Hello everyone!
The next chapter is up! I do hope that you all enjoy it. Keep in mind, I am taking liberties regarding the financial state of I.M.P.. Most companies fail within their first three years, and even the most dedicated people will fall under due to multiple reasons. To open a place in Hell just adds to the complexity.
With that out of the way, onto the story!
Chapter 3: Paper Trails
"Everyone, meet our new employee!" Moxie spat out his water, craning his neck over to the entrance of the office.
"Our fucking what now?"
Blitzø shoved forward the white haired sinner, who was still confused as to what in the goddamn was going on. "Everyone, meet Neck Orgy! The newest member of I.M.P.!"
Millie jumped up from her seat in excitement, stars in her eyes. "Oh wow! A new guy!" She darted forward, grabbing at her husband's hand as she did so and dragging him along. She slid to a halt in front of the sinner, who took a step back from the abrupt greeting. "Nice to meet ya, Neck Orgy! My name is Millie, and this handsome man beside me is my husband, Moxxie!"
The sinner opened their mouth, as though to say something, but the room was met with silence. A sour look took his features, then he extended a hand forward.
Millie took it up with gusto, the sinner cringing in pain at the strength of the handshake. "Not much of a talker, huh? I can respect that!" Millie flashed a bright smile to the bewildered looking sinner.
"Sir. No disrespect to… Neck Orgy here, but why the sudden hiring? I thought that-'' Blitzø shoved his hand over Moxxie's face.
"Because this charming sinner here is gonna fix all our problems." Blitzø patted the sinner's back. "And his duties start right now! When I get back, team meeting on how we're getting our parking spot back and beating that bitch Verosika!" Before anyone could object, Blitzø dragged the new hire into his office, slamming the door shut behind them. Loona continued to look down at her phone, uncaring of the situation in its entirety.
Moxxie looked at his wife. "Should we be concerned?"
"I'm sure everything will be fine." Millie patted Moxxie's head, walking towards the table for the coming meeting.
Moxxie wasn't so sure.
A pair of hands pressed him downwards, forcing him to sit in the chair placed at the head of a coffee table.
"Now here's all the papers I need you to work on. If you want any of the tax stamps and payroll papers, they are in that pile to the right. Any questions?"
". . ."
"Great! See you once I'm done with my demon fight against that bitch. The fridge is right there, help yourself to Moxxie's lunch if you'd like! I'll be in the boardroom, so holler if you need me!" The imp then sped off, darting around the corner and leaving behind the bewildered sinner to his own vices.
It took a few moments, but Leon finally came back down to hell. He shook his head to clear away the fog, taking in his new surroundings and assessing the situation. His mind was finally starting to catch up, as to what in the hell was going on.
Leon looked down at the collection of crumpled up, coffee-stained, and torn documents before him. Random assortments of receipts, loan payments, and income tax forms were littered on every part of the breakroom table.
He had been pulled every which way for the past ten minutes. One second, he was in that room with the glittery lust slut, then he was against a wall, sans his speaker. He was in a hallway, then in a stairway, before finally being dragged through the entirety of some other fucking office space.
His non-consensual boss dragged him off to grab papers before placing (forcing, definitely forcing) him here, in the middle of a dingy office breakroom.
And now he was surrounded by a mishmash of unfiled paperwork, his ankle clasped in a metal chain, and attached to the wall like a prisoner.
'As an 'insurance', of course, crazy fucking limp dick imp.' Leon grumbled to himself as he pulled the chain, assessing the strength. He felt around for his bat. To his disappointment, he felt no familiar weight or metal barbs hiding within his jacket, the item in question more than likely somewhere else.
"He gave me a few pens at least…. maybe I can…."
"Come on, dammit….. shit…..Welp, that didn't work." He collected up the broken pieces of pen and sighed.
"Alright, shut your assholes, here's how we're gonna do this shit!" Leon shifted in his seat, listening in on the other room.
