Day 5

The year we spent together will always be one of the best years of my life. We would go for walks and stop and get ice cream. Sometimes, we'd swing in the park, our park. We didn't fight as much as we do now, only cute little fights that would end in cute little make ups. You were my protector, and didn't let anyone mess with me. You helped me through a lot. I had a time where I almost considered going anorexic again, but you convinced me that I was perfect, and you helped me. You didn't force me to eat, or make sure Manny went to the bathroom with me. You trusted me, and I wouldn't do anything to break that trust, so I didn't. I was also suffering from some intense nightmares. To think I was still not over the school shooting, and was still visualizing Rick holding that gun. You never once told me to get over it, or suck it up, something the old Jay would have done. You comforted me, and held me when I slept, causing nothing but sweet dreams. You were always my savior those days, and I feel it's time for me to do something good for you.

I know there seems to be a pattern forming, of talking this over with someone new everyday. And I'm not trying for this to be a pattern, but its just forming that way. So today, Alex. Yes, Alex the ex girlfriend, Alex. She's the one person who knows you, even better than I do, I think. Of course, you hate it when I say that. You don't like to think that you're ex-girlfriend fully understands you more than you're new one does. Anyway, she invited me in and we sat down in the living room. She didn't make me feel like Manny where I was upset to explain, she didn't respond like Spinner and shove it in my face, I didn't have to break down to tell it to her like I did with my parents, she just sat there and waited until I was ready to talk. Finally I looked up at her, and frowned, "Alex, do you think I'm doing the right thing?"

She sighed and shook her head, "Emma. Do I think you're doing the right thing? How do I even begin to answer that. I don't think you're doing the right thing at all. You love Jay, and he loves you…. But, I can't tell you what to do. Obviously there is a reason for this to be happening, and you just gotta go with what you feel"

It's such an easy thing to tell someone, 'follow your heart'. But when you're actually in that position, telling yourself that is the hardest thing. If I had followed my heart, we would be together, forever. But if I followed my heart on everything, we wouldn't have ended up together in the first place, probably. So following my heart, and how I feel? Not so easy.

"Lexi!" I cried out, "Please, just give me your opinion, not the shortened version. I want to hear everything you feel about this subject, please!"

She paused for a minute, as she looked around the room. She got up out of her seat and grabbed a photo before sitting back down.

"Emma, I dated Jay for almost all of high school, and I know how much of a pain in the ass he can be. But imagine that times a hundred, and that's what it was like for me to date him. Whether either of you like to admit it or not, you've changed him. And I don't mean it in a bad way, you're not some controlling cause girl or anything. Jay just cares now. It's weird, but great. Everyone bet against you two, even me, literally, I still owe Paige five dollars. At least I had a little faith in you, Towerz bet $50. But just look at us," she said handing over a photo of her and Paige, "do you know how many times she considered dumping me? How many discussions she had to have with her friends? But she, she followed her heart. She knew she loved me, and nothing was worth losing me. At least, I think so. And don't you think it drives me crazy that she's in New York half the time, modeling some designs, or working for a spoiled bitch? Absolutely, but I knew it was worth it not to ruin this relationship and to stay together" When she was done she let out a huge breathe of air, as if this was hard for her to do.

Does that sound weird coming from Lexi? I mean, I'd always known Alex as the trashy bitch, but then she became one of my close friends due to you. But even as we grew closer, I would never in a million years have expected that to come from her mouth. It was so out of character, but it just fit like a puzzle piece into my mind. But coming from your bad ass ex-girlfriend, that must have shocked you.

I used to wish I was more like her. I felt like you were… embarrassed of me. You would bring me to these car shows, and parties with your friends and I just never fit. I would stand out, as this blond that wasn't tough at all. But Lexi, she was the type of girl someone like you would be proud to show off. She could fight, drink, steal, and look hot doing it. Kind of like someone else I know. But she always has this way to make me feel better about myself, again like someone else I know.

I thanked her for talking to me and gave her a big hug. She was a great person, and if it hadn't been for you, I would have never known that.

Then again, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't know a lot of things.

- Emma