! Well, I'll leave you to it." Ness said goodbye and skipped out of the house. A minute later I heard her car roar off down the road. Did that girl ever drive slowly?

The answer to that was no. We'd made Port Angeles in record time and I didn't think the speedometer had dipped much below one hundred the whole way there. For a girl who lived with the Police Chief, she seemed remarkably brazen about breaking the law.

"Don't you worry about getting caught?"

"No." She said, seamlessly overtaking a group of five cars ahead of us. Even at this speed she drove calmly and instinctively; almost as if she and the car were one.

"What about Charlie?"

"He can't catch me." She grinned.

"He could be lying in wait ahead."

"No chance, he's lying on the sofa watching ESPN."

"Todd? Ryan?"

She laughed. "I'd like to see them try."

"You don't have any respect for the law?"

She looked at me, her dazzling smile now decidedly impish. "I know everything and I'm immortal, why would I bother with the law?" And as if to prove a point she drove faster.

"Typical teen." I laughed and hoped like hell we didn't get caught. This would take some explaining.

But we didn't and here we were, choosing dresses for the wedding. Ness was also taking in a selection of underwear to try on.

"I miss Jess; I never get to do this kind of stuff anymore."

I chuckled. "Jake doesn't want to help you pick out underwear?"

"Oh he would, but… I don't know…" she shrugged. "Choosing underwear isn't the sort of thing you can do with your guy or your parents for that matter." I agreed with that. "There are some people you just don't want to be with when you're doing this. It's awkward."

"Hello Stephanie."

A familiar voice startled me and I looked behind Ness and saw Anthony; with Marie by his side.

"Oh hi!" And that was pretty much all I could get out. I hadn't seen Anthony and Marie in daylight before and the pair of them were stunning to look at, as stunning as Daniel was. I couldn't quite believe how beautiful everyone was around here. Was the Pacific Northwest home to a super race of humans?

"Going somewhere special?" He indicated to the dresses I was holding.

"Yes, a friend's wedding. Well, I say friend, I don't really know them that well they just invited me." I laughed, struck by the thought that I was a wedding crasher.

"I like the rose-coloured one." Said Marie, she pulled out the skirt of the dress. She turned her head to Ness who was stood beside her and who was not being remotely Ness-like. The chatterbox was silent and pink-cheeked, as if caught doing something she shouldn't. "Hello." Marie said to her. "Are you a friend of Stephanie's?"

The tiniest squeak and a nod came out of Ness. Her eyes were as wide as saucers as they flicked back and forth between Marie and Anthony. It was so unlike Ness to remain stuck for words.

Perhaps an introduction might help. "This is Anthony and Marie." I said. "They attended the Astronomy classes I took earlier this year."

"Pleased to meet you." Marie continued.

It was still a moment before Ness found her voice. "And you." She finally managed. She was definitely uncomfortable.

"I think we may have met before, yes?" Anthony asked her. "At the Shed?"

Ness seemed to snap out of her trance-like state. "That's it! That's where I know you from, I couldn't place you. So are you guys OK?"

"Yes, thank you." Anthony was always so very formal and polite. He didn't speak like other eighteen year olds did and seemed far older than his years. I thought perhaps his parents must have had him later in life. "You're buying a dress for the wedding too?"

"Yes." There was an odd smirk on Ness's face.

"And other things, I see." There was one on Anthony's too.

"Well, I'll need something under it."

"Black will show under pale blue."

Marie laughed at him. "Since when did you have an opinion on ladies' underwear?"

"I'm just pointing out the practicalities." He grinned.

Marie hugged him and as I glanced at Ness I noticed that her cheeks were almost scarlet. Did she have a thing for him? He was a good looking guy when all was said and done. Perhaps there had been someone after all; he just hadn't been someone from Forks High School. She definitely looked like someone who'd come face to face with an embarrassing bit of her past.

"You know them from The Shed?" I asked when Anthony and Marie had gone and we were still in line for the changing cubicles.

"Not really, just a couple of times when the band have been there. I don't go all that often now that Jess isn't around."

