Moving into my own home was both exciting and terrifying. I never lived on my own. I spent the first night in my house tossing and turning, trying to get used to my quiet surroundings. I was so used to city noises that it took me a while to get used to no noise at all. I woke up early Saturday morning and decided to fix myself a quick breakfast before I went running. I ran track all through high school and for the first two years of college. When my mom got sick, I abandoned all my extracurricular activities to take care of her. I ate quickly, threw on some sweats, grabbed my iPod and walked out my door. It was drizzling when I stepped off my porch and made my way down the path towards the main road. Nothing had changed since I left, so there was no way I could get lost. I jogged down the main road for about a mile or two and passed a well-worn path that lead to the cemetery. I hadn't seen my father's grave in ten years. I walked down the path for a few minutes and there in the clearing was the cemetery. I walked through a few rows of headstones until I found my dad's. I kneeled beside my dad's grave and cleared the ivy and moss that covered the stone.
"Joseph R. Clearwater June 2 1965-March 27 2004," The stone read. I wiped a few tears away on my sleeve.
"Hi, Daddy, you would be so proud of me. I have my degree in fine arts and I'm going to UCLA in the fall for my masters. I miss you so much. I'm sorry I haven't been here to see you. I wish you and mommy were here." Never in my life did I feel as alone as I did in that moment. My parents had both died so suddenly, that I never had a chance to full grasp that both my parents were really gone. I spent about twenty minutes cleaning off his plot and talking to him. When I left, I made a promise that as long as I was here, I would place fresh flowers on his grave weekly. My only regret was that my mom wasn't buried here with him. We cremated her. I just couldn't deal with seeing her in a casket. Her ashes were in an urn that was kept in my house.
The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful. I arrived at the shop on Monday morning exactly at ten am. Jake gave me a tour of the place and showed me where I would sit. It was a small desk outside of his office. On the desk was a computer and the phone, There was also a huge stack of paperwork. Well at least I'd be busy on my first day. I walked over to my desk and sat down. Jake leaned on the desk.
"If you need anything, just let me know. Did you have any questions?"
"Not really, everything's kinda self-explanatory," I replied
"There's more paperwork in my office. It hasn't changed since you saw it Friday," Jake said pointing in the direction of his office. I shuddered.
"It looks like business is really booming for you," I said.
"Well the truth is; there wasn't much competition. The town is so small, there's only on other shop here. His shop doesn't have all the high tech stuff that I have. I opened the shop in Port Angeles because Paul and Rachel. They recommended the shop to their friends up there. Soon, I had a bunch of folks driving down here for me to work on their cars. It got to be too much. Davis run's my shop there. I go up there twice, sometimes three times a week. Davis run's a pretty tight ship. He's a lot more organized than I am. I have three guys that work full time here, and three at the other shop," Jake said.
"Well, I'm gonna get started," I said getting up and walking into his office.
He walked over to one of the cars and started working on it. Soon the other guys arrived and the shop became active and noisy. I shut the door to Jake's office and began the long tedious job of organizing. Sometime around noon, Jose stuck his head in and asked me if I wanted something from the sandwich shop around the corner. I nodded yes and asked for a turkey sandwich. I stopped working long enough to eat my sandwich and talk with the guys. James and Brian were the other two mechanics in the shop. Brian was tall and skinny with bright red hair that was cut extra short. He was older than the other guys, but he was a kid at heart. His side of the shop was covered with comic books and anime drawings. James was chocolate brown with a smile that could light up a room. He was a stocky man with shoulder length locks and bright hazel eyes. Being the only woman here wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Each one of the guys was attractive in their own way. Jacob was still the best looking of the bunch, at least in my opinion. He looked absolutely delicious in coveralls with a white T-shirt peeking out. His hair was short and his russet brown skin was shiny from sweating. The sleeves of his coveralls were rolled up revealing his toned biceps. I went outside to get some air, because it was hot inside the shop. Outside was totally different, it was still slightly cool for early June. I brought a light sweater to put on if the air conditioner was on in the office. I really didn't need it though. I was dressed in a short sleeve shirt and jeans. I went back inside after my short break and finished organizing the office. When the shop closed at seven, I had the whole office organized. I showed Jake where everything was. He was surprised that I got it done in one day. I said goodbye and headed home.
When I got into the house I checked my messages. The moving company called and said my things would arrive at eight am tomorrow. Leah called to see how my first day at work went. I decided to get comfortable before I called her back. I took a long hot shower and changed into some cotton shorts and a tank top. I went downstairs to pull something together for dinner. After eating I called Leah.
