Recovery

After all of the excitement of her return ended, Nyota and her children returned to their home. She made certain that the boys ate and sent Styik to bed. He picked the baby up and informed her, "Sytar has been sleeping in the same bed with me, just in case he needs me in the duration of our resting period." She looked puzzled at this statement and he explained, "Sytar can communicate with me. He can express his feelings and thoughts and he can even speak to me, in his own language."

"Sytar is too young to communicate that way, Styik." Nyota said.

Styik tilted his head, then said, "He wants to try it on you, Mother. He thinks that you will be able to feel it." Styik brought Sytar over to Nyota. Nyota took a seat in a cushioned chair and she smiled as Styik placed Sytar's hands on her head and suddenly, she left the room.

Nyota went into one of her dreams, where she had a happy family, or at the least, they were very content. She was seated on a swing set with Sytar on her lap, but he was older. He was perhaps three or so, and Spock was pushing the swing. Suzak was in the swing next to her, and Styik was pushing his swing. Nearby, there was a blanket where Sarek sat reading from a PADD to a baby girl. Ambassador Spock and Tirza were there, too, but they were only just arriving. Ambassador Spock was holding a toddler size girl and Tirza was clearly pregnant.

Sytar removed his hands from Nyota's face and she grabbed him and hugged him and smothered him with kisses. "How did he do that?"

Styik clarified, "He showed you your dream with elements of his own and mine. Those are the only ones that he is familiar with." She kissed Sytar on the forehead. Styik continued to say, "I picked him up one day after playing mind cards with Suzak, and he began to show me the images of the cards that I had been practicing with Suzak, so I began to speak with him, the way that I speak." She knew that he meant mentally. "When I ask him a question, or make a statement, he replies with an image. There is nothing wrong with his understanding. He simply can not communicate like we can, yet."

Nyota felt her heart become heavy. She looked around and said, "Spock should be here to hear this. He will find it so interesting. He will be so proud of both of you."

"Where is Father, Mother?" Styik asked.

She shook her head, "I do not know. He left with your grandfather, Ambassador Spock and Tirza."

"What happened while you were gone?" He asked, curiously.

Her response was simple and vague, "A lot."

Styik thought for a moment. He knew precisely what she was doing, keeping it locked inside, as though concealing the facts would help him to feel better about things. He wished that she would remember that although he was a child and her child, that he was also Vulcan. He could handle the knowledge, and he wanted to know. He tried to keep the conversation going with a suggestion, "Perhaps he did something to disgrace himself, or to disgrace the Vulcan family name... for such an event, he would be taken to T'Pau for treatment." Styik said, playfully touching Sytar's fingertips, although Nyota knew that this idea worried him.

"What does treatment entail, Styik?" Nyota realized many years ago that it would not be easy to learn of Vulcan customs from Spock, and this had proven painfully true, as it related to things such as their marking their mates as property, Pon Farr, the kahs-wan (which she refused to have Styik go through), and she knew that there were other things amongst them. What had not previously occurred to her was the fact that Styik would be familiar with such information, and as she came to that realization, she also deduced that Styik would not have the desire to be secretive about the matters. He was no stranger to sharing his thoughts or feelings.

Styik explained, "She tries to purge the emotions from the Vulcan who is suffering. It is not like the kolinahr ritual, where all emotion is purged, it is more like..." He thought for a moment, then said, "Remember the time that Pavel bought you those candies?" Jelly beans, she immediately remembered. Styik finished explaining, "You plucked out all of the black ones and threw them into the trash, then you claimed that you could enjoy the rest of them, because you did not like the black ones. It is similar to that. She will not pluck out all of the emotions, just the ones that he does not like... but, sometimes, Vulcans can get carried away in purging processes. Emotions are such a struggle that sometimes when being treated for certain emotions, we tend to wish to get rid of other ones too. I do not want Father to get rid of other emotions."

"Well, I think that Spock cares enough about us to only have the black ones plucked out." Nyota said. She knew that she probably sounded like she was trying to convince herself, and sadly acknowledged that Styik would notice it, whether or not he would point it out to her.

