A/N: Thanks so much for reviews. Last chapter was probably about the most I've ever gotten for one chapter! Keep it up!

Depression is a deadly thing, let me tell you.

All I wanted to do was sit in my room and stare at the wall. I felt like a vegetable. No matter what happened I didn't try and move, didn't try to think.

Being in my room made me feel safe.

Jack was too lazy to bother me there. I wouldn't get in my mom's way there. And Two-bit couldn't get in because most of the time I left the door locked.

If someone tried to talk to me all I could do was mumble lame excuses. I had no energy anymore.

The only thing uplifting in my life was the fact that Two-Bit knew I wasn't a slut.

Why would that matter, though? He still looked pissed when I told him the truth about the dancing and make-out sessions. He hadn't made his anger clear, but it was easily read across his face.

I'd heard one of Two-Bit's friends over at our house a few days ago and Two-Bit was talking about how he was gonna make sure Dally got his just desserts. That almost made me smile, almost.

He fucking deserved to get decked.

I knew Two-Bit was monitoring me like crazy. I knew he wasn't leaving the house and had his friends come over to hang with him when no one could be disrupted.

He thought I'd pull something again.

And hell yeah, I would.

But, Two-Bit's a helluva lot smarter than he looks. There was no way I could hurt myself in my room after Two-Bit looked over it.

I didn't normally keep anything sharp in my room, so that was easily taken care of.

I had a blade at one point, though I'm not sure why, and it had gotten lost long ago in the rubble of our house.

Anything I could've hit myself with where it could possibly leave a bruise, Two-Bit made sure it was gone.

He'd even gone as far as boarding up my window. Honestly, if I had the chance, I would jump.

Two-Bit had been quiet through the entire thing and I just stood there, sobbing. He'd had the same look on his face and I couldn't help but look ashamed. He'd just caught me trying to kill myself and he looked torn.

I'd been stupid. I could've at least loaded the damn thing.

Anyways, I was being monitored like a little kid at the store.

If I ever left my room, which would only be for a few minutes to use the bathroom or something, Two-Bit was right there by my side, or trying to casually follow me. It was irritating, but in my state I decided to say nothing. I didn't have the energy to piss someone off and fight. It just wasn't in me.

In my room nothing happened, but that meant nothing could screw up. The only thing that changed was the little spider who sometimes changed places on his little web in the corner.

Simple life of a spider. The lucky bastard.

I was leaning against my old headboard, as I stared at nothing.

My knees were tucked up to my chest and I knew without even looking that I had dark circles under my eyes.

I couldn't sleep. Every time I tried I'd see everything that hurt me. Everything I'd tried to escape from, but failed to do.

I wished that I could go back in time to the night my dad killed himself.

If I could just stop him, tell him how much I love him. If I could've made him listen and understand maybe my life would be just fine. Maybe I'd have a few more friends, not feel desperate for acceptance.

Maybe I wouldn't care about what everyone else thought and maybe I wouldn't let things effect me like they did.

Everything happens for a reason? Bull shit.

None of this happened to me for a reason. What would be the purpose in the first place? Maybe I wasn't meant for earth. Maybe, just maybe, I was meant to be dead, or just not alive.

Maybe there was a mix up in God's plans and I'd accidentally been sent to earth when I was really just supposed to be nothing.

Maybe if someone else had been born instead of me, they would've been able to change the outcome of all the shit they had to deal with.

I pushed some of my hair out of my face and as I did, I realized how greasy it was. I hadn't bathed in days and I was starting to smell. It was disgusting, but I couldn't get myself to move.

My legs felt numb, my heart sunken.

Did everything have to be so difficult? Was it really necessary?

I felt a small tear escape.

Yeah, it was.

My wrist was finally healed after isolating myself for the past week. I dug my palms over my eyes as I wondered what time it was.

Two-Bit had boarded my windows up pretty good and light barely came in. I didn't have a clock in my room and there was no other way to tell time unless I went downstairs.

