Disclaimer: I'm gonna cry. . . I'm gonna cry. . . Just gonna sit. . . and bawl. –sniff- I don't own Inuyasha and very sadly I don't think I will. And I think you're evil for making me say that. . . -pout-
AGE:
InuYasha:
19
Kagome: 18
Kouga: 19
Naraku: 19
Miroku: 19
Sango:
18
Kaede: 65
A Dark Past
Chapter Fifteen: A Small Internal Confession
00000000
'I can't keep my mind in the past forever. . . even if I want to.'
00000000
"So. . . Inuyasha, Sango tells me that you're not all too. . . open with her."
"Keh! I wonder why."
"You told me earlier that she didn't understand you."
"She thinks I'm depressed."
"Are you?"
"No."
Her facial expression remained the same, though her tone softened, "I didn't think so. . ."
The walked in a comfortable silence for a few seconds before Kagome decided to ask, "Have you ever had any visitors?"
"Hell, no; and I never will."
"How do you know that?"
Inuyasha snorted, "Keh, that damn family of mine is always busy with other things. They wouldn't take the precious time out of their life to come to a loony-bin just to see me. Not now."
That seemed to surprise Kagome, "You mean they would have? At one point?"
"Yeah."
'Oh. . . How cruel. . . Who wouldn't want to see their child grow up with them?'
'He's not at an age where he'll 'grow up'.'
'Oh, it's you again, conscience. Why don't you shut-up now?'
Kagome didn't miss the small sigh that escaped Inuyasha, but decided not to comment on it and allowed the cozy silence to resume as they continued to Sango's office.
00000000
Sango sighed as she leaned back against her chair, "So, Inuyasha, have you been taking my advice?"
'What advice?'
"And have you tried to see what has been getting you so depressed lately?"
Inuyasha made no move to answer.
She leaned forward, propping herself up with her elbows on her knees, "Inuyasha, you know that if you don't help yourself, no one is right?"
The hanyou still remained unmoved.
Sango sighed as she sat up, "You're hopeless. You won't take any steps to help yourself and that's hurting others."
Inuyasha didn't even seem to blink at her statement.
She growled in frustration, "Inuyasha! I can't help you if you do anything to help me to help you."
"Who says I want help? For once I'd like you to leave something alone for awhile. Even if I wanted help, I need some time."
Sango looked like she had been slapped, she was so surprised he had spoken to her, "Some time for what?"
He paused, and just when Sango thought he wasn't going to answer, he relaxed against the back of the small couch and closed his eyes, gently muttering, "Some time to heal."
Sango looked at him, completely bewildered, "What? Did you hurt yourself?"
Inuyasha did not reply.
"So. . . um, I think that I have a good idea. I need you to tell me who or what you think of when I say a word, okay?"
Inuyasha snorted, "Keh."
"Mm-kay, so, how about brother?"
"Bastard."
"Mother?"
"Doting."
"Father?"
"Stern."
"Friend?"
"Friendly."
"Inuyasha," Sango whined, "You can't say that."
"You told me to answer you and I did; be happy I'm doing that."
Despite her grumbles, Sango didn't further look into the matter but instead continued her 'game.'
"Okay. . . well, what about family?"
"Cold."
"Uh – okay; how about love?"
"Broken."
"B-broken? What makes you say that?"
"Don't see how that's any of your business."
"Yeah, um, okay. So what if I said. . . house?"
"Big."
"Pets?"
"None."
"Why?"
"Allergies."
"Weird?"
"You."
Sango ignored the barb that was sent to her, but gave Inuyasha a look meant as a warning. "Mean?"
". . .Me?"
"Nice?"
Inuyasha paused as he thought about that for a second.
"Inuyasha? I need an answer." He mumbled something and Sango leaned forward. "What did you say? Ayame?"
"No. . ." pushing his pride away for a second, he mumbled again. "It's Kagome. Please say it right."
If she were slapped, she might have actually looked a bit less shocked. "Inu. . . yasha? . . .Why do you care so much how I say her name?"
Angered at the thought that Sango could think that he cared for a girl – Kagome in particular – he snapped back the first thing he thought of. "Stupid wench can't even think. I don't care, but if you don't say her name right then I won't know who you're talking about."
"O-oh. Okay, well, let's continue with the game: Pajamas?"
Inuyasha gave her a look but replied, anyway. "Childish. . ."
00000000
Sango sighed as she leaned back against her chair. She smiled as her muscles relaxed against the soft material.
"Mm-kay. We've had good progress today, Inuyasha."
The hanyou grunted and grumbled in reply.
Sango smiled, but just as suddenly frowned slightly. "I suppose you should know Mr. Dai will be returning from his trip soon."
"Oh. . .?"
"Yeah, and then he'll be the one giving you your sessions."
Inuyasha mentally rolled his eyes. 'He's returning soon? Keh. Yeah, right. Just like he was returning the last time, and the time before that.'
True enough, Sango would announce that her teacher' was coming back soon and every time he didn't. Then, two weeks later, she would announce it again, and again, and yet the psychiatrist never actually returned from his trip'.
The only time Inuyasha remembered seeing Mr. Dai was the first day he came here at meals. Apparently, he had left the next day on serious business'.
"So, Inuyasha, I just want to tell you I appreciate how you opened up today. . ."
'Opened. . .up? Keh. . . If I opened up you'd know it. Such an idiot. . .'
"And I want to tell you that I'll try my best to understand everything you may want to tell me. . ."
'Too bad you couldn't. . . my history is way too complicated for a human to understand. . .'
"Whenever you want to tell me what got you in here, we can work together to help you get better. . ."
'Keh! Hell, I'm not totally sure why I'm in here!'
"And maybe, after a while, you could get out of here and go home."
