I totally forgot to mention this before, but all the credit for the animal shaped sandwiches idea goes to CileSuns92! Also, she gets the credit for Derek's lines when he joked about Meredith's method for pasta making!
As Meredith drove home, she wondered what she had gotten herself into. She couldn't even cook pasta properly. Derek had made dinner for each night he would be gone, because he knew she couldn't cook. It was his way of making a peace offering—he had made the food and done the laundry. He wanted to minimize the work Meredith had to do. However, he had not made lunches for everyone because Meredith hadn't planned on staying home during the day.
So, what on earth possessed her to tell Zola they would have sandwiches shaped like animals? She had absolutely no idea how to make them. She just hoped she could figure it out, and fast. Zola was so excited. She wasn't sure why she hadn't looked it up before telling her little girl.
When they arrived home, Meredith gave Bailey his first dose of the antibiotic. He coughed and coughed, clearly not happy with the banana taste. Meredith fed him for a few minutes, and then he fell asleep. His body was very tired from fighting the infection.
After putting Bailey down in his crib, Meredith went on the internet to look up animal shaped sandwiches.
The easiest sounding one that she found was a caterpillar. You cut out round shapes for the body, small pieces of cucumber for the legs and a cherry tomato for the head. The website suggested onions for the eyes, but Zola hated onions. Raisins would be better.
The other shapes seemed to require fancy cookie-cutters, which Meredith and Derek certainly did not have in their house. Perhaps, if they remembered, they could get some and surprise Zola with more animals.
"Mama, is it time for the sandwiches?! I washed my hands really good!" Zola ran into the room, after going to the bathroom. She had gotten tired of being asked if she washed her hands each time she went to the bathroom. Now, she automatically announced it.
"Good girl, Zo. Yes, how would you like to have a caterpillar for lunch?"
"Yay!"
Meredith breathed a sigh of relief. A caterpillar seemed like one of the easiest shapes, so she was glad Zola approved.
Meredith was quite proud of the outcome. She made a caterpillar sandwich that looked just like the one in the picture online. She snapped a photo of it. This was something to be documented.
Zola was beaming with excitement. It was only lunchtime and she was having a wonderful day. She was home with her mama all day, which was a rare occurrence. Sometimes Meredith would have a morning or afternoon off, but it wasn't usually a whole day. She had gotten to play with her mama that morning, and had played with Jenna at the doctor's office. Now she was eating sandwiches shaped like animals. She couldn't imagine things getting much better.
She loved her caterpillar sandwich, but she did need some coaxing from Meredith before eating it. Meredith assured Zola that they would have caterpillar sandwiches again, and that seemed to help. She remembered to save the recipe.
Derek would be so proud. He wouldn't have believed it, but Meredith had pictures to prove it. Also, she had Zola as her witness. Zola was also impressed, as she knew about her mom's limited cooking abilities.
Meredith couldn't help wondering why they hadn't heard from Derek yet today. She knew he had an early meeting, but she figured it would have finished by now. Even if he didn't have much time, she thought he would send a quick message, or a quick phone call. But, he was busy with important Washington people and brain mapping stuff. Sometimes Meredith found herself thinking long-term, how would this job affect their family, their lives. He would likely have to travel more, and he would tire of that quickly. It was a very hard thing to do, commute across the country. As much as he would try, and he would try his best, seeing your family for a few days every week is not an ideal situation. If Derek's responsibilities in D.C. increased, it would strain their family in the long run. They had to be careful, especially because the strain would develop slowly over time. At first, everything would be fine. The problems would grow slowly, and it could be very hard to recognize problems when they grew slowly.
They would be careful, they would be very careful. His job would affect the family, but Derek and Meredith would use their improving communication skills to ensure that their children had the best outcome.
Zola and Meredith both took naps after lunch. They were exhausted after their busy morning. Meredith was especially exhausted because she had been up with Bailey during the night. It had been a long time since she'd taken an afternoon nap. She hadn't done this since she was on maternity leave. Naps were a glorious thing.
Meredith awoke to Zola shaking her, telling her that Bailey was crying. She glanced at the clock in disbelief. It was 3:00pm! She had slept for over two hours. While her nap had been rejuvenating, Meredith had not planned on sleeping for that long. It was almost time for Bailey's next dose of medicine, plus Zola had been up for a little while playing in her room.