Downstairs was the place I tried to avoid unless completely necessary. And so far it was not a necessity.

I didn't like being alive anymore. I just wanted to totally escape the face of the earth. It was no place for someone as vulnerable as me. I just didn't want to be there.

I felt the shaky breaths escape my lips as I willed myself to calm down.

I was tired of being the one to bare the burden and have to live with the guilt as if everything was my fault.

It wasn't, but it sure as hell felt that way.

I reached slowly toward my nightstand and grabbed the glass of water that Two-Bit had sat there earlier that morning. I lifted it to my lips, my hand shaky.

I was thankful the glass was half empty, or else it probably would've spilled out. I took small sips and set it back down.

My throat was horribly dry, but I wasn't sure if anyone would remember to bring me anything else to drink. So, I tried to save as much of my glass as I could.

I was incredibly tired, just wanting to sleep. I just wanted everything to be okay. When had anything ever been okay, though?

My thoughts drifted as I heard sirens outside. That was the fifteenth time that day. I had nothing else better to do, so I counted the amount of times I heard a police car go by outside.

Needless to say, there was a shit load of crime in my area.

I felt my eyes droop heavily. I was so damn tired, but I couldn't sleep. If I did my mind would trick me. It would hurt me and make me think of everything that ruined me.

I let out a slow yawn and cursed myself. I forced my eyes to open widely, but it didn't lessen my tiredness.

I kept telling myself I needed to stay awake and each time I yawned anyways. I pinched myself, but I couldn't even remember the feeling because I slowly drifted off into an unhealthy sleep.

XXX

"Just do it," the voice hissed into my ear, sending a chill up my spine. I shivered as my breathing came in short spurts.

I felt the cool metal in my hand once again as the tears rolled. There was an unreasonable amount of them flowing and the room was starting to flood. It was already at my shins as the voice spoke again.

"Pull the trigger," it's voice was cold and harsh. It scared me. I didn't like it.

"Who are you?" I asked quietly. Silence filled the area. The only thing you could hear were my sobs. The tears had reached my thighs and I started breathing heavily. Everything was closing in again.

"Do it now," the voice's hiss got louder this time as I felt an unnatural chill fall over me. I started to grind my teeth. It was almost as if someone was right beside me.

"What are you waiting for?" it sounded like the voice turned into a mix of a hiss and a screech. I cringed and shook my head slowly.

"Who are you?" I said a little louder, but still got no response. I felt like someone was standing there, just watching me. I wanted to rub my arm uncomfortably, but I couldn't move. It was like I was frozen in place.

I felt something crawl across my back and I tried to scream, but nothing came out. Something was trying to get me.

"Pull the trigger!" this time it was a full on screech and I wanted so badly to cover my ears. The tears had reached my naval and I felt myself going into a panic attack. I tried to breathe slowly. It was hard.

"Who are you?" I yelled this time. I couldn't help myself.

"Just shoot!" it screeched and I winced as the tears rose, "Get it over with! Now!"

I shook my head.

"No!" I screamed and tried to shrivel back, "Just stop!"

Silence overcame everything. I couldn't even hear my own sobs. It didn't last very long.

"Not until you do what NEEDS TO BE DONE!" the screech had gotten louder as the sentence had carried on.

I felt the tears start to reach my chin and I tried to stop crying, but I just couldn't. I started screaming instead as the voice kept screeching, telling me to pull the trigger and shoot.

"Help!" I screamed, feeling the water reach my mouth.

I felt the tears increase as it started to fill in my lungs.

"Help!" I gargled. It was too late, though.

I went under and it seemed like there was no longer a floor. The tears went on for miles and my screams came out muffled under the water. I was suffocating, but I wouldn't die. I just felt the same horrible feeling of the tears flooding my lungs. It hurt so badly, but it wouldn't fill my body enough to cause my lungs to stop working. My throat burned. I let out a blood curdling scream and even with the water you could hear it perfectly fine.

