Quick Note: Nothing to say, really, but I hate how the formatting screws up the title quote if I don't have these useless notes in front! ^_^

Prerogative of the Brave

"A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave."

—Mahatma Gandhi

Day 4

Hayate stared at the note.

When she had first seen it stuck on the refrigerator door in the morning, Hayate's initial reaction was amiable agreement with the request.

Then she had squinted, and read it again.

Damn, Nanoha was really keen on not letting Hayate dodge the issue. Hayate thought she had done pretty well, to succeed in avoiding things for three days so far—but it looked like Nanoha was losing patience with Hayate's cowardice.

But still, this was low! And sneaky. The sneaky part was probably Fate's doing.

Seriously though, Nanoha's pushiness was both irritating and confusing, and not something Hayate had wanted to deal with while on vacation. Hayate sighed. "Nanoha-chan…"

"What did Nanoha-mama do now?"

"Ack!" Hayate coughed, looking up from her toast to see Vivio observing her quizzedly from the dining room door. "Good morning, Vivio." Yesterday Hayate had been so miserably hung-over that she had slept most of the day away, blissfully unthinking. But when evening had rolled around, everything that Hayate had been trying to forget came creeping back, knotting her up inside from anxiety.

How should she handle things? Her…realization not-withstanding, Hayate had decided upon how she was going to go about things before.

Seeing Vivio standing right there, her long hair pulled back into a high side ponytail and her green and red eyes gazing so softly at her, Hayate found her conviction strengthening and waning at the same time.

"Morning," Vivio said, raising an eyebrow at Hayate's silence. "What's the note about?"

"Note?" Hayate twitched and glanced down, suddenly remembering. "Oh, yes. The note. Um, Nanoha-chan asked us to please buy some groceries for Suzuka-chan, out of courtesy for us freeloading off of her." That was the superficial request, at least.

"I thought that Suzuka had people who—Oh." Vivio cut herself off, her ears turning a little pink as her eyes glazed with understanding. Ha, it was good to see that the blonde was as clever as Hayate had always known her to be—Vivio had caught the set-up implications as well. "I mean, sure." A nervous but slightly goofy smile spread across Vivio's face, and Hayate had to hurriedly look away. "I'm up for that. Shall we go after breakfast?"

Minutely, Hayate nodded. "Yes, sure."

"Okay."

"Right."

Breakfast was a slightly awkward affair after that.

Hayate wondered what was going on through Vivio's head. Any good distraction to avoid her own thoughts…was the younger girl thinking of finishing what she had started a few days ago (and that Hayate had unsubtly ran away from)? Closure would be a good, adult thing to do. Maybe that's all that Nanoha wanted from Hayate, in regards to her daughter?

"Hayate-san, are you ready to go?"

She dumped her half-eaten toast in the garbage, smiling weakly. "Yeah. Let's go."

There was no avoiding things anymore.

**O**

Vivio was strangely content.

Even though she and Hayate were walking a little ways apart, where once Vivio would have latched onto Hayate's elbow with guilty delight, Vivio was happy. Distance wasn't physical, after all—at least the weight of things unsaid meant that these feelings between them were being taken seriously.

Hayate was taking it seriously.

And that said volumes to Vivio.

She started humming a tuneless jig, and smiled when she caught Hayate's fondly surprised glance in her peripheral vision. Really, how could anyone be down on such a day? Even though it was edging into winter on Earth, the day was bright and sunny like a happy summer morning. And the dark circles were finally fading from under Hayate's eyes, and the golden dawn painted a glow on the brunette's cheeks as Hayate raised her closed eyes up to the sky, a smile on her own face.

Vivio wanted to touch her so badly right then. But she stopped her hand before she could make contact with Hayate's sleeve, and let her fingers drop down again. It was too perfect a moment for Vivio to risk ruining with the reality that physical touch brought.

That was okay.

All things to their own time.

"So." Vivio scooped up a shopping basket by the store entrance, spinning to walk backwards in front of her companion. "What's on the list?"

