A/N: I was hoping to have this chapter up yesterday, but I got sick. I had almost the whole thing done and then I had to scrap it and start all over b/c in my Nyquil induced haze I hadn't realized that it was crap. But I wrote this 2nd version while still under the influence, so if it's crap too we'll just continue to blame it on the Nyquil (-:

Thanks again to all who are reading and another thanks to those who have reviewed. As I mentioned at the end of the last chapter, this one will have a flashback to help explain where Renesmee is coming from and why she showed up in Forks again. The flashback will be in her POV instead of third person. Enjoy!

Renesmee went around the kitchen of the old white house trying to get everything in order. She knew it wouldn't be long before Jake would arrive and she wanted things to go smoothly. After leaving the shop earlier that afternoon, she had stopped by the market. Remembering that Jake had mentioned pizza being one of his favorite foods, she decided to pick up all of the necessary items to make it from scratch. The only thing he hadn't mentioned was what he liked on his pizza, so Renesmee had picked up every meat topping she could think of; all Jake would have to do when he got there was add what he liked before she put it in the oven to finish cooking.

In the back of her mind, a little nagging voice was whispering that things may not go as she was hoping, that she might have misread things and that Jake might not be feeling the same as she was. But it was just self-doubt and self-consciousness trying to cloud her better sense and overshadow everything she felt pass between them whenever she looked at Jacob. She ignored the voice and instead chose to focus on her reasons for coming back to Forks and the conversation she had had that caused her to make one of the biggest decisions she had ever made; one that would undoubtedly change the entire course of her life.

…..

I couldn't get him out of my head, it had been 4 days since I'd last seen him and I still couldn't stop thinking about him. I knew I needed some advice so I called the only person I felt I could be totally honest with, my Aunt Rosalie.

She was sitting across from me now, in the dimly lit bar we'd decided to meet at, sipping from the vodka soda she had ordered. It had been a few minutes but I still hadn't said anything, I needed to start talking, but I wasn't sure I knew where to begin. I sighed and picked up my wine, figuring it would help loosen me up a bit.

I watched as Rose eyed me, I knew she was wondering why I'd asked her to meet me, but I also knew she'd let me have the time I needed to gather my thoughts and speak when I was ready.

Rose smiled at me and I took a moment to admire her; at 46 she was still as breathtakingly beautiful as she had been in her twenties. Her long blond hair was pulled back into an elegant French braid and her blue eyes sparkled, highlighted by a pale pink shimmery shadow.

She had met my Uncle Emmett when I was three. I was too young to remember, but growing up I had been told the story on numerous occasions of how my heroic uncle had rescued Rose from being harassed by a group of strange men while walking home one night. He had been walking as well and had heard the cries coming from behind a rundown building off the main road and he just couldn't ignore it. Although I'm sure nothing about the situation was funny at the time, over the years the story has become quite comical as the size of the men and number have increased; currently I believe there were around 12 guys, all over 7 feet tall and weighing roughly 300 pounds. After Emmett single handedly fought off the men, he took Rose back to his place, which was just a couple blocks away, to fix her up. They were inseparable after that, and three months later they eloped in Vegas. Rose had played a major role in my life from that point forward. They were never able to have children of their own and I always felt that having me made up for that fact to my aunt; although as the years passed she treated me more as a younger sister then a daughter. It was because of that that I'd called her today.

I took a few more sips from my glass of wine and then set it down; I was finally ready to start talking. "So, I guess you're wondering why I asked you to meet me."

Rose kept quiet, waiting for me to continue before offering any input. "I went away last weekend. Michael and I…" And then I stopped, because that wasn't right, it wasn't Michael, it was me. "No, not Michael, just me. I've been having second thoughts."

There, I'd said it, it was out…but Rose looked confused. "Second thoughts about what? And where did you go?" she asked.

I took a deep breath and then finished off the wine in my glass, needing a bit more liquid courage to continue. "I went to Forks." I started with the where thinking that would be easiest to explain. "I went by myself and instead of telling Michael where I was going, I told him I'd be at a Spa in Tacoma."

Rosalie sat up a little straighter and eyed me before asking, "Why'd you lie to him?"

"I don't know," I said, because I didn't know, I had no reason to lie, nothing to hide at the time, but I had a reason to keep it from him now, and that's what I needed to get to. "I honestly don't Rose. But something happened while I was there."

She narrowed her gaze and asked, "What did you do?" I could hear the accusation in her voice.

"I didn't do anything," I started; I had to make sure she believed that nothing had happened. "I met someone, but I promise you nothing happened. We had dinner and we talked, that's all."

Rose seemed to be contemplating what I'd said as she sipped from her drink. "So let me see if I've got this. You told your husband that you'd be at a spa last weekend but instead went to stay at Carlisle and Esme's house in Forks for no reason. While there, you met a man that you didn't have sex with and now you're having second thoughts about your marriage?"

"No," I nearly shouted. The way she had said it made it all sound so bad, I had to explain myself. "That's not all there is to it."

