Act of Remembrance

Chapter 5

Luckily for Steve's queasy stomach the ambulance arrived at the hospital fairly quickly and Mrs Peterson was wheeled into the emergency room. Steve obviously had to wait outside while the doctor's checked her out however her nervousness of hospitals meant that the nurses and Steve had to convince her that he would be just outside in the waiting room before she allowed them to bring her in through the double doors of the ER department. They also assured her that as soon as her granddaughter arrived she would be allowed in.

Steve sat down in the waiting room and prepared himself for a long wait. He got himself a cup of coffee but despite the fact that he tried adding sugar to disguise the taste, it truly was the worst cup of coffee he had tasted in a while. It felt like he was drinking black tar and eventually he discarded it when his upset stomach protested and fetched a paper cup of water instead. He watched the clock hands on the waiting room clock move ever so slowly and the time dragged on and on. He tried thumbing through some magazines that were lying around but couldn't find anything of enough interest to hold his attention. He began to feel tired and stifled a yawn. Brushing his hands through his hair, he then began to rub the stiff muscles at the back of his neck that seemed to be tightening up again despite Mike's earlier ministrations. He was also beginning to regret attempting to drink the bad hospital coffee as his stomach churned in protest and he felt slightly nauseous again. He fumbled in his jacket pocket and retrieved his notebook and opened it on the page where he had written down Mary's granddaughter's number. Glancing once more at the clock on the wall he noted that it was coming up to seven fifty-five and wondered if maybe she hadn't got the original phone message. As he sat contemplating if he should try ringing her again he heard a faint commotion coming from behind the double doors and stowed his notebook back in his pocket as he saw a nurse exit them and head deliberately in his direction. As she reached Steve she asked hurriedly and with great urgency.

"Are you the young man who travelled here in the ambulance with Mrs Peterson?"

"Yes, I'm Steve Keller. I live in the apartment above hers. I found her earlier this morning after her fall. Is she alright?" Steve asked slightly worried by the distressed tone in the nurse's original question.

"Yes, she's doing fine. The doctor has x-rayed her foot and thankfully it is just very badly sprained. He thinks she has a mild concussion due to the bang on the head she got when she fell but our main problem is she requires a couple of stitches to the cut on her head and she is refusing to let us attend to it. She's a very nervous patient. Would you mind sitting with her while we stitch the wound? It might calm her down. She is very agitated."

"No , not at all. If you think it will help. She told me earlier that she has a fear of hospitals." Steve answered standing up and following the nurse through the ER doors and to a cubicle on the right. Inwardly he was relieved to hear that Mary's foot wasn't broken and having had stitches himself on more occasions than he cared to remember he understood her reluctance to submit to the procedure readily.

Mary was giving the doctor a hard time and seemed very upset and disoriented. As Steve entered the small cubicle he heard Mary asking the doctor.

"Has my granddaughter arrived yet? I would rather wait until she gets here please."

Steve could hear Mary starting to get upset when the doctor informed her that she hadn't surfaced yet and felt sorry for the elderly lady in that instant. Deciding to do his best to be of help to all concerned he tried to lighten the tone and spoke.

"Now, Mary. What's this I hear about you not letting the doctor stitch that cut on your head. Huh? Now they're just trying to do their job and patch you up good as new. You do know that Teddy is at home relying on you to get back to him as soon as you can now?" Steve said smiling and taking his neighbours hand in his and giving it a comforting squeeze.

Hearing Steve's voice and seeing the young man beside her bed seemed to calm Mary almost instantly as she seemed relieved to see a friendly face. Squeezing Steve's hand in return she almost seemed embarrassed at being seen to be such a difficult patient but still upset at the absence of her grand-daughter and the unfamiliarity of her surroundings Mary choked back a sob and like a frightened child she met Steve's gaze and almost whispered.

"I'm scared ... "

As a solitary tear fell down Mary's cheek Steve felt great sympathy for Mary and pulling a chair up and sitting down beside Mary's bed while still keeping a firm grip on her hand he spoke reassuringly.

"I know. I know you are. And believe me I know hospital can be a scary place. Strange faces, strange noises. Medical instruments everywhere and it's unfamiliar and frightening but these good people just want what's best for you and sometimes we have to just face our fears and replace them with trust. Now why don't I just stay with you while they fix up that cut and if your granddaughter hasn't arrived within the next hour I'll call her again. What do you say? Would that be ok?"

As Steve finished speaking, another tear fell down Mary's cheek but this time it was one of deep gratitude to her young neighbour. Here he was, a fine, well-mannered and compassionate human being giving up his time unselfishly and without need for reward to an old lady he hardly knew. She wondered if he knew that in the last few hours alone he had single-handedly restored her faith in the younger generation. Feeling a renewed strength with this young man supporting her Mary nodded her head and answered.