"Hm…" Hayate scanned down the list, and the quick flicking of her eyes mirrored her quick mental sorting of the list into categories, which a good manager did automatically. "Salt, nori and miso. That would be in Aisle 3." As they headed that way, she explained, "I used to come to this store when we lived on Earth. It was the closest supermarket that had aisles wide enough for my chair—some stores are pretty tightly packed together to save on real estate costs, and I couldn't go really far on my own at the time."

"Oh," Vivio said inanely, her cheer dropping at the thought of Hayate as a child, in a wheelchair and shopping here all alone.

A gentle hand touched and rested on Vivio's cheek, guiding her lowered gaze back over to Hayate's bright blue eyes. "Even after my knights came to me, I liked shopping here because the people were nice," Hayate said, smiling softly in understanding but with her eternal optimism. "I only have the best of memories here."

Vivio felt herself blushing at the touch, and she had to smile as well in response to that ease in Hayate's expression.

Something flickered in Hayate's eyes, and to Vivio's disappointment the older woman removed her hand and turned back to the shopping list, running a finger down the edge. "Salt, nori, miso?"

"I got it." Vivio plucked bags off the shelves as Hayate walked ahead, categorizing the next batch of items.

"Ginger, green onion, mushrooms…"

When the final item was placed into the basket, Vivio hefted it with one arm easily. "This doesn't seem like a lot for one trip." They lined up by the cash registers.

"You and I really need to talk."

Vivio gulped. "...Talk?"

Their items were zapped through one by one by a young cashier, who probably didn't recognize Hayate as a former resident of the neighbourhood since the lieutenant-general didn't make any small talk as they rang up their purchases. But that just made Vivio even twitchier through the hesitant pause.

"About this…crush."

"Okay, wait!" Vivio panicked, having to remind herself to keep her voice low. "You can't just…switch topics like that so suddenly. Like, a little warning beforehand is needed. Not just this sudden 'we need to talk' tangent…"

"That was on topic." Hayate handed over a 5000 yen note to the cashier as Vivio automatically picked up the bags. It was part of her training as a teenager. "Nanoha-chan sent us for some light, non-perishable items so that we can talk to each other before going back to Suzuka's house, without needing to worry about carrying a ton of bags or having a time limit because of perishable items."

"Wait, what?" Vivio understood that the shopping trip had been a good excuse to put her and Hayate together, but this…this was thinking far ahead. Wow.

"It looks like we'll need to work on your strategy skills," Hayate giggled, reaching to take one of the bags but Vivio moved them out of reach, raising an eyebrow. Smiling defeat, Hayate put her hands into her coat pockets as they walked out the sliding doors. "A good tactician always plans at least five steps ahead."

"At least I'll be learning from the best." Oh, awesome—the sight of Hayate's blush delighted Vivio to no end. Maybe this flirting stuff wasn't as nerve-wracking as she had thought.

"Um…" Hayate looked around, then grabbed Vivio's elbow briefly to get her attention. "Look, the park. Good place." She walked quickly ahead, and Vivio followed, breathing deeply.

Okay, Vivio. This is it. Go for the girl.

Too bad that all her mental rehearsals of this exact moment just instantly vanished clean out of her brain. But maybe that was a good thing…spontaneity and passion were traits that people liked about Vivio, so not sounding robotic and rehearsed could only be a good thing, right? Right?

Vivio surreptitiously wiped at her forehead with a sleeve and licked her lips.

Okay. Beautiful park. Very relationship-altering conversation.

Likely to be shot down.

Nothing to worry about.

Vivio wished that she could be as calm as Hayate was. The woman stood by the ornate metal railing on the brick bridge, leaning lightly against the rail and looking out over the canal, complete ease in her body posture.

**O**

Oh God.

Only long experience in appearing unaffected in front of politicians kept Hayate from hyperventilating. Her knees were still weak, so she leaned against the rail and clasped her hands, trying to think.

And failing.

Come on, Hayate…you're the adult here. You should know what to say…be the one to start the conversation, lead the way…

But she really couldn't think of what to say.

All she could think about was a cold winter day. And the slick feel of the leather of her wheelchair seat beneath her useless legs, and the warm tingle that had flowed under her skin when she had reached out and touched Reinforce's red-lined cheek. All she could think about was the many times she had stood in front of a lover, listening to various excuses of why they shouldn't be together.

