A/N: So some of you already know this, but for those that don't, I officially came out to my mom and then the world of facebook! It feels really good! In honor of that, have this happy... happier chapter!

Chap. 16: Dreams and Nightmares- April 05

Buffy stared off into the darkness through the window as she let her hands do their own thing, working to dry off the dinner dishes she had washed shortly before. These quiet moments were the ones that seemed to hurt the most. Nevaeh had long since been in bed, leaving the blonde to nothing but her thoughts.

This used to be the time of day when her and Faith would just spend time together as wives. They'd talk about their day, or just spend the quiet moments within reach of the other. She missed those moments, and was thinking how she'd taken them for granted. She'd never do the same from now on.

Setting the now dry plate up in the cupboard, she folded the towel and sat it beside the sink. Turning so that her back rested against the counter top, she reached a gentle hand to lightly rub her belly. Five days since she'd taken the test and it still didn't seem real. There was a living being inside there. Faith and her were having another baby.

This baby was a miracle. One that she'd never take for granted. She knew that she'd always have a piece of Faith in Nevaeh, but this baby was different. Nevaeh was the greatest thing to happen to them both, but she wasn't planned, she was an amazing and unexpected gift. But this baby was one they'd created together to show their love for each other. Both children would be special for different reasons.

Thinking she probably should go to bed, she made her way slowly out of the kitchen and up the stairs. She had to be up early in the morning. She had her first doctor's appointment and she was extremely excited at the prospect. She figured she was somewhere between six and seven weeks at this point, but it would be nice to have a doctor confirm it.

Slipping a nightgown over her head, she crawled between the sheets and just lay on her back with her hands cradling her still flat stomach. She'd finally stopped having the nightmares about that night on the roof every night, to which she was grateful. But it seemed like she was missing something on the nights she didn't have them. They'd dwindled to just once every couple of days.

Just as she felt herself slipping into dreamland, a cry was heard from her daughter's room. She was hoping they'd get through tonight without that happening. It seemed as if as soon as she'd stop having the nightmares, her daughter had picked them up.

Crawling back out of bed, she moved quickly to Nevaeh's room.

"Mama, please come back," the little one cried in her sleep. "I will, Mama… Yes I promise."

Well this one was obviously different then the other nights. It seemed as if Nevaeh was actually having a full conversation with Faith. She hurt for her baby girl. She was missing Faith something fierce, but she knew she hadn't accepted her death either.

"No, Mama, come back," Vaeh begged, signaling to Buffy that it was time to wake her up.

"Shh, baby, it's okay," Buffy soothed, as she crawled in to the small bed so that she could cradle Vaeh in her arms. "It's just a dream." Placing a kiss in the soft curly hair, she settled them so they were comfortable. She didn't have the energy to move back to her own bed, so looked like she'd just be sleeping in here.

~BF~

Buffy woke the next morning, glad to see the sun was up, because it meant there were no more dreams that night. Gently she started to nudge her daughter awake. "Come on, sweetie. Time to get up. Mommy has an appointment to get to."

Sitting up and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Me go too?"

"Can I go too," Buffy corrected. Vaeh had been speaking so well, but it seemed that in the last month, she had reverted back to baby speak. It saddened Buffy to realize how this whole situation was affecting her, but hopefully she'd be back to her old self eventually. "And not this time, baby. You're going to go hang out with Aunt Dawn and Kennedy."

"But I wanna go!" the tyke pouted.

Buffy sighed, walking over and placing a kiss on her daughter's forehead. "I know you do, sweetheart. I don't want to be away from you either," she admitted truthfully, knowing this was the main reason Vaeh wanted to go. But she wasn't ready to explain the new baby to her daughter just yet. "I promise another day you can go, but this one Mommy has to go to alone."

The rest of the morning was mostly spent in silence. Nevaeh was upset with her mother for not letting her go, and already the four-year old had mastered the silent treatment. Buffy just let it go, knowing that by the time she picked up her later, her daughter would have forgotten all about being mad.

"Love you, baby girl," she threw over her shoulder as she headed out of the apartment Dawn now shared with Kennedy. Well, officially the young Slayer still lived in the dorms, but she was never there. Buffy wasn't sure she was ready for her sister to be living with someone, but she knew the girl had really grown up the last couple years, so it wasn't really her place to interfere.

