A/N: Hope you're all still with me! I promise, it's going to get better. That's all I'll say though. Maybe this chapter will lift your spirits.

Oh and if anyone is playing WeTopia on facebook, let me know! I need more neighbors. (I love that game lol)

Chap. 15: Misery- March 05

Day 3

Reaching down, Buffy takes Nevaeh's hand and leads them both back towards their home. None of this is real, it can't be real. She was in a nightmare that wouldn't end. It's been three days since she saw her wife's smiling face, and still it didn't feel real.

She didn't bother to stay and watch as some of the SITs began filling in the ground. Nevaeh didn't need to see that, and frankly, neither did she. That would make this even more real, and it was too real as it was. She didn't bother to notice if her friends stayed or followed her. She didn't bother to think about anything other than the small hand in her own, and each step forward.

"You want to change out of those clothes?" Buffy asked her daughter as soon as they were through the door to their home.

"No, I just wanna go to my room," Vaeh sighed sadly.

"Okay, baby," Buffy told her despondently. She understood, that's all she wanted to do too. Sighing, she watched as her little girl wandered up the stairs, before following her up them, heading to her own room.

She didn't bother to undress, it didn't matter anyway. Just like everything else in her life. Pulling the covers back, she crawled into bed. Pulling Faith's pillow into her arms, she breathed the scent in. Finally allowing the tears to fall, she cried in anguish.

What was she supposed to do now? How was she supposed to move on? She couldn't, because without Faith, the only thing holding her here was Nevaeh. For the first time since they'd gotten Faith out of prison, she'd wished they'd left her there. At least then maybe she would still be safe. But then she wouldn't have been able to love her. It just didn't make any sense.

~BF~

Nevaeh was going through her own thoughts as she sat on her bed. She was so confused. None of this made sense. Her Mommy was so sad, and kept telling her that her Mama died. But that can't be true. It just can't be. She knew she was gone though, and she missed her. But she couldn't be dead.

Her Mom had done everything to show her that she was, but she just couldn't believe it. They'd showed her what looked like her Mama sleeping in that box that Uncle Xander had built that they put in the ground. It did look like her Mama, but her small mind couldn't seem to come to grips with the war that was going on between her heart and her head.

But if it was true, who was she going to play with now? Mommy played with her some, but it wasn't anything like Mama. They got into so much trouble together. More than once her Mommy had put them both in time out. She wasn't sure how you put a Mama in time out, but whenever they got in trouble her Mama would start apologizing constantly and trying to get her Mommy to smile again. And then they'd kiss like they hadn't for a long time. The tyke always had to roll her eyes at how her parents behaved sometimes.

Hearing commotion downstairs, she decided to see what was going on. She was pretty sure her Mom had followed her upstairs, so she was curious. Peaking into her parent's room, she found her Mom was sound asleep, which made her even more eager to know what she'd heard downstairs.

"Hey, kiddo, where's your mom?" Aunt Willow asked as soon as she made it into the living room to find most of their family hanging around.

"She sleeping," the tot answered, not sure what was going on. It almost looked like a party, but parties where for when you were happy, not sad like they all were.

Willow just nodded her head. "You hungry, baby?"

"A little bit," Vaeh answered, realizing she was indeed getting a bit hungry. It seemed like forever since she had her bowl of cereal this morning.

"Well, we got plenty of food in the kitchen. Let's go find you something to eat."

"Okay," the little girl followed her aunt in search of food.

Day 7

"No, Faith, no. I didn't mean to. Please, baby," Buffy cried. She was stuck on that roof again, but every night she had this dream it changed just a little bit. Tonight as she felt the knife go in, Faith was surrounded by that same blue mist as she had that night in the cemetery. And as Buffy looked into her wife's eyes, they flashed and changed from the teen version of Faith to the older Faith that was her wife, and then back again. Bleeding the past into the present.

She watched as Faith fell off the roof and cried in anguish. The truck drove away, taking the love of her life with her. Faith just gave her a wicked smile, before succumbing to her injuries and passing out.

Every night it was the same thing. She slid down the wall, pulling her knees up to her chest, letting the tears fall. Faith was gone, some stranger had just driven away with her. She wasn't sure if she would ever see her again. She loved her so much, and still, she had no control as once again her hand betrayed her and jammed the knife into her wife's stomach.

And as had happened every morning, she'd shoot straight up in bed, realize it wasn't just a nightmare. Remembering that Faith wasn't there beside her, she'd get so upset, that she'd rush into the bathroom and lose what little contents that were in her stomach. It's not like she was eating much these days.