"Finally, how'd your first day go?"
"Pretty good, Jake's office was a mess of course. I got to meet the other guys. Why didn't you tell me they were that good looking?"
"Doesn't James have the prettiest eyes?"
"Yes."
"So, I wanted you to come to Seattle Saturday for a party. Isaiah's planning this big thing to celebrate his new contract. I've invited the guys and my mom. So you have no other choice."
"I have nothing to wear."
"Meet me in Port Angeles on Friday, I know a place."
"Cool, I'll see you then."
We talked for a few more minutes then hung up. I watched a little TV and then decided to call it a night.
It didn't take me long to fall asleep. Once I was in a deep slumber, I began dreaming. It was the same dream that seemed to haunt me many nights. I'm in water. I've been swimming for a long time. The water starts to rise. It's now up to my shoulders. I can hear my mother screaming for me. I can't see her, but I know she's close. I yell for her as the water rises up to my face. I kick and scream again trying to find the strength to keep going. The water rises over my head. I'm drowning. I…can't … breathe.
I sit up in the bed, covered in sweat. My heart is beating rapidly. It feels like it's gonna pound out of my chest. I start my breathing exercises to slow down the pace. I get up and take my medicine, then contemplated calling Leah or Aunt Sue. I looked at the clock when I got up. It's about two in the morning. I wasn't gonna bother them. Although they both were familiar with my panic attacks, I just didn't feel right calling them. I started having the attacks after my mom died. I decide to just turn on the TV and let the sound lull me to sleep. I spend the next two hours watching Cosby Show reruns. Finally, I was able to go back to sleep.
The next morning my things were finally delivered. I spent the morning unpacking some clothes and pictures. Soon it was time for me to go to work. I arrived at work with some much needed coffee. Jake was already in the shop. He was singing off key to "I want you back" by *NSync. I laughed and walked over to him singing the next verse in perfect harmony. He stood there looking at me.
"Wow, I didn't know you could sing. You have a beautiful voice."
"Thanks. I just do it for fun. I'm not taking the show on the road or anything."
He laughed. We talked as he got the shop ready to open up. Soon the guys started coming in. The day was slow, so we all talked about the news, entertainment, favorite singers and music in general. Everyone really made me feel at home. They made the day go by fast. It was closing time before I knew it. I said goodnight and was at my car when Jake stopped me.
"Are you going to Leah's party?"
"She didn't give me the option of saying no."
"Well, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to ride to Seattle with me. It just seems easier since we're going the same way. I mean, if you weren't planning on going with anyone else?" Jake asked.
"No, that sounds good. Since we're going the same way, it really doesn't make sense to drive separate cars. I will need to leave early Saturday to get ready. She is insisting that we get dressed up for this event."
"I know. I can't tell you the last time I actually got dressed for something. Sure I think I can let you slide. See you tomorrow."
On Friday, Leah met me at the boutique. She had become such a fashionista since I last saw her. Folks wouldn't believe this was the same Leah that wore dirty cut-offs and ratty t-shirts on a daily basis. She showed up to the shop in a tan Burberry trench coat, tight jeans, a vintage Beatles t-shirt, and ankle booties. Her wrists were covered in black bangles. I never pictured my cousin as a runway model, but the way folks stopped and stared at her tall figure, I would have believed she was one. She smiled at the saleswoman as she pulled me in for a hug. The lady had a hungry look in her eyes, like she was gonna fight off anyone in the way of her fat commission. Leah and I walked around looking at dresses on the racks. She pulled out two for me to try on. I grabbed a red dress with cut-outs on the sides and a royal blue strapless dress. I walked in the dressing room and tried on the red dress first. It was way too tight and revealing. The cut-out exposed the sides of my stomach down to my hips. There was a deep V in the front that exposed way too much cleavage.
"Well this one is out," I said as I looked at myself in the three-way mirror.
"Not the look you were going for huh?"
"Nope."
I walked over to the rack and picked up a bronze one shoulder dress with beading on the hem and shoulder.
"Try it on," Leah said
I went back into the dressing room and put it on. It fit well and accentuated my curves. When I walked out Leah smiled.
"That's perfect, you are gonna turn heads in that dress."
"Thanks, I think I'll get it."
After paying for the dress we went out to dinner and talked about tomorrow night's party.
"I think Isaiah's gonna ask me to marry him tomorrow," Leah said after we sat down.