"Well you better do a better job of explaining yourself hunny because from where I'm sitting and what you've been saying, that's exactly how it seems. You've been with Michael for three years, and if my memory serves your 1st wedding anniversary is right around the corner. You've never given any of us any reason to think you weren't happy. What gives?"

I sighed, this was a lot harder then I had imagined, and she was right, I'd never so much as hinted to anyone in my family that I was anything less than 100 percent happy with Michael; but there was a lot they didn't know. "I'm not having second thoughts because of where I went or who I met. I've been feeling unfulfilled for a while and I needed to get away and do some thinking. I didn't say that to Michael, but I did tell him that I needed some me time. He's the one that assumed I'd being going to some spa. I just didn't correct him."

"Renesmee, if you've been unhappy for a while, why didn't you come to me sooner?"

"I don't know." I began. "I thought it was just the lifestyle. Michael and his family, they live in a different world then we do. There's always some party we have to make an appearance at and then there's that silly social committee his mother said I just had to join. And Michael's so busy at work all the time, unless there's some pre-planned event he's hardly ever home. There's so much more that I wanted out of life, I went to College, I had plans, I never expected to end up being some trophy wife."

Rose shook her head as she started speaking, "Michael has always seemed so devoted to you, I can't believe he'd keep you from something you really wanted."

I let out a sigh before answering. "I know Michael loves me, he just doesn't see things the way I do. I tried to talk to him about it once, I told him how I wanted to open my own art gallery and start painting again. He told me I should bring up the idea of volunteering at the Seattle Art Museum to his mother and the committee. The committee, what a joke," I scoffed before continuing. "Their idea of volunteering is showing up and writing a check. They wouldn't know what real volunteering was if it bit them in the ass. I don't want to end up like those women, and if Michael really knew me, he'd understand that."

"Okay," Rose began somewhat hesitantly. "So didn't you consider any of this before you married him? You knew who he was and what his family was like. Alice has been telling us stories about all of those women for years. Or were you just so in love you didn't care?" She finished with a smirk.

So in love? I thought to myself. There were many things I felt about Michael at the beginning of our relationship, he was smart and kind and funny and handsome, but was I blinded by love? Definitely not. "No Rose, I wasn't so in love that I didn't care. Actually, I wasn't in love at all."

I watched as the disbelief transformed Rosalie's features. I knew she'd have a hard time believing this, but if I was coming clean I had to tell her everything. So I started at the beginning. "All through high school and college, I listened to my friends and other girls talk about guys. I heard them go on and on about love and lust and chemistry and sparks."

I paused to take a breath and looked towards Rose, she nodded her head but stayed silent, so I continued, "But I'd never experienced any of that. I'd met hundreds of guys, I'd gone out on date after date, but I never felt that spark that they talked about, and I certainly never lusted over any of them. After a while, I started to think that maybe it was all just an illusion, something they'd all just tricked themselves into believing was real after all the movies and books they'd read. But in reality, maybe it just didn't work like that."

I stopped when I saw Rose raise her right brow. "Hold on just a minute, how can you doubt that love exists? Look at me and Emmett or Alice and Jasper even. After what Alice went through with James and then Victoria, how can you not believe in love?"

I paused for a moment and took in what my aunt had said. I could remember everything that Alice had gone through with her ex-husband James and I knew how hard it was for her after meeting Jasper to finally accept him. I also knew that it was because of him that Alice and my cousin Cole were still here with us. But I had never considered my family when forming my own opinions on love all those years ago. "I'm not saying I didn't believe in love at all, I just didn't buy into all of that hopelessly devoted, weak kneed, starry eyed love business. I didn't know anything about life or love and somehow I got it all twisted and started believing that I was the one who knew the truth and everyone else was wrong. But even though I believed strongly that all that sappy, soul mate stuff was just an illusion, I still didn't want to be alone. I felt that somewhere out there was a nice, decent guy that I could be happy with; and then Aunt Alice introduced me to Michael."

The waitress chose that moment to check on us and I ordered a second glass of wine. Still working on her first, Rose declined another drink and the waitress left to get mine. As soon as she was out of ear shot, Rose spoke. "I remember what it was like, being young and thinking you know everything. I just wish you would have talked to me about all of this back then."

I shook my head before replying. "Even if I would have come to you about it, I doubt you would have changed my mind. When I met Michael, I thought it was normal that he didn't make me giddy or nervous, I told myself I wouldn't be like the other girls and trick myself into believing I felt those things. Instead, I built a connection with him based on mutual interests and respect, and I tricked myself into believing that those things were enough."

I could tell Rose had something she wanted to say to that but I continued on without giving her a chance to respond. "When Michael proposed, I was happy. He'd always treated me like a princess. I knew the family he came from, but I never thought he'd be the type of husband that would want a wife that spent her time shopping and planning parties and going to the spa. I assumed he'd have his interests and I'd have mine without actually talking about it. I thought we'd have a nice life together, so I said yes. I just want you to know I do care about him. Michael is a wonderful man. He works hard and I appreciate everything he's ever done for me. But in the three years we've been together, he's never made my heart race or skip a beat, he's never made my knees weak, he's never given me chills. I'm not in love with him Rose, and I've come to realize that I want that."

I felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, it felt good to talk about these things. I gave Rose a moment to take it all in and respond; I needed to know what she thought. "So is this where the mystery guy from Forks comes in?" She asked after a minute.

I could feel my cheeks heat up and I lowered my head. My damn blushing was an annoying trait I had inherited from my mother. I pretended to be fixated on my glass as I began to explain. "I wasn't looking for anyone Rose. I meant what I said before, I wanted to get away because I thought I felt stifled by my life. It's only been these past few days that I realized it's not just the lifestyle I've been living that's leaving me wanting more, it's my marriage and my feelings for Michael, or lack thereof I should say."

Finally getting my emotions under control, I was able to look back up at my aunt as I finished speaking. "And yes, this is where the mystery guy from Forks comes in, because all of those things I didn't think could really exist, all of those things that Michael has never made me feel, this guy did."

"Okay, so what are you saying Renesmee? Are you going to leave your husband for some guy you just met?"

Her questions crashed into me, until that moment I hadn't been sure what all of this was building up to. I had thought I just needed to get it all out in the open, talk to someone about everything I'd been thinking and feeling over the past year and the past couple of days especially and get some advice. But was there more? Did my subconscious have an ulterior motive? Is that why I called my most liberal aunt to talk to about all of this? Was I looking for someone to tell me it was okay to leave my husband for a guy I had just met? Wasn't that crazy? All of these thoughts swam through my head as I sat starring at Rose, not able to speak for a few moments.

And then, finally, it was like someone had flipped a switch, and it started to make sense. I knew I was missing something with Michael, I had acknowledged that. But I also knew I couldn't have it with just anyone, and I didn't want just anyone, I wanted Jake. "Rose, I know it sounds crazy but, if fate and true love and soul mates really do exist, what if this is it? I can't explain what I felt when we were together, but it was like, I was drawn to him. I'm starting to put the little pieces together to see the big picture, and it seems like things have been leading me to him."

I watched Rosalie chuckle and shake her head at me. For a moment I thought she was going to tell me I was being ridiculous and I wasn't able to breathe as I waiting for her to speak. "You sound like I did when I first met Emmett. You know, everyone thought we were crazy when we eloped, even your parents who rushed to get married right out of high school. But we just knew, and we never looked back."

I felt relieved that she seemed to understand and I was about to say so until she added, "I just have one question for you. What about Michael?"

And the relief vanished. "I…" I what, I asked myself after I couldn't think of anything else to say that sounded right, that would make this okay. But the truth was there wasn't anything I could say that would make this right, not for Michael. "I don't want to hurt him, but in the long run, doesn't he deserve someone that's going to love him just as much as he loves her?"

Rose seemed to consider that for a moment before she answered, "Yes he does. But he's not gonna see it that way right now, and definitely not if you tell him about this other guy. Maybe you should just leave that part out. And with your anniversary coming up, I don't know if it would be better to do it before or after, either way, it's not going to be easy."

I let out a false laugh at that. "I know, believe me. But at least the matter of when is settled. Michael's in New York right now and won't be back for at least another week, so he won't be here for our anniversary anyway."

"Well then at least you won't have to go home tonight and pretend everything's okay…But what are you going to do until he gets back?" she asked giving me a playful smile and a wink.

I snorted at that, was she insinuating that I go back to Forks? I would love to but, should I? Would he even want to see me again after how we'd left things? That thought gave me pause; in all of this, I'd forgotten that Jake hadn't exactly left expecting to see me again. I had to explain things to him, get him to understand I had only been trying to do the right thing, and there was no time like the present. Michael would be gone for at least another week. I had plenty of time to head back to Forks and talk things over with Jake. If he felt the same as I did and wanted to really give this thing a chance, I could move into Grandma and Grandpa's house for a while, I knew they wouldn't mind. I'd have to get a job, but that shouldn't be too difficult...And then I put the brakes on, I was getting ahead of myself. First things first, I'd talk to Jake, if we were on the same page, great. If not, well then, I'd cross that bridge when I got to it.

After taking a minute to play all of that out in my head I was finally satisfied, I knew what my next step would be and I couldn't wait to take it. Returning a smile back in Rose's direction I answered, "I think I'll be taking a trip to Forks this weekend."

…..

Hearing the doorbell broke Renesmee out of her thoughts. She picked up the towel lying on the counter and wiped her hands off before making her way to the foyer to get the door.

She paused for a moment when she got there before opening it. Okay, breath, relax, everything is gonna be fine, she told herself. Taking one last deep breath, Renesmee opened the door.

A/N: Okay so I ended it here b/c I wanted this chapter to be a look inside Renesmee's head. Also, I'm still coming down off the Nyquil high and I want to be totally clear headed when I write the Jake/Ness stuff. Thanks for reading.