A/N: So.. I lost this chapter of the story about 4 times, and then my computer crashed and was unable to connect to internet for about a year. None of this is an excuse for not updating, now and the months preceding the faulty files and crash. A true writer finds a way. My sincerest apology.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice, or Nothing.
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I'd already been awake since 5:15 in the morning by the time any sun began crawling on my floor to light up my surroundings. I don't know how much longer I lay there half conscious, lost in half-comprehensible thought before there was a knock at my door that for a second I thought I'd hallucinated.
It got louder. I rolled over.
It continued. I stuffed my head into a pillow casing.
"Mikan, if you don't open this door right now I will knock it down and you will pay the expenses and be forced to wait a week before they put up a new one, with nothing but a thin tarp between you and whoever may pass by at any hour day or night." I recognized Hotaru's oh-so-cheery disposition, her sweet morning greetings dragging me violently out of bed across the jagged wood floors and onto my door. I slapped the handle until it opened and collapsed at her feet.
"Good morning." I think I said. She grabbed me by my collar and threw me back into my room.
"Change. I'm going to show you something."
I was too tired to care or even register this as I slipped on clothes like a zombie. I don't know what I put on or whether it was appropriate to be seen publicly in, but it didn't matter as I crawled back to the door and used all my strength to clutch the doorknob. The door slammed open in my face. I thanked the heavens it wasn't the same side of my face as the bruise.
"You left the door open." I think she said as she grabbed me and the surrounding world became flashes of halls, scooter, bursting into sunlight, the sudden breeze (the weather was getting colder), forest- and we were running, up and down, down, downhill. The ground went from gravel to grass to piles of orange and brown and yellow leaves. Sunlight thinned out only to break through the roof of trees above. It was surreal. There was a noise, a rushing, almost static-like noise, getting stronger as we got closer. After what seemed like hours of half-floating, half-stumbling down the endless path behind Hotaru, listening to the powerful and mysterious sound, we broke through a wall of bushes suddenly into a clearing.
It was a river. Only a few feet in width, that three and a half of me could lie down to form a bridge to the other side. Crystallized in time here, deep and dark and sparkling, the whole area bathed in bright orange sunlight.
"This was the work of an Alice." Hotaru stated, eyes trained on the marvelous masterpiece. Of course it was. It vibrated in the atmosphere and hummed in the healthy, strong current of the river. I took a deep breath of fresh, clean air and laughed. I dipped my hands in the water and threw it in the air to watch the droplets fall the same way I did into a pile of leaves. Twigs got in my hair, but I didn't mind.
"Come on, let's go. We can't have anyone wondering where we are." She said in what was her version of disappointment. I was content to have discovered this, grateful to Hotaru for sharing this intimate sanctuary with me, and promised myself I'd return. The whole way trudging back upward, I tried to imagine the one who created this river. I created my own imaginary boy in my head, granting him the features and characteristics I'd picture him to have. He'd be an upperclassman, with sandy, auburn-brown hair and blue eyes. He'd be tall, and calm, and nice, with a very kind smile.
We made it back and she informed me of the meeting we were to have soon. We parted, and I passed by my room to change. The mirror didn't have anything kind to say about how I got up this morning or the activities that followed. My shirt was backwards. And inside-out. Brushed my hair, brushed my teeth, washed my face, changed my clothes. Before I bolted out the door again, I caught a glimpse of grandpa's letters. I usually liked taking them with me, carrying a piece of him wherever I went, so I slipped the small stack of creamy-yellowing envelopes in my pocket, folded into a thick, neat square, and headed out.
It was time to pass Natsume's tree. I was upset to see the blanket and coins still at the base of the tree, but as I got closer I could see the blanket was not exactly as I'd left it, but rumpled and folded wrong. A smile grew on my face.
"Made good use of what I left you?" I looked up. He had his back to me, laying on his side on the branch.
"Good. But you forgot to take the money." Still no response.
"That's fine. You don't have to say anything." Maybe he was napping again. But I knew that wasn't true. I don't know how I knew. Intuition, maybe.
"Don't you worry your pretty little head off, Hyuuga. We're on to something."
Once his head finally began to turn slightly in my direction is when I bounced off along the usual path. I thought about my imaginary boy with the water Alice, creating the river. I thought, maybe, he'd be the opposite of Natsume.
"No!" Koko yelled, clutching the little dark brown, leather bound booklet tightly in his arms against his chest. We didn't understand why, until Mochi stood from the wooden crate where he'd been sitting and staring at Koko, and sprang up towards him.