"Really? How do you know that he's gonna propose?" I asked
"Well, he's been acting strange all week. First, he knows I don't wear a ring or any kind of jewelry on a regular basis. He kept asking me what kind of jewelry I liked. Then I swear he tried to measure my finger in my sleep. I just have a feeling that tomorrow night is the night."
"You guys have been together for a long time. I hope he asks you tomorrow. Oh my God, Lee, now I'm excited!"
"I never thought this day would come," she said solemnly.
"What? Leah, you are an awesome person and Isaiah loves you soo much, girl."
"I know. I'm just letting my insecurities get the best of me."
The next evening I was putting the finishing touches on my hair and makeup. I wore my hair in loose waves that cascaded down past my shoulders. I kept my makeup light. I was wearing eye shadow, lashes and a little bit of lip gloss. I looked in the mirror again making sure everything was in place. I had to admit I looked pretty good. I was anxious about spending three hours alone in the car with Jacob. We hardly knew each other. We were five years apart and I'm sure we had little in common. Last time we saw each other I was very little. Growing up in La Push it was next to impossible to not run into him. A lot of time had passed and I was afraid that I would have nothing to say to him. But that wasn't the main thing that had me worried. The thing that troubled me now was that, I couldn't stop thinking about him. Everything about him screamed sexy. I knew I still had a crush on him.
I would catch myself looking at him in the shop all the time. He had become somewhat of a sex symbol in our tiny community. During the week I saw so many girls stop and stare at him before walking to their destinations. I saw the looks on the women's faces as they came in with really simple car problems that only Jacob could fix. I wasn't the only one who was attracted to Jacob Black. What could he possibly see in me? I shook my head as I looked to see what time it was. It was four forty-five. Jake would be here at five. I grabbed my clutch and walked downstairs. I flipped through some channels on the TV. My stomach was a bundle of nerves. I knew I had to calm down. I texted Leah and let her know we were leaving soon. I jumped at the knock on my door. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Jacob stood there smiling. He was wearing a pale blue dress shirt and black slacks. His shirt was accented by a navy blue tie. He looked really good.
"You look great," he said in awe, as he took a step back and looked at me from head to toe. "Are you ready to go?"
"Thanks, so do you. Let me lock up and we can go," I replied. I turned off the TV and locked the doors. When we got to the car, he opened the door for me. I mumbled thanks as I got in. He was driving the Mustang. I was enjoying the plush leather seats. He joked that I was having a love affair with his car. I couldn't help stealing looks of him all dressed up. We started talking, mostly about what was going on at the shop and some gossip. Soon he was turning onto the interstate.
"So, how's you dad? It's been a long time since I last seen him-*-."
"He's good. I can't get him to leave the old house though. He's so damn stubborn."
"I know how that is. My mom was the same way. Where are you living now?" I asked
"About five minutes away from you. I brought Abby Stone's house. She passed away about a year ago. I brought the house from her son. After a million repairs, it's actually a nice house. You can come by one day and check it out."
"Thanks, I'd like that. She was such a nice old lady. She always gave us candy. I used to ruin my appetite many nights."
He laughed.
"So Ms. Clearwater, how long will you be staying in La Push?"
"I'll be here until the end of August. I'll have some time with my family; then it's off to sunny California. At least I'll be on the same coast for a change."
"That's true. I know Sue is glad to have you back in La Push. She has another person to fuss over."
"That's my Auntie. She's not happy unless she fussing over one of us. Leah's in Seattle when she's not working and Seth, well, we all know what he does. So I guess that just leaves me."
"I just wanted to let you know I appreciate all the help you're giving me at the shop. I know the guys will miss you when you're gone."
"I'm gonna miss them too. I'm having a good time working with everyone. Thanks for giving me a job."
"Anytime" he replied. We were quiet again. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence with him. I thought we wouldn't have much to talk about for the drive. We actually talked most of the way and when we weren't talking, there wasn't a need to fill up the time with mindless chatter.
We pulled up in front of Isaiah's condo and Jake gave the keys to the valet. He looked like he was dropping his only child off when gave up the keys to his car. We walked into the lobby and were greeted by a very friendly security guard. We were then directed to an elevator and took it to the penthouse floor. Jake and I stepped off the elevator we were greeted by Leah. She was dressed in an asymmetrical halter, black and nude colored bandage dress. She was wearing nude colored pumps. Her jet black hair was pulled up in a simple but elegant upsweep. She smiled and hugged us both.