'Right, and I'll grow wings and fly to the moon. . .Actually, that would be quite nice. . .'
"But, for now, our time is up."
Inuyasha stifled a sigh of relief as Sango stood up. "Kagome should be here soon, so you can wait outside." Sango gestured toward the door and Inuyasha gladly left the room, leaning against the door frame after he had shut the door.
'Sango will never understand, will she?' Inuyasha smiled sadly and shook his head. 'No one could ever understand how I feel. Hell, I barely understand. I just. . . I just can't believe that she would do something like that. . . It was an accident. . . I understand that much. But. . . she still should have had enough brains to tell her that even if it worked, I wouldn't have wanted it that way. . .'
Yet, with brains or no, Kikyo went and made an ultimate mistake. A deadly mistake. . . and for once, Inuyasha couldn't do anything to help. That was what tore him up most.
"Hey."
The sudden cheerful voice startled Inuyasha out of his thoughts and he whirled to face the girl. "Whattya want?"
Kagome blinked. "Well, since I am taking care of you, and since you have to have an escort to go to your room. . ."
"I get your point." Inuyasha grumbled in response.
Kagome smiled at him brightly. "Well, let's get back now. It's time for bed."
Oddly, Inuyasha felt. . . scolded at that. Coming from her, it sounded like she was a mother reprimanding a child. Strange, when Miroku said it, he would roll his eyes but comply. . .
"Wench? I'm not a child. I don't need to be told when what is."
Kagome rolled her eyes. "I know, I know."
"Good, now then, please shut-up."
Kagome rolled her eyes. That didn't offend her like it would if she hadn't known it was his nature to say such comments. . . and in such an innocent voice, too. She smiled as she led the hanyou to his room.
"Inuyasha?"
"Uh-huh?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Is this part of you One Question' thing?" he made a face to show his disgust.
"No. . ."
"Good, then I guess it won't hurt."
"Well, did you have any friends?"
Inuyasha cast her a look, "Why shouldn't I have?"
"No reason," she mended quickly. "I was just curious as to if you had any friends. . ."
"What when I was younger or before?"
Kagome nodded as she smiled brightly, "Both!"
Inuyasha scrunched his eyes as he thought about it. 'Not that many. . .'
'Now that's just sad,' his youkai piped up.
'Now that's just your cue to shut-up.'
"I had a couple. . ."
Kagome's smile evolved into a scowl. "That's all you're going to tell me? A couple?"
"What do you want, then?"
"Numbers, names, appearances. Come on, a couple' won't help me."
"Fine then," Inuyasha grumbled as e rolled his eyes. "I had. . . six friends."
Kagome paused a moment. "Altogether. . .?"
"What else, wench?"
"And. . . how many do you know now?"
"Two. . . well, actually, one."
"Uh. . . wow?" Kagome blinked in shock. 'Now I know that he isn't very people-friendly.'
Inuyasha snorted. "Hanyous aren't exactly thought of as people.' So they don't have many friends.' "
"Oh. . ."
'How tragic. . . for a young child to grow up with barely any friends at all. . .'
Inuyasha sighed, a wan, tired sound. "You wouldn't know what I went through. . . and I highly doubt you would want to know."
Kagome managed a smile, "I- I suppose so. . . Inuyasha? Who was your first friend?"
"MenouMaru. He was full-youkai, too. . ."
"Oh. . ." Kagome bit her lip as she slid her ID card through the reader. Inuyasha hastily opened the door and glared slightly at her.
"I'm on to you," he grumbled.
Kagome smiled as she went in the room. The hanyou followed, gently shutting the door.
"I was in here earlier – before I picked you up from Sango's – and brought your clothes in. They're on your bed," Kagome informed him.
"Yeah. . . I see that. . . Not totally blind."
The nurse bit her lip. "Yeah. . . I know."
There was a slightly uncomfortable silence before Kagome turned to leave.
Inuyasha stopped her, though. "Wait, just exactly why were you so interested in my friends. . . And why are you so persistent to know about my past? What happened happened, you can't change it, even if you do ever get to know about it."
"I- I know. . . But that doesn't mean I still don't want to know. I don't think any one should ever have to live through what you did. . . whatever it may be. So. . . even if I can't change the past, I want to help you brighten your future."
Inuyasha stifled a snort. 'Future? Past? Now she's a dictator?'
'. . . I swear you're a baka.'
'I suppose it feels. . . good to have someone care. . .'
'Uh-huh. . .'
"Well, just don't expect me rolling over for you, because I know right now that I won't."
Kagome made a face. "I didn't ask you to, but thanks for pointing that out."
"Anytime."
She rolled her eyes. "I have to go. Bye."
"Yeah."
Inuyasha watched her retreating form before sighing and changing for bed.
'I'm scared. . .'
'I know you are.'
'I think. . . I think I'm in trouble. . .'
'I know you are.'
'I'm in. . . bi-i-i-ig trouble here.'
'Once again, I know you are, but might I ask if you know what you're in trouble with?'
Inuyasha swallowed as his gaze rose to the door and he flopped onto the mattress. 'I- I think I. . .'
'Yes?'
'I think I've learned to like her. . .'
'I know. . . but she'll never be a friend, right?'
Inuyasha shook his head. 'No. . . no more friends. . .I'm done with those. . . Just because I'm used to her doesn't mean a thing. . .she's- she's tolerable, that's it.'
He was answered with a laugh. 'Sure she is. . .'
Inuyasha didn't answer as he relaxed against the mattress. The tiny sliver of a moon looked back at him through the window. . .
'Three days.'
'Yep. . .'
'Will I survive? That's the real fear I should have.'
00000000
Hey, everybody. Another chapter out for you to enjoy. So, review, ne?
Ja ne!