A/N: I am glad so many of you understood Katniss's decisions in the last chapter, even if was naive. Unfortunately many girls get themselves in that situation. Thankfully there is a lot less Thom drama now and we'll see some more Katniss and Peeta bonding. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 7
November
Peeta stands by my family's ridiculously small stove slowly stirring a steaming brown mixture. He's cooking for me again and the delicious smells of lamb, plum and ginger fill the whole room. Sage sits in her high chair and bangs her hands impatiently as she waits for me to resume feeding her. I had got slightly distracted by the way Peeta's back muscles moved beneath the tight fitting red t-shirt he wears. Peeta turns round to look at me with a grin.
"Don't think you are doing a very good job there. Sage has got more pureed plum on her face than in her mouth," he teases.
I scowl at him before jabbing the spoon into the tiny pot and feeding Sage a mouthful of plum. Sage eagerly gulps it down without adding any more muck to her face.
"See, I'm a pro," I state triumphantly.
Peeta chuckles. Sage turns at the sound and gives him a toothy grin. It may be true that her face is smeared pink from plum but as she smiles at Peeta I can't help but love the sight. She just looks so adorable all messy and giggly.
Peeta pulls a face at her before turning down the heat on the stove and getting the plates for our own dinner.
"Come on munchkin," I say to Sage. "You need to finish this so Mommy can taste another one of Peeta's mouth-watering creations."
"Ha!" Peeta blurts out. "Inhale more like. You scoff the food down so fast you don't have time to taste it! You are really not appreciating the whole Mellark cooking experience!"
I smile and shake my head as I feed Sage the last remaining spoonfuls of her dinner. I enjoy my food. What can I say?
Sage is just finishing her last mouthful as Peeta makes his way over to the table with our plates. He places them down and sits in the seat next to me. Sage stares at the piles of steaming meat drenched in the most exquisite looking gravy. The sweet aromas of ginger and cinnamon waft out. She stares in wonder at the sight. She may have only just got onto solid food but I can tell she is going to take after me when she grows up and be a strong lover of food.
"This isn't for you," I say pulling the plate towards me. "You're still too little. But if we're really good, Peeta might keep coming round to serve us culinary masterpieces!"
"Keep up with those comments and I will never leave!" Peeta exclaims.
I smile as I tuck into the first bite of the tender lamb. It falls apart in my mouth and I have to stop myself from audibly moaning my appreciation.
"I would hire you as my personal chef if I could afford it," I reply while shovelling another mouthful of the delicious stew in my mouth.
"Don't worry. I could never charge my 2 favourite girls for my amazing talent!" Peeta responds tickling Sage's chin.
Sage's giggles as I continue to tuck into my meal and Peeta goes back to sampling his own plateful.
This has become some sort of routine over the past 5 weeks. Since I kicked Thom out Peeta has made a habit of coming round a couple of nights a week, cooking for the 2 of us and entertaining Sage. We have a surprisingly large amount in common and as I no longer spend all my time moaning about Thom it's gone back to how it used to be. We have time to discuss the bands and movies we like and retell different adventures from our childhood. Our friendship has flourished as a result and a day doesn't go by where we don't text or call each other. I haven't had such a good friend since Gale. I've stopped feeling so alone.
I have even spent some more time with Peeta's friends. Delly all but demanded that Sage and I joined them for lunch one day and she spent the entire time fussing and cooing over Sage. Madge and Thresh are a lot easier to deal with, a lot less excitable, and I found I am still able to enjoy their company. They often invite me to things they are doing but I have to turn them down more times than I can go out.
On the whole I feel like I am beginning to make new friends and this causes me to feel somewhat normal. Sage is still my number one priority but I now take the occasional time out to do things for myself.
The three of us eat our meal in a companionable manner. Peeta and I discuss the latest Tributes song and let Sage taste a sample of one of our plums. Peeta and I both laugh as she scrunches her nose and quickly spits out the offending food. Clearly Peeta's plums are not up to baby food pureed standard.
Near the end of the meal an unpleasant smell overwhelms the sweet aromas of the stew and Peeta and I both scrunch our noses up in disgust.