"Ok ... I guess that would be alright. Bless you!"

While Steve spoke, the nurses and the doctor had stood quietly listening to him comforting the elderly lady and not one heart remained untouched by the kindness and compassion that Steve showed her. As soon as she agreed to the procedure they set about promptly and efficiently stitching the cut and now with Mary calm and more at ease the task took less than ten minutes to complete. Then they administered a mild sedative by injection to allow Mary to rest comfortably but only after it was agreed that Steve would be allowed to stay with her until she fell asleep. With her badly sprained foot raised and her cut cleaned and dressed the nurses and the doctor dispersed and left to attend to other patients leaving just one nurse and Steve behind to keep an eye on Mary until she drifted off to sleep.

Mary kept a firm grip on Steve's hand as if he were her last lifeline and in a strange way holding Mary's hand provided him with some comfort too from his current torment. As soon as the last nurse left on an errand and the two companions were left alone Mary turned to Steve and with a sombre expression on her face she announced sadly.

"I don't think my granddaughter is going to come, Steve."

Slightly taken aback by this statement and realizing how low Mary must be to even contemplate such an idea Steve quickly rushed to refute her theory.

"Now what would make you think that? Of course she'll show up. She probably just hasn't got the phone message I left yet. Why don't I go and call her again. Ok?"

But as Steve went to get up, Mary gripped his hand tighter and stopped him from leaving.

"No, Steve. You don't understand. You see we haven't spoken to each other for over six months now. We ... Well we kind of had a disagreement." Mary stated sadly.

Steve could tell how heartbroken Mary was over falling out with her granddaughter and it made him remember how bad he felt not confiding in Mike earlier that morning and the hurt look in Mike's eyes as he drove away.

"I'm sure whatever you argued about wouldn't stop your granddaughter from coming to see you in hospital."

"I'm not so sure. You see my husband passed away two years ago. We were married for fifty-seven years! Imagine that! I'll be eighty-one next August. After he died I just couldn't stay in the house anymore. I lasted there just over a year but there were too many memories. Oh, all good memories but sometimes they're the most painful. My daughter and her husband live in New York. He's one of them fancy journalists but my granddaughter lives in Oakland. She wanted me to move in with her. She didn't think that I could manage by myself but I've always lived in the Bay area all my life. I don't expect you to understand but my time will come when I'll end up being a burden to someone or cooped up in a nursing home having someone spoon feed me. I just wanted to hold onto my independence as long as I could so I rented the apartment on Union Street. It suits me fine. It's just the right size for Teddy and me but my granddaughter never approved and we haven't spoken since I moved in." Mary stated sadly.

"I guess I proved her right this time didn't I? Oh Steve! I miss my husband so much! It's a terrible thing to lose someone you care so much about." Mary sobbed and then pulling herself together she wiped her eyes and said.

"Oh, but a young fellow like you wouldn't know anything about that yet thankfully!" Mary said and turned to look at the young man seated beside her.

Steve had listened to Mary's sad story and heard the heartbreak in her voice. Her words reverberated around his brain."It's a terrible thing to lose someone you care so much about." Again his subconscious thoughts brought him back to that fateful day that still tortured him. All the feelings he had felt that day flooded back and threatened to choke him and sadness filled his heart. As he stared into space lost in his waking nightmares Mary saw the depth of the misery in his face and squeezing his hand she placed the other on his cheek and sadly spoke.

"Or maybe you do ..." was all she said now worried by his pale and melancholic appearance.

Then remembering what the young man had told her back in her apartment her heart sank.

"Oh, of course! Why I'm such an old fool. You lost your parents when you were small. That must have been dreadful. I'm so sorry for my carelessness. Forgive me!"

The touch of Mary's hand on his cheek brought him out of his thoughts and clearing his throat he sat up straighter in the chair and spoke as normally as his frayed emotions would allow.

"To tell the truth I don't remember much about them. I was only five when they died. Growing up with my aunt, uncle and grandfather became normal for me ... But last year ...I lost someone I cared a lot about. She was a fellow police officer. She was killed ..."

Steve stopped as the lump that appeared in his throat grew bigger and Steve wondered if he would be able to continue his story at all.

"Oh my! That's awful! You poor young man. Was she killed in the line of duty?"

Steve shook his head and did his best to continue.

"No. Not exactly. She agreed to be bait for a rapist we were trying to catch. He never showed so we called the operation off and she went home. I went down to the station to type up the report. He ... He was waiting for her when she got home. He ... attacked her and killed her ..."

Mary gasped at the last sentence and it was her turn to feel sorry for Steve.

