I looked at all the things I had packed. Altogether you could probably round it down to nothing. I had a small satchel and that was it. It held the amount of money I'd kept for myself over the years and a few clothing articles. There was also a small picture of my dad and I.

There wasn't really anything else I wanted.

All I truly wanted was to get the hell out. I was tired of being nothing.

I hated it.

I'd at least had the courtesy to write a note to Two-Bit. Of course I felt bad, but what else could I do.

I couldn't stay. I just couldn't.

I knew I'd go crazy if I did. I'd eventually end up hurting everyone else around me and not just myself. I had no clue what I'd do if I hurt someone I loved. I didn't even want to think about it.

I felt horrible still. How could I leave everyone behind? How could I just walk out?

I was a coward. I knew I was. There was no way around it. I just couldn't stay, though. I'd rather be chicken then crazy any day.

I had peeked in on Two-Bit before I left. This had been one of those rare nights he hadn't gone out to hunt some action. He'd simply gone to bed after coming home around ten.

I'd been up, in my room, making sure to steer clear of any unwelcome guests. Two-Bit had looked in my door, told me he was going to bed and left.

He seemed tired, as if the day had just pushed everything out of him.

I hated seeing him like that.

Looking at him while he slept caused me to hurt even more inside. What would he do when I left? I didn't want to drag him down by staying, but what if leaving hurt him more? I wasn't sure.

Two-Bit was snoring, but it didn't cause him to look any less peaceful. He deserved a little peace and I was anything, but that.

I twirled the note I'd written in my hands, trying to imagine his reaction when he saw it. I was scared. For myself, for Two-Bit, for everyone.

And it wasn't because I was leaving, more of the fact that I wouldn't be able to know what would happen after I was gone.

If I left Tulsa I would have no clue what happened back here. It wasn't like the rest of the world really cared what happened here. We were just another mark on the map. Just like how most other cities felt towards us. We didn't care about them. We just knew they were there.

I bit my lip as I felt myself about to cry. Leaving meant never knowing. I would never know if things finally turned out okay around here for anyone. I would never know if others chose the easy way out. I would never know if anyone got farther then Tulsa.

I just wouldn't know.

I slowly walked towards the side of Two-Bit's bed. My hand holding the note shook with nervousness. I tried to shake away the fear as it crowded around me. I could clearly feel my heartbeat as it rapidly thumped inside my chest.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

As I reached his nightstand I carefully studied my surroundings.

Two beer cans lay on their sides on the nightstand, a slight bit of their contents spilled over. Dirty clothes lay all over the floor, covering almost the entire surface. I felt my face scrunch up slightly. Two-Bit's sheets were thrown all over the place, but he still didn't seem uncomfortable. A few Playboy magazines stuck out from under the bed and I rolled my eyes despite myself.

I ran my thumb over the note and carefully set it down. I prayed to God that Two-Bit would just understand. It was all I wanted from Two-Bit. He just needed to understand.

As I stared at the note I felt a slight tear run down my cheek and my lip quivered. I wanted to hug Two-Bit before I left, but I couldn't risk waking him.

My heart ached for my brother. I knew I'd never get to hug him again. He'd never hold me again when I was upset. I'd never talk to him again and we'd never know where the other ended up.

If I could, I'd force him to come with me. I knew, though, that Two-Bit would never go for that. He had other people here, his friends. He loved his friends like his own brothers.

Two-Bit, though he was as lazy as they got, had a chance. He wasn't depressed or unable to hold himself together. Two-Bit was strong. Extremely obnoxious, but still strong.

He was better than me. He was smarter than me. He knew what he was doing. Yes, he could lose his temper if pushed far enough, but other than that his chances of surviving in Tulsa were far more better than mine.

I felt tears push their way towards the rims of my eyes, burning them and I held back the sob that was beginning to form.

I slowly turned as I took a long glance back at Two-Bit. This was the last time I'd ever see him. The last memory I'd ever hold of him, my brother, Two-Bit Mathews.

As soon as I'd fully turned around I walked out as quick and quietly as I could. I couldn't stand to stay in that room any longer. Nothing was going to force me to stay.

If I stayed things would get worse, much worse. I really couldn't live with it. That in itself could possibly kill me.

As I walked away and quickly walked out I felt the tears start to rush harder. I started to close the door and the lump in my throat increased.

"I'm sorry Two-Bit," I croaked out the whispered words, "I'm so sorry."

I closed the door fully and turned my face into my hands. Silent sobs escaped my body and it made me feel horrible. I was leaving everyone and everything I loved. It wasn't much, but I was still leaving it.

I hurried down the steps as quietly as I could, knowing I needed to leave before I changed my mind. I grabbed my satchel that I'd left by the door and stopped.

I felt myself hesitate as I reached for the knob. This was exactly what couldn't happen. I couldn't think twice.