After giving Bailey more medicine, and dealing with the screams that came along with that, Meredith rocked Bailey in the living room. He seemed to be the most content when one of his parents rocked him. It was adorable, especially when he sucked his thumb. He sounded so content and happy. Zola quietly played with her dollhouse in the corner. Meredith was still in disbelief at the difference in her children. 'So this is what peacefulness is' Meredith thought.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Meredith was startled, and Bailey was too. He began to cry and Meredith immediately resented whoever was knocking on the door for upsetting her little guy. She had no idea who would be visiting. Cristina had recently texted her, telling her about an amazing surgery she was about to scrub in on. Meredith didn't know who else would be coming over.
When she looked through the peep hole, she couldn't believe her eyes.
"Derek?"
Meredith opened the door, still shocked.
"How's my favourite family?"
"Wha…what are you doing here?" She asked, hugging him.
"Well, after hearing how crazy last night was, I didn't want to be there any longer than I had to. I was going to come home tomorrow morning, but at the meeting this morning, everyone was asking me why I looked so awful. I told them that my family had had a rough night and I'd been trying to help. So, they told me to go home, and I'm going to have tonight and tomorrow's meetings on Skype"
She just kissed him, not knowing what to say. She never thought he would change all of his plans because of one bad night at home. But, she was so grateful. She felt sorry that she'd ever worried that his job might become more important than his family.
After a reunion with Zola and Bailey, Derek heard all about the events of the day. Meredith's decision to stay home from work, Bailey's pediatrician appointment and the animal-shaped sandwiches. He had to ask a couple times, to make sure it had really happened. Meredith showed him the picture as proof.
"Wow, Zola who knew your mama had it in her?"
Meredith playfully elbowed him. "I've got my hidden talents"
"Oh, I'm sure you do."
Zola and Bailey were very well behaved that night. They definitely proved that the absence of one parent has a profound impact on kids, even if just one night.
After putting the kids to bed, Meredith told Derek about her talk with Dr. Patterson. He was glad that Meredith had asked the doctor, since she didn't usually like to disclose personal fears or worries to others. While the thought of his daughter going to a child psychologist evoked some sadness, sadness that she had a need for it, Derek knew that this was the best thing for Zola. She needed someone who understood how to help children through tough times like this. How to help children who had seen too much, been through too much.
A few days later, Meredith and Derek took Zola to see the child psychologist. April babysat Bailey for them. He was already back to his old self, even though he still had a week of antibiotics to go. Typically, it is hard to get appointments with specialists, but this doctor had worked with Meredith and Derek at the hospital before. He made a special effort to get Zola in soon.
At the appointment, the doctor was able to have Zola express her underlying fear that she was going to be taken away, or that her family would suddenly be gone. The fear made sense, for this kind of thing had occurred quite a few times in Zola's life. The psychologist explained that Derek's absence brought these fears to the surface, which is why there had been no sign of them earlier. This was a very good thing, it meant that Zola would probably not suffer long-term effects from her difficult early years. He explained that the best thing Meredith and Derek could do was to tell Zola that they wouldn't ever leave her. Make sure she knows when her parents are going somewhere, and when they will return. This kind of thing promotes security and trust. Zola's fears of being left alone will dissipate over time. They'll be replaced with security and trustworthiness. Her fears were already dissipating, as she was very afraid of being left alone when she was returned from foster care.
Meredith and Derek were very pleased with the appointment. The doctor agreed to see Zola again, to check on her progress. But, he was confident that she would do well. She had two parents who loved her so much, and she was secure. She trusted her family. Those things are the most important things for a child.
Derek did feel some guilt, since it was his leaving that prompted Zola's feelings. But, it was better to know about Zola's subconscious fears. If they had continued to build up, that would not have been good.
Derek agreed to do most of his meetings with D.C. over Skype. He was able to arrange it so that he would fly there for one night every month. It was doable. It was much better than what Meredith had feared.
As time went on, they grew stronger as a family. The next time Derek went away, Zola did not express fears that her daddy wouldn't come back. Meredith also had increased confidence in her abilities as a mother. She had doubts, as every mother would, but she had changed and grown. She was definitely not her mother. She was learning from her mother's mistakes, just like Dr. Wyatt had said. And Zola and Bailey were so much better off for it.
For Zola's birthday, Meredith remembered to look for cookie cutters shaped like animals. Luckily, she found a whole box of them. Zola would be so, so happy.
As Meredith paid for the cookie cutters, the cashier smiled and said "only the best moms buy these"
She could hear Derek's words.
You're not your mother. You know that
She did know it. She really, really knew it now.
This is it, the ending. I'm sorry for the abrupt-ness of this chapter, but I hope you still enjoyed it. I wanted to write more, but I won't be able to write much after today. Thank you, thank you, and thank you for all of the wonderful support for this story. You all deserve your own animal shaped sandwich! Also, the caterpillar idea came from Happy summer to everyone!