"Is that you Little Miss Smelly Pants?" I tease tickling Sage's tummy.
Sage smiles up at me with her big grey eyes as if to say, yes Mommy. Aren't you proud I made that smell?
"All this solid food is making you one smelly girl!" I exclaim shaking my head at her.
I move to tidy the empty plates away before going to deal with Sage. However as I go to place the dishes beside the sink I see that Peeta has already gotten up and picked her up
"I'll deal with her if you want," he says hoisting Sage into his arms. "You can clean up this while I take care of her."
I smile at him gratefully. I don't know what I did to deserve as good a friend as him. With Sage on solids now the contents of her diapers are getting more interesting and changing them is something I definitely don't enjoy. I am touched that he would offer.
"That'd be great. You know where all the stuff is," I say gratefully.
"No problem," Peeta smiles. "Let's get you all smelling of roses for Mommy!"
Sage smiles and Peeta carries her through to get changed while talking to her in a silly voice.
Peeta is so good with Sage. I love how she is the first thing he asks about each day at work. And he is actually interested. It feels good to have someone to confide all these amazing things she is learning. I swear he gets almost as excited as me at some of the things she has done. He always makes a big fuss over her whenever he comes over and Sage loves being picked up and tickled by him. Her giggles almost double in frequency whenever he is around.
I smile as I watch them leave before turning the faucet on so I can clean the dishes.
I go through to Sage's bedroom to find her sitting on Peeta's lap as he animatedly tells her a story. Sage's stares at the pages in the book transfixed by the range of colours. She slaps her little hands against the pages as Peeta reads.
"The dog at the farm goes woof woof!" Peeta exclaims putting on his best dog impression while looking at Sage expectedly.
Sage makes a burbling sound that in another world could sound like a dog as she tries to mimic Peeta's tones.
"Good job Sage!" Peeta praises her with a big smile. "Let's see what's next. The cow! The cow on the farm goes moooo!"
Sage giggles before she lets a long sound that is suppose to imitate a cow.
"Who's making all these farm animal noises?" I exclaim making my way over to sit by Peeta and Sage on the bed.
Sage giggles and sticks her hands out for me. I take one and tickle the inside of her wrists. This just causes her to giggle more. Peeta watches us with a grin.
"Shall we let Mommy take one?" Peeta asks Sage. Sage bangs her hands against the book again. Peeta grins at her. "Okay Mommy. What's next?"
Peeta turns to give me the book and I take it and turn the page.
"A duck! The duck on the farm goes quack quack!" I exclaim.
Sage once again makes another squeaking sound and I smile at her proudly as she repeats the sound over and over again.
"I think someone here could live on a farm," Peeta says tickling her tummy. Yet more delighted giggles from Sage.
"I think Peeta has got you too excited for sleepy time," I state as Sage continues to laugh and smile contently at Peeta.
"Uh oh, I'm in trouble Sage," Peeta says with mock seriousness. "I think I better give you to Mommy before we get into any more trouble!"
Peeta picks Sage up off his knee and turns to give her to me. Sage lets out a tiny whimper as she leaves Peeta's arms but she quietens once I have got her settled in my own embrace.
"Do you want a song to help you get to sleep?" I ask rocking her gently.
Sage just stares back up at me, her grey eyes waiting expectedly for her song. Quietly I begin to sing the words to the lullaby my dad used to sing to me whenever I got scared. It is always the best song to get Sage to calm down.
Deep in the meadow, under the willow,
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow…
Sage instantly begins to quieten as I sing the soft lyrics and gently rock her to sleep. Her eyes begin to droop not moments later and by the time I have repeated the song for a second time she is sleeping soundly in my arms. I brush a lock of her dark hair off her face and place a kiss on her head before I get up and place her gently in her crib. I reach over to make sure she can reach her bunny if she wakes.
Peeta comes up behind me as I watch her sleep soundly with her stuffed toy beside her.
"I don't know what it is about sleeping babies," Peeta begins. "But there is something so captivating about them."
I turn to smile at him.
"Probably because they aren't screaming for once," I reply.