I blocked out all of my negative thoughts about leaving. I had to go. I couldn't stay.

I quickly opened the door and stepped out, closing it as silently as I could. I crept quietly toward the road, turning around once reaching the end of my driveway. I stared at the beat up old house. Even though I hated it there I could still feel the tug at my heart. I was loosing small pieces of myself, of my history.

I quickly turned around and took off down the street. I was trying to stay quick on my feet, trying to get as far as I could as fast as I could.

When I passed other people all I could do was speed up. I was getting my chance, this was probably my last and if I didn't continue I knew I'd ever even reconsider this idea.

I felt so alone walking by myself in the dark, with the chilly night air nipping at my neck. I wished so much at that moment that everything was okay and that everyone was happy, but life sometimes gets in the way of wishes.

The darkness was bearable, but frightening nonetheless and as I hurried toward wherever my destination happened to be I couldn't help but allow old memories to brew in my mind. They were horrific and unbelievable and as I hurried along, I wished that life would've taken an easier toll on me.

I just needed to keep a steady pace, not make eye contact with any by passers.

I reached the bus stop and sat down on the bench. I didn't care where the next bus was going. It didn't matter. Anywhere was better than Tulsa, Oklahoma. I just couldn't stand being where I was any longer.

I felt my cheeks as tears ran down them. I kept my head up, though. If I looked down I wouldn't be able to watch out. I wouldn't be able to make sure no one was near me.

Suddenly, I heard loud yells, a child specifically, and I slowly stood. I'm not sure what got into me. Why didn't I just stay? I should've just ignored the noise, but something inside me didn't let me stay. It was almost like my brain was forcing me to do it. I slowly walked towards the noise and saw a dark alleyway. Flashes of Jack swept across my eyes, but I tried my hardest to avoid them. I tightened my fists as I took a small step into the darkness.

As I walked forward a small amount of light crept through and I saw a small boy and a woman holding him by the upper arm. I stepped a little closer. The boy was struggling and looked on the verge of tears. He was struggling and she was glaring at him.

"Let me go!" he screamed and I noticed by how her fingers bulged that she only tightened her grip on him, "Stop it!"

"Little boy, you're lucky I don't beat you to death!" the lady yelled at him as her hand slammed across his face. He let out a cry and I cringed.

"I'm sorry!"

The woman hit him again, "Not as sorry as you will be when I tell your dad."

I saw his eyes go wide, and I wondered what was going through his mind. He started struggling away again and I could've sworn I saw the woman smirk. The young boy whimpered as he tried to get the woman to release her grasp.

"Please, please no! D-don't tell him! I'll never run away again! I promise!" he pleaded with her and she raised her hand again. He immediately stopped his struggling as he let out a struggled sob. She lowered her hand and glared at him. She pushed him and I watched as his head hit the hard wall behind. I felt bad for him. The poor kid was so small and his mom was by no means a scrawny women. For a woman, she was ridiculously strong and the kid had nothing against her.

"You wanted to run away? Fine. You can stay out here for the night," she gave him a kick and he yelped out, "and tomorrow me and your dad are comin' out here and getting' you and by then you'll have a whole new meaning of sorry."

The kid looked away and the lady stormed off. She must not have even noticed me and I stood off to the side, completely shocked. The kid was sobbing on the ground and it reminded me so much of myself. That lady was Jack and I was that kid.

I slowly walked over to the kid and kneeled down beside him.

"Hey kid?"

He jumped and his eyes went wide. He tried to scramble back, but instead hit the wall again. His teeth were clenched as he stared at me with wild eyes.

"Hey, hey. I ain't gonna hurt ya'," I inched a little closer, "I just wanted to see if you were okay."

He was shivering in fear and I lightly touched his arm, showing I wasn't going to grab him like the lady had. He stopped jerking around and looked at me timidly.

"W-who are you?" he asked quietly.

"Elizabeth," I replied, letting out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, "How old are you kid?"

He relaxed himself a little, "Ten," he stared at me curiously for a moment then added, "I'm Ben."

I nodded, "Well hey Ben," I scooted even closer, "Are you hurt?"

He shrugged and looked down, "Nothin' I can't handle."

I raised my eyebrows and he looked completely away. Suddenly, everything about me was gone. The only thing I could think about was this kid. Images of myself as a ten year old kid getting hit ran through my mind. I wasn't about to let this kid go through the same. I gently grabbed his hand.

"You want me to fix you up?"

He slowly nodded his head.

XxX

Seeing Ben changed me a little inside. I'd been a vegetable. Unresponsive. Detached from the world. Whatever you wanted to call it, didn't matter to me. It was what I was. I don't know how, but this little kid changed me.

God, he was so small and helpless. I had no clue what he'd been through, but, to me, we wer the same person. I still needed to get out somehow. I knew that, but I couldn't just leave this kid. It was weird.