"Buffy, are you okay?" Willow asked, concerned, entering the bathroom to find her friend slumped against the toilet. She was starting to really worry. She knew Buffy was torn up inside, she would be too if this had happened to Tara. But she'd been working herself up into such a distraught state that it was affecting her physically. Making herself sick like this could not be healthy.

"I'm fine, Will!" the blonde growled out. "Or as fine as I can be, considering my wife just died and left me to raise our daughter alone!" she shouted. She was so sick of these people hovering over her. They never left her alone. They seemed to take turns so someone was always at the house. It was really starting to get on her nerves.

"Buffy," she started trying to comfort.

"No! Don't even! You don't understand what this feels like. It hurts so much I want to just die," she started, letting the tears fall as she did so. "I thought it hurt when I had to kill Angel, but I never knew it could hurt like this. This is a hundred times worse. I just want to be with her again."

Willow hesitantly moved towards the crying girl, intent on taking her into her arms. But as soon as she reached out Buffy shoved her hands away.

"No! I don't need you. I need HER! Don't you get that? I just can't…" the blonde cried before racing out of the bathroom, and then out of the house. She just ran, needing to get away. Their house held too many memories and she just couldn't be there another second.

She let the tears pour like rain as she fell to her knees on the upturned earth of Faith's grave.

"Is my life just some game to you?" She cried to the Powers that Be. "Do you get some sick enjoyment out of this? HUH? Do you? Answer me, damn you!" she threw back her head, looking up at the heavens.

"You pieces of shit. You sit up there on your soap box, and watch us all like it's some great big movie. Do you sit up there and go, 'oh, it's time to mess with Buffy, let's go pop some popcorn'?"

She was so pissed with everyone and everything. The world could just go to hell for all she cared.

"It's not fair, and it's not right! It's not some damn game. I mean what did you think you were doing? You bring us into each other's lives, and just when it was good, you let Faith become our enemy.

"It took me a long time to forgive her, but I did. And then I fell in love with her. So deeply it seems impossible. Why did you let that happen? If you were just going to take her away from me. And what about Nevaeh? She needs her Mama! You want her to be this Savior to Slayers or something right? Isn't that what the prophecy about her is all about?"

An eerie calm comes over her, letting her mind roll through the thoughts in her mind. "Well screw that," she finally shouts. "I'm done. I'm done with this whole save the world shtick. All it's brought me is pain. You have hundreds of other Slayers now. Go screw with them. I'm done, and so is MY DAUGHTER. You hear me? Find yourself someone else to fit into your prophecy. 'Cause I sure as hell am not going to fight for you anymore, and I'll make sure Nevaeh never does either."

Decision made, she heads home, where she plans to stay indefinitely. Right now the only safe place seems to be between the four walls of her home.

~BF~

"The Slayer makes a good argument," the Sister told her Brother from their place of watching the scene unfold below them. "Maybe we could send her a little bit of help."

"No!" the Brother said vehemently. "The mortals must work this one out on their own. You know we cannot interfere!"

She knew her Brother was right. This was something the Slayer and her gang would have to work through on their own. But just maybe she could find a way to help without Brother finding out.

Day 21

To say Dawn and the rest of the gang were worried was a gross understatement. Buffy hadn't left the house in two weeks, not since the day she'd flipped out at Willow. And what was worse, she wouldn't let Nevaeh leave either. She'd locked them both inside the house.

Dawn wasn't sure what happened that day, but when the blonde finally came back, it was like she was a different person. Someone she no longer recognized. She'd thrown them all out of the house and locked the doors behind them. Occasionally Dawn was able to talk her way back into the house, but she was the only one Buffy would even let pass through her doors. And even then, it was never for long. Just long enough to make sure they were both eating, and refilling their groceries for them.

Every day that she managed to get in she could see that her sister looked worse than the time before. She was pale, and had lost weight. The bathroom held evidence that she was still getting sick. Making them all worry, especially with what Willow had finally told them.

The redhead had finally told them all about trying to help the couple conceive. Now they all worried that her illness was no illness at all. But Buffy was clearly not in a state to deal with being pregnant if that was the case. She wouldn't even listen to them when they suggested she get checked out.

"Hey, my favorite niece," Dawn said cheerily, when Nevaeh opened the door to let her in. That was the other thing, her sister would never even come close to the door. She'd taught Nevaeh how to unlock the door and sent her to open it whenever she allowed Dawn in.

