Author's Note: Yeah, I know. I'm stalling all those other stories I have to finish. But I just need to write what I feel like for now. School is over so I'll have a lot more time for writing nowadays.
Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. If I did, "Take a Hint" would have never existed, which would suck.
Tuesdays With Lane (Week Three)
"Robbie, I know you have a huge crush on the Queen of Moldova, but don't you think sending her two tons of black licorice is going a bit overboard?" Tori asked Robbie as the three of us walked out of Sikowitz's class.
"No! She loves that stuff! If I buy her enough, she'll have to thank me in person and look into my eyes and then fall in love with me and have my two future sons named Augusto and Rutherford," Robbie protested.
"Or most likely, file a restraining order," Rex remarked sarcastically.
"Quiet! Or I'll tell them about your obsession with that princess in Genovia," Robbie threatened.
"…Genovia is that fake country from the Princess Diaries," Tori corrected him.
"What? But Rex told me to deposit all my money in the National Bank of Genovia! Because of the high interest rates!" Robbie exclaimed.
"Yes…and that money was transferred to the National Bank of My Wallet," Rex commented.
"Rex! That was over five thousand dollars!" Robbie cried exasperatedly.
"Chill out, man. I only lost half of it gambling," Rex brushed it off.
"Dude!" Robbie yelled.
"Fine. How can I make it up to you? You want me to buy you a moderately attractive girlfriend?" Rex offered.
"No. I just want some hot tea," Robbie sighed.
"Hehe. Tea is for dinglos," Rex noted.
"What the chiz is a dinglo?" Robbie queried, frustrated.
"Isn't that an Australian dog?" Tori inquired.
"No. Those are dingoes," Robbie disagreed.
"My brother has a dingo collection," I finally spoke up. Everyone stared at me with questioning looks on their faces, "There are dingo statues on his dresser and dingo posters on his wall and he has dingo bed sheets. He watches the Dingo Channel every day. But only the cartoons. He doesn't understand the other shows," I explicated.
"Okay…" Tori started, "Anyway, men can drink tea. British guys do it all the time,"
"But we all know how terrible Robbie's English accent is," Rex reminded us.
"That's it! You get a time out in my locker!" Robbie shouted, fed up.
"But it smells like rotting pineapples in there!" Rex complained.
"That's what you get for leaving your science project in there for two weeks," Robbie scolded as he opened his locker, "Now you wait in there and think about what you did," he stuffed him inside.
"My neck isn't supposed to bend this way," Rex objected.
"Too bad, ya insulter!" Robbie yelled as he slammed the door shut.
"Umm…Robbie," I began.
"What?"
"The door took Rex's arm off," I observed, pointing to the ground. Robbie gasped, then frowned.
"Rex can have it when his punishment is over," Robbie decided, putting the broken body part into his backpack.
"When I get out of here, you're gonna wish you never bought those special boxers!" Rex warned from inside the locker. Robbie turned red.
"What does he mean by that?" Tori questioned.
"Nothing," Robbie assured me, obviously flustered.
"It doesn't seem like nothing," I stated suspiciously. His eyes darted from side to side and he began to sweat.
"Hey, isn't it Tuesday?" he solicited.
"Don't try to change the subject!" I reprimanded him.
"No, I'm not changing the subject. It's just that you're going to be late for…" I quickly realized what he was talking about and ran down the hall.
"Tori, make sure you find out what Rex meant!" I called over my shoulder.
"On it!" Tori shouted back. I heard the sound of Robbie's back hitting the lockers and his signature squeak. I walked into Lane's office giggling.
"Hey Lane!" I greeted him warmly.
"Cat! Glad you could make it. Have a seat!" he gestured to the couch.
"Ooh, is that new?" I asked excitedly.
"Yup, just came in yesterday," he notified me.
"Yay! I love new couches!" I cried before flopping onto the seat. I sniffed it, "What is it made of?"
"Umm…I think leather," he stated.
"It smells like leather," I verified.
"I think it's supposed to," he told me.
"Cool. Because it's good when things smell the way they're supposed to," I informed him.
"Right…now let's start. I have a new activity that I want to do with you," he commented.
"Wait I have to tell you something," I interrupted.
"Can it wait until the end of lunch? I really want to get something done unlike last time," he voiced.
"Okay, I'll wait. What's the activity?" I questioned eagerly.
"In this activity, I'll say a word. You just have to say the first thing that pops into your head. Ready?" he explained.
"Ready as a teddy on a jetty eating spaghetti with Betty before it gets wet-ty…" I started.
"Okay, that's enough. The first word is school," he interrupted me.
"Octopus," I replied.
"Why octopus?" he solicited quizzically.
"Because school makes me think of teachers which makes me think of classrooms which makes me think of desks which makes me think of rows which makes me think of boats which makes me think of the RMS Lusitania, which, as we all know, capsized in the Bay of Montenegro in 1732 because of a rabid octopus attack," Lane stared at me, dumbfounded.
"Did you learn that last part from your history teacher?" Lane asked curiously.
"Absodoodlutely!" I chirped.
"Yeah…don't listen to him anymore…or make sure you can hear him correctly next time," he advised me.
"Kay kay!"
"Now the next word is…friends," he began.
"Blood," I countered a split-second later. His mouth dropped wide open.
"What? Why on earth would you think of blood?" Lane raised.
"Because friends makes me think of family which makes me think of my mommy which makes me think of love which makes me think of hearts which makes me think of organs which makes me think or pianos which makes me think of Andre which makes me think of his grandma which makes me think of fear which makes me think of chandeliers which makes me think of falling which makes me think of the ground which makes me think of the sky which makes me think of clouds which makes me think of rain which makes me think of thunder and lightning which makes me think of striking which makes me think of Shia Labeouf which makes me think of cannibalism which makes me think of Willy Wonka which makes me think of chocolate which makes me think of cake which makes me think of birthdays which make me think of presents which make me think of…" I rambled.
"Okay…that's enough," Lane stopped me nervously, "We're out of time,"
"Aww, phooey!" I pouted.
"That's okay. I'll see you next week. Bye Cat!" he waved as I got up and walked out his door. I made my way down the hall and heard laughter. I listened closely and noticed that it was coming from Robbie's locker. It was Rex.
"Rex?" I questioned tentatively.
"Cat?" he mustered between chuckles, "Is that you?"
"Yessiree! But why are you laughing?" I queried.
"Tori found out about the boxers," Rex guffawed.
"And?" I urged him to continue.
"And now Robbie's so embarrassed that he's crying in the girl's bathroom with Sinjin," he snickered.
"That's awful!" I cried.
"I know! I love it!" he cackled.
"Rex, why are you so mean?" I solicited, concerned.
"Why you so stoopid?" he shot back in a strange voice. I gasped, hurt, before running off to find Robbie.
Author's Note: I notice that my introductions turn out to be longer than the parts with Lane's office, which is supposed to be the focus of the story. Oh well. Anyway, review if it is as you wish. :D