I couldn't take him back to my own house because, well, you never knew when Jack would or wouldn't be there. The last thing this kid needed was someone throwing swings at him. So, I took him to the most logical place I could think of.

The Curtis household.

I'm not sure how much they honestly appreciated it, but I brought him. Darry was fixing the little guy up. He kept moaning whenever he was switched to his right side and I worried about that kick that had been sent to his ribs. Darry looked worried to.

"Lizzy, how'd you find this kid?" he asked after fixing the mark on the back of Ben's head. Ben's eyes were red rimmed and he looked afraid. I probably would've been too, though. He had no clue where he was. It was probably uncomfortable.

I shrugged my shoulders, biting my lip.

"It's a long story."

"Well we got time."

I looked up quickly and my eyes met Soda's. I realized that it was the first time he'd seen me since the incident at the DX and, honestly, it scared me. I had no clue what he thought of me, if Two-Bit had even talked to him. He looked at me and I couldn't read his expression. I sighed and looked down.

"I was leaving and I heard him yelling. I wanted to make sure he was okay. I.." my voice trailed off as I watched their expressions. Darry raised his eyebrows and Soda looked confused.

"Leaving? Where?"

I shook my head, "I uh, I dunno," I looked at him, "Somewhere far away from here."

Soda looked at me as if I was stupid. Darry whistled low and looked at Ben.

"Hey Ben, you can stay here for the night. I can take you home tomorrow," Darry offered.

Ben nodded his head quietly and stood with Darry. They must've had a spare bed or something, because they both headed for the back.

I really didn't want Darry to take Ben home, but I knew there was no other option. The only thing that was keeping me sane was knowing I'd saved him for one more night.

I looked back up and Soda was staring at me with somewhat hard eyes.

"Soda?" I said quietly. He shook his head.

"Why would you leave?" he asked in a dangerously quiet tone. I looked at him slowly.

"What?"

"Why. Would. You. Leave?" he asked again and I looked at him like he was crazy.

"Soda, I don't have a choice-"

"What do you mean you don't have a choice? Of course you have a choice!" he got louder and I stared at him in complete shock.

"Why are you acting like that?" I asked quietly. He shook his head.

"Because, oh, Godammit Lizzy! I just don't get it!" he took a deep breath and continued, "How in God's name did you ever think it was okay to just drop everything and leave?"

I looked at him stupidly, "Drop what? I didn't have anything on my hands!"

"Lizzy, do you know what Two-Bit would go through? He loves you more than beer, or blondes or anything else in the entire world!"

"Why are you getting mad at me, Soda? This isn't you! I mean, I screwed up! I can't stay here!" I calmed myself slightly, "I mean, I tried to fucking kill myself ya' know! Or did you not get the news?"

Soda stopped abruptly, "What the hell are you talking about?"

I stared at him and suddenly realized he really didn't know. No one had bothered to tell him and news hadn't got around yet. Here he was getting mad at me. He should've asked. I would've at least told him a little bit of the truth. Why the fuck was he mad at me?

I was reaching my boiling point and I knew I was going to burst. Someone needed to listen and try to understand. It was all bottled up and it need to come out. I hit my breaking point.

"Yes, I'm so fucked up that I tried to fucking kill myself Sodapop Curtis!" I knew my voice was rising and I let it, "Don't you get how crazy this is for me? I'm so out of it! I don't even know what the hell I'm doing anymore and it kills me!" I started sobbing and Soda's face was plain, "You just don't understand! It sucks so bad! Everything is so fucking hard!" I let out a loud sob, " When I saw that kid, dammit Soda, I saw me! Okay? I saw me and how all this shit started for me and it's not fair! None of this is fair! I hate it, okay? I fucking hate it-"

I couldn't finish my sentence because Soda's lips collided with mine as the hot tears swam down my face. I let him kiss me and he rubbed his hands over my back. I hadn't kissed Soda in awhile and somehow it seemed like our relationship had matured even though we'd barely made contact with each other. His lips were soft and I let them dance along mine to a new rhythm, a soothing one that calmed me.

When we stopped the kiss a few seconds later he looked at me seriously.

"I'm sorry Lizzy," he hugged me as the tears continued to fall, "You can't leave, okay?"

He pulled apart and looked at me while I just stared at him. He shook his head.

"I'd miss you too much," he whispered, and I had no idea he'd felt that way. I liked him a lot. I always had. When I though of my future husband I thought of someone like Sodapop Curtis. I had never had a clue he felt the same way. Suddenly, in the time I needed it the most, I found out.

So, there's the Soda & Lizzy for all those who couldn't wait. I'm terribly sorry for the long wait, but life gets crazy. The next chapter will be the last, but let me know if you want a sequel and I can think about it. Also, I understand the thing with Soda and Lizzy might seem a little sudden and I really hope I explained the fact that they were hiding emotions. Terribly sorry if I didn't.

~Review

-Em