Hayate's hand slipped into her pocket and clenched over Schwertkreuz, the points of the cross poking between her fingers.

Reminders, reminders.

As much as she had kept the same symbols and the same names in homage of Reinforce, Hayate had to admit that at times they served as reminders of loss. And her lack of getting over it, even now, was just one more reason why she had to do the mature thing with Vivio. Especially considering that Hayate's history of failed relationships didn't project a good forecast on any possible future.

"Hayate-san." Vivio's clear, quiet voice broke through the silence. The blonde had come up beside her, the shopping bags forgotten at her feet. Vivio laced her own fingers together and rested them on the rail, alternating between staring along the canal and looking sideways at Hayate's face. "I meant what I had said then, in your office? I really do like you, Hayate-san."

A muscle twitched in Hayate's jaw before she could control her reaction.

"I mean…I know that it's not exactly what people expect. Or, well, I've kind of been obvious since I was ten, so maybe it is what people expect—from me, I mean, since I haven't been able to hide my interest very well—" Vivio babbled, turning pink and speaking faster and faster. Then she stopped herself, and inhaled slowly, closing her eyes briefly. When she opened them again Hayate was taken aback by the intensity in them. "I know that I'm really too young to be with someone like you, Hayate-san. But I still want to be anyway."

"Why?" Hayate whispered. It wasn't exactly what she truly wanted to ask, but it was the only word she dared to say.

Vivio blinked, and her face turned a little red. Still, she bravely ventured, "Well…you're you. I mean, I've always admired you since I was a kid. You're so kind, and funny, and you work so hard at everything. You know how to make things alright again for me, and I like talking to you. And you're, um…" She stuttered a bit before biting her lip and blurting out, "You're…really pretty. And…it's hard to explain. I think can't remember when I started liking you, but I do. And I just like you more the more I'm with you."

Hayate felt her own cheeks burn at the candid admission. Self-consciously, she averted her gaze, awkward and unsure of how to respond. But when she glanced at Vivio the panicked, self-remonstrating look on Vivio's face—terrified of having said something stupid or having said too much—urged her to respond. "That's…thank you for sharing that with me, Vivio. I…"

She swallowed.

"I…"

OhmygodIloveVi—

Hayate flinched, her breathing rate increasing.

"I…I'm sorry. But I can't accept your feelings."

For a whole six seconds, Vivio's face was a tableau of tragic heartbreak. Then a light came back on in her mismatched eyes, and Hayate startled as Vivio moved in closer and put a firm but gentle hand on Hayate's wrist, keeping her in place.

"You said 'can't'."

"So?"

A slow, hesitant smile crept onto Vivio's face. "Can't is different from don't, Hayate-san."

The hand on her wrist was the only thing that kept Hayate from pulling away. Hayate gulped, a ragged puff of air escaping her lips as she tried to compose herself. Triumph lined Vivio's voice as she urged, "Am I right? Why can't you? Beyond the age thing—why can't you?"

"Because I'm—" Hayate broke off, belatedly realizing that the first argument that came to her was the age gap. "Because you're…you're my best friends' daughter! And I'm…I'm thirteen years older than you, and…and I've helped raise you, like a niece!"

"I appreciate that," Vivio replied, looking far more calm than Hayate felt. "I've always loved that you loved me like family. And even if I didn't like you in a romantic way, I do still love you, Hayate-san. But I haven't thought of myself as your niece for a long time."

While that was indeed true, it wasn't…it wasn't the only barrier. "It's…" Hayate groaned, dropped her forehead into one hand. "Look, Vivio, this…" She stopped. No, she didn't want to insult Vivio by calling it a childish crush. It was clear that Vivio's feelings were more than that, and even in her attempt to dissuade Vivio Hayate didn't want to disrespect her feelings that way. "This won't work. I'm not…I'm not good enough for you."

There. It was out.

"I'm not good enough for you. You're young, and beautiful, and you're a good person. You can find anybody who would be deserving of your feelings, Vivio."

