A/N: So lots of excitement that Faith might be alive! So glad! I think after this chapter it might be safe for me to start responding again haha, won't feel I'm going to spoil anything, as you'll start to see where I'm heading.

Chap. 17: Alive or Dead?- April 05

Buffy tossed and turned, she couldn't sleep, but she wanted to more than anything. After what she believed she'd learned earlier that day, all she wanted was to slip into dreamland and finally see Faith again. But sleep seemed to elude her. She was afraid she'd just have the nightmare again, and if Vaeh was right, that was what was stopping her from seeing Faith.

Maybe that was what the Oracle meant when she said that she couldn't get the message through. The nightmares were stopping it from coming through.

Taking a deep breath, she wiggled around, getting as comfortable as possible and let her body relax. Maybe if she just focused on good memories, happier times, tonight would be the night she'd finally get to see Faith.

She remembered their day on the beach in Hawaii, how free and happy they both were as they played with their daughter. They spent the day acting like teenagers again. She smiled to the darkness as she remembered how Faith chased her down the shore, both of them laughing as she managed to stay just out of reach.

The smile stayed on her face long after she'd finally managed to slip into unconsciousness.

Next thing she knew, she was standing back in her old house in Sunnydale. Was this just a dream or was Faith around here somewhere? No one seemed to be in the downstairs area, so she headed upstairs, figuring she'd check up there first. The upstairs looked as if it did the last time they'd seen it, sleeping bags and makeshift beds in every inch. In Nevaeh's room, her old toddler bed was leaned up against the wall, just as they'd sat it to make more room for the potential Slayers when they'd moved the little girl into her room. But again the place was deserted.

Heading back down the stairs, she checked every room, but it all turned up empty. The basement turned up the same results. So either she was just having one dream that made no sense, or Faith wasn't in the house. Since she was closer to the backdoor, she decided to check there first, then head out the front if she still didn't find her.

She barely had to open the door to see her wife sitting on the stairs, staring out into the yard as if she was watching something, or someone. Not seeing what held Faith's attention, she moved to take a seat beside her and wrap an arm around the younger girl's shoulder.

Everything in her wanted to just relish seeing her wife again. She wanted to hug her tight, kiss her deeply, and cry in her arms. But she needed answers more than anything, and just maybe she'd get them and get her back in the real world. So instead, she just sat and waited for Faith to speak.

"It was right here that I realized how I felt about you," Faith finally said, breaking the long silence. "I sat here watching Nevaeh play in the water after you told me how you felt, and I talked to her about it. And just knew I needed you."

"You talked to Nevaeh about us?" Buffy asked. Faith had never told her that. Of course their daughter wouldn't actually know what she was talking about, but in a way it made sense for Faith to work out her feelings, to the only person at that time that she trusted her heart too.

"Yeah I did," Faith smirked. "She was cool with it," she added with humor, making Buffy laugh.

"I miss you," Buffy said, suddenly turning the conversation. Faith making her laugh made the situation come crashing back down.

"Miss you too, B. More than you know."

"Where are you?"

Faith sighed, "I don't really know. Its dark most of the time, only light I really get is when he comes. Think I'm in a cave somewhere, air feels different though, thicker, heavier."

There was only one question Buffy really needed the answer to, but did she dare ask it. "Are you still alive?"

The brunette shrugged. "Maybe, I don't know. Like I said, mostly it's just dark all the time. Maybe I'm in hell," Faith finished dejectedly, like she deserved it.

"I'll figure it out, Faith. I promise," Buffy started, but the words went with the wind as the dream started to fade. She tried desperately to get it back, but nothing she tried worked. She hoped that wasn't the last time she'd see her wife, because if it was, it saddened her to realize she never even got the chance to tell her about the baby.

~BF~

"Faith's alive!" Buffy exclaimed as she entered the research library the next day. Whether Faith believed it or not, she did. All the signs she had been given didn't make sense to her unless it was true.

"What do you mean?" Willow asked carefully.

"I mean, she's alive. She's trapped somewhere, but she's alive."

"Honey," Willow started, moving to her friend in hopes of comforting her when reality would soon hit again. "She died, sweetie," she trod carefully, fearing that Buffy was in the denial stage of grief.

"I don't think she is. I think Tarzar did something, but she's still alive."

"Why do you believe this?" Giles spoke up. He's feeling the same as Willow, that possibly Buffy is projecting something that isn't real. But to be sure, he has to ask.

"I had a dream last night. She's trapped somewhere where it's dark."

"We buried her body," Willow pointed out. "She was definitely not alive."

"I can't explain that, but I feel like we have to save her."

Giles didn't know what to believe. He knew the two had shared dreams before. But he also had to agree with Willow, they had buried her body. "I have to agree with Willow, we did bury her. That's a lot to base off just a dream."

"What about the Oracle?"

"What Oracle?" the Watcher asked curiously.

"The one that appeared, well not really appeared so much as spoke to me. Telling me to listen to my dreams and Nevaeh's."

"Hmm." Giles was torn. If an Oracle really did present itself to Buffy then it's possible what she said was true, but it was a lot to believe on simple dreams. He just didn't know what to believe.

"Hmm. That's all I get, Giles? I tell you MY WIFE is alive and all I get is hmm?" Buffy said angrily. She was the damn Slayer here, why didn't they believe her? It made no sense.

"I'm sorry, Buffy. It's not that I don't trust you. It just seems there's a lot of contradictory evidence to stack against your dreams."

"You don't believe me in other words."

"I'm not saying that," Giles said vehemently.