"I couldn't help noticing your reaction to Anthony. Did you and him have a thing?"

Ness's eyes bugged and she looked decidedly repulsed. "Er, no!" She asserted. "Absolutely not in a million years. Never! Just, like, don't go there!"

Protesting too much, that was classic covering up. She did have a thing for him and perhaps Marie got there first, or had takenher place.

I grinned at her and sought to tease it out of her. "He's a good looking guy, they make a lovely couple."

"They're very much in love." She said. There was no hint of malice or yearning for what could've been.

"They're young, they'll get over it." I smiled.

"I've got a feeling they won't. They'll be the kind of people who'll be all over each other like a rash when they're thousands of years old."

"What's thousands of years old to someone like you? Forty? Fifty?"

"I was thinking more…" she appraised me. "Twenty seven?" She grinned and my mouth dropped open in mock horror.

My dress was chosen. Ness discarded her selection but decided to buy the underwear. We got lunch and stopped by the little coffee place around the corner from where I used to live, the place where I'd met Daniel. I couldn't help glancing over to the sofa in the corner where we'd sat that morning and I'd fallen asleep next to him. Did I dare admit to myself that I missed him? That I'd spend the entire time today, scanning the crowd for a glimpse of him like I'd had in Seattle? But he wasn't here and I had told him to keep out of my life for three weeks. He was only doing what I'd asked him to do.

The week had been quiet: No drama, no notes and no nocturnal visitors. Even Lyra had calmed down and had ventured back onto my knee for the first time in ages. She jumped up and did it now. I reclined on the sofa, periodically sticking a knitting needle down my cast to scratch the itch. I was so glad that this week it was coming off and I could return to work. I was desperate for normality and desperate to have my home back without people coming in to help me with things. I'd really appreciated Heather and Mike and Ness, but after a while I'd just wanted to yell at them and tell them to go.

I stared at the wall in silence and my head made its own entertainment by picking out an image of Daniel, giving me a look that I knew would reduce me to putty in his hands if he were here. The price of Daniel staying away was peace. The price of him being part of my life was pressure. What would be the price for me being part of his life? As much as I missed him, I relished this peace and normality.

Ten days later and with the aid of a stick to keep some of the weight off my ankle, I stood in front of a class again for the first time in seven weeks. It was like the first day of the school year all over again and teaching skills lain unused for a while took a few tough turns to get back working as they used to. But I was supremely prepared, picking up precisely where I needed to thanks to the diligence of substitutes. It was good to be back and in the staff room Mr Greene had laid on a celebratory welcome back lunch for me and everyone else. Mike attached himself to me like a limpet and it seemed right to tell people how much of a help he'd been while I'd been laid up. I was still playing this charade of a relationship game with Mike, even with Daniel out of the picture.

With Mike away getting some food, Bex made a beeline for me. "Finally!" She said, "I thought he'd never go. So? How are things with you and him? Do I need to start looking for a hat?"

"No, it's still early days."

"Stephanie it's been five months." She looked uncomfortable. "Look, I wouldn't usually ask this, it's a person's private business, but is the reason you're not sleeping with him to do with a faith issue?"

"What? No!" I hissed. I was shocked. "Bex! We're in school!" And then I was suddenly curious. "Has he said something?"

"He mentioned it to Todd the other night in the bar. Said you two hadn't spent the night together yet. I wondered if you were a Christian or something? One of Heather's crowd?"

"Do I look like one of Heather's crowd?"

"You hang around with her a lot."

"She's the girlfriend of my next door neighbour, I see her a lot. I like her. But no, it's nothing to do with that."

"You don't like him enough?"

I pulled a face, unsure exactly what to say or if to say anything, seeing as it was incredibly personal. This was absolutely not the place, but it was so typically Bex, she had no idea of whether a conversation was appropriate for inside or outside work. "It's complicated." I said, finally. "But essentially I need a break after Scott. I wasn't intending to be in a relationship with any guy this year. Mike was unexpected; but I still need a little distance."

"Scott mistreated you?"

