15. Half A World Away

She could have been anywhere. She sat with her knees pulled up to her chest and her fingers curled around her bare ankles as she watched her two best friends frolicking in the Mediterranean sea. She smiled watching them splashing each other and laughing. She reached into her brown satchel and pulled out a blue embroidered journal and a black biro. She turned to the first blank page in the middle of the book, and decided to put pen to paper.

Day 21

July 2nd 2010 (Friday)

Nice, France

I'm sitting on a beach in the South of France, and I sorta can't believe it. We've been away for nearly a month now, and everything feels a million miles away. I feel like I'm in a dream world, even though I'm just half a world away from New York, and NYU and almost everyone I know. Graduation is coming up. I don't know if I even wanna return. Return to that life where everyone expects so much of me. I've been thinking of just becoming a nomad, roaming Europe, getting lost among the nameless faces. It's probably just the nerves talking.
I know when I go back I'll have to see her. The thought of seeing her makes my tummy churn and convulse. Seeing that smile; hearing that irritatingly adorable giggle, bumping into her in hallways and knowing that I could see her any moment. Seeing Puckerman with his arm around her. I just don't understand what's happening to me. I'm not a jealous person, I'm not. But I don't understand the churning of my tummy like a cement mixer and the tight squeeze deep within my chest whenever I see her. I don't understand why I want to slam her into a wall while those words that I don't understand tumble out of my mouth so fast like I can't control them. I'm running to stand still, and it's all her fault.
I hoped this trip would clear my head and I would finally figure out what to do. I'm still hoping it'll happen.

She shut the journal just as she saw her best friends hand in hand clamber out of the water and she stashed it back in her bag. The girls giggled as they approached and Quinn handled them their towels. They both smiled at her in thanks.
'Cold?' She smiled.
They laughed. 'It's freezing when you first get in, but after that you get used to it.'
'You should go in. I'll come with you if you want.' The other blonde haired girl chimed in.
She smiled but shook her head. 'I'm okay just sitting here I think guys.'
The taller of the two girls rubbed her long bronzed damp legs with her navy towel and looked at her with a concerned look. 'You okay Q…?'
She nodded, ignoring the stone-like feeling in her lower abdomen. 'Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking.'
The bronzed girl raised a brow. 'I know what you get like when you're 'thinking'. Come on, what's up?'
She sighed looking past them at the vast dark blue sea stretched out in front of them. 'Have you ever…' She stopped herself and shook her head, trying to shake away the thought. 'Doesn't matter.'

The two girls looked at each other then sat down either side of her. The bronzed girl to her right stretched out her legs. 'Come on,' She said softly, encouraging her. 'It does matter.'
She brought her forearms up and rested them on her knees, interlocking her fingers. She didn't look at either of them, just kept looking out to sea. 'Have you ever wondered, what it would be like to just…disappear…?'
The two girls looked at each other with worried expressions, then back to Quinn.
She shook her head. 'I don't mean disappearing as in dying. I just mean, to like, get lost. It's a big world out there. Bigger than NYU, bigger than New York. Bigger than us. Just sometimes I wonder what it would be like to get lost into the heart of it all.'

With a heavy sigh she stretched out her legs like the other two girls. The blonde haired girl listened quietly but intensely, giving sympathetic nods. The bronzed girl reached out a hand and covered Quinn's fist sitting in her lap. Her dark eyes sparkled. 'You'll get out there.' She smiled. 'You're gonna go far Quinn. I just know it.'
They all looked at each other. Quinn smiled. 'Hey, where d'you think we're all gonna be, 10 years from now?' They all made a humming noise thinking.
Quinn chuckled and looked back to the bronzed girl. 'You're gonna be the one with the high-paying job and the football playing husband, named something hyper-masculine like Brandon, with the two adorable kids in the rich modern house.'
She grinned. 'He sounds hot…you better stay away from my husband!' She laughed playfully shoving Quinn. They all laughed and Quinn turned to the other blonde.
'And you…' She slipped her arm around the back of her shoulders and pulled her into a squeeze. She scrunched up her face in a pause, thinking. '…You're gonna live somewhere out there.' She looked out to the sea and tilted her head, imagining. 'You'll live somewhere like…' Her forefinger tapped her chin. '…New Zealand.' She nodded. 'You'll live in New Zealand; you'll have a cute little cottage with your little husband Drew, with a cat and you'll have your first kid on the way.' She nodded, happy with her little prediction.
They both looked at her. The blonde haired girl nudged her with an elbow. 'And where will you be in 10 years…?'
She kept looking out to the horizon. 'Honestly?' She shrugged. 'I have no idea…'
She didn't bother to tell them the rest of what she was thinking. They just laughed and played around until the sun began to set, and she didn't feel so heavy.