'Murder time…. Portals? Sharks and Geese?' Leon's eyes widened. 'Humans?!... these imps…. they… what did the boss imp say this company was called again? IMPS? IMP?' The conversation continued, Leon moving out of his chair and going to the end of his chain, moving his body as close to the boardroom as he could from within his new prison cell.
'So… they blend in with humans…. okay, only one of them can blend in with humans from what it sounds like…. but they also seem to kill people for clients.' Leon's eyes widened. 'That's right! I.M.P.! Immediate Murder something! Professionals! Immediate Murder Professionals. That's what it was!' The sinner felt panic stir within him, the weight of what was going on settling in his stomach.
Leon got fucking hired by a bounty hunting company?! Forcibly hired, he might add!
Bounty hunters who deal with the living world?!
How the fuck did a bunch of imps get access to the human world!?
Too many damn questions, and not enough answers!
"Hey, Neck Orgy!" Leon stumbled back, pressing himself to the table as documents shifted around on top of it. "We're gonna go get some clients and kick that bitch's ass right now! We'll be back later! Clap your hands if you heard all that!"
"Can he…. not talk?" Another, squeakier voice asked.
"Not right now, at least. Hey, Throat Fetish, did you hear me?" Leon looked to the hallway where the voices emanated, stumbling over himself as he clapped his hands together.
"Great! See you once we get back!" Leon listened as the footsteps seemed to trot their way out of the boardroom, walking to where he remembered the front exit/entrance was. A few moments later, the door opened, shutting behind the collection of murderers.
Leon gulped. 'I gotta get the fuck outta here.'
While Moxxie, Millie, Blitzø, and Loona got to work on their demon duel with Verosika Mayday, a lone sinner was hard at work trying to break out of the seventh floor office space.
He used everything he could get his hands on to try and escape. Kitchen utensils, chairs, pen pieces, his jacket (now ripped up even more than before), and the wall itself.
To his continued dismay, nothing was working. The pike fastened to the wall refused to budge, and the length of chain around his ankle was clasped pretty sternly. He thought about cutting his foot off to escape, but then he would be left to run on one foot, and he would have no left foot for the rest of his afterlife! Fuck that!
Leon dug his hands through the cabinets and drawers of the breakroom, finding mainly plasticware, some horse themed plates, mugs that all said 'Best Mom Dad Ever' or something akin, and phone chargers.
Then he found something useful: A wrench.
He continued digging, finding luck strike him again when he came across a throwing knife of sorts.
'Yes!' Leon felt a smile worm its way onto his face. Kneeling down to his ankle, he positioned the knife up against one of the links, shoving it down until as much body of the blade was fastened inside. Taking the wrench, he took the head and arched it against the flat of the blade.
With a crank, he pulled his arm back. The head of the wrench pressed against the extra metal of the knife, the fatter part of the wrench head digging its way into the body of the chain link.
Leon's first attempt failed, to his frustration. Looking around again, he managed to find a magazine clip to a pistol, sans the ammo. Fortunately, the magazine fit within the link. With a second attempt, he pushed with all his strength, the frame of the magazine bending around the wrench. Stabbing the knife into the link as well for more backing, he pushed even harder, his hands shaking with anticipation and fear.
Snap*
Euphoria swelled in Leon's red eyes, noting a crack in the link. Taking the wrench, he bashed against the crack several times, and was rewarded with the link cracking all the way through!
With a solid kick in the air, the link split in half, leaving his ankle still bound up, but no longer attached to the wall.
'Yes!' Leon jumped up and down several times with glee, throwing the wrench and escape tools at the break table in victory. The action sent papers scattering every which way, dozens of documents falling all over each other.
Composing himself, Leon turned towards the exit.
'Now to get the fuck out of…. here.' Leon stopped, his vision catching it from the corner of his eye.