"I think that you underestimate Father's obedience to logic." Styik replied. They sat in silence for a moment, then Styik gathered Sytar from her lap and said, "I am going to bed, now. Kiss him goodnight in a wholly silly way. He rather enjoys it." She lifted up Sytar's little shirt and began to blow raspberries against his skin. The baby giggled tremendously and slapped his hands about. Styik said, "I hope that they can find Suzak. I miss him. I was only partially joking when I said that you should adopt him too. I know from experience that you and Father are significantly better parents than Sybok. I hope that he does not ruin my cousin."

Nyota smiled and stroked Sytar's face, then Styik's, "We will not lose hope of finding your cousin, and Sybok is now a Federation fugitive. He will be sought after, and when they find him, I am sure that Suzak will be returned to your Grandfather's custody. Now, you two sleep in here, tonight. I missed you and I want you here with me."

"That invitation is acceptable." Styik said. He carried Sytar to Nyota and Spock's bed and laid him down. He rocked the baby until he was asleep, then left the bed to see Nyota again. "Mother." She looked at him. She had been sitting in the chair, staring off into space since he went to the bed, but now, he had broke into her thoughts. "Share with me." He said.

"I would never want to put such a thing on you, Styik." She said, gently.

Styik frowned. He said, calmly, "Mother, I have had terrible images in my head. My imagination is probably more morbid than your actual experience. If you share with me, it may help to grant me mental peace on the subject. There are troubling thoughts in my head as to what happened to you in the period of time that you were held against your will."

"Styik..." She attempted, although she really did not know how to respond.

"Were you raped?" The question flew out of his mouth, as though he could not hold it in for another moment.

"No!" She said quickly. He sighed with relief. Nyota certainly never forgot about Styik's past, about the fact that he was a product of rape, and about the fact that he carried his mother's katra for so long that he probably personally experienced the feeling of the act through her painful memories, but she sometimes did not consider how that could affect him with other things. Nyota picked Styik up with a groan and placed him on her lap. He hesitated, then reached out for her temple. He was able to see exactly all that had happened to her, and the things that she witnessed happening to Spock, as well, then, when he came to the point where she blacked out, and awoke to find that Livingston was dead, he broke the link.

Styik looked terrified, "Father killed him?"

Nyota tilted her head, not wanting to affirm her response, therefore she answered, "It is most likely."

Styik looked anxiously at her and said, "I must see him. He will need me. He does not know how to handle such guilt. Being raised as logically as he was, he can not endure knowing that he took someone's life. I have killed before, and I have a better outlook on the issue than any of the Vulcans who he will seek council from do. They have never killed. They may judge him and make him feel worse about it..."

"He will endure, Styik. He has to." Nyota's voice sang the words out.

Styik lowered his head and said, "I'm glad the man is dead, but I would not have wanted Father to have to feel the way that I am sure he is feeling in order to achieve it. I certainly hope that he is truly dead. After all, he is the father of cloning perfection. For all we know, that wasn't even him, and if not, then Father is punishing himself over giving a clone a beat down... a well deserved beat down, as Uncle Toimu might say."

Nyota stared off for a moment. The thought that Livingston may have had a clone standing in for him had crossed her mind as well, but she ventured to hope that he would have wanted to be up close and personal for the exacting of such revenge against her, and also hoped that he was really dead, although she did wish that Spock did not feel the way that he did about killing him, or about whatever it was that he was feeling bad about. Maybe he was still suffering from the images Sybok planted in his head. Maybe they seemed too real for him and he did not want to face her until he could get them in check... Maybe something else that she did not get a chance to see a glimpse of on the screen had been done to him... there was no way of telling. She wanted to see him. She needed to see and talk to him, but the last few times she had seen him, he had hardly said a word to her. Styik's silent laughter interrupted her train of thought, as it caused him to wiggle slightly in her arms. She looked at him.