"Leah, you look fantastic," I said
"Thank you. You're looking mighty fantastic yourself," she said looking at me. "You're looking OK tonight, Black," Leah said acknowledging Jacob.
"Thanks, Lee, but I think I look better than OK," Jake said posing like a fashion model.
"Yeah, yeah, you're alright. Come in, let me give you guys the grand tour."
The great room was already crowded with family and friends. The large room was surrounded by widows giving a panoramic view of Downtown Seattle and the harbor. Right ahead of us was a large balcony with a fire pit. I walked over and hugged Aunt Sue and Emily as soon as I saw them sitting on the couch. Sam wasn't here which was not uncommon. Although Leah and Emily made amends, there still was tension between the former couple. We talked to them for a while. Leah also introduced to Isaiah's parents, Jean and Mike. Leah showed us the guest bedrooms, the game room and the master bedroom. Then we were led into the kitchen where I finally met the man that captured my cousin's heart.
"Isaiah Sims, this is my cousin Nala, and one of my best friends, Jacob Black," Leah said.
We hugged and he shook hands with Jake. To say he was handsome was an understatement. Isaiah was about six foot three. He was caramel brown with deep set hazel eyes that sparkled when he talked about "his girl"
"Wow, it's so nice to finally meet you guys. Leah talks about you all the time Nala. She's so proud of you."
"By the way, congratulations on the new contract," I said
"Thanks, I'm just glad Seattle wants me around for six more seasons."
"You guys did great last season," Jake added. He and Isaiah started a football conversation and that was our cue to leave.
We ended up talking and laughing with Seth. Soon it was time to eat dinner. Leah and Isaiah had the dining room turned into a buffet. We dined on shrimp, lobster tails and filet mignon. After dessert and coffee we all gathered in the great room. Isaiah was going to make the big announcement about his new contract. He stood in the middle of the floor and started talking.
"Alright everybody knows I was blessed with a new contract. The Seahawks have renewed my contract for ten million a year for six years" There were gasps and applause, Isaiah put his hand up to quiet everyone. "But, that's not what I called you all here for. I wanted to thank my girl Leah for being there for me. She's always there when I need her. Let me tell you a little story about my baby girl. When I first met Leah, I was fresh off the bus from Alabama. It was my rookie year and I didn't know a soul here. I went to this restaurant with my team mates, because somebody said they had really good steaks. Well guess whose section they sit us in? Yup it was hers. She was a good server, but she didn't make small talk, she hardly smiled, but she was quick. I was crazy about her from the start. I just didn't know how to get her to notice me. So I decided to leave her a huge tip. She brought it back to me! I couldn't believe she wasn't impressed by my baller status." He made a face and we laughed.
"She saw right through that. I was only trying to impress a pretty girl. So I kept coming back. I'd ask the hostess to seat me in her section. I'd make her laugh; she has the most beautiful smile by the way. I knew that if I could show her what a great guy I was, she'd let down her guard a bit. Slowly she started to show me who the real Leah was. I'm saying all this to say, Leah, baby we've been together for five years now and I love you more and more each day. I would be nothing without you. You have supported me during all my rants and complaints. When I felt like I couldn't do it, you gave me that kick in the butt to keep going. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you to be my wife. Will you marry me?" He got on one knee in front of her and pulled out a tiny box. Leah paused for a second as tears formed in her eyes. She never cried. What the hell? I sure was surprised by her reaction.
"Yes," she said. They kissed and embraced while everyone around them clapped. He put the ring on her finger. She walked around the room showing it to his parents and her mom. Champagne was being passed around and everyone toasted to the newly engaged couple. I grabbed two glasses and looked around for Jacob. I walked out onto the terrace and saw him admiring the view. He was leaning up against the balcony looking at the harbor. It was a clear night and the lights from the buildings illuminated the sky. I walked over to him.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, don't worry about me. I hope she doesn't think I'm not happy for her. I just needed to get some air."
"Hey you wanna drink?" I handed him the glass.
"Sure. Let's toast to new beginnings and making it big," Jake said raising his glass.
"Deal," I replied as our glasses clinked together. I took a sip of my champagne and took a look at the view.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked
"Sure."
"What happened? Why don't you like proposals?"
"Oh that," he paused taking another sip from his glass. "It's a long story," he sighed.
"Well, you can tell me the short version."
"It's silly. I was stupid to think that I actually had a shot. It's nothing really. I'm still pining over my teenage love," he replied, looking sheepish.