"That might have something to do with it," Peeta says with a grin.
"Come on. What movie classic have you got for me to watch this time," I say making a move out of Sage's room.
"I brought two comedy gems. Anchorman and 21 Jump Street." Peeta replies as he follows me through to the living room.
"I've never seen Anchorman," I reply.
Peeta looks at me shocked.
"How could you have not seen it? Will Ferrell at his finest!" he exclaims.
"I was like 9 when it came out. A little too young," I state casually.
Peeta shakes his head at me.
"You make me feel so old," he groans. "I sometimes forget you are only 18."
I shrug my shoulders.
"So are we going to watch it or not?" I ask picking up the DVD case.
Peeta grins again before taking the case off me and putting it in the DVD player.
"Be prepared for your sides to hurt from laughing so much," Peeta declares as he moves back to sit on the couch beside me.
I lift up my feet so he has a space to sit down before placing them back down so my legs are draped over his lap. We settle down into the couch and get ready to watch the movie. These nights are fast becoming the highlights of my week.
The next day Peeta and I are both back working at the bakery. Peeta has been stuck in his office for most of the morning as he has to work out exactly what every store needs for the next order.
It's been steady business this morning and I have already had to put up with my old English teacher, Effie Trinket, nosing about my business and inquiring about Sage. Bonnie and I are refilling the counter when a young, dark skinned girl with curly black hair and chestnut coloured eyes pushes her way into the store with her 8 month old son.
"Hey Rue," I say with a smile as she pushes the stroller in. "What's brought you here today?"
I met Rue in the baby and toddler group I joined a few weeks back. It was intimidating at first to join as I didn't want to be judged by all the stay at home moms but on the whole the majority have been friendly and welcoming even if I few don't hide their opinion that I am not old enough to have a daughter.
Rue was a saving grace there. At 20 she is a little older than me but is in a similar situation being a single mom. The father of her son Chase didn't even bother sticking around once he found out she was pregnant. We have many of the same struggles and it is a relief to have someone else who knows exactly what I am going through.
Rue gives me a tired smile as Chase stretches an arm out in his sleep.
"I just dropped out of college. I need one of your wonderful cakes to cheer me up," she states sadly.
"You did what?" I asked shocked.
"Please don't make me feel any worse than I already do. I just couldn't keep it up anymore. With the cold Chase had last month I fell way behind. There's no way I can pass finals this semester. I told my mom it would only be this year. I'll try and get back next year."
I give her a sympathetic look. I know how hard every day life can be when you are young and have a baby.
Rue had been doing well in college until she fell pregnant with Chase in her sophomore year. With Chase's dad absent she has been trying to juggle work, school and a baby ever since. I know how stressed she has been these past couple of weeks as Chase came down with a really bad cold that forced Rue to spend most of her hours nursing him back to full health. School becomes a low priority when you have bills to pay and a baby to look after.
"The cake will be on me," I say as Rue comes over to choose which one she wants.
Rue chooses a strawberry and vanilla cupcake and I pick it up and wrap it up in a pretty box for her. Rue smiles at me gratefully as she takes the box.
Peeta walks through and gives Rue a warm smile when he sees her. He's met her a couple of times now and fusses over Chase in a similar way as he does over Sage.
"How you doing?" he asks bending down to take a better look at Chase.
"I've been better," Rue states.
Peeta furrows his eyebrows and is about to ask her what's wrong when a tall, bronze haired man enters the shop dramatically.
"Hold the front pages! Finnick Odair has come to Panem!" the man declares.
Rue and I both look at him with a frown.
The man can only be described as a Greek God reincarnated. Bronze hair that is stylishly tousled, green eyes that glint mischievously, a toned, tanned physique. This is a guy who has obviously broken a lot of girls' hearts.
Peeta's face breaks into a huge grin at the sight of the man.
"Finnick, man! What are you doing here?" he exclaims as he goes over to give the man, Finnick, a massive man hug.
"Thought I'd come and see how my best mate is doing without me. I know how much you pine for me down here!" Finnick replies.
Peeta shakes his head a little as he smiles at Finnick.