"No, but I was with him a long time. I'm sure if Mike likes me enough, he'll wait." Having dropped the equivalent of a thousand tons of dynamite on my equanimity; Bex, eyeing Mike returning, promptly disappeared again. But not before I realised that where Daniel's life intersected with mine the lies began and that made me uncomfortable. It wasn't just danger I would be getting with Daniel, but a whole lot of other insidious things that would become part of my life.

I made a special effort to be attentive to Mike, I felt completely shamed about the way I'd treated him. I didn't dislike Mike at all; he was lovely and if there wasn't the spectre of Daniel looming large in the shadows, I'm sure by now he'd be in my bed every night. But something held me back and that something was six foot four of blond assassin who called me exactly three weeks after we'd last spoken. I'd had time to think about him and had made my decision.

Life without Daniel was very peaceful. My days were ordered, well organised and crushingly boring. Dan Taylor had been right. When you've had wonderful, you can't ever go back to nothing special. He may bring with him the entire forces of darkness, but I'd never met a man who'd had such an effect on me; who'd made me feel aroused, from simply lying next to him in a bed and not even touching me! He was addictive; the worst kind of narcotic and the desire in me had spent every moment apart from him prowling like a wild animal looking for her next meal.

We talked for a few minutes on the phone and I invited him over. As he walked over my threshold, the time we'd spent apart had brought back those fears of him again, this sense of him being 'other-worldly'. To look at him afresh made me realise how porcelain-perfect his skin was. There wasn't a blemish, a mark or a line on it. He was so utterly beautiful to look at. His scent was every bit as overwhelming and a hit of it was like the biggest dose of a drug. His voice too felt like listening to melted chocolate and he made every animal instinct in me come alive. If I could have done, I would've growled at him.

Did he see that in me? He certainly saw something that made him uncomfortable. He walked into the living room and pushed up the window a little. I tried to calm myself, but it was no use, adrenaline and arousal were a heady combination. But I needed to say something to him before I lost it completely.

"I want to get to the line. How do I put the pieces of the puzzle together?" My heart was still going like a train. I wanted him so much!

He looked at me. "Think about it logically. What do you know? What do you think? What do you sense? Put it all together and I'll see if I can help you with the final couple of pieces." I was mesmerised by his mouth and I was fighting back the overwhelming urge to run over and kiss him. He seemed to be aware of the spell he held me under and a mischievous grin spread over his face, sending fresh waves of indecent thoughts through my head.

Desire shoved reason aside and made me declare where I stood. "I want to be with you." I stated. His face was an instant mask of concern.

"You don't know what you're asking. Don't say that until you know, really know what you're wanting to be a part of."

"Why can't you just tell me?" He looked at me with a pained expression. I knew that he'd tell me in a heartbeat, but at the same time I knew why he couldn't. "It's too much to take in all in one go, isn't it?" I said gently.

He nodded. "If I tell all of it now, there will never be a time when you won't know. If you put it together piece by piece then you can stop if it gets too much. Also, if I tell you everything and you decide not to cross the line then that leaves you at the mercy of people I would rather you didn't meet."

"I would know too much?"

"Yes."

"I'll still work it out." I grinned.

His face was sad. "I'll prepare for the running and screaming then." He sighed. "I'd better go."

"You're always leaving just as I start to make progress. Please don't go!" I pressed.

"I'll stop by tomorrow."

"You can't. I'm going to Billy and Maggie's wedding."

"Sunday?"

"OK."

We said our goodbyes and he left. As the evening wore on I added to the notes I'd written before. I tried to look for patterns or for clues but nothing was making any sense. I was also thinking about what to say to Mike. I had to end it before it had really begun. I'd decided on Daniel and now, more than ever I wanted emotional clarity.

As I headed to bed my phone rang. It was Daniel.

"I have to go to San Francisco. Madison's in the hospital."

"Do they know what it is?"

"They suspect meningitis. Look I'll call you when I know more, I could be away for a little while."

"Of course." I knew how serious this could be.

"I'll call you when I can." He hung up and I went bed imagining him driving through the night to get to his little girl. I knew that staying away wouldn't be an option for him; he loved her too much to be anywhere other than as close as he could get to her bedside right now.