"It's not silly. It's hard to get over your first love. Some people never do,"
"Well with mine, we were never together. She was my best friend. We did everything together. Just when I thought she felt the same way about me, she couldn't decide who she wanted more. She enjoyed being with me, but I guess I wasn't good enough. She just left. No note or nothing. I found out later that she eloped with the other guy. Guess I just didn't move on. It's been ten years and I haven't seen her since."
"Oh Jake, I'm so sorry," I said placing my hand on his shoulder.
"It's alright. I'm out here pouting like a little girl and my best friend just got engaged. Boy, she must think I'm an ass."
"You are not. Leah's fine. We can talk to her later. She's being bombarded by people right now."
"I guess I haven't been much company for you either. I suck as a date too."
I paused for a moment, I didn't see tonight as a date. We just drove in the same car to get to the same destination.
"You do not. I'm having a great time. You just need to loosen up some. When was the last time you really had fun?"
He shrugged.
"Come on, they're playing some music. Let's dance."
"I can't dance."
"Just move to the beat. I won't make it too hard for you."
I grabbed his hand and had to stop myself from recoiling in response to the feeling that came over me. He was soo warm. Butterflies began to flutter in my stomach. I shrugged off the feeling and led him back into the great room. Everyone was dancing. I started off slow just moving to the beat. He was so funny. I have no idea what beat he was moving to. I grabbed his hand to get him to follow the beat. I started counting out loud and clapping to the beat to help him find it. By the time the song ended he was getting better.
"Sing a song for us Nala," Seth shouted
"Great Seth, just let everybody know I can sing," I thought. Gah! My cousins can be so embarrassing at times.
"Yeah, Nala please sing a song?" Leah asked.
"OK. Since I was forced to perform, I dedicate this song to the happy couple. Congratulations guys."
I closed my eyes and started to sing
"Lately when I look into your eyes I realize
You're the only one I need in my life
Baby I just don't know how to describe
How lovely you made me feel inside
You give me butterflies Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflies"
I opened my eyes and looked directly at Jacob. His eyes were closed and he was totally engrossed in the sound of my voice. I'm glad he wasn't looking. I would have turned to goo if I had to stare into his dark eyes. I hoped he wasn't paying attention to the lyrics. The song was totally how I felt about him. God, I'm such a groupie. When I finished everyone applauded. Leah hugged me.
"Are you sure, singing is just a hobby Nala? I mean wow! Your voice is amazing," Isaiah said.
"Yup, it's just a hobby. I want to direct movies."
"Well if you ever need something to fall back on, singing is definitely your thing."
"Thanks Isaiah," I replied.
"He's right you know," Jacob said from behind me.
I turned around to face him.
"Thanks. I want direct as good as I sing."
"When your movie comes out, I'll be first in line."
"Thanks, Boss."
After being thoroughly embarrassed by all the well-wishers, someone turned on the music again and everybody started dancing again. After a few fast songs played, someone thought it was funny to turn on a slow one. I sighed as I looked at my cousin dancing happily in the arms of her brand new fiancé. Jacob walked over to me.
"It's only fair that I show off some of my new found dancing skills," he said extending his hand out for me to take it.
Even though I thought I would collapse at the feeling of being in his arms, I accepted. We walked out on the floor and he pulled me close to him. He held one of my hands in his and the other was around my waist.
"Are you having a good time now?" I asked
"Yeah, the night turned out to be very nice. Thanks for cheering me up and teaching me how to dance," he said.
"No problem. Glad I could make you feel better," I said. We swayed to the music without saying much. When the song ended I felt like that was the longest four minutes of my life. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. After shutting the door I splashed some water on my face and retouched my makeup. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was blushing. I smiled thinking about how it felt dancing with him. "OK, let me get my mind right." I thought. I couldn't sit in Isaiah's bathroom all night. I took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom.
When I walked back in the room, thank God nobody noticed I left. Well nobody except for Jacob. He was talking to Leah. He gave me a look that asked if I was alright. I nodded yes and grabbed a soda. The music started up again and Isaiah's mom started the "Electric Slide", and everyone joined in. We were having so much fun, but soon it was time to head back home.
I hugged Leah and Isaiah as we were leaving.
"I'll call you tomorrow!" I shouted
"Text me when you get home."
"I'll make sure she gets back home in one piece," Jake shouted back.
We got into the car and made the long journey back to La Push.
AN: The electric slide is a line dance. Everybody moves the same way. If you know what it is, then I'm sure if you've ever been to a family reunion or wedding, you've done it.