I felt the tears leave as I lay on the cold, wet cement. I coughed and sat up slowly, feeling myself crying at a more normal pace. I looked around and the realization of where I was hit me like a freight train.

"No," I muttered to myself, "Please no."

I heard an all too familiar laugh form from behind me and I quickly turned around, staring at Jack. He smirked and reached down towards me.

I shriveled back, but I hit the wall of the alley. Jack's smirk hardened as he leaned on top of me. I cursed to myself as everything he'd done flooded my memory.

"You're a beautiful little girl Elizabeth," he whispered in my ear and I tried to force him off of me as the tears blurred my vision.

"Get off me," I cried, but he just laughed, "Get off."

I hated the dirty feeling that I felt. It hurt and it mad me feel wrong.

Jack rolled off of me and I tumbled forward.

When I looked around again I saw people dancing everywhere and making out. I realized I was at buck's and I was dancing on the pole. I didn't want to be, but I was. I couldn't stop and people were cheering me on.

I looked around as I kept dancing and saw Dally, smirking at me. I tried to scowl, but it was almost like I was in one of my acts. I couldn't do anything, but dance around the pole. I didn't like where anything was going, though.

I wasn't crying, I could even feel the sparkle in my eyes and other than Dally I felt like things might start to be brightening.

I let myself dance around the pole and let people whistle. I even smirked a few times, one of the few things my body was letting me control.

Suddenly, everyone stopped dancing. I stopped too, but I stood forward, watching the crowd.

They all started to move to the sides, creating a walk way for someone. At first the person only looked like a shadow, but then they got close enough and I saw their face.

I gasped and the air in the room suddenly changed. Everyone was staring at me and the person in front of me glared.

"T-Two-Bit?" I asked unsurely. Two-Bit scowled and looked me up and down.

"Good to know the little sister I've known and loved is a little slut," he growled and I felt the damn tears coming again. I shook my head.

"Two-Bit don't listen to their lies," I cried, he growled and lowered his voice. His glare made me feel like a knife was being stabbed through my wind pipe.

"You should be ashamed," he snapped and my eyes widened. I didn't want to hear it, any of it. It hurt and made my heart shrivel up a little more each time.

I shook my head and it caused millions of scenes to run across in front of me. Some of them had Jack, some Two-Bit. Some had me crying, some had others crying because of me. I saw me being tortured and the pain it caused others.

It hurt so bad to watch. I tried to close my eyes, but it was like they were forced open.

I screamed and shivered as a painful chill whipped a my skin. It felt like icicles being thrown at my skin. I was being held down. I was confused and dazed as more and more images ran.

Some weren't even of me.

Some were of war and death.

Some showed children suffering, starving.

Some showed adults fighting, pushing and yelling.

Some showed gangs jumping some innocent kid.

Some showed a guy forcing his girlfriend into a bedroom as she tried to pull away. I shivered watching that one.

Some showed parents beating their kids senseless.

Some showed people getting high off acid. They were going crazy, their minds unable to think straight.

Kind of like mine.

I couldn't watch it anymore. Why did things have to be like that? Why couldn't we all be happy? It wasn't fair.

The images came closer to me and they got louder. I couldn't move, being forced to watch them. I started screaming again.

It hurt. Everything hurt. Physically and emotionally.

I tried to ignore the images as they got closer, but it was difficult.

Just so difficult.

XXX

I shot up off my bed. I was sweating and my covers were spread out everywhere.

I gasped for air, slowly catching my breath. I looked around my room and not even a little light shown.

I held my head in my hands as I let out a sob.

I needed to get out. I needed to get away. Staying in Tulsa was going to kill me, unless I did it first.

If I was gone, maybe I'd be happier. Maybe, I wouldn't want to be dead.

I was so tired of my life. I needed to get away.

Far away.

Reviews make my day.