"I can't believe it!" Peeta exclaims. "How's New York?"
"Awesome dude. There is always something going on. Always on the go. And the ad firm adore me!" Finnick replies.
"And how many people in the office have you slept with?" Peeta asks cocking one eye brow at him.
"Maybe a couple," Finnick replies coyly. "But what about you? You didn't tell me you work with such beauties!"
Finnick has now turned his attention to Rue and I. Rue blushes a little at his charming smile but it has no effect on me. He's too polished for me. He reminds me too much of one of those Ken dolls Prim used to have.
"Oh I don't work here," Rue corrects Finnick's mistake.
"So I wouldn't have to worry about your boss getting jealous if I asked you out," Finnick replies with a wink.
Rue giggles and blushes again. Finnick turns his attention away from Rue to look solely at me.
"You I have heard about," Finnick states with a smirk. "You must be Katniss. Peeta forgot to mention how beautiful you are."
I frown a little at this man. I am still a bit confused about who he is and how he knows about me.
"Katniss, this is Finnick, my roommate from Princeton. He works at an advertising agency in New York. Half the trouble I got into in college was because of this one," Peeta explains.
I nod my head, finally understanding who this guy is. Now he mentions it, I vaguely remember Peeta mentioning a guy called Finnick in some of his stories about college.
"How come you haven't asked this one out yet Peet?" Finnick asks nudging him in the stomach.
I do blush now. Why would he even ask that? There is nothing romantic between Peeta and me. I look over at Peeta and see that he too feels a bit awkward at the comment and shifts a bit uncomfortably on his feet.
"We're just friends," Peeta replies scratching the back of his neck and avoiding Finnick's accusing stare.
"You have enough female friends Peet," Finnick says raising an eyebrow.
Peeta scowls at his friend. Finnick returns the scowl with a cheeky grin.
"Well, I'm calling it. I can't wait to tell you I told you so. The sexual tension is oozing out of you both," Finnick says pointing between us.
"It will never happen," I state reaffirming Peeta's earlier statement.
Rue and Finnick both look at each other knowingly and with smirks on their faces. I ignore what that might mean. I don't have time to get involved with anyone like that. Even a nice guy like Peeta.
"Well now that is out the way, when are we all getting together to all hang out?" Finnick says clapping his hands together and then turning to talk to Rue. "Where's good to go here?"
"I don't think I'd be able to come," Rue replies. "You know, got a baby and all."
"Surely you can find a babysitter?" Finnick asks. "I'll show you a real good time if you come."
He leans into Rue suggestively and I want to throw up. Are there really guys like him out there?
"We'll see," Rue replies with a coy smile.
Finnick straightens up and grins at her.
"I'll take that for now. Peeta, Katniss you in for a get together? I was thinking bowling. Peet invite those high school friends of yours. Delly is always a laugh on a bowling alley," Finnick states.
Peeta looks at me questioningly. A night out bowling does sound good. Even if it is with this idiot Finnick. Though I'm not sure I can get Mom to babysit Sage.
"I'll see what I can do," I reply.
Peeta gives me a happy smile that causes a warm feeling to radiate out from the center of my chest.
"I'll give everyone a call," Peeta says finally tearing his eyes away from mine.
"Excellent!" Finnick exclaims. "Bring it on!"
2 days later we all stand huddled together at the entrance of the bowling place. The weather is definitely getting colder and it won't be long now until the snow comes. I clutch my arms around my chest desperately trying to keep in the warmth. The cold nips at the tips of my ears and my nose making them tingle. The sooner we get inside the better.
"Okay dudes!" Finnick exclaims. "I've got us 2 lanes. Winners get their dinners paid for."
"Stop all the bravado. Let's just get in there and see who's the best," Thresh states.
"I like your way of thinking," Finnick replies before he ushers us all into the building.
I stuff my hands in my pockets and roll my eyes at Peeta as we enter the building. Does Finnick really have to be so exuberant? Peeta smiles in response before stepping out the way and holding the door open for me. I thank him as I rub my hands together to try and get the warmth back in them. Everyone else starts peeling off their layers of clothing as Finnick goes to set up our lanes.