There. Vivio would say something like, 'But I like you!' and then Hayate could tell her that she was touched, but that she would respectfully reject Vivio's feelings. That was the safe way to go, without lying at all.

But Vivio just squeezed Hayate's wrist and asked, "Why don't you think you're good enough, Hayate-san?"

"What?" Hayate stared.

"Why?" Vivio repeated, tilting her head in an impossibly cute way. "What do you think is so wrong about you that you'd say something like that?"

"What?" Hayate rubbed her eyes, flabbergasted. "I…I haven't had any serious relationships before. I'm not like your parents, all serious about a relationship. I played around in my day."

Vivio winced, but rallied. "If not having had a serious relationship is grounds of being 'not good enough', then I'm the same. I haven't had any relationships before, so then I'm not good enough for you either."

"That's not true!" Hayate rejected immediately, then belatedly realized the trap.

Grinning, Vivio said, "I agree. So you're good enough for me too, by the same token."

"No—it doesn't work that—urgh." Hayate wanted to smack her head onto the railing in exasperation at herself—for someone who excelled at persuasion, why was she sucking so badly right now? She mentally scrambled for more excuses, but they were elusive. Finally she sighed, and Vivio's face brightened at that, but Hayate shook her head sadly. "Look, Vivio…I'm not good for you. Listen to me, I'm serious. My job is in the public eye all the time. If we began…anything between us, the media would latch onto it immediately. It wouldn't be fair to you, to have your private life dragged out in the limelight like that. I signed myself up for it, and I knew what I was getting into. But it's not right that you'd have to suffer for it."

Vivio crossed her arms, one hand still gripping Hayate, but she leaned against the railing with her body turned to face Hayate fully. She was silent, waiting for Hayate to finish with more patience than Hayate would have expected.

"More than that…" Hayate forced herself to finish, trembling at the admission. But she owed it to Vivio to be honest with her. "I'm not…a normal woman, Vivio. You know my past, with the Book of Darkness and the Wolkenritter…So many terrible things were done in my name. It's my responsibility. So many sacrifices were made so that I could have a second chance at life. Do you see? I owe them, to do as much good in my life as I can. No one's asked it of me, but I still owe—and I can't forget them. I can't."

"You can't forget Reinforce," Vivio said flatly. She knew Hayate's history, just like she knew her own parents' pasts.

"Not like that!" Hayate didn't know why she worried so much about making sure Vivio wasn't getting the wrong impression.

No.

Hayate did know why.

And god, that knowledge was making it hard for her to stay on this path.

"I didn't…love Reinforce that way. But she and I…" Hayate closed her eyes, remembering. Remembering and feeling it...

"Hayate-san?"

The voice pulled Hayate away from the past, and the warm grip on her arm guided her back. She opened her eyes to Vivio's concerned gaze. Right then…Vivio looked so much older than her age. If that sincere, caring expression was the first thing Second-Lieutenant Takamachi presented to the people she saved, then Vivio was a great officer indeed.

Vivio's worried frown deepened, and Hayate quickly reassured, "I'm okay." She blew her bangs out of her face. "Reinforce…she and I shared something really special between us, when I was trapped inside the Tome. And I've…I've never felt that since." Hayate looked at Vivio, trying to express more than she can find in words. She couldn't read in Vivio's face if she was successful or not. "And then she died, and I lost her."

Hayate didn't have any tears for this. She had cried herself dry of tears a long time ago. And on her good days she could remember back to that moment and recall the wonderful feeling of not being alone. On the bad days…

The glass was half empty.

"I don't…I can't let myself be…that vulnerable again." Hayate pulled her arm back, but Vivio hung on, somehow without embarrassing herself with the odd tug-of-war. Helplessly, Hayate repeated, "I can't. I can't do that again—Vivio, you see…I'm not capable of loving you. I'm sorry."

Hayate had to take care of everyone. She owed the world that. And by loving everyone, she couldn't love anyone. Reinforce had come close to returning something…mutual, of the same level, but Hayate had lost it. Hayate hadn't been able to make it work, despite her best efforts.

Vivio didn't say anything, and for a moment Hayate thought that she had actually driven her away.