[Overdue Payment]
[Notice of Refinance]
[Loan Payment Overdue]
[Previous Filing: Incomplete]
[Failure to Comply]
His red eyes glossed over the documents littered across the floor. Crimson stamps and bank statements, ever-present on many of the sheets. Information crossed out, and details scribbled on many of the papers.
Kicking the chain away from his foot, Leon picked up some of the papers, reading them over. He immediately noted the name detailed as the owner of the company. Blitzø, the name of the imp who 'hired' him.
Leon had not heard of many imp business owners. Even in Imp City, the many he came across hired imps, but maybe only one of two out of the dozens he saw were run by imps. Even then, they were only managers and assistants, not the CEO.
The fact that this imp, Blitzø, owned this place was pretty telling of his dedication. Leon flipped through the papers, a frown marring his features as he flicked from document to document. His more actuary oriented mind started to tear apart the paperwork, noting every flaw in place.
Even though Blitzø owned the place, he didn't seem to have much experience with the tax codes, nor of how to use deductibles. He noted a lot of holes in the information present, or blatantly false numbers in certain sections. Little drawings danced across the paper as well, more than likely drawn out of boredom for the paperwork.
If these were ever turned in, they would be torn apart figuratively and literally.
Leon shook his head. The small stack in his hand would probably take all day to fix, granted he was allowed to start over. He would have to copy over the information onto new papers, then have access to the actual numbers and dataslates required for said papers. It would require him to pull up his account and get access to….
Wait… shouldn't he try and escape right now?! Why was he worried about a bunch of murderer's tax papers?!
Leon moved to place the papers on the table, taking in a deep breath and exhaling. 'It doesn't concern me. It does not concern me.' He told himself, his hand hovering over the table. He couldn't help but look at the piles of papers all over the table still, dozens on the floor and many of them ill-suited for filing. A story was building up in his mind, and it didn't look good for the company of imps. A company, seemingly less than a year old, and possibly ready to keel over by the end of the next season. He grit his teeth.
'They tried to kidnap you, not hire you.'
"Everyone, meet our new employee!"
'These people are murderers. It doesn't matter if the company fails and they get screwed.'
"Nice to meet ya, Neck Orgy! My name is Millie, and this handsome man beside me is my husband, Moxxie!"
'Why should I care if they fall under and fail without me?'
"Because this charming sinner here is gonna fix all our problems."
Leon's hand shook as it hovered over the table. His grip on the papers tightened. An inaudible growl shook in his throat, his mind at odds with itself.
Eventually, the fight ended within, Leon sighing softly. He placed the papers down on the table, backing away from it all.
Then he picked up the papers on the floor, and began to organize them by what to file first and which ones corresponded to one another. He placed them down on the table, prepping to start what could be an all day expenditure.
Maybe…. Just maybe, he was desperate enough for a job.
Blitzø slid his van back into it's designated parking space with ease, a cheshire smile firm upon his face as he stepped out of the vehicle. Following behind him was a depressed looking Loona and a smiling Millie, who was holding her drunk as shit husband. Moxxie pressed up against his wife, practically purring in the embrace. Blitzø rolled his eyes, locking up the van with a click of a button.
The day could not have gone any better. While there were a few hiccups regarding Loona's new...attraction, and the giant fish monster, nothing of major consequence happened for the day. Blitzø would have to contact the clients whose kills weren't completed yet and let them know about the kills needing to be done on a later date.
That was fine though. Sure, those kills would pay less, due to the discount, but at least they would be busy for a while. Blitzø felt his back pocket, a nice wad of bills and checks pressed inside of his wallet.
This would hold I.M.P. over for a while.
The imps plus hellhound all made their way up to the seventh floor. Exiting the elevator, Blitzø waltzed up to the door, unlocking the entrance with gusto and flicking the door open.
"We're back, bitches!"
"There's nobody here, sssssir."
"Au contraire, my smooth-brained drunk."
"*Burp*"
"Oh, Moxxie." Millie hugged her inebriated husband against herself, who squealed in delight at the contact. Loona rolled her eyes in disgust, walking towards her desk while looking at her phone.
