Day 9

There was a knock on Emma's dorm room, and she cautiously opened the door, bracing herself. Jay walked in and threw the journal on the bed, "This is bullshit" He announced, "All of it. You're not breaking up with me to save my future; you're breaking up with me because you're scared"

"Scared of what?" Emma whispered, it was as if everything she couldn't even write on a piece of paper had become clear to Jay.

He looked her into the eyes and said, "you're scared of being in love with me, you're scared of actually considering spending you're entire life with someone. Maybe you're scared because I've seen you at you're worst. But I know you're scared that you might not be right for me. And lastly, you're scared that I'm not right for you"

"That's not tru-"

"No, it is true. And I can't let this go, Emma. I don't care about a job. I don't care about anything but you, god damn why can't you see that. You're the only one who listens to me, and doesn't pass judgment when I do something stupid. And maybe I deserve this... you breaking up with me. Maybe it was too good to be true, to think that you could ever want to be with me. Everything in my life has been temporary, except for you. And I want to keep it that way. But I can't, I can't force you into a relationship you don't want to be in. I can't force you to love me. But I can let you know, I'm not going to give you up as easily as a notebook and a week to think."

"Jay, I do love you, this is all for you! Stop acting like I'm the one to blame. Neither of us are. I just want what's best for you"

"Em! Do you want me to throw out some cheesy line from a movie, "you are what's best for me", because I'll do it. And I'll mean every word I say. But please stop. You know all those teachers at Degrassi who tried to tell me how my life would turn out, that's what you're doing. You have to let me decide for myself. Did you ever think there were other reasons for not taking that job? You're 99 percent of it, but I also don't want to leave Toronto. I don't want to live in the U.S. four hours from home. I want to be right here, where I grew up."

Emma sobbed and didn't know what to say. Her heart was racing a million beats per minute, her pupils were dilated and her mouth was dry, it was as if she had just done drugs. But Jay, Jay was her drug, as cliché, as that sounds. Even in that week of sobriety, one encounter with it and she sure to be hooked.

"Hey Em! Did you understand.." Emma's roommate called out through the door, as she walked in to see an upset Emma, and a frustrated boy.

"I'm so sorry, but can you like, give us a moment" Emma sighed, rustling her hands through her hair.

"Oh my god! This is Jay, nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you" Anna smiled, happy to finally meet the fairy tale prince, Jay. At least, that's how Anna believed him to be.

"Nice to meet you too" Jay smiled, awkwardly hoping the girl would just leave so he could convince the girl of his dreams to stay with him. "But, I really need to talk to Emma, not to be an asshole or anything"

"Oh, of course!" Anna nodded her head and backed out the door, waving goodbye to Jay, and giving Emma a shy smile to try to make her feel better.

"Emma, I don't know what to say to make you stay. And if I was good at words, I'd say them all. But I'm not, I suck at speaking. I suck at expressing myself. I'm not going to some fancy college like you are, I'm stuck working to survive. Maybe that's the reason you really don't want to be with me. I'm just a mechanic, you need someone with a good salary…"

"Jason Hogart, you know money has never been an issue for me. I could survive with no money, money has no importance in a relationship for me. so shut up…"

Jay sighed once again, he was out of things to say, "Emma, there's only one more thing I can say to you and I hope you listen to it,... I love you"

Jay gave her a kiss on the lips, pushed her hair behind her ears and walked out the door. Leaving Emma's mouth as wide open as the door to her room.

"I love you too" She said, but it was too late Jay was gone. She had lost him, and she sat down on her bed, and cried her eyes out. She laid under the covers for the next hours, refusing to move. Trying to silence her cries with her pillow. Refusing to answer any phone calls from Manny, her parents, or Alex, Emma turned the phone off, and removed the battery, as if by some chance the phone could turn itself on, and answer.

-xxx-