Day Two-

I was dating a guy named Peter. Peter was the typical momma's boy, he was self-loving asshole who cared for himself, and his mother. He treated me like shit, and he was even worse to Manny, going as far as videotaping her drunk and naked. Peter took me to this party, where he obviously wasn't invited to. And as soon as we got there he started to pick a fight with the host. You were sitting on the couch, and I was sitting opposite you in the love seat, (interesting furniture choice). I was drinking quite a bit to pass the time, but surprisingly, you weren't drinking. You looked distant, as distant as I have been feeling lately. The words started coming like word vomit. As you sat across from me, I screamed, "why couldn't you ever have wanted me?". You looked up shocked, and scanned the room, as if to see if anyone else was around. (For someone who drank so much, I'll never know why my memory was so clear. Maybe because it was a life changing night). When you realized it was you who I was talking to you, you shook your head, "Emma, go home. This isn't the type of party for you, or that pretty boyfriend of yours". But I insisted on knowing, I slurred each and every word, "All I wanted was you last year, but you could never want me. Tell me why" You ran your hand over your face, and attempted to speak, but then stopped, you grabbed my hand and led me outside.

I cried, "where are you taking me?" I was a drunken mess, but you just groaned and put me in the front seat of your civic. You drove me straight home, and placed me in my room. You kissed me and -. No that wasn't what happened at all. You got off the couch and walked away, I sat up and saw you talk to peter. Next thing I know Peter was taking me home, and putting me to bed. It was a nice thing, but I couldn't figure out why you couldn't have just gave me an answer, or why you were nice enough to have my boyfriend drive me home, instead of you. Maybe to not cause problems between Peter and I? I'll never forget that, Jay. But that would be our last encounter, had it not been for Manny. Manny had been dating Spinner, and she decided to throw him a birthday party. For some reason she invited you. And there I was, scared, embarrassed, and nauseous, I couldn't even begin to think of what I would say to you. I probably tucked my hair behind my ear a million times, smoothed out the wrinkle in my shirt a thousand, and slide my rings on and off a hundred. Another party where someone got to drunk to stand, but this time it wasn't me. It was Spin; and I, you, and Manny carried him upstairs. When we were walking downstairs, after leaving Manny to care for Spin, you looked at me and said, "I did". I was so confused, and by the time I figured out what you meant, you were out the door and driving away in the car. But I couldn't just let it go, could I? No, I had to show up at your house uninvited and unwelcome to talk to you. I knocked on the door and you opened, your eyebrow furrowed, but still you let me come in. I sat on the couch, and you refused to look at me, instead you were watching some movie about guns, and drugs, and action. Finally I got up the courage to speak, "you wanted me?". You closed your eyes and sighed, before mumbling something I couldn't understand. I looked at you and asked what you had said. "Goddamn it Emma! Of course I wanted you, but you were Cameron's girl, like I said at the play, you had virtue and I couldn't fuck with that anymore". I should have listened to you and walked away, but instead I kissed you. And we spent the rest of the day kissing, and kissing, and kissing, and feeling, and craving, and we almost made love. As soon as I reached for your boxers you pushed me, "this isn't right" you said, and I knew what I had to do. I had to dump Peter.

It's 6 in the morning and I'm up. I don't know why, I went to bed at one in the morning, last night. I stayed up last night to watch some movies. They were okay, the one you would have liked. There was a lot of action, and a whole lot of pot. I've been thinking, and I absolutely shouldn't anymore. It's just making me doubt my decision. You have to understand something Jay, promise me that you will. I don't want to break up with you, I want to be with you. But I can't. It's just not going to work. We aren't right for each other anymore, no matter how much we may love another.

I want to go out today, it beats staying home. But why? I'm just going to be reminded of you. As of now, I'm not mentioning you anymore. What should I do today? I need to get out, I need to stay busy. I know I'm supposed to be thinking, but I don't want to. I don't want to regret this. I want to stay true to my word, but how can I?

I walked through the snow to the dot. Did you ever notice how beautiful Toronto looks when it is covered in a sheet of perfect, white snow? Stunning.

So as I enter the dot, Spinner is there waving his hand and grinning a goofy grin.

"Hello and welcome to the dot, how may I help you?" He says, trying to act business like. I can't help but laugh and shake my head from side to side while ordering a coffee.

As I'm drinking my coffee he walks up to me,

"Em, you know, he's a mess" Spinner states, confirming my worst fears. This is supposed to be easy, Jay. It's not supposed to be hard.

"Spin, it's for the best" I repeat the line.

Spinner looks at me as if Frank the Bunny had suddenly appeared and sat next to me, "You're crazy. And I mean that in the nicest way possibly, Emma. But you and Jay, you're meant to be"

What is with this meant to be crap? If there was such a thing as soul mates then why do more than half of married couples fail, people cheat on each other, or people are able to find a new mate after their loved one dies. Think about it, there's billions of people, wouldn't it make sense to be compatible with more than one? Remember that Jay, it'll help you find a new girl.

"Jay's one of my best friends. And you did a complete 360 on him"

360? A 360 would mean you are back exactly where you started from. Well, maybe that's for the better, I mean, you are who you are.

"Uh, Spin. A 360 is a circle, meaning you're back exactly where you started"

Spin now looked at me like Frank the Bunny was braiding my hair into pigtails, "Emma, that just doesn't make sense. Anyway, Jay loves you, dude. Don't do this to him"

I'm not doing anything for you, either, so, it's for the better.

"Listen Emma, I know you're pretty hardheaded" He said, tapping the side of my head, "but I think we both know you shouldn't dump Jay" and with that, he stood up, grabbed his tray and returned behind the counter.

I was left, his words resonating in my head. How could someone as clueless as Spinner make horribly truth filled sense? What is this world coming too?

-Emma