8.
"For the last time, get me a goddamn cigarette that doesn't taste like a chocobo's ass end!"
Rufus gnashed his teeth so hard he got a cramp in his chin. He looked up at the towering nightmare that loomed over him – black leather coat, long silver hair, two-day stubble – and cursed Jenova's brilliant idea of a host. "For the last time," Rufus parroted with full sarcasm, "they're all going to taste like that – YOU DON'T SMOKE!"
Sephiroth grabbed Rufus by the front of his blanket and snarled into his face. "Then why do I want a goddamn cigarette?"
::Honey, dearest…::
"I'm not listening to you anymore, Mother," Sephiroth muttered. "You promised me a return to glory, when I could scour this planet of its human vermin and –"
::Travel the cosmos on its burned-out husk, yes, yes, I know it all too well,:: Jenova replied, the lid of the teapot rattling. ::But son, I got you a pilot! Your very own space pilot! Now you won't get lost as you wander aimlessly looking for another world to plunder.::
Sephiroth paused in his rampage as though considering her words. Then he smiled a dark and nasty smile, made all the more dark and nasty by his 5-o'clock shadow. "This one has a wife," he murmured. "I've never done that before…"
::Don't you dare walk out on me over some – some – strumpet!:: Jenova screeched. ::Rufus, don't let him go!::
"Like hell I'm getting in the middle of this!" Rufus shouted.
Sephiroth left the two of them to sort things out and strode purposely out to the airship. He knew Shera would be on board, waiting for her husband to come back and bitch to her about Shinra's latest antics. He knew she would accept his advances without question, as they usually 'did it' before every trip.
He knew she was wearing Wutaian lace under her flight suit.
Kicking open the cabin door, he shouted, "Honey, I'm home!"
Not about to let any man get the drop on her, especially not one who was now possessing her husband, Shera jumped out from behind a bulkhead and swung her weapon with expert aim.
As the skillet whanged Sephiroth upside the head, the unstable Jenova cells broke down: the Nightmare Reborn vanished in a puff of black feathers, leaving Cid Highwind to recover from a simultaneous concussion and world-class hangover.