Styik thought for a while, then chuckled, a little. "I told Uncle Toimu that I did not believe you to be dead, that I did not know what was going on, but I did not think that you were dead, and to entertain me, he said, "You must really know my sister. If she is alive, she is fine, wherever she is. She's probably handling herself well right about now, and just waiting on Spock to give her a ride back home. Probably has already given whoever took her a well deserved beat down" Styik now laughed audibly at the memory, then added, "I believe that he is no longer afraid of me, and that if he is, he is now able to control it enough to consider me family. He spent time with us while you were gone." Styik climbed down from her lap and said, "Lady Tirza will want me in the learning bowl early, regardless of tonight's reunion. I will go to bed now. I simply needed to know for myself what had taken place. Thank you for sharing with me, Mother." She kissed him on the cheek and watched him go to bed.

When both boys were asleep, Nyota cleaned herself up and changed into her robes. She knocked on Vulrak's door, but he did not answer. She went to Ambassador Spock's room and knocked, as well. Same result. She made her way all the way to Sarek's chambers on the other side of the mansion and knocked on his door. "Enter, Daughter." She heard his voice say in High Vulcan. She opened the door and found Spock seated on a cushion, in front of Sarek. Sarek turned to face her when she walked in, but Spock kept his focus straight ahead. She walked into the room as Sarek gestured to a place next to Spock, "Be seated." Spock shifted himself to slide the cushion to where Nyota could use it, instead of himself. She sat down on the cushion, in a similar form to how Spock was seated, and touched his hand, as she did.

Her touch reached Spock's focus and he looked at her. It seemed to her to be the first time that he actually made eye contact with her since leaving Torvon III, but the eye contact did not appear positive, in fact, he seemed bothered by her touching him. She quickly withdrew her hand and stared at him as he turned to face his father, once more. Sarek clasped his hands together and said, "Daughter, Spock will be following a path, soon. It is his intention to share with you the reason as to why he must do so, however, he does not currently have the necessary control over his faculties to do so, therefore, I shall serve as a mediator between the two of you." Spock lifted his two fingers into the air, towards Nyota and she connected hers with his. Sarek placed one hand on each of their temples and began to assist them in their communication process.

Nyota's shift ended in the communications center of the New Vulcan Embassy building. One thing about working for Vulcans was that a shift hardly ever ran over. They had a precise time that they expected her to arrive, as well as to leave. For her to continue working beyond her shift was not logical, unless there was a dire situation, directly affecting her job. She withdrew her ear piece at the indicated time and left her office with Vulrak walking next to her. He escorted her to the meditation caves and she walked into one, alone, as he stood outside.

Spock was laying flat on his back with his fingers intertwined, except for the two index fingers, which touched at the tips and pointed upward. He did not turn when she entered. She rested next to him and laid in the same position, making the same gesture. He did not move. Spock had been here for days, laying in this same way each time that she saw him. He did not respond or react to anything around him, and it seemed to her that he was in some type of trans. After a while, she rose, but he remained where he was. She placed her hands over his and kissed the temple of his head. She watched his face for a sign of change, but there was none. However, as he usually did, he transferred his emotions of love into her through their hand contact. She gave him a small smile and left the cave.

Vulrak and she walked back to the mansion. She decided that walking, instead of taking the transports would provide great exercise, and she was not mistaken nor disappointed in the thought. When they entered, she immediately went to see Sarek. This had become an every evening practice of hers. She knocked on his door and he stated, "Enter, Daughter." She did so. Sarek was seated in a chair, with a cushioned pillow in front of him, which she generally sat on when she addressed him in his chambers. There was some type of old Vulcan practice where the elders were elevated when another came before them, and Nyota did not mind humbling herself a bit for the chance to attain a bit of Sarek's wisdom.

She sat, in the same place as each night and said, "I have gone to see my husband, and there is still no change."

Sarek replied, "Spock is traveling a path. It is necessary for him to continue it in order to be able to function properly. It has troubled Spock greatly how out of control he allowed himself to become. The path that he now follows is simply a tool to assist him in regaining control."

