Thank you to everyone who makes opening my e-mail every morning feel like Christmas.
Somehow I had made it back to my floor. I don't remember the trip at all, my thoughts still on Peeta and how I royally fucked up everything. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. The angrier I was, more shit was thrown.
I was surrounded in shattered glass and fine porcelain. All I wanted to do was cry, something I had never done before in my life. Why am I such a fuck up? Why does everything that's good always have to end before it even starts?
Hearing the elevator doors open caught my attention. Clove. And she looked pissed.
"What the fuck was that?" She shouted."Are you completely insane!"
I had nothing to say to her. I had a million questions to ask her, but now I just wanted to be alone. I needed to think, and as much as I neede Clove right now, the need to be alone was more overpowering.
"What happened in here?" She asked, cautiously approaching me. "I knew something was wrong when I didn't see Peeta with you."
She paused eyeing me up. I must have looked like a wreck. I felt wet, noting that at some point, I really did start crying.
"Oh God, I'm gonna kill him." Despite what she said, she melted right before my eyes, the strong Clove I knew was just as big of a mess as I was now. "What happened?"
She crossed the room, avoiding the broken dishware that covered the floor. Upon reaching me, she pulled me close to her. She knew I didn't want to talk right now. In fact I pretty much never wanted to talk. I felt myself collapse into her cold embrace, reminding me more of how much I wanted the warmth from Peeta. I full out cryed into her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around me.
It must have been a sight, because Clove was significantly smaller than I was. The thought only lasted for a second before fading, my mind going back to Peeta.
"Shh." Whispered in my ear. "It'll be okay."
What will be okay? There's no point in denying it. Peeta will never speak to me again. Part of me was happy about it, knowing that I would never have to feel this much pain again. No, Clove was right, this kind of pain was worth it. At least I got this far, right?
"Tell me, whenever you are ready." Her arms tightened around me defensively and I felt safe.
"What have I done, Clove?" my voice was slightly muffled by her shoulder.
"I don't know, Cato." Clove was trying her best, but not even she knew what to say. I wanted nothing more than for the day to start over, get a second chance to say all the right things.
I let myself unravel in Clove's embrace for almost an hour before I had the courage to finally explain what happened.
"Cato, you idiot!" She was no longer being sensitive to my dillema. "Why would you be so blunt? You're lucky he even stuck around long enough to show any sort of interest."
"I know, I fucked up! Alright? Now what do I do?"
"I honestly have no idea…" Clove said, "I've never actually cornered someone like that."
I watched her, wanting to shake her for information. "Well you know the guy better than I do, is there any chance he would forgive me?"
"I don't know, he always seemed interested in you, bringing you up every now and then, but there was never anything that really stood out aside from possible interest." Clove explained. It wasn't what I meant. I wanted to know how forgiving the guy was.
"That's not what I meant." My thoughts must have escaped.
"I know what you meant." Clove said, she looked like she was trying to concentrate. "He always seemed to be forgiving, but from what I knew, he never really put himself out there like you said he did. I mean he told me he did once…"
That's it! I need to know how he reacted to it. I needed to know if he would ever forgive me. If would get past everything. I could never live with myself if I left things the way they were.
"Tell me."
"You aren't going to like it." Clove stared. I glared back, telling her to spill. "You asked for it. When he was younger, he came across this girl who was dying of hunger. He basically purposfully burnt some of the bread so he would have to throw it away. His mom had caught him and beat the shit out of him. When he was going to throw it away, he threw the bread to the girl. The girl was Katniss."
"Where are you going with this?" I asked her.
"Just wait. He had put himself out there to save her life. She never thanked him, or spoke to him again until the Games started. It hurt him. He had saved her life and afterwards, she never even gave him a second look."
I was silent, something about the whole story didn't fit.
"Don't you get it? Sometimes a simple 'thank you' or an 'I'm sorry' can mean the world to someone." She said, "He never forgot it, wishing she would at least notice that he had existed."
