2.
"It was just a bad dream," Yazuu purred.
Kadaj frowned. "But wasn't there someone here, in a red cape?"
"Well, we did get to meet Sigourney Weaver," Loz blurted, his voice cutting out with a grunt as Yazuu's elbow connected with his stomach.
"Yes, there was," Yazuu replied smoothly. "He got the drop on you and held you hostage for those two Turks we'd captured. Naturally, we accepted his terms. What else are brothers for?"
Kadaj glared darkly at the two. "Considering that you usually keep me awake with your monkey noises, I could think of a few things."
Yazuu sighed and went back to leafing through a stack of magazines. He'd swiped them from the local library in the hopes they might inspire him in his search for a new mother figure, but so far, no dice. He had, however, found a recipe for a seven-layer chocolate cake and learned how to turn tangerines into votive lamps.
"Well, I'm going to go look for Mother," Kadaj stated, heading for his bike.
"We're going with you," Yazuu said, tossing the magazines into the pond. He needed the wind in his face to clear his thoughts; besides, Loz always got the hots watching his hair whip around in the slipstream.
"Hey," Loz growled, grabbing Yazuu by the arm. "I thought you said –"
"Ixnay on the ewnay anplay," Yazuu hissed. "I'll take care of this. Just humor him."
The three mounted their bikes and sped toward the wasteland, hot in pursuit of whatever delirious goal Kadaj had cooked up this time. In happy coincidence, they arrived at a convenient lookout point just in time to see Cloud Strife hauling ass across the hardpack.
"I'll make him give me Mother!" Kadaj cried.
"NO!" Yazuu and Loz shouted as one. "You stay here and make prank calls or something," Yazuu continued in a mildly strained voice. "We'll take care of this."
"But who could I – oh, right!" Kadaj grinned and whipped out his cell phone as his brothers gave chase.
Cloud, two-time victim of rush hour road rage, sensed the dangerous bikers approaching from behind. Like any safety-minded citizen, he made sure his swords were readily accessible, then sped up.
Loz got close enough to Yazuu to yell, "Um, why are we chasing this guy?"
"Because he expects us to, and because we have to do something to distract Kadaj from our real quest," Yazuu shouted back. "Just pester him about Mother!"
"Right!"
Loz angled in and sideswiped Cloud's bike, leaving scratches in the shiny finish. "Where's Mother?"
"Bite me!" Cloud growled. "You jacked my bike, you bastard!"
"You're awfully cute when you're angry," Yazuu taunted, licking his lips.
"What is with you silver-haired types, anyway? No means no!"
Yazuu noted the parcel strapped to the seat behind Cloud and raised an eyebrow. "Where are you going, in such a hurry and with such a large package? Don't tell me what's in it, let me guess!"
"That's not your mother, you fruitcake, it's a purchase return," Cloud snarled. "I'm on my way to Kmart, if you must know, before Tifa drills me a new asshole. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."
Yazuu glanced back at the bluff. Kadaj was just ending a call and putting his phone away, his expression pure malicious glee. Yazuu nodded to Loz and turned his bike around. He gave one last smirk in Cloud's direction and jeered, "Have Tifa call me if she needs any help!"
As Cloud hurried on toward his destination, he pondered the cruelty of fate and the overall weirdness of his life.
A gentle but insistent voice spoke into his head. "Keep your eyes on the road, you doofus! Next time you doze off on your bike I swear I'll ream you harder than Tifa ever fantasized, and you'll beg me to do it!"
Cloud blushed. "You know about that?"
Smug silence was the only reply.