"He seemed to be in complete control on the way back to New Vulcan." She stated, knowing that it was illogical for her to point this out to Sarek, but feeling that even if he did not agree with her, having been married to the Lady Amanda for the time period that he was, he could at least know how to deal with her emotions better than any other Vulcan that she knew.

Sarek responsibly answered, "Vulcans do not deal in the things that seem to be, Daughter, but in the things which are. "Seeming" can too easily be a tool of deception and Vulcans are not artists in deception. Spock has no goals of living within the parameter of lies, or within the parameters of hatred. To free himself of such a burden, he must complete this path." Sarek said.

Nyota sighed and looked at the floor. She began to mumble in Swahili. Up until that point, they had been speaking in High Vulcan, but she switched to her native tongue for her mumblings. Sarek simply stared at her. He did not speak Swahili, but had been around her enough recently to know that the words that she was speaking were cussings. She took a deep breath and looked at him again. She forced her face to be as tranquil as she could attain and returned to the preferred language of this gathering, "Master Sarek, the path that Spock has chosen to take..." She realized that the statement in which she was about to make was about to come out too emotionally and translate in a peculiar order for Vulcan speech. She corrected herself, "I apologize. Allow me to paraphrase: Is Spock's current path one that will remove his emotion?" She had been wondering about this since Sarek informed her that Spock would be away, in this process which T'Pau would help him to enter, but he would have to exit on his own. She was worried that someone else might return, and not Spock.

Sarek answered, "Daughter, Spock has no intention of emotionally abandoning you, nor his children. He is merely attempting to optimize his mentality by purging away some of his most recent brushes with the ugliest of emotions... the jealousy, the rage, the sorrow, and the guilt are all things which must come to pass. These emotions have settled upon him greatly, and a terrible fate awaits a Vulcan who does not gain control over such feelings." Nyota crawled over to Sarek and rested her head on his knees. He placed a hand on the side of her face and said, "Daughter, do not allow his treatment to sadden you. This path is being taken for the benefit of Spock's mental state and for his uncompromising ability to be who he needs to be, for himself and for his family. His guilt is the greatest of his emotions. He feels guilty about allowing you to be taken. He feels that he has failed you as a husband and as your protector, and that everything that you encountered happened as a direct result of that failure. I realize that such thinking is illogical, but he has been having difficulty reconciling with logic on the subject. You must allow him the necessary time to do so."

"So, he is not guilty about killing Livingston?" She asked. Sarek tilted his head slightly and left the question unanswered. Sarek would only say so much to even her, Spock's bond mate. The information which he had just shared with her was far more than most logical Vulcans would share even with their own offspring, much less with their mates. She suddenly felt honored that he would allow her such closeness with him. She looked up at his face, then arose to hug him. When she ended the hug, she left the room and headed directly for her own quarters. Styik and Sytar had their fingertips connected and she smiled at the image. The two of them had become closer than anyone else in the family, as far as she could see, and she was grateful for it. At least someone in the family was connecting.

When Nyota had been pregnant with Sytar, the further along she became in her pregnancy, the more cautious Spock became about Styik coming in contact with her. Styik would sneak into the room while Nyota slept and while Spock was gone, simply to touch her womb and transfer his emotions into it. He wondered if the baby could sense him there and if he could sense him, if he would know him when he emerged. Styik had been the first to try to contact the baby in that way, at the very first time that he had met Nyota. Styik had realized that there was a life within her and touched her in attempt to connect with the life, but it had been too early. The stream of consciousness was not yet strong enough to acknowledge him.

Now, not only did Sytar acknowledge Styik, but he acknowledged him as his brother, and only seemed to communicate with him in this particular way. Sytar transferred feelings to and received feelings from Spock and Nyota, but he actually communicated with Styik in such a way that if Styik concentrated enough, he could gather a full series of thoughts. Styik was working on teaching Sytar to hone his skills of communicating in this way while he was this young, after all, he was only a quarter Vulcan, he needed extra attention to be able to keep up with the other Vulcans that he would be exposed to in the future.

