A/N: Hi guys, I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in close to a year. Everything got crazy, and I ended up rewriting chapter 7 a ton of times and hit some major writer's block with this story. But I have a lot more chapters written now. Thank you for all the follows, not just the story, but me as an author. It was all the notifications of new followers that made me power through my writer's block. Thanks for the love ~2Rats
Chapter 7: Time
Ian and I lay next to each other for a while not saying anything. I hold him close, and he holds me close. We're both brought out of our own little reality when Lip comes in to tell me that we have to leave for work. I look at the clock and realize he's right. Fuck. I give Ian a kiss and tell him I'll be back. He tells me he knows and I leave with Lip.
The other guys at work are talking about how much action they're getting. I just work, Randy, my boss comes over taking the hammer out of my hand.
"Milkovich you don't want in on that conversation?" says Randy "You've worked through lunch every day this week, granted it lets you leave an hour earlier than everyone else most nights, but why?"
"I have something worth working through lunch for." I tell him
"You have a man waiting at home and really don't want to discuss the ladies." I look up at Randy. How the fuck would he know? I don't care who knows anymore to an extent.
"Yeah, Lip's brother Ian." I tell him
"How's he doing?" asks Randy
"Better," I say "physically. Emotionally I wish I could do more."
"I know what you mean." Said Randy "My partner Jason went through the same thing." I look up at Randy intrigued by more. "He was deployed prior to the repeal of don't ask don't tell. He came home after being shot in the middle of suicide bombing. He's been home 6 years and he still has nightmares. He still gets self-conscious about his scars."
"Ian doesn't think he's sexy anymore." I say "Which is bullshit. His scars, they're a part of him now, which makes them sexy, because he's sexy, he's always been sexy. He told me this morning that I can tell him a thousand times over that he's sexy, but it won't do any good until he actually believes it."
"He's right." Randy says "It all takes time. You can't rush his emotional healing process"
"So what do I do?" I ask
"You keep doing what you're doing." Lip says sitting down next to me "The only person who has been able to keep Ian calm during nightmares is you. The only person he lets see his scars is you. You keep doing what you're doing and everything will happen when it's supposed to ."
"I just wish that he could see what I see." I tell Lip
"And what do you see?" asks Lip looking at me with that older brother look I have given to several of the dickheads that Mandy's brought home.
"Randy I gotta get out of here. I'll make up the hours next week." Randy nods but Lip stops me.
"Milkovich, he's my kid brother." Lip looks at me "That's all I can see. My kid brother. I need to know what you see when you look at him."
"Ian." I tell him simply "I look at him and I see Ian."
Ian was surprised to see me home from work, but grateful when I told him Randy let me go for the afternoon. I start telling him about the conversation I had with Randy and Lip and he stops me when I get to the question Lip asked me. "You don't have to tell me what you said."
"My answer was Ian." I tell him "I didn't say more than that, because my absolute true answer," I pull him close to me, "you deserve to hear first." Ian looks me in the eyes, I can tell he's scared of what I'm going to say. I kiss him before continuing "I see you. I see Ian. I see the guy who no matter how much I put a guard up could and can see right through me. I see the guy who came to see me when I was in lock up even though my own father couldn't be bothered to. I see the guy who misses me. I see the guy who makes my world ten times better by just being in the room. I see you Ian, I see the person that makes me feel like a real fucking human being. I just don't know what he sees in me." Ian smiles at me, tears in his eyes as his lips crash against mine.
"Mickey I see your heart." Ian says to me "I see the guy who no matter how big of a bad ass he is, I know he's hurt when no one visits him in lock up. I see the guy who cares underneath. I see the part of you that you hide in order to survive in this neighborhood. I see the guy who knows what I need with just a look. Mickey I see the part of you that you never let the rest of the world see and I-" Ian stops, but I don't need him to continue. I know what he's about to say, but we both know how concrete those words would make everything. Maybe neither one of us were ready for that just yet.