"Silly auntie," Nevaeh laughed. She knew her aunt was just teasing her. She loved when she came to visit them. She loved her Mom, but she wasn't fun anymore. She wouldn't let her go outside, and she never laughed or played with her anymore. Instead she spent most of her time upstairs sleeping.

"How are you today?" Dawn asked the little one.

"I want to go play outside, will you take me?" she asked, hoping maybe she could talk her aunt into it. She knew she wasn't allowed outside alone, but her Mom would never go with her anymore.

"Go ask your mom first," Dawn told her. She didn't agree with Buffy, but she didn't want to piss her off either. As it was, she was the only one Buffy even trusted to be around them. If she made her sister mad, there would be no telling what would happen to them with nobody to come check up on them.

"She'll just say no," Vaeh pouted. "Please, we don't have to tell her, just for a little bit," she pleaded.

"Sorry, munchkin, but your Mom's the boss when it comes to you. I gotta do what she says," the older Summers tells her niece, trying not to show how she really feels.

"Dammit!" the little one shouts.

Dawn shoots a look at what the four-year old just said.

Nevaeh knows instantly she's in trouble. "Mama says it," she tries.

"Yes, but you're not an adult, so you don't. Don't say it again. I won't tell your mom this time, but next time I'll have too, got me?" Vaeh just nods her head. "Good. Now how about we get you some lunch, eh?"

The two youngest Summers work together to make themselves something to eat. When she was sure that Vaeh was busy playing, Dawn made her way upstairs with a tray full of food.

"Buffy, I made you some lunch," she called out, entering the bedroom.

"Not hungry," was muttered from under the covers.

"Buffy, you need to eat."

"I said I'm not hungry, just leave me alone." This time the blonde did pop her head out from underneath the covers, but only so that she could shoot her sister a harsh glare.

"I know you're hurting, but slowly killing yourself isn't going to help the situation."

Buffy shot up into a sitting position. "Shut up, you don't know what you're talking about!"

"I may not know exactly how you're feeling, but she was my sister too. We're all grieving. But you need to get out of this bed. If not for yourself, then for Nevaeh. She misses you."

A part of Buffy knows that Dawn is right, but another part of her just wants a good fight. "I know you think it's safer inside," Dawn continues, "but you can't keep her locked in here forever. She needs you and she needs her life back, as much as possible."

Dawn paused, thinking that maybe she was finally getting through. "Here, you might want to use this too," she told her, handing her a something hidden in a brown bag. "Just think about what I said." With that Dawn wandered back downstairs, saying goodbye to her niece, she was out the door, hoping that finally they'd turn a corner with her sister.

Day 23

Buffy reached for the doorknob, but just before she touched the metal, she pulled her hand back. "Come on, Buffy, you can do this," she told herself. It had only been sixteen days since she'd stepped foot outside the house, but it felt like it had been months, maybe years.

Looking at the clock hanging by the door, she realized she'd been trying to talk herself into doing this for over twenty minutes now. She felt a bit of relief in knowing she'd finally let Nevaeh go out with her Aunt Dawn, so that she didn't have to see her mother be this pathetic.

She was so shocked when she opened that brown bag and saw what was inside. It took her almost two days before she could make herself use it, and even then longer to actually believe the outcome. It still didn't seem real. But not much of anything did right now. Maybe if she could walk out that door and go where she knew she needed to go it would start to feel real again.

"You need to do this," she reminded herself. Hesitantly, her right hand once again reached out. Starting with one finger, she let herself feel the cool metal, before placing a second finger. One by one, she went until, finally her whole hand was touching the knob.

With a quick twist, she yanked the door open and breathed in the fresh air as it floated into the foyer. Until that moment, she hadn't realized how stale the air had become inside the house, how utterly lifeless it was inside.

"One step at a time, you can do this," she said aloud, encouraging no one but herself.

The first step was the hardest, but each step after that got easier and easier. By the time she was several feet away from home, she felt like her old self. Now just to make it to her destination.

It was several minutes before her feet found their way, but she was finally standing over Faith's grave once again. "Hey, baby. Sorry I kind of went reclusive on everyone. But I'm better now, I promise. I just got so scared, and I miss you so much. Dawn finally got through to me and made me see what I was doing. I promise I'll take better care of myself and our daughter from here on out."

She stops letting the emotion wash over her. Taking a deep breath, she calms her heart once again. "I have some news. I don't know how to tell you this. I really wish you were here, but I guess this will have to do. We did it, baby. I'm pregnant."