"It's valuable to you! It has to go in the pile!" He yelled. Our eyes flashed back at the booklet. I'm almost sure everyone else also realized at that moment that the booklet contained records of all of Koko's favorite thoughts. There could have been a piece of each and every one of us in there for all we knew. For that, we were biased against poor Koko. So we insisted. It had meaning. He refused passionately, looking sadder than I'd ever seen him before. Come to think of it, I'd never before seen him sad. He'd looked saddest once he finally laid it carefully down on the pile.
Mochi, unfortunately, chose to "bark up the wrong tree", for then Koko pointed a vengeful finger at him and boomed: "The locket. Cough it up."
Mochi's face went from smug to confused to furiously shocked in a matter of seconds. "I- I don't know what you're talking about," he lied. Badly. Looking from face to face and slowly turning red, he shook his head. "I... I don't!" it seemed he only knew to say things in one tone of voice.
We all stared. Silent. Expectant.
A bead of sweat began to form above his brow, and he broke. His hand flew to clutch his chest as if he'd received a blow, but instead his fingers curled through the cloth and around a pendant we couldn't see. He backed up quickly and bared his teeth at us. "No! I won't give it to any of you!"
Kitsuneme apporached him, extending a gentle hand toward him. "C'mon Mo-"
His hand was smacked away loudly as Mochi cut him off, yelling "Get away from me!"
It was odd seeing everyone so out of character today. Mochiage was not usually the hysterical type. But I suppose when something you care about is about to be taken away from you, you'll go to extremes to protect it.
"Come on, Mochi, we all have to contribute to the pile with the things that hold most meaning." The attempt at reasoning flowed out of my mouth nonchalantly, too caught up in my thoughts to realize I'd even said anything.
I should have kept my mouth shut.
Everyone joined in with different levels of coaxing and threatening, until finally, surrounded, he realized he had very few options. His trembling fists dropped down in defeat. He gave a hateful look at Yuu, who came forward take the locket from his vein-popping neck. He lunged forward once quickly just to make poor Yuu yelp and scatter back, now having retrieved the necklace. He scampered like a baby deer over to the pile, dropping it on top. It opened with the impact, revealing a picture of a woman who must have been Mochi's mother, or something. Some of us squirmed uncomfortably. But the pile was beginning to take on true shape. This was what was missing. Sacrifice.
I was the next victim to learn the meaning of the word. It was already too late by the time I turned my attention from the silver glinting locket and to my side, where Permy's eyes too were glinting- with malice and realization, trained on my pocket. I barely had time to gasp and look down at the envelope's corner peeking out before Permy was jumping from excitement, pointing again and again at what I was trying desperately to hide.
"Her letters! Mikan has her grandpa's letters!" She squealed like a pig and my mouth became a straight line. "She has to give them up." She looked so proud of herself. I suddenly wished I had Hyuuga's Alice. I would burned that stupid perm clean off her scalp.
I turned my gaze to the rest. All eyes were on me now. "...Let's be reasonable, people." I laughed a little too hard. Permy scoffed and rolled her eyes. I clenched my jaw. I would burn her eyebrows off as well.
"Now... these are just some stupid papers. They don't have any real meaning.. not like a locket, or diary.." My hand tightened around my precious stack. Ruka looked at me with pity. Hotaru didn't look at me at all.
"...Mikan-chan.." Tsubasa painstakingly muttered. My feigned smile faltered. I twitched it back into place.
"..It's getting late. How about we just all go home and sleep on it? And then if you all still think that a couple of letters really mean that much, I bring them back here. You have my word." I lifted my palm to demonstrate my sincerity. Like hell they had my word. I crossed the fingers holding on tightly to my treasure. Oops, lost the letters. Somewhere safe.
"..That's not fair, Koko and Mochi had to give up there things!" Someone piped up.
"Yeah, and besides, you yourself said that we all have to contribute!" Someone else joined. Permy smiled triumphantly. My palms broke into a sweat similar to Mochi's earlier and I now understood.
Like I said, I should have kept my mouth shut.
My eyes darted to the entrance. Could I make a run for it? Koko read my thoughts and stepped in the way. He was still bitter. I bit my lip. I considered throwing a tantrum, throwing myself on the floor and screaming and crying so loud they would see I'm too pathetic and leave me alone. Maybe I could gain their sympathy. After all, this was all that I had of my grandpa and oh, wouldn't you all let me keep this little piece of home?