"Do you think he always has so much energy?" Rue whispers to me as she goes to untie her black leather boots.
"It's exhausting just watching him," I reply.
Rue lets out a small chuckle as she finishes pulling off her boots.
Everyone ended up being able to come tonight. My mom offered to babysit both Sage and Chase and I am looking forward to a night away from diapers and nursery rhymes. I love Sage but there is only so much baby talk I can handle.
Peeta offers me a hand to help me get up after I have taken off my boots and walks with me over to get our bowling shoes. The girl at the counter hands over the ghastly red and black shoes and we join the others at the bowling lanes.
Peeta, Madge and I all end up in one lane with Finnick, Rue, Thresh and Delly in the other. Finnick is all out to impress Rue tonight and he has already got her up to show her the best arm action to use. I shake my head at him. He's got no chance. Rue and I have already talked about how uninteresting boys are for us now that we have kids. We can no longer have casual flings. We have our children to think about.
"Not one to brag, but I rule at bowling," Peeta confidently states.
I turn and raise an eyebrow at him.
"Oh really?" I say. "You sound an awfully lot like Finnick."
Peeta lets out a chuckle.
"I'm way better than Finnick," Peeta says leaning into me with a cheeky smirk. His blue eyes look even brighter under the florescent lights of the bowling alley. I get momentarily lost in his gaze.
Suddenly he has pulled back and walking over to select a ball. He picks one up and makes a big show of setting up and taking aim.
"Get ready to analyse my technique," Peeta says cockily.
"Just bowl," I demand.
Peeta grins at me before bringing his arm back and releasing the ball. It hurtles down the lane and hits the pins bang in the center. 9 pins tumble down leaving 1 lone pin standing isolated in the back left corner. Peeta quickly turns round to select his next ball and the barrier has only just been lifted before he fires the ball down and knocks the remaining pin flying into the back.
Peeta turns round to me with a satisfied grin.
"Told you!" he announces triumphantly as he makes his way over to me.
"Not bad," I say picking myself off the bench and making my way over for my turn.
I lift the ball up and aim for the center pin. I release the ball and it goes whizzing down the lane and knocking all the pins over in one go.
I spin round with a triumphant smirk.
"Oh didn't I tell you? I'm awesome at bowling," I state.
Peeta chuckles at me with an impressed smile.
"So it seems," he replies with a grin as I retake my seat next to him. Madge rolls her eyes at us.
"How did I end up stuck in this ego contest?" Madge sighs as she takes her own shot. Only 7 pins fall down.
"Maybe I should just give up and leave you two to it," she says after taking her second shot but failing to knock down any more pins.
Peeta and I grin at each other as he gets ready for the next shot.
The contest between Peeta and I gets pretty intense. There's really not much in it and the lead exchanges hands many times as the game goes on. Madge doesn't quit and carries on but she is no competition. Peeta and I do the best to distract each other, cat calling and standing behind each other and tickling the other. I squirm under Peeta's touch as he refuses to stop to let me take my shot.
I notice Madge and the others giving us amused looks and exchanging knowing glances between each other. I am having too much fun to analyse what they mean.
I have the most fun I have had in ages. Being with Peeta and his friends allows me to forget about all my responsibilities for a while and just enjoy being 18. I catch myself staring at Peeta a few times throughout the night. In many ways it feels like I am seeing him for the first time. I have always known he was good looking but tonight is the first time I really appreciate it. Maybe it is because we are in such a relaxed setting and I feel like a regular 18 year old but I become transfixed by the broad muscles in his back and continue to lose myself in his brilliant blue gaze. I notice that I perk up whenever he is around. I can't help the smile that appears on my face whenever he looks my way.
Finnick's words from the bakery ring in my ears. Do I really think of Peeta as more than a friend? Would I really want to go there with him?
I think about all the kind things Peeta has done for me and Sage since I have known him; the flexible hours, defending me in front of his mom, the evening cooking sessions at my house. He has been there constantly for me the last few months. I get butterflies in my stomach as I realise how much he looks out for me.
