NOTES: Continues from the previous two chapters. Sanada x Yanagi.

Blinding Sun

His usual life resumed soon enough.

The day after his conversation with Seiichi, he received an individualized visit from his other confidant, Genichirou.

Their reunion took place in his tea room.

Renji concentrated on conducting the tea ceremony. As much as he mingled with tranquility, the substance of the other's brooding aura still affected him somehow.

He knew, their meeting was not as simple as a tea tasting.

The stiffness in the other's posture, the tightness of the other's closed fists upon his thighs and the firmness in the other's gaze as he peered forward, staring at him, the focus point in his field of vision.

The other received and finished the bowl of frothy mixture in deliberate segmented sips.

The empty vessel was then returned to him for final cleaning.

They remained silent through the entire process.

Afterwards, there was silence, silence and more silence.

He sat with his eyes closed. His eyelids acted as a shield, denying the existence of the environment around him, denying the overwhelming power the other's presence exerted upon him.

If he could not see the other, the other could not see him either.

Even though, the law of object permanence said so otherwise.

He did not know how much time passed since they sat in such a way. There were boundaries they could not cross. There were feelings they could not surpass.

What was stress? What was fear? What was insecurity?

Those were the things men should not speak of. Those were the things men were not supposed to feel. The other was a firm believer of such principles.

If they could talk, if they could communicate and break through this heavy silence and address the problem, then maybe they would reach to a conclusion.

But doing so would put the manhood the other valued so much at risk, would it not?

In poverty of choices, he waited. In silence.

Then, finally.

"What were you thinking?" The other's voice was heavier than usual. Perhaps it was because he was attempting to suppress his anger.

"Too many things." It was the truth. He was not attempting to be sarcastic.

"That is not an adequate explanation."

"…" He knew it was not. Maybe he was just trying to make an excuse for himself.

What was stress? What was fear? What was insecurity?

Those were the things men should not speak of. Those were the things men were not supposed to feel. Such things made a man weak and killed his motivation to push forward in life.

The other was a firm believer of such principles. That was what made the other different from Seiichi.

While he needed someone to talk with about his problems, he also needed someone to tell him to let the past go, let his problems go. That way he can continue on with life.

"What right do you have to run away, to give up on us, when we have not, for once, given up on you?" The essential question. One that the other was not seeking an answer to because no answer would satisfy him. "The three of us made an agreement to remain together. If you cannot keep your part of the agreement, then you shouldn't have made it in the first place."

"..." The other's words were rarely warm, but perhaps, it was his admonishment that he really needed right now. It would, along with Seiichi's scolding, awaken him and dispel the last trace of delusion and restore his insight to its usual keenness.

So, he accepted the other's scolding humbly with a lowered gaze.

"Don't let me catch you making the same mistake." The other raised his hand, closed it to form a fist, and touched it against his cheek. "You know the consequences for unacceptable behavior."

"Aa. I understand." There was no doubt how much he knows about the other's punishment after being the witness to it for so many times before.

The other nodded solemnly.

The fist against his cheek opened again, and his fingers gripped at his chin.

Then, Genichirou leaned in, pressing his lips against his firmly.

The last trace of the other's anger became the warmth of the other's soft structures that contradicted the coldness of his words.

It was just the other's way of telling him, that he, like Seiichi, had missed him.

That was just the other's style.

Explanation:

I remember watching Dane Cook's standup comedy once and hearing him say, "We're Americans and we need our asses kicked, once in a while." "The kick in the ass," is what disciplines us, and wakes us up from our false perceptions of certain things.

Everyone falls apart once in a while. Even someone who is disciplined. It is only human. What is important is that we have to get back on track.