Styik looked expectantly at Nyota when she entered, but quickly, looked saddened when he noticed that she was entering alone. "He has not recovered." Styik stated. Sytar began to whimper and Styik pulled his hand away from the baby. "Sorry, Sytar." He said, about the transfer.

Nyota gathered Sytar into her arms and said, "He is still on his path. We just have to be patient, in the meantime."

Nyota greeted lady Tirza with a polite nod of her head. Tirza returned the gesture and began the learning bowl for Styik. She announced in a monotone voice, "Your son's scores are among the highest which I have seen in Vulcan children his age. He is advanced beyond his years."

"I am proud of him." Nyota said.

"Pride is not wise, Lady Nyota." Nyota liked the fact that Tirza called her "Lady Nyota", instead of "Lady Uhura", as most of the Vulcans did. It seemed to indicate to Nyota that Tirza perhaps desired friendship from her.

Nyota smiled and said, "I know that you do not think that pride is wise, but it is the way that I feel, despite the common opinion, here."

Tirza stared at Nyota and said, "It was not my intention to commence an argument, Lady Nyota."

"No, no, no, I am not arguing." She said, and laughed awkwardly. Then, to change the subject, she said, "I have not really spoken to your Spock since I came back. How is he?" After she asked it, she immediately realized that the question was lost.

Tirza replied, "He is completely functional. All of his faculties are in order."

Nyota added, "He seems happy with you."

"He is pleased with the positive results of applying sound logic into choosing a bond mate." Tirza corrected. Nyota studied her face. This was a tough cookie. If the statement had any affect on Tirza, Tirza's logic capacities were far too great for Nyota to see it. "Is there a mystery that I can assist you in detecting, Lady Nyota?" Tirza asked the woman who was staring at her so curiously.

"How are you, besides in functional capacity?" Nyota asked.

Tirza tilted her head at the question. "You are seeking an emotional response from me. I must tell you that I have been cleansed of my tainting. With Ambassador Spock, there is no severe exposure to Vulcan passions. I am within functioning capacity."

"And, I suppose that you are not sad by T'Pring's death?" Nyota asked, having gotten the story from Vulrak of how Tirza hit T'Pring with a stone, while in fear of her own safety and T'Pring died shortly afterward.

Tirza gave her a logical response to this question, as well. "Death is not a reason to become sad. Death is a natural part of life."

"But, T'Pring's death was not natural. She was killed." Nyota reinforced.

"It was an accident." Tirza stated, but she felt herself becoming bothered by the questioning and responses of Lady Nyota. Being married to a Vulcan, and a noble, at that, Tirza realized that Nyota, although her humanity understood why she might have hit T'Pring, her Vulcan connection to Spock would indicate that a proper Vulcan should not have resorted to that type of violence, not even to save one's self. To save another, possibly, depending on certain factors, but Tirza's reaction had been emotion driven and self serving, whether or not it was an accident.

Nyota really was not trying to upset her, but concerned about Spock, now. "Although it was an accident, it was still considered murder, according to Vulcan belief. What happened after that? Did you need treatment for the guilt?"

"My emotionalism is a personal matter, Lady Nyota. I insist upon you remembering and respecting this fact." Tirza stated and turned her back to Nyota as she monitored the results appearing on the outside screen of Styik's learning bowl.

"Will Spock still love me when he gets back? That is all that I want to know." Nyota asked.

Tirza stared at her and stated, "There is no logical reason as to why he would not. Emotion can not be taken away from humans in the same way that it can Vulcans and try as Spock might to relieve himself of the burden of them, his emotions will always be present within his DNA. Your relationship shall not suffer from the process, but be made better. When Spock can regain his control, he shall retain his contentment." Tirza stated, "And I am content, if that answer better suits your earlier line of questioning." She turned back to the results and Nyota left the learning area.