Does he like me? He was just as uncomfortable as me when Finnick brought it up at the bakery. I hadn't seen him like that before. Did Finnick hit too close to the bone? Has he thought about it?
I've caught him staring at me just as many times as I have found myself staring at him. He is always finding ways to hang out with me and make me laugh. There are all those nights he comes round to mine. From the outside they could almost look like dates. Isn't cooking and watching movies together what couples do? And he is great about Sage. He's been really supportive of me. Would he really do all these things if he didn't have stronger types of feelings for me? I get butterflies at the thought.
But can I let myself have more? My experience with Thom is still fresh in my mind. I can't have anyone hurt Sage and I like that again. Not that I think Peeta is like Thom. It's just I have to put my own wants and needs aside and do what is best for Sage. Jumping into another relationship can't be good for her. And what if things didn't work out? It would kill me if I lost Peeta as a friend.
I shake the thoughts out of my head. I can't think about this. Sage is my priority. I should just focus on her.
I hit another strike on my last go resulting in me narrowly beating Peeta and I do a silly victory dance in celebration. Peeta hangs his head and shakes it in disbelief.
"Looks like I'll be paying for your dinner," he says.
"I like hamburgers," I state with a grin as I make my way over.
Madge rolls her eyes as she takes her last shot, hardly putting a dent in our lead and then the 3 of us go back to change our shoes. Thresh and Finnick are still stuck in an epic battle in their lane as Delly and Rue watch them with amused looks. Madge excuses herself to go to the restroom as Peeta hands over our shoes and we sit down to put our shoes back on.
"I was supposed to have impressed you with my bowling skills tonight. Didn't realise I was up against a pro," Peeta turns to me with a smile
"You should see me on a shooting range. That's where my real talent lies," I state confidently.
Peeta chuckles as he moves in closer to me, his blues eyes locked onto my grey ones.
"Remind me to call you if I need protecting from an armed robber," he says with a grin.
I smile back but am then frozen into place as Peeta's stare continues to hold my gaze. It is only now I realise how close we have gotten. The sides of our bodies brush against each other and Peeta's face is only inches from mine. My heart begins to pound faster. My eyes drop to his lips and I think about what it would be like to reach up and kiss them.
My earlier reservations about moving things further go out the window. I don't think about my daughter. I can only think about this man in front of me. This man that makes me laugh and is always there for me. I become enchanted by his soft smell of cinnamon and dill and the brightness in his eyes. Without any further thought I lean forward and press my lips against his.
I can feel the shock in his body as I do so and he tenses slightly away at first. I keep my lips pressed against his savouring the tingle that runs through my body but after a few seconds he springs his head back leaving my lips hanging in the air.
"Katniss…" he begins in a wary tone.
My heart plummets as I realise that he doesn't want this. That I have read him wrong.
"Don't," I state ashamed. "Please don't say anything."
Peeta looks at me sadly and reaches out to touch my arm. I flinch away from him hurt. I am so embarrassed. Peeta is my friend. I shouldn't have kissed him.
"Listen Katniss. I like you. I do, but I just don't think you and I are a good idea at the moment. You've been through a lot this past year and just broke up with Thom. I just think you really need a friend more than anything at the moment," he tries to explain.
I don't look at him. He doesn't want me. He just sees me as a friend. Why would he want someone like me anyway? I'm just a pathetic teen mom with no prospects. The rejection hurts more that I thought it could.
"It's fine. Let's just forget about it," I reply my eyes trained on my boots.
"Katniss…" Peeta tries again but I don't want to hear anymore.
I'm so mortified. The whole room becomes incredibly uncomfortable. I can no longer be near him. I just want to go home to my daughter and forget about my shame.
"Leave it Peeta," I state firmly. "I need to get back to Sage."
I get up off the bench and make my way to the door.
"Katniss, I'm your ride," Peeta calls after me.
"I'll take the bus," I call back to him without turning round.
I burst out into the cold air as I run away from him. This is what happens when I make impulsive decisions. I end up getting hurt and embarrassed. I just want to get home and forget it ever happened.