"Hey Neck Orgy! We're back!" Blitzø sprung for the breakroom, bounding around the corner. "I hope you got through all those papers, otherwise I'll be- oh, shit!"
"What it is, Blitzø?" Millie rushed down the hall after her boss, making her way to the breakroom. "Is there something wrong with the new guy?" Millie turned the corner.
She was met with the sight of a cleared off breakroom table, an assortment of tools and weapon pieces on the floor, and a length of chain affixed to the wall. Blitzø held the end of the chain with a mild look of irritation on his face.
"The motherfucker is gone! Even after I told him he could eat Moxxie's food, the nerve!"
"Wwwwhat about my foot?" Millie placed a hand over her husband's mouth, looking around at the situation. She noted the chain link, as well as a busted on on the floor surrounded by the tool pieces. Putting two and two together, she gave her boss a look.
"Blitzø, sweety, did you chain him up like a slave in here?"
"Well... I didn't want him to go poking his nose through the whole office. I have plenty of research material that is important to me, after all!" Blitzø crossed his arms over his chest. Millie shook her head in exasperation.
"Blitzø, you can't just chain up demons. He probably made a run for it because he thought you were going to turn him into unpaid labor."
"Hey! I would have paid him... eventually!" Blitzø huffed, reaching his hand into his jacket. Pulling out a square little speaker with an adjacent audio cord, he glared at the offending object. "Welp, guess I stole this off of Verosika for nothing." He lifted his hand into the air, ready to see how many pieces it could explode into.
"Hey, Blitzø." Said imp froze, hearing the voice of his precious daughter in the other room. "Don't know if you care, but I can hear someone in the meeting room." Blitzø looked at Millie. Millie looked at Blitzø. Moxxie looked at the ceiling.
The trio made their way to the meeting room in haste. Blitzø grabbed the handle, twisting it and bringing open the door. To their bewilderment, was behind it was something not entirely expected.
Paper... everywhere.
Papers were laid out all over the long table, layered over one another. Print paper were covered in numbers and different small graphs, scribbles and etched out data overlapping one another.
Documents were arranged against the whiteboard, the previous stuff completely erased, and instead showcasing large scale dataslates and histographs.
Pens and markers were scattered throughout the room, only adding to the pandemonium that seemed to have occur in the room.
And in the middle of it all was a white haired sinner, holding a takeaway box with the name 'Moxxie' on it, fork in his other hand.
"Hey! Thassss my food!"
The sinner shrugged his shoulders.
"...Eh, okieee. Fair e'nuff." Moxxie slumped his head backwards off of his wife, who adjusted her grip to keep a hold on the slippery imp.
"What in the tits do you think you're doing!?" Blitzø stomped forward, gaze firm on the new employee. "You think you can just take over this place while we're gone? Not only that, but you erased all of my HORSE NAMES, and my DRAWINGS!"
Said employee put down the food, instead picking up a paper handing it to the imp. Blitzø looked down at the paper, his eyes immediately catching the top of the page.
[Horse Names From the Board (For Some Reason)]
Blitzø looked over the page, growling before tucking the paper into his jacket for safe keeping. "You better have a good reason for why you pulled a stunt like this. I can't kill sinners, but I can sure as hell try." Blitzø shoved the speaker into the sinner's chest, who looked down at the object with shock.
Then back up at Blitzø with apprehension and... gratitude?
Gross.
The white haired sinner took the small box and put it inside of his jacket, then grabbed the base of the audio jack and pressed it to his neck. With a click, the metal piece inserted into the socket, a crackling of noise now emanating from the speaker in the sinner's jacket.
"Thanks." Echoed out from the speaker, the rasp of the voice taking hold in the room.
"Oooo! So that's why you didn't talk before?!" Millie hugged her husband, getting excited over the discovery.
"Yeah. Sorry, but I can't talk without a speaker." The sinner offered. Millie flicked her wrist at the white haired demon.
