Science Fiction. Oo, oo, oo, Double Feature. Just because I can.
I don't know when I fell asleep, but I awoke to a knock at the door. Ignoring it, I crawled out of bed and walked over to my mirror to start my routine. The sooner, the better. However, the knocks never stopped, only got louder and more insistant.
"What!" I shouted, my quick temper escaping before I even had time to think.
"Breakfast is ready."
Clove. It had to be only 4 in the morning. Why was she awake? And why is breakfast made? Deciding to ignore her, I continued with my routine. My mind was racing making it hard to focus on my emotions and bury them.
"Don't think I don't know what you're doing in there." Clove shouted through the door. "Get your ass out here now, or I'll break in."
The banging became more pronounced. She was serious. I turned back to the mirror, not knowing the person staring back, but something became more familiar. I've spent to long with emotion, even if it had only been a day. This person was someone I had no interest in knowing but had no choice in finding out.
The crash startled me. Clove was full out bashing the door down. "Alright! Knock it off, I'm coming."
Pushing the door open, I noticed Clove with a heavy candle stick, "Christ, you're gonna wake the whole damn tower." I snapped.
"Fine by me, as long as you don't go all emotionless on me." Clove shouted back. "The games are done, I'm not letting you become a wasted person."
"Why do you even care so much?" I sneered. When did I become so talkative?
"Because it hurts me to watch someone with no purpose. We've lost ours; now make yourself a new one." Clove returned. And that was the end of the discussion, I knew Clove wouldn't press further, and I didn't want to battle her over it.
Walking further into the common area, I was berated with the smell of breakfast. She really wasn't lying about the food. She watched me, smiling at me as I walked to the table.
"What?" I sheepishly asked.
"Nothing, just the first time I saw you smile. And it wasn't fake." Clove answered.
"Yeah well, I haven't eaten since..." I paused, "I don't even remember. Had to be sometime on the train." This got a laugh from Clove and I felt myself smiling at her even more. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all. If this is what I'm missing in my life, then maybe having it isn't so bad.
The table was full of some of the best food I've seen, some I'm seeing for the first time. Picking up some fruit, I reached for some pancakes but stopped. My mother had made me pancakes the day I left, I remember the anger that filled me over the situation, but now I only felt pain. What kind of son becomes so angry with his mother for doing something sweet for what might have been the last time they ever saw eachother?
Clove noticed my hesitation, reaching for a pancake and devouring it in one bite. It snapped me from my memory and I just smiled at her, "You are so disgusting." I laughed.
"The only way to eat a pancake. One bite." She winked. "Looks like you got something on your mind, care to share?"
I paused again, staring at the pancakes.
"What, afraid of pancakes?" She joked. "You get your emotions back and the first one you feel is fear. From a pancake. They don't bite… Unless you want them to!" She grabbed some tobasco sauce and doused her next pancake with it before devouring it whole just the same as the first.
I scrunched my nose at the combination, deciding to let the question fall and hope Clove was too involved in her strange breakfast to pry. I popped a piece of pineapple in my mouth, grabbed some toast and sat down on the couch.
"So today I was thinking of meeting some more of the tributes." Clove broke the silence between chewing. "Did you wanna come?"
"Maybe."
"Oh come on, maybe you'll find a cutie that can take your mind off your despair." Clove winked.
This irritated me, but I tried to keep myself calm. How would that help anything anyway?
She must have noticed my irritation, but continued anyway, "You know, love is one of the best emotions."
"Yeah, so I've heard. Until we all get sent home never to see eachother again." I retorted.
"Never said you had to fall in love. It has degrees, some that can be painful, but others that are worth it."
I sighed, taking a bite of my toast. "I get the feeling you've never felt something for anyone." Clove pried. "Wasn't there anyone back home that caught your eye?"
"You seem to forget that I kept to myself. And what part of emotionless did you not understand?" I shouted, "Now drop the damn suject. I don't care about your little school girl antics."
Clove shyed away. I could tell I hurt her feelings, but I couldn't apologize, I wasn't ready for that kind of talk. Come to think of it I wasn't ready for anything. I gathered my plate and prepared to stand when Clove stopped me.