Heading out to the car, she made her way out of the compound and into the city. For now she'd have to make do with regular doctors. They had a few on staff at the school trained for handling the usual Slayer emergencies, but Giles hadn't yet found one trustworthy enough that was qualified as an OBGYN. But with several other Slayers also pregnant, he realized the need and had been looking around.

Sitting in an uncomfortable chair in the middle of the waiting room was unnerving. She'd never been a big fan of hospitals or doctor's offices. She frequented them far more than she'd like to, whether as a patient or a visitor. But today was different. This time it was about the baby inside her, so she'd grin and bear it.

"Miss Summers?" A nurse called through the door leading to the back.

"That's Mrs. Summers," Buffy corrected. She knew technically her marriage to Faith was never legal and even though her wife wasn't with her, she still very much felt married, and that wasn't going to change anytime soon. Besides, with any luck Giles would find someone to have on staff and she'd never have to return here again.

"Of course, right this way," the woman said politely, leading her through the halls to an empty room, and began gathering all the necessary information.

Awhile later, she was led into an office and told to sit in front of the desk. It was several minutes before Dr. Brenden finally made her way inside the office. She didn't bother to say a word as she sat down behind the desk and looked at the paperwork in her hands. After being sure she had all the information she needed, she placed the file down and looked at Buffy.

"Well congratulations, Mrs. Summers. You're definitely pregnant, but you knew that. Now you said that you and your partner…" she paused, always allowing her patients to word things the way they see them so she doesn't end up getting things wrong.

"My wife, yes. We've been using a sperm donor," she finished lying easily. She wished she could just tell the truth, that this baby was as much Faith's as it was hers, but the world wouldn't understand. In fact they'd likely lock her up, or worse if they realized she was telling the truth, take her kids away and test them. It's just the way humans tended to react.

"Right, which makes it easier to determine conception. With the information you've provided, it puts you at just over eight weeks."

"Eight? I don't understand, it's been less than seven since we last tried."

"I know it's confusing, but we estimate the day of conception in accordance with your last period."

Buffy laughed, "You're right, that is confusing, and makes no sense. But you're the doctor, so I guess I'll trust you."

"Normally I'd schedule an ultrasound just to be sure of the due date, but in your case I don't believe it's necessary yet. You're healthy enough so I don't perceive any complications as of right now. So I think we'll hold off on that for now."

On one hand, Buffy was sad, she'd love to be able to see her baby, help make it more real for her. And she supposed she could ask for one anyway. The doctor didn't find it necessary though and a part of her wasn't sure she could handle going through it without Faith there with her, not this soon. So maybe it was better if they did wait.

She scheduled her next appointment, hoping she wouldn't have to use it, but just in case the Watcher never found anyone, she wanted to be prepared.

It wasn't until she was back in the safety of the car that she let the tears fall. Today should have been different. Faith should have been there with her, holding her hand while they did the test. She should have had a great big smile on her face as Dr. Brenden told them the news. Faith should have been here period.

By the time she made it back to Dawn's apartment, Nevaeh had fallen asleep on the couch. She didn't take many naps anymore, but when she did she was out and nothing would wake her until she was ready. So that left Buffy time to visit with her sister.

"Dr. Brenden estimated my due date around November twentieth," the blonde informed Dawn.

"Just before Thanksgiving, that's exciting," Dawn told her excitedly. She knew this baby was something that Buffy had wanted for awhile, but she knew this was a bittersweet moment for her sister. "How are you doing with this? Honestly?"

"It's hard. I'm excited about the baby. Of course I am. Faith and I created her together, so of course I'm overjoyed."

"Her?" Dawn interrupted.

"Well I know anything is possible with magic. But as Faith and I lack any male parts. I'm going with her until proven otherwise."

Dawn nodded in understanding. "Makes sense I guess."

"It does hurt that she's not here to share this with me. Thinking about raising not one, but two children alone, it terrifies me."

She didn't have a chance to say anything else, as a cry of 'Mommy' came from a few feet away. Walking over to the couch, Buffy sat beside her daughter and pulled her into her arms. "I'm here, baby. Let's get you home, alright?"