Willow moved to wrap her arms around her friends. "Buffy, we're not saying that. It's just, you and Nevaeh both have been through an awful tragedy. Your emotions are running on high. We just need more evidence. But we'll see what we can find. Just give it some time."

Buffy pushed the witch away from her. "Give it some time? Seriously, she could be dying for real this time. You don't believe me, fine. I'll find her myself!" she screamed, turning and walking out of the library, leaving a very stunned Willow and Giles.

"What do you really think, Giles?" Willow asked, turning to the man they all looked to as a father figure.

"I'm not sure. If an Oracle really appeared to her, that's compelling evidence. I'm not sure what to believe."

"Yeah, me either." The redhead admitted. She wanted nothing more than to believe Buffy. She hated to see them all hurting so much, and if they could really get Faith back, it would be amazing. But Faith was stabbed, just like the prophecy said. It didn't seem like there was really a reason not to believe that Faith was gone.

~BF~

Long after Nevaeh had gone to bed, Buffy sat in her living room, pouring over books she'd taken from the library. After storming out early that day, she let herself calm down some and then returned to find the room empty. Taking every book she could find that might help, she'd carried them all home and began to go over them.

She'd never been big on research though and was having a hard time. "Find anything?" Buffy asked to the other occupant in the room who was still awake.

"Unfortunately, no," Dawn told her sadly. The other Summers woman was much easier to convince. Buffy had led them through one apocalypse after another, so she trusted her sister when she believed that Faith was out there somewhere.

Kennedy had come with her girlfriend, but had long since fallen asleep on the couch. She wasn't sure what to believe either. But she hadn't been around as long as the Scooby gang, and the Slayer in her was telling her that if there was a baddy still to fight, she needed to be in on it.

"What are we looking for exactly?"

"I'm not sure," Buffy admitted. "Anything that suggests she's still alive. That's the biggest thing. If we can just convince the others of that fact, they'll know what to look for next."

"You said the Oracle said to listen to your dreams right?" Dawn asked.

"Yeah."

"Well maybe we should focus on that then," the younger Summers told her.

"What do you mean?"

Dawn grabbed the notebook in front of her and flipped to a fresh page. Picking up the pen, she sat back getting comfortable, telling Buffy to do the same. "Now close your eyes."

"What? Are you going to shrink me now?" Buffy chuckled, thinking that was exactly how this would look to anyone entering the room.

"Basically. Nevaeh's dream is what made you believe she was still alive, that's what you told me. Faith told her things that she couldn't possibly know."

"Yes, that's true."

"So I want you to take me through yours now. There might be something in there you're missing. Tell me every detail you can remember. Leave nothing out, it might be important."

"Okay," Buffy agreed. Reclining back in the armchair she occupied, she wiggled around until she was comfortable and then closed her eyes. She wasn't sure this was going to work, but she was willing to try anything if it meant finding her wife.

She started off telling her every detail she could remember about their fight on the roof. That part was always identical to what had actually happened between them. She didn't think any of that was what was relevant to what was going on now.

She got to the part about the knife slipping in and paused. She'd never told anyone how she'd felt that day when it had actually happened. Telling her sister now terrified her. "The knife goes in, and at first I'm staring into the eyes of the teenage Faith, trying to tell her how sorry I am with my eyes. I didn't believe it would come to this, but somehow it did, and I'll forever be sorry."

And she would. She hated that she did that to Faith, but if things wouldn't have happened how they did, they wouldn't have had Nevaeh, and that would have been an even bigger tragedy.

"This is when the dream bleeds into the present. There's like a flash, and then I'm looking into the eyes of adult Faith, my Faith. I can tell she knows I'm sorry, but I can see the pain in her eyes. She flashes back and forth a couple of times, like the teenage and adult Faith are at war with who's present. Eventually past Faith wins and the dream continues on with the actual events."

The whole time Buffy is recounting her dream, Dawn writes out facts she thinks are key down on the paper. Most of it does seem pretty irrelevant. But the war of past and present Faith, there is definitely something to that.

Buffy herself realizes that there was something to that as well.

"What about the fight with Tarzar, what do you remember?" Dawn asks.

Buffy sits there stunned. She doesn't want to remember that night. She hasn't let herself spend a moment thinking about it. Too hurt to relive it. She doesn't want to relive it now, but it might be the only way to find the answer she's seeking.

So for the first time in a month, she lets her mind take her back to that night. Every moment was crystal clear, like it had only happened the day before. She sees the sword, and watches as Tarzar aims it at Faith's stomach. Maybe it wasn't important, but as she watches his sword go in, she realizes it's almost in the exact same spot where Faith should have the scar she created.

The blue mist surrounds Faith, and she watches again as the life seems to go out of her lover. But this time she notices. A small flash, similar to the one in her dreams. It is so subtle that a normal human being wouldn't be able to see it. She was too upset that night to realize it was there, but reliving it now, she could see it clearly. Something more definitely happened that night.

"Two Faiths," Buffy whispers. There were two Faiths in her dream, flashes moving from one to the other.

Dawn could see her sister's mind working, but the blonde had gone completely silent so she wasn't sure what she was thinking. It seemed though as if Buffy had found the answer, she just couldn't grasp it.

"Two Faiths," Buffy muttered again. "What are you trying to tell me, Faith?" she asked aloud. Her eyes roamed the room. Nothing she saw seemed to process until she landed on a picture of Faith and Nevaeh on the beach. Something about that picture was nagging at her, something important.

Walking over to the fireplace, she plucked it off the mantel, studying it closely. And as if lightening had struck, she knew she had the answer she'd been seeking.

"Faith is alive, and I can prove it!"