Some of them crossed their arms and huffed with impatience, and I immediately knew they weren't gonna have it. My head dipped down low to hide the tears forming as I decided I would at least keep my dignity. I stepped forward bravely and tried not to sniffle too loudly as I pulled the letters out. I studied the wilted corners and the printed words on the outside, wishing I had time to open them and read them one last time. I watched them fall on top of the brown booklet, beside the open locket, and everything was finally set in motion. We were on the "right" track.
Misaki put her hands on my shoulders that were shaking with silent sobs, and shot Tsubasa a look. He quickly spoke up:
"Alright, let's call it a day.. Come on, we're done here. Everyone back to the dorms. We'll resume on Monday after class." People began to disperse. Misaki gave my shoulders a squeeze and turned to leave with the rest. I felt Hotaru come up beside me.
"I'll give you a ride back." She offered. I shook my head. I wanted to walk back alone. Also, I was a little angry. She didn't say anything to defend me. I knew it was unreasonable, because if she had said something, she would have lost credibility. It was her plan after all. She knew that the more the things meant, the more her plan would work., and my letters were a goldmine of sentiment. But I still wanted to be alone. She took the hint, and gave a brief nod before mounting her scooter and speeding off. I was one of the last to depart, and only let myself cry audibly once I was in the privacy of the forest.
When I reached Natsume's tree, I was still sobbing. My vision was clouded with a constant stream of tears, my judgment clouded by all my resenting anger at Permy.
Natsume was sitting straight up in his branch, and I could tell his eyes were trained on me, even if all I saw was a blur up in a tree.
"M... P-Plums?" He stumbled through the words, sounding startled at my appearance. It almost made me laugh. The first time he sounds startled at anything, and it's at my pathetic crying form, crawling up to the base of the tree to curl up in a fetal position.
"..Are you alright?" He asked hesitantly, which was a very stupid question. It wasn't like him to ask stupid questions.
"Plums, what happened?" He insisted more firmly this time, peering intently at me from above. I gnawed at my lower lip as high, animal-like whimpers escaped my throat. Looking back up at him, vision-blurring tears slipped out of the corners of my saucer-sized eyes, and I could finally see his expression was one of alarm. "What happened?" He asked again.
I calmed down considerably. My hyperventilating sobs slowed to an occasional hiccup. I would make Permy pay for what she did.
"...Our plan is working." My wavering, sob-thickened voice choked out.
"...What the hell are you talking about?" He demanded, looking so confused and mad that I really did laugh this time. That really baffled him. He shook his head and disappeared back into the tree with an exasperated exhale.
I leaned my head back on the truck and contented myself with sniffling and observing the lights in windows of the dorm buildings turning off or on. At a squirrel swiftly making it's way across the lawn and into a tree. I wonder if Natsume climbed like a squirrel. He probably climbed like a cat. Maybe he was stuck in the tree.
"...They took the letters. I don't have anything left of my grandpa. Did you know he passed away last year?" I confessed out loud. Natsume stayed silent. He had no idea what I was talking about, of course.
"I'm going to get revenge, though." I sniffled. I heard him shift.
"..He was a great man. He took care of me. He was the only family I had that was still alive. I couldn't even make it to his funeral because I was stuck here.. am stuck. Because I am stuck.." My voice cracked and faded. I stood before I could start crying again, and started walking away.
"Hey Plums." He called and I turned. He was hugging his knees to his chest, and for the first time I could almost believe we were the same age, if it weren't for the look in his eyes.. as if he knew something that I did not. As if it wasn't the other way around.
"Good luck getting back at whoever took them away from you." He said, and I couldn't help but take note of all the vague terms he used. I swiped at my eyes.
"Thank you, Natsume." For listening. I didn't say. I had used his first name before, but this time, it sounded different. I could swear he almost smiled, but he turned his head away before I could tell. With that, I turned and left to my dorm, exhausted from crying, devising plans for avenging my letters and punishing Permy.
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That night was the first of the strange dreams that would follow.
I was at the bottom of a river, watching my letters float away. My grandpa was at the other end, watching me. He opened his arms toward me. Only it wasn't my grandpa anymore, but Narumi. I looked up at the light filtering through the water. Some kid dropped their favorite green wedge sandals in the stream, and a cat fell in trying to get them back, but was drowning. And there was a man. A man dressed in black at the edge of the river, looking down at us all.
The first of many unsettling dreams to come.
Finally finished it.
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