"Oh Steve! That's terrible. You obviously cared a great deal for her. Did you ever get the person who did it?"

"Yeah! We got him. I thought that would make me feel better. You know, getting justice for her but it didn't. I still feel guilty for not being there for her. I was coping ok, I guess, but her first anniversary is tomorrow. The family is having a memorial service for her. I guess it's kind of dragged it all up again ..."

Steve had stopped talking and looked at Mary. She was watching him with tears in her eyes and he suddenly realized that he had just told her all the things he hadn't seemed to be able to tell Mike. He actually hadn't intended on burdening the old lady with his inner torment but the words had just flowed out of nowhere as if the floodgates had opened. Feeling slightly embarrassed for his loss of control he quickly pulled himself together and smiled at Mary and patted her arm.

"Well, that's enough morbidness for one day huh? Now you need to get some sleep." Steve said desperately trying to change the topic of conversation and still holding Mary's hand he used his other hand to fix the blankets around her.

Out of nowhere, Mary asked her next unexpected question which knocked Steve for six.

"Is that why you haven't been sleeping?"

"Now ... how would you know I haven't been sleeping?" Steve asked in amazement.

Sheepishly the old lady answered.

"Well you look exhausted and the last few nights I heard you yelling like you were having nightmares or something."

Seeing Steve's shocked reaction, Mary quickly continued.

"Oh, I didn't hear very much at all really, just a loud yell or two. You know you really mustn't blame yourself for what happened. It was a tragic incident but you couldn't have known it would happen. Have you told that nice man who calls for you about your nightmares?"

Still reeling from the fact that someone actually knew about his nightmares, Steve felt himself blush under Mary's watchful gaze and stammered.

"No ... No I haven't told him. I tried a couple of times but I just couldn't get the words out. No, I need to deal with it myself. Look Mary, I'm sorry you had to hear my nightmares. Oh man!" was the only other thing Steve managed to say and he suddenly wished the ground would open up and swallow him.

Seeing his embarrassment and obvious discomfort, Mary squeezed the young man's hand and smiling affectionately at Steve, Mary spoke from her heart despite feeling the sedative start to kick in and the drowsiness descend upon her.

"Please don't be sorry. You really should tell him. I'll bet he worries about you and you know a fine young man told me recently that sometimes we have to replace our fears with trust and it truly was excellent advice. You truly are a kind-hearted young man Steve and you know I asked you once if your father was proud of you but I now know for certain that both your parents would be extremely proud of you. I never had any sons or grandsons sadly but if I had I'd wish that they'd be just like you. Thank you for everything!" and with one final squeeze of Steve's hand Mary closed her eyes and within mere seconds had drifted off in a drug induced sleep.

Steve lay back in the chair as he sat watching Mary, touched by her kind words and decided to stay for a few minutes to make sure she was fully asleep before going to ring her granddaughter again. However the tiredness seemed to be contagious and despite his best efforts to stay awake, the exhaustion overtook him and sitting there beside the hospital bed still holding the old lady's hand his eyes closed of their own accord and his head fell forward onto his chest as he too fell asleep. When the nurse came in several minutes later she didn't have the heart to wake him and disturb the touching scene in front of her. And after checking her patient she left again as silently as she had arrived.

Meanwhile...

A good few hours later Mike pulled up outside Steve's apartment in Union Street. He hoped that Steve had managed to get a good nights sleep and that he would be in better form this afternoon. He really hated seeing his partner so down and hated it even more when he refused to talk about what was bugging him. Truth was he hadn't slept great himself as he found himself tossing and turning and trying to figure out what was going on with Steve. Taking the steps two at a time he knocked at Steve's door and when no answer came he knocked a second time. When still no answer came Mike began to worry. As he stood outside Steve's front door, he checked his watch. It was just five past twelve. Steve was always punctual and that worried Mike even more. Unfortunately for Mike, Anderson upstairs had received a call from his sister to meet her for lunch just twenty minutes before and had left just before Mike arrived. Otherwise he would have heard Mike knocking on Steve's door and could have told him what had happened. Instead an elderly lady opened her window in the building beside Steve's and spoke loudly across to Mike.

"If you're looking for that detective fellow, he's not there. He went off in an ambulance about five and a half hours ago. The whole block was woken up by the commotion! I heard them say they were heading to San Francisco General."

Mike's blood turned cold as he heard that news! Dear God! Maybe he'd been ill and hadn't let on.

"Thank you!" Mike called out but the lady had closed the window as quickly as she had opened it and as he raced back down the steps and into his car fear for what had happened to his partner filled his heart and mind and as he sped off in the direction of the hospital and in search of answers, he prayed that Steve was ok.