A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! School starts tomorrow for me…~Sad Face~, but I will try to update as much as possible.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders or the song 'In The End' by Linkin Park.

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One thing I don't know whyIt doesn't even matter how hard you tryKeep that in mind, I designed this rhymeTo explain in due timeAll I knowtime is a valuable thingWatch it fly by as the pendulum swingsWatch it count down to the end of the dayThe clock ticks life away

XXX

I slowly lifted the gun in the box and just twirled it in my free hand. I was being gentle, very gentle. I dropped the box on the ground as I seemed to get lost in the gun.

Everything that had happened to me could wash away with one shot from that gun.

And that was all I wanted.

It was a simple hand gun, nothing immensely special. Except, for the fact that it would determine my future. I could easily hold the thing to my head and pull the trigger back.

I wouldn't have to worry anymore or cry. I wouldn't be scared or ashamed. I wouldn't have to care if the bills were getting paid. I wouldn't need to deal with Jack and his horrible ways. I wouldn't have to lie about everything.

I wouldn't have to do or feel anything I didn't want to.

I'd be free.

My breathing was shaky and came in short spurts. I felt my palm start to sweat and I was really starting to wish I had both hands to work with.

What if the gun slipped? What would I do then? I hadn't cocked it yet, but by the time it was set in place by my head it would be. What if it hit the ground and went off?

I felt myself start to shake and it worried me. So many things could go wrong. Everything could go wrong.

"Calm down Liz," I muttered to myself, "Just stay calm."

I became less tense and my breath calmed down, but only a little.

There was anger forcing itself inside me. None of this was my fault. Killing myself wasn't something I'd always planned on doing, but now I felt as if I had no other choice.

All the people who'd ever lessened my confidence were at fault. All those people who hurt me, made me feel like nothing. Those people who caused me to break a little more until I wouldn't be able to put myself back together.

Well guess what? I broke.

I felt the warm tears as they traveled down my cheeks, their salty smell reaching my nose. I took a quivering breath as I started to lift the gun.

This was it. Everything could end, be done. I would no longer have to worry about all the pain and suffering in my life.

I could leave all that behind for the worthless bastards who forced me to this point.

"Everything will be okay," I said as the voice in my mind said the same thing, "Everything will be just fine."

I was ready to go. I was tired of living the life I was.

I wanted to be with my dad. Nobody on earth gave a shit about me. My dad would, though. So if I wanted to be with him then, hell, I was gonna get what I wanted.

XXX

It's so unrealDidn't look out belowWatch the time go right out the windowTrying to hold on but didn't even knowWasted it all just toWatch you go

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I wanted to die, but at the same time I wanted to live. I hadn't lived long enough. I'd be sixteen in about a week.

I was done, though. I was finished. I couldn't deal with the pain anymore and if that meant spending my sixteenth birthday in Heaven, than so be it.

I felt myself hesitate, but only for a moment.

It was almost as if time was moving slowly. It seemed like it was taking an eternity to get the gun up to my head.

I was shaking too, which made me feel even worse.

I felt sick to my stomach and my head ached something awful. I wanted all this to go away. I shouldn't have had to deal with it all.

I was unluckily born into this life and I would gratefully be leaving it.

I wanted to grin at the way I had put that sentence because, in my mind, I'd thought it out really well. Sadly, though, I couldn't even think about smiling.

It wasn't fair. My life shouldn't have been like that, but it was.

I looked at the gun out of the corner of my eye as I lifted it. This would be easy. It would all be so easy just to get it over with. One little click and I wouldn't have to worry anymore.

I took a breath as I lined the gun up with my temple. I knew I would need to calm down or else my shaking might cause me to miss.

I tried to take deep breaths, but I was getting no where. Just one more way life was deciding to hold me down.

XXX

I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apartWhat it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hardAnd got so farBut in the endIt doesn't even matterI had to fallTo lose it allBut in the endIt doesn't even matter

XXX

Maybe I wouldn't have been where I was at the moment if I would've told someone sooner. I should've just told Two-Bit about Jack raping me and beating me senseless.

Maybe if I'd done a different job. I could've maybe found something else, but work for a young woman was hard to find. I found pleasure in what I did anyways.

I was dying inside, though, and soon I'd be dead altogether. So, maybe I could've done something to prevent this, but it all still wasn't my fault.

I moved my index finger over the gun, getting ready to cock it.

Life could be horrible or I could just shoot myself and let it all end.

I was ready for it all to be over.

XXX

In spite of the way you were mocking meActing like I was part of your propertyRemembering all the times you fought with meI'm surprised it got so (far)Things aren't the way they were beforeYou wouldn't even recognize me anymoreNot that you knew me back thenBut it all comes back to meIn the end

XXX

"Jack!" I heard someone call from down the hall and I felt everything freeze, "Jack are you still home?"

I knew exactly who the voice belonged to and I prayed they would just stay put.

They didn't.

I watched as my mom walked out into the hall and stopped abruptly as she spotted me. Her eyes widened and she brought her hand to her mouth as she gasped.

She stepped foreword, holding her other hand out toward me. She was at the end of the hall while I was in the middle. We were a good ten feet apart.

I saw her choke slightly before speaking.

"W-what the hell are you doing?" She whispered, but the house was eerily silent so I could hear her perfectly clear.

I felt myself start to shake a little harder and I shook my head a tiny bit, feeling the tip of the gun.

"Elizabeth?" she asked and I quickly cocked the gun, while glaring towards her. Her gasp filled the silence of the entire house, "Don't."

She looked terrified and worried, but that would be a first in a long time. If it took me killing myself for her to actually care then she didn't deserve a daughter.