A simple 'I'm sorry'. It was all so relevant. I started walking through the maze of debris. "I don't know why you thought I wouldn't like this story. A simple apology might be all I need."
"It's not that easy, Cato." Clove shouted, but I wasn't listening. I made it to the elevator, watching Clove disappear as the doors shut. I knew what I had to do. Of course it had to be the thing I was the worst at. I was a terrible apologizer. But then again, I never needed to, and this time I had to, no wanted to.
It was getting late, but I stopped by the dinning hall in case Peeta might have stopped for a late supper. Unfortuantely, the room was deserted. My mind started racing; adrenaline was clouding my thoughts and the longer I had to wait the more courage I lost.
Maybe his room? Not very many places to be in the tower. It was pretty much the training center, dinning room, and the tribute's floors.
I could hear something muffled as I left the dinning room. I didn't know what it was, but I followed the noise to find a punching bag swinging madly. Further investigation told me that someone was there. But not just someone, the blonde boy I was searching for. Well that was pretty lucky of me.
He must have been to focused because he didn't hear me approaching. Or he just didn't want to acknowledge me. "Hey." I shouted to him.
He stiffined at my voice, punching the bag a few more times before looking over his shoulder at me. Hurt… No, anger was written all over his face. "Come to humiliate me some more?"
"No. I wanted to, uhm." His punching continued and was starting to irritate me. I was trying to bear my soul and all he wanted to do was beat the shit out of something. It was a little unnerving, the Peeta I knew, or knew through Clove's association, wasn't this violent.
"Would you stop that!" I shouted at him. He glared at me, but did as I asked, calming the rattling chains on the bag and gently leaning against it, watching me with hate.
"Can we talk?" I asked.
He gestured around us, "What do you think we're doing now?"
"Fair enough," I paused. "I'm sorry…"
He laughed. It made me shrink away from him. What was so damn funny?
"You're gonna have to do better than that." He turned back to the punching bag, "If you don't mind, I'd like to continue here."
"I do mind!" I shouted, "I'm sorry I'm such an ass. I'm sorry I suck at talking to people."
He leaned his head against the punching bag like he was deep in thought. "But I'm not completely sorry I asked, at least it gave me the answer I was hoping for." The last part came out more as a mumble than an actual statement. He must have heard it, because he turned back to me.
"Answer my question." He stated. This time he wasn't running, and it was his glare that told me he wasn't backing down.
He meant 'Why me?' and I still didn't know how to respond to it, but I wasn't going to stay silent this time.
"Because whenever you're around, my whole world starts spinning. You're touch is like fire. You're the only person that can make me feel what I've ignored my whole life."
He was steadfast, not moving at all, just watching me. Slight confusion clouded his face at my last statement. "And because I think you're hot, too."
I waited only a moment before saying, "Happy?"
He softened slightly, no longer exuding an aura of hatred, but holding the start of a smirk. "You're still an ass, you know."
"I know." I answered. He melted almost back to the Peeta I knew, but held a part of himself back. "Do you think maybe we could talk someplace a little more priate?"
I wanted to tell him everything. I was ready to tell him about my past, and I wanted him to understand why I'm such an ass with words. I also didn't want to be out in a public place during it. You never know whose ears were listening.
He nodded and we started to walk back to the elevator. We were almost there when he slipped his hand into mine. The warm heat was there as our fingers linked. I smiled down at him.
The elevator doors opened to the chaos of my common area.
"What happened in here?" Peeta asked, noticing all the broken glass.
"Heh, that's kind of, uh.. A long story." I was a little embarassed about the mess, and admitting to him that all of it was because of him.
"Let's go to my room." I lead the path through the maze of shattered objects, Peeta walking close behind me. "This room is a little to dangerous."
Once we were in my room, I shut the door behind us and looked him in the eyes. "Theres something you need to know."
I told him everything.
A/N: This chapter just did not want to happen. I struggled to write pretty much the whole thing. In light of that, I'm sorry if this one seems, a little off...