Nyota stared off of the veranda at New Vulcan, recalling when she sat here with T'Pring, not too long ago, and not too long before the Vulcan woman had relinquished pretty much all of her logic, for what she believed to be the greater good. She had the thought to go to see Spock again, to beg him to respond to her, to interrupt his path, no matter what everyone was trying to convince her of, but she fought off the urge. Soon, she heard the door open and she turned to see him step out onto the veranda.

She stood up abruptly and rushed over to him, but stopped just short of touching him and simply stared at him. Spock had his hands behind his back and said, calmly, "Nyota, I apologize for withdrawing from you. I have returned, now and I have no intention of withdrawing again."

She sighed and reached for him. She placed her hands on his cheeks and stared into his eyes, "Are you alright?"

"I am content." He answered. She nodded and pressed forward to kiss him. Spock responded to her kiss, but it felt differently to her. It felt... empty. She quickly pulled back and stared at him. He pressed his forehead to hers and explained, "Things may feel a bit differently for a short time, but I promise you that any changes are for the better."

She shut her eyes tightly and asked, "Do you still love me? Be honest, Spock. Please." He stroked the back of her neck with his fingertips as he held her and she could feel his love for her. That was all that she needed to get by. Things would be alright. They were together again. He was content, or so he claimed, and he still loved her. She took his hand and said, "Come on, the boys have been sleeping in our bed. They will be happy to see you."

"I believe that it shall bring me great pleasure to see them, as well." Spock concluded.

When the family came together, Styik said, "I miss us bonding, as a family. I desire for us to do so. We need to include Sytar, as well." He looked at Spock, not feeling the need to explain what he had with Nyota, as Spock had discovered his connection to Sytar before leaving for the Torvon III mission.

Spock, who had been quite curious on the matter, before and did not deem it a reasonable time to question it when he originally found out, now observed, "Perhaps the reason that Sytar communicates so easily with you, Styik is your exceptionally sensitive touch telepathy."

Styik smirked and said, "No, that is why I first noticed it. Sytar's patterns are quite impressive. I have a theory of why. It may be incorrect, but I wish to share it."

"I am interested." Spock stated.

"When Mother was pregnant with Sytar, I would touch her womb as she slept, to try to transfer my feeling into it. He may have received some of me through this repeated action."

"That was very dangerous, Styik." Spock warned.

Styik defended, "I never transferred negative emotion, and the Vulcans of passion transfer their love and excitement of their baby's lives to the wombs of the mothers quite frequently. They believe that by doing so that the baby will know that he is loved upon being born. You had not allowed me closely enough to Mother while she was awake and pregnant to try to bond with him, so I waited until she was sleep and you were on the bridge."

Nyota rubbed a hand down the side of Styik's face and said, "Whether or not that is the reason that he is able to communicate the way that he is, it was sweet of you to want to bond with him before he was born. But, if your father believes that it was also dangerous, most likely, it was."

"Sytar's survival succeeded the other children you carried before him. How do you know that I did not help him?" Styik had said the words before thinking, and Sytar began to whine. Styik realized that the baby was probably projecting feelings he had just picked up from Nyota. "I apologize, Mother." He came closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. Spock simply watched them curiously, for a moment, before arising from the bed to kneel next to Styik. He was interested in knowing if the baby truly was capable of connecting into their family thread of mental bonding.

For Sytar to bond with Nyota mentally was not unheard of. Vulcan babies often established mental connections to their mother during their infancy. However, it had not occurred between himself and his human mother. It did not seem likely that Sytar would connect with Nyota, with the child being even less Vulcan than Spock himself, and Nyota being human... Logic would declare it unlikely. Spock reached out and took Nyota's hands into his, with one of his arms around Styik. Sytar was now the center of the circle. Spock studied his family for a moment. Styik and Nyota's eyes were shut, but Sytar was wide awake, seemed completely aware of Spock, and they were looking at each other. Spock could feel him there. He could sense another stream of consciousness in their bonding thread. It caused him to smile, and Sytar began to giggle.