2
"Daddy", asks Mindy with a frown, "why don't Grandma and Grandad want to see me any more?"
She has been nagging me for weeks to let her visit them. She used to see them every Easter, when I was inside, and she was with Marcus. She keeps saying that Grandma bakes the best cookies in The World. Although from what Kathleen said, Grandma gets them from the corner store.
Today is the day I have had to tell her that Grandma will not let her visit. Not now she is with me. They didn't like me to start with. They like me a lot less now that they blame me for their daughters death. Their daughters suicide.
She can't visit, because she reminds them of me.
I ask Mindy if she remembers why I was in prison when she was born. "Bad cops", she says instantly. "They hid – um – something bad – in your locker."
"And the jury", I say, "didn't believe me, when I said it wasn't mine, and I didn't put it there."
I try to explain that her grandparents didn't believe me either. It's crazy, but I try to put them in a good light. For condemning me. They loathe even the thought of me, but I can't stand the thought of telling her something bad about her Grandma and Granddad. Her only living relatives, except me.
I have to tell her that no one believed me. That as long as she is with me, she will be with someone despised by the lawless and the law-abiding alike.
I can see a tear start to form, in the corners of each eye. "Marcus believed you", she says. She is trying to sound reassuring. She is trying to comfort me. Oh, good lord.
"Marcus believed me", I echo, although I see the doubt in his eyes every time I see him.
And he is right to doubt, isn't he? I never possessed a single milligram, but if I had refused and reported the first request for a favour, there would not have been a second, would there? If I hadn't been so desperate to buy Kathleen what she deserved and I couldn't pay for, I would never have made a target of myself.
Mindy's face crumples, and she runs towards me and hugs. She is amazingly strong – she's been exercising a lot - and hugs very tight. It takes me a lot of effort to stop my tears.
"I believe you Daddy", she says. "I believe you Daddy."