"Why not, huh?" I questioned, feeling the anger boiling inside of me, "Are you worried you'll be so upset you'll finish of the rest of your poison?" I hissed as I reached my finger for the trigger.

She looked a little shocked, but she deserved the words I was lashing out at her.

"Ya' know, you didn't get fired because you're old?" I let out a fake harsh laugh and glared again, "It's because you don't get your drunk ass out of bed half the time!"

I couldn't even believe the words coming out of my mouth. My life had changed so much in one week.

I was lashing out at everyone. Normally I'd just duck and run, but I was changing and becoming a different person. Now I wasn't afraid of what others thought about what I told them.

They wouldn't have to worry about what I said any longer anyways.

XXX

You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apartWhat it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hardAnd got so farBut in the endIt doesn't even matter

XXX

"What are you talking about?" she asked me angrily and somehow I knew that if I was right in front of her that I'd smell the whiskey on her breath. I scowled and rubbed my finger over the trigger.

One simple click….

I felt my finger grip the trigger lightly, ready to pull at any moment.

"I'm talking about you being a fuckin' drunk ever since Dad died!" I yelled through my clenched teeth. She looked like she couldn't believe I'd even sad that and it caused me to scowl.

She pointed her finger at me, "Don't you dare talk to me like that little girl!" she yelled and I just wanted to punch her, but my hand was being used for more important things.

I rolled my eyes and decided that if I was going to die I could let my mother hear it all. She deserved it in the end.

"You're a fucking bitch!" I wiped my eyes with my free hand and sniffled, "You think just because Dad died that you can ignore and go numb! You think you can fucking drink your problems away!" for a moment I thought about pointing the gun towards her, but I quickly pushed that idea out of mind, "I don't care if you're my mom! You don't act like you are!"

Complete silence filled the room once again, but only for a moment.

"What's going on?"

Once again I immediately froze, with the exception of my falling tears. I looked out of the corner of my eyes and saw him.

"Liz?" Two-Bit yelled as he ran over towards me. I turned fast so he could see the gun to my head, warning him not to get closer. He stopped and stared at me.

I started to hyperventilate and shake even harder. The anger I held for the things he'd said was resurfacing and caused my blood to boil.

"Get away," I snapped at him. He took a step closer, trying to grab me. I stepped back slightly.

"Liz wha-"

"I said get the fuck away!" I yelled, breathing hard, "I'm about to make things better for everyone!"

Two-bit looked confused, "How Liz?" he asked me calmly. I didn't understand how he kept his cool, but somehow he did.

I straightened myself up slightly and choked out my words, "I'm gonna take one less whore off the earth."

Two-bit looked hurt when I said that, but I knew he deserved it. Everyone did. It was their fault.

"Liz, I didn-"

"Save it!" I cried, and I saw the worry that filled his eyes, "You meant it! You wouldn't have said it if you didn't."

Two-bit shook his head, "I was confused Lizzy," he said slowly, "When Dally said that I-"

"Immediately believed him instead of your own sister? Yeah sounds about right," I snapped at him, my voice cracking through the entire sentence.

I knew I was a mess and probably looked like one too.

Two-Bit tried to talk, but I interrupted him before he could say anything.

"I'm done Two-Bit," I yelled, getting ready to pull the trigger, "I'm done."

I pulled back the trigger, closing my eyes. I would have to get over the fact that I was shaking and in hysterics. I was finished.

Click.

XXX

I had to fallTo lose it allBut in the endIt doesn't even matter

XXX

Everything was dark and for a moment I wondered if this was what being dead would always feel like. I found the need to open my eyes and I blinked quickly at the sight in front of me.

There was Two-Bit, right where he had been a second before. I blinked a few times then saw my mom standing where she had been, her mouth wide.

Did being dead mean everything was exactly the same in an alternate universe?

Then I realized that wasn't it.

The gun was still in my hands, but I realized my mistake.

I didn't fucking load the thing.

No, no, no, no, no! This wasn't fair!

Everything was supposed to be over! I wouldn't have to worry anymore.

I fell onto my knees as everything escaped my body. The horrible feelings resurfaced from where I had hidden them underneath and before I even had a chance to look for something to load the gun with someone was on the ground beside me.

They ripped the gun out of my hands and wrapped me in their arms. I felt the giant sobs rack my body as I knew it was over. It was too late.

"I'm not a whore," I cried into the persons shirt, "I'm not like that."

I sobbed and felt them smooth my hair out.

"Shh. I believe you Liz," and I knew it was Two-Bit holding me, " I always did."

I sobbed into his chest as I mumbled different things. Two-bit just held me, trying to calm me down.

"He hit me!" I sobbed out, "Why didn't anyone tell him to stop?"

Two-Bit rubbed my back in slow circles, "I dunno Lizzy. I don't know."

I knew if one of Two-Bit's friends happened to catch him that it would ruin his rep, but he knew no one would catch him. And I knew he cared too much about me at the moment.

I understood at that moment he had just been confused when Dally had talked to him.

That didn't mean he had the right to say what he had to me.

I still wished that the gun had been loaded and that everything would've ended.

Even though I had Two-Bit holding me now, I knew that in a few hours Jack would be home and he'd deal with me. I knew my mom would be drunk and Two-Bit would be with his friends.

And I'd still be Elizabeth Mathews, living and breathing.

Sadly, I didn't want that.

XXX

There's only one thing you should knowI've put my trust in youPushed as far as I can goFor all thisThere's only one thing you should knowI tried so hardAnd got so farBut in the endIt doesn't even matterI had to fallTo lose it allBut in the endIt doesn't even matter

XXX

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