Dedicated to Rookie-san~
NOTES: Future timeline. Cohabitation. Akaya x Yanagi. Externally inexpressive & internally sensitive Yanagi.
Unlove
Dysfunctional relationships form when one fails to express just how important his partner is to him.
…
"Let's end our relationship, Yanagi-senpai. I'm in love with someone else now."
After their years of companionship through high school and through college, through passion and stagnation, he finally brought up such a request.
He watched the other's countenance carefully as they sat, face-to-face, in the living room. The other assembled himself like a cold statue: hands folded neatly at his lap, back completely straight, neck at a neutral angle and eyes staring straight ahead.
The other was completely unmoved, his calm composure entirely flawless.
As he watched him still, he also pondered the absurdity of the entire situation. The person, the statue, is, was who he fell in love with so many years ago.
Now that he thought about it, it seemed like it was a long time ago.
He could not remember what it was about the other that first interested him.
It was perhaps the other's calm, flawless composure. Since the law of attraction was opposite attraction, maybe it was his childish immaturity that drew him to the other. And now that he is grown and mature, the other's heavy logic and cool composure no longer drew him because the law of attraction no longer applied to their relationship.
Now, because they are both adults, because they are both well-established, perhaps they are repelled by each other's similarity.
As he looked at the other's exposed amber eyes, all he sees is complete emotional control. It felt as if his endless pestering in the past for the other to keep his eyes opened to him suddenly became pointless and stupid. There was no difference between the other's eyes, closed or opened.
Whoever made the statement about one's eyes being the windows to one's soul, he thought in disapproval, was such a liar.
At least, it did not seem to apply to the other.
"Did you hear what I said, Yanagi-senpai?" The other's inaction made him question.
"Aa." Came the plain reply.
He fought the urge to roll his eyes.
"If that is so, then so be it." The other's apathetic voice matched his aloofness.
The other did not care, he wanted to laugh. The other did not even care enough to ask him to reconsider, to hold him back, to attempt to save their dying relationship.
"In that case," he rose promptly from his seat, "I'll be staying over at her place tonight. I'll be back for my things tomorrow."
The lightness of his voice contradicted the irritation and disappointment flooding him inside. That was all his heart was pumping through the blood vessels of his body: irritation and disappointment.
"Aa. Tomorrow, then." The other confirmed flatly.
Finally, with his back turned to the other, he rolled his eyes on his way out the door.
He did not turn around to look at the other as he usually did when they bid each other farewell at the door.
The door closed behind him.
He stopped. He waited.
Once the effects of irritation and disappointment wore off, anxiety settled into his system, prickling his nerves.
He waited.
He mentally counted away the amount of time he would dedicate to waiting, waiting for the right moment.
That right moment arrived about fifteen minutes later.
From the same spot he had been standing in, he pivoted around, placed a hand on the door handle and turned it slowly.
It was unlocked.
Once he turned it to the end, he pushed the door open slowly, bit by bit.
He was finally greeted with the sight of the other, rooted to the ground in the same exact spot he stood when he saw him off fifteen minutes ago.
He was taken aback when the other raised his head to meet his gaze.
He witnessed the image of a crumbling statue, of destroyed perfection.
There were wet streaks along the plains of the other's cheeks. A grim line had settled between the other's lips. A deep line wrinkled the space between his fine brows.
But those were not most important details to him.
He saw the other's eyes, the windows revealing his soul, shimmering to misty sadness.
It was such detail that allowed him to assume, to conclude that, yes, their relationship did matter to the other.
It was a sight that he had wanted to see for years.
The other, acknowledging his prying stare, turned away, as if the act itself was enough to hide him away from him and deny him in such a ruined and crumbling state.
"Senpai." He called to him, reaching out.
When his fingers brushed against his shoulders, he felt the other tremble like a willow in the wind, shivering like the delicate tree in his name.
"Why did you come back?" The other's instable voice revealed his weakness.
He took him into the sanctuary of his embrace then. Never before had the other felt so small in his arms.
It seemed to have a calming effect on the other.
"I lied, senpai. There is no other woman."
"Then…it was a hoax."
"…Yes…"
The other let out a shaky breath.
"It would have been better if you really did fall in love with another woman. That way, I do not have to feel so guilty about our relationship. That way, I can forgive myself for making you into who you have become."
"You know, senpai." He pulled away from the other to look into his eyes again. "That is the one thing beside your apathy that I dislike about you. You have to let go of the idea that you have ruined my life just because you had an influence on my sexuality… God… I'm not even gay, because you're the only guy I'm interested in!"
How strange it was, speaking in a stern voice to the other now. It felt like a role reversal. While the other had always been the guardian figure, guiding him and scolding him in the past, it appeared as if he had taken on the other's past role, and the other, his.
The other accepted his admonishment in silence, like a proper child.
He sighed, his hands reached out to cradle the other's cheeks.
"Ne, senpai, I'm going to ask you once and only once… Will you show me more of your emotions from now on? Show me how you feel, 'cause I'm a really bad mind reader."
"…"
"If you don't say anything, then I will take your silence as consent."
He leaned in to caress the other's lips with his in a comforting manner.
He tasted the remnants of the other's salty regret.
He remembered the taste.
Explanation:
It's funny how sometimes the more you care about someone, the less you are able to express your concern for that person.