Even though she had woken from her short nap, Nevaeh was still half asleep as they said their goodbyes and headed back to the house.

Once they were back inside, Buffy decided to do something she hadn't really done for awhile, hang out with her daughter. They played pretend, dress up, and every other game her daughter's imagination allowed her to come up with. It was the best day she could remember having in a long time.

~BF~

Buffy was in the middle a mountain side field. She didn't have a clue how she'd gotten there. Last thing she remembered was going to sleep in her own bed. Hopefully this was just a dream, but the air felt so real it was hard to believe it was.

Still she worried she was transported somewhere, then how long would Nevaeh be left alone at home before someone realized she was gone.

"Fear not, Slayer. This is little more than a dream," she heard from a distant voice, but she couldn't see anyone. "I can't appear to you, for fear Brother will find out I'm interfering, but I had to bring you somewhere you could hear."

"Who are you?" Buffy asked, not sure what was going on.

"I am one of the Oracles, servants of the Powers that Be."

Buffy gasped. She knew Angel had, had audiences with the Oracles when he was still alive, but she never dared believe she'd ever see the day when she would too. Especially after her little rant to them a few weeks before.

"Yes, I heard your cry. And I agreed with you. I decided then to help you. But I could only do so within your slumber. But your subconscious will not allow me to get the full message through. So you have a part and your daughter has the other. Listen to your dreams, and nightmares and you will see the truth."

With that the voice was gone and Buffy found herself back in her bed. "What was that about?" she asked to the empty room. It didn't make any sense. Why did the higher beings always have to talk in riddles? Why couldn't they just tell you flat out what was going on?

She knew sleep would allude her now, so she spent the remainder of the night trying to remember every piece of her nightmares. Everything seemed like a simple memory of that night up until the point in which she stabs Faith, then it's a bleed of the past and present. Her wife's eyes flashing to show two separate Faiths.

Was that it? Two Faith's? Guess she'd have to wait until Nevaeh woke up and try and piece it together.

~BF~

Buffy opened the fridge and pulled out the milk, placing it on the table, she called Nevaeh into the kitchen for breakfast. The little one had woken and gone straight down the stairs to watch cartoons until her mother had gotten their breakfast ready.

She was happy to see her mom had cooked her some Mickey Mouse pancakes. Those were her favorites. Beside that sat her cut up banana and a glass of milk. "Yum," Vaeh smiled.

As soon as she was satisfied with her pancake being fully buttered and slathered in syrup, Buffy began to cut it up in bite size pieces. It amused Buffy that her daughter thought shaped pancakes where so much better, even though by the time she'd take a bite it would look the same as a simple round one.

"Nevaeh, I need to ask you something," she started, as soon as they both had begun eating. "Do you remember your dreams?"

"Uh huh, Mama in them."

"I see, and what does Mama do?"

"We talk," Vaeh just shrugged.

This was going nowhere. "What do you talk about?"

"Mostly that she loves me and misses me," Nevaeh admitted easily. Shoveling a load of banana into her mouth before taking a drink. "But I'm sposed to tell you to quit dreaming of that roof. She forgives you."

Buffy whipped her head around so fast to stare at the little girl. She'd never said anything about her nightmares to anyone, so there's no way Nevaeh could have heard it from anyone. "She does?"

"Yeah, says she can't visit you if you keep feeling guilty. What does she mean? What's guilty?" Vaeh asked, never having heard that word before.

"It means that you feel bad about something you did. Now does Mama say anything else?"

Trying to remember the whole message that her Mama had been helping her remember. "She's waiting for you."

"Waiting for me?" This wasn't making any sense. Faith wanted to visit her in her dreams and she was waiting so she could visit? Was Faith really able to talk to them from wherever she was? They'd shared dreams before, but Faith had been alive.

"Yeah, she says he hurts her. But that she's okay, because she knows you'll find her and save her. Oh, and she loves you."

Okay first the visit with the Oracle, now there was a whole conversation between Faith and Nevaeh within the little girl's dreams. Finally putting all the little pieces together, only one thought comes to mind. Faith was alive.