"Nah, you're all good. Anyhow, I'm gonna go put Moxxie down for a nap."
"Goodnight everybody!" Moxxie said with a dopey expression on his face. Millie giggled at her husband. "Talk to you tomorrow, Neck Orgy."
"Leon."
"Pardon?"
"My name is Leon, not Neck Orgy or anything. And no last name." The static in his voice thickened a little bit at the end of the phrasing. "Take care, Millie, Moxxie." Millie smiled at Leon, nodding her head. She turned around, walking out of the room with her husband in hand.
"Bye, Lean-on... I'lllllllll, see you...laterrr." Leon waved as the duo left, a small smile coming to his lips.
The door slammed shut. "Alright, back on the topic at hand. Like, for example, what the fuck all this is." Blitzø walked around the room, gesturing with wide arms to the board and table.
Leon sighed. "You hired me today because you needed an accountant, right?"
"Yep, but I also didn't expect you to turn my meeting room into a paper Mache clusterfuck."
"I needed more space, because this." He gestured to the whole of the room. "This is the first step in the right direction." Leon walked over beside his new boss, pointing towards the whiteboard. "All of those documents listed are ones I need you to get. Don't fill them out, I'll do that. But I can't get them unless you request them from the Department of Hellish Tributes. You own I.M.P., not me." Leon pointed towards the table.
"Next is that stack there. Those are all your receipts for weapons, right? Try to collect and keep every 'business expense' receipt and transaction total you get. I can use those to deduct how much you will owe. Those ones are fine, but I'll need to photocopy the damaged or stained ones." He then gestured to the graphs on the board.
"Finally, these show your companies revenue generation by monthly average. I can composite data from it for your tax papers, but it'll require me to get a hold of all of the transaction statements and sales from your... murders." Leon looked to his boss, surprised to find his own eyeline was slightly above his.
"This is gonna take a long time to fix. This will require you to do some work too, and will be a pain in the ass until everything is broken down and rearranged properly. I have no fucking idea what kind of ship you sail here, nor how the hell you captain it." Blitzø stared back, seeming to take in the statements as best he can.
"But, you won't have to do it yourself now. Leave most of it to me. Just get me the tools I need, and I'm pretty sure I can save this company a ton of money." Leon offered with a smirk.
Blitzø crossed his arms over his chest. "Oh, nice sales pitch, bitch. Now, here comes the part where you make your demands." He gestured his arms towards Leon with the standard 'lay it on me'. "Make it quick, but if any of them involve screwing me, you can kiss your little ass goodbye." Blitzø leveled a glare at the sinner. "And I mean in either way, too! Though, based on your words to Verosika, you seem like a prude."
Leon huffed, shaking his head. To think he was worried that this imp would try to kill him for the slightest infraction earlier. "I'm not going to grab you by the balls or anything. I just want a fair paycheck."
"Eh, Deal. But only if it's my definition of fair."
"No more chains or restraints."
"Okay, but you're paying me back for that chain you broke."
"You will agree never to take away my speaker."
"Ugh, fine. But if you start rambling like a nerd, I'm sticking a hotdog in your neck."
"And... after all this shit is over, and your taxes and payments are filed, you will allow me to maintain a job here."
"...Alright, but you better be useful for something. I'm not gonna pay someone to sit around on their ass and look pretty."
In the receptionist room, Loona let out a sneeze, growling in irritation as she pushed her hair out of her eyes to continue texting.
Leon nodded his head, extending a hand out to his boss.
Blitzø smirked, taking it up and giving it a good shake.
"Welcome to I.M.P., Neck Orgy."
"It's Leon."
"Whatever."
End Chapter
Leon is officially hired! I suppose it only takes a good sales pitch and threatening to brain ones ex in order to land a job somewhere. If you like the story, please follow and review. I plan on making continual posts for this story. Not a locked schedule, mainly when chapters flow the best.
With that out of the way, until next time, see ya!