Good.

No. Bad. But…good for her objective.

Instead of feeling happy that things were going as planned, Hayate just felt empty.

But when Vivio started speaking, Hayate realized that the younger girl had only been waiting to make sure that Hayate had finished everything she wanted to say.

"Hayate-san," Vivio said, and she put her other hand on Hayate's arm as well, anchoring them together as she looked her in the eyes. "Thank you for sharing something so personal with me. But Nanoha-mama taught me that everyone is capable of love. So I don't believe that you're incapable of love, Hayate-san. May I tell you what I think?"

Hayate gaped at her, her brain too scrambled to reply. This was not going to plan…

Vivio watched her carefully, then smiled and said, "I think that you love a lot, Hayate-san. You love everybody. So no, I don't think that you're not capable of love. I think that you're worried that you can't love one person as much as you think they deserve."

"So you see," Hayate said, taking advantage of the opening. "I'm not good enough for you. So thank you for your feelings, Vivio, but nothing can happen between us. I'm sorry."

There.

It was done.

Damn.

It hurt.

And Hayate wasn't even the one being rejected.

"Hayate-san?"

"...What?"

Vivio tugged on her arm, forcing Hayate to look at her. She was…smiling? A determined, resolute smile, but still an unexpected reaction.

"I'm not giving up on you."

"…What?"

"I'm not giving up on you." Vivio adopted the most adorable determined expression. How familiar—Nanoha had the same one. But it didn't look nearly as cute on Nanoha, and Hayate was pretty sure that she never had the same warm fuzzy feeling in her stomach when she saw that look on her best friend. "I'm not," Vivio insisted, lifting her chin. "I don't agree with what you're saying. I don't think that you're not good enough for me, and I don't think that you can't love or that you don't deserve love. You do. So I'm not giving up. I'm going to keep trying."

"But…" Hayate stared at Vivio, then at Vivio's hands on her arm.

"Do you hear me, Hayate-san?" The first hint of emotional tears glinted in Vivio's eyes, as she stared just as intensely back. "I'm going to keep trying. Because I really want to try to…" She blushed, looking her age again. "…to work on this with you. I don't know how, but we'll find a way."

This…wasn't how it was supposed to be done.

Hayate had shaken suitors before. Not interested, meant not interested. In this case, she had added a 'not possible', but it still should have been the end of things.

Except…

This was the first time that "nothing going as planned" felt so right.

She laughed. And that startled Vivio, because the younger woman jumped and nearly sent both of them into the water. Hayate grabbed Vivio's arm, giggling as she rocked them back on balance.

"You know what?" Hayate smiled, letting her affection show. "That kind of an answer? It's not something an adult would say."

Several emotions flashed over Vivio's face: surprise, annoyance, then confusion.

God, Hayate was crazy.

She was taking such a risk, with everything. But she couldn't be any less brave than Vivio, could she? Vivio, who had just as much to lose as Hayate did.

Hayate laughed again, and pulled Vivio into a sudden hug. She laid her cheek on the tall blonde's shoulder, and felt Vivio break from her shock and hug her in return. "That's not something an adult would say—so I'm so glad that you're not an adult, Vivio."

If being an adult meant giving up easily, then Hayate was lucky that Vivio was who she was.

She could feel Vivio smiling, through the tightness of Vivio's hug.

"If not being an adult means that I'm too stubborn to back off and that I'm too naively optimistic for my own good?" Vivio chuckled into Hayate's hair. "For this case, I'm glad too."

For this case.

Things were never as simple as that, Hayate knew. But they were on vacation and away from the complications of normal life, so…maybe things could be that simple, for once?

Author's Note: There are two sort-of companion stories to this chapter: "To Let Nature Run its Course" by Extrinsical (already posted!) and "Gut Feeling" by me, also coming soon. You'll probably see them as they come out, or see the links in my profile. The first story sheds some light on Nanoha and Fate's intentions behind the note at the beginning, and the second story is about one of Hayate's past relationships.

Lots of fun in the next chapter—see poor Vivio work up the courage to ask Hayate out on a date! ^_-