"You can say as much as you want about me, but I am not letting you go back to your room." Defensive Clove was terrifying. I never saw her stand up to anyone, and I realized why she had volunteered. She may not look it, but she was a fierce fighter. "I'm trying to find my own purpose, and I'm letting myself be the person I always wanted to be. Why can't you do the same?"
"Because I never wanted to be anyone!" I shouted. And it was mostly true, I was perfectly content with being the same thing my whole life. But lately, I don't know where I stand. There's too much to think about, too much that is new.
Clove just stared at me, her eyes piercing through me with her anger. I watched them soften almost instantly and regreted what I said to her. Regret, that one seems to pop up a lot in my 'new life'.
"I'm sorry." Her voice was calm now, "I keep forgetting that I've had more practice with this kind of life."
I sat back down and we continued our breakfast in silence. The sun was just rising as I started my orange, watching the sunrise and orange mix, the colors bleeding together. I never cared to look at the beauty of it before. But now the scene made the orange taste that much more special. It left me feeling warm inside. That same warmth that I've hated my entire existance but now simply embrace it. The same warmth that I felt yesterday with District 12. No, his name is Peeta. I decide to delve a little and pick Clove's brain.
"Did you have someone back home?" I forced myself to ask her, and she lit up when she heard me.
"Not anymore." She said, "But then again, he left me way before any of this happened. I thought I loved him, but he told me I was cold, too much of a machine."
I watched her expressions, trying to care about her story but really only wanting her to explain something to me. I didn't want to outright ask in case it would bring up more questions.
"That's when I honestly let myself feel more. If only a little. I never blocked out my emotions, only dulled them. Ever since then I decided it wasn't worth it."
"How did you know you loved him?" I asked.
"Its just something you know deep down. Just being around them makes you feel like you're safe. Nothing can happen to you. Like you're warm all over." She explained.
I had dropped the rest of my orange, forgetting I was holding it. My question was answered, but left me with many more. I couldn't possibly like this Peeta guy. We barely had a conversation!
"You're not telling me something." Clove noticed my reaction. She scooted closer to me with that same school girl ferocity in her eyes and I knew that I was going to be bombarded with questions. But I didn't even know the answers myself.
"Who is she!" She squealed.
No, this whole thing was wrong. There was nothing there between me and District 12, deciding it was easier not to use his name. The kind of heat Clove explained was not the same, it couldn't be. It was just some weird fluke.
Clove didn't look happy with my silence, and probably figured that I really was hidding something. "What? Oh, no one." I explained, I noticed my orange and picked it up, thinking of the warmth that it provided me during the sunrise. "I just got the same feeling from this orange. Does that mean I'm in love with it?"
Clove was not amused by my answer, but it wasn't a complete lie. I started laughing at the whole conversation, finding something about it completely wrong yet completely hilarious.
"I'm onto you." Clove stated before walking towards the table for a second helping. She was smiling though. And I knew why. Clove made it her duty to break me from my mask, and here I was laughing and talking about love. She wouldn't push me to spill, not since I've come this far.
"I can come." Clove shot me a dirty glare. I didn't know why, but I figured I'd elaborate. "With you to visit some of the other tributes."
"OH!" she giggled, again, I didn't know why. "Sorry, minds in the gutter."
She noticed my confusion, "Nevermind. Hoping to meet that special girl? She's a lucky one whoever she is. Watch out! Cato's sportin' emotion, a sexy body, and he's gonna come!"
I still didn't get it. But I laughed and acted like whatever it is she said was funny.
I look back out the window. Dawn was over and the sun was perched above the horizon. What was I thinking? What if I run into District 12? I'd decide that I'd deal with it if the time came. First, I needed to work out the new emotions. The more I let them come back, the easier it was to fall into them. It was something completely new. I felt like a newborn and it was terrifying.
A/N: So Cato kinda started writing himself and he likes to go in circles... But I let him because he basically is a newborn. Which means this story is going to be a lot longer than I anticipated. But it'll be worth it.