I do actually own PJO. I'm Rick Riordan, writing fanfics to see if people will like my stories if they didn't know who I was. Just kidding, April Fools everybody! Read, enjoy and review!

IX

Calydonian boar

They traveled until it was late at night before they stopped and set up camp in a dark forest. Their path was pretty straightforward now, onward across the country to St. Louis. Their ride was in chariot form (that was how it was the further they got from civilization) which made it hard to sleep in. The air was chilly, and Jason busied himself with starting a fire. It turned out to be a difficult task; most twigs were wet and covered in snow. The fire he managed to get going was small and smoky, but it was still warm. They gathered around it and ate a dinner consisting of energy bars and smoky burgers (and Kool-Aid for Dakota).

"It's freezing out here," said Dakota. "How do we get the stupid chariot to turn into a car?"

"Dakota's right," said Gwen. We can't sleep out here. We'll die."

Jason had to agree with his friends. He could feel the bitter cold seeping into his bones. The fire hardly helped. It was like placing your hands over a flashlight and hoping to get warm. He remembered how Gaius, the rat-man they encountered, made the chariot change just by touching it. Maybe they could do the same. He didn't know how, but maybe Gwen would get lucky again if she tried.

"We'll worry about that later," he said. "For now let's built a bigger fire."

Dakota concentrated and made vines to grow out of the earth around their small fire. He made a crushing motion with his hand and the vines shriveled and dried, forming perfect fuel. Soon a large fire roared before them. They sat on a fallen log and finished their dinner in comfortable warmth. Dakota poured himself some Kool-Aid in a plastic cup.

"You look like you're at a college party or something," noted Jason.

The son of Bacchus swirled the drink around in the cup and sniffed it haughtily before he took a tiny sip and gurgled it.

"Rich flavor. Dances on your taste buds with a fruity jig."

"Wow, you know your Kool-Aid," said Gwen a little sarcastically. "You're gonna end up as one of those snobby wine critics."

"Actually, I think I want to own my own vineyard when I grow up," he told her. "You know, like in the South of France, with a huge chateau and banquets where international spies will try break into my wine cellars to steal some pink panther jewel or whatever international spies steal. Like in the movies."

Gwen and Dakota started to talk about all the spy movies they'd seen, and Jason began to feel left out.

"You guys have actually watched movies?"

They looked at him with horror. "And you haven't?"

"There's an old film thingy in New Rome University, but I doubt it still works. That's pretty much the only exposure I've had with movies."

"I keep forgetting you grew up in the legion," said Gwen. "How was that like?"

"Well, I've been in the fifth cohort since I was two. When I got older I was given a choice to leave, to go to any other cohort I wanted, but decided to stay. I figured, the fifth was a disgrace to the legion but once we were the best cohort. I wanted to help the fifth regain their lost reputation."

"How did you do that?"

"I started going on quests when I was eight. Just small ones, with older heroes leading them. Once the doughnut shop owner in New Rome lost his doughnut recipe, and we had to go across the bay to the old location of the city to find a copy."

"A quest for doughnuts?" said Dakota. "I can imagine the augury for that."

Jason laughed. "Or the prophecy. Three half-bloods must go east to the ruins of old, to find the recipe for doughnuts long since sold."

"Child of lightning, beware of iced sugar." Gwen joined them in laughing.

"Or like, Fortune's daughter walks alone, the high prices of doughnuts burn through Rome."

They enjoyed a hearty laugh for several seconds. It felt good to laugh again, thought Jason. The pressure of finding the master bolt seemed far away at that moment.

"Tell us about the quest with the dragon, Jason," said Dakota.

Jason's heart skipped a beat. "I don't feel like talking about that one, if you don't mind, guys."

"Now I really want to know."

"Come on, Jason," said Gwen. "We're a team, remember. We can tell each other anything."

She was looking at him intensely. Jason sighed. Those were the words he had used on her in the forest, and she had revealed what had been bothering her. Granted it didn't make any sense, but she told him anyways. Now he was the one refusing to open up. How hypocritical of him. And she was right, of course. They were a team. He could trust them with this.

"Okay, I'll tell you. Two years ago I went on a quest with two other kids to find some imperial gold. It was in a cave, and the cave was supposed to be empty. We found this huge piles of gold and loaded it into our chariot. We didn't see the dragon hiding under the gold. The gold started getting hotter, blistering my skin. Then the dragon grabbed hold of my foot and..."

"Are you okay, man." Jason took a few deep breaths. "Yeah, I'm fine. Anyway, the dragon pulled me under. It was like swimming in boiling water. The others managed to save me in the nick of time. Brad, the quest leader, told us to get the chariot out of the cave while he distracted the dragon. We made it out alive, but he didn't."

"That's horrible."

"Yeah. When we got back to camp, I was immediately claimed. Seems that quest was dangerous enough to get Jupiter's attention. And that's basically it."

"No wonder you don't like talking about it," said Dakota.

"I was a kid back then. I hardly knew how to fight. Guys, I think we should be getting to sleep now."

Jason stood, but was suddenly knocked off his feet by an unseen force. It sent him flying across the clearing and he ended up with his back slamming against a tree painfully. For a moment he was dazed, but he quickly recovered made to walk forward. He couldn't. His shoulder was pinned to the tree by...an arrow? A glowing silver arrow protruded above his left shoulder which stung from a graze made by the arrow. Jason grabbed it with both hands and tried to pull it out, to no avail. A barely visible form darted from the trees toward him at a blinding speed. The figure reached him before his friends, who had just noticed what was happening, did, and drew a gleaming hunting knife whose blade sat on Jason's throat menacingly.

Jason took a sharp breath. His attacker was a girl. A very beautiful girl. Jason had never seen a girl this pretty in his life. Her perfect features were twisted in a menacing frown as she pressed her knife harder against his throat. She had auburn hair that was tied in a ponytail. She wore a silver parka, gray camouflage pants and a vicious pair of boots. A bow and quiver were slung across her back. She looked about twelve, but her silver eyes looked much older.

"Where is it?" she snarled.

"Where's what?"

Gwen and Dakota came running behind the girl, their weapons drawn. She turned so quickly, Jason almost missed it. She bashed Gwen's sword away with her knife effortlessly, causing it to clutter uselessly on the ground. She kicked Dakota's spear away away and swiftly punched him in the face. He collapsed and rolled around, groaning and clutching his jaw. The girl turned back to Jason.

"Where is the master bolt, you thief!"

"What are you talking about, I didn't steal the bolt. And those are my friends you just beat."

"Don't lie to me, boy." She said the word boy like it was an insult. "I smell lightning on you."

She sunk the knife deeper into his throat. He struggled against his captor, but the girl was incredibly strong.

"I didn't steal it, I swear," he said hoarsely. "I'm a son of Jupiter. That's why you can smell lightning on me."

She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. In the darkness her eyes seemed to be glowing. This girl was definitely not human.

"I wasn't aware Father any half-blood children. You better not be lying to me, boy."

"I'm not-wait, Jupiter's your dad too. Who are you?"

Just his luck. The prettiest girl he ever ran into wanted to kill him, and happened to be his sister.

"I am Diana, goddess of the moon and the hunt, though I'm not surprised you don't know who I am. Stupid boy, you have wasted my time. I lost my trail, I almost had the thief."

"Forgive us, my lady. We are searching for the thief, too. Maybe if we worked together-"

"Work together? I will kill you for standing in my way."

"Look, uh, sis. I'm sure you would like nothing more than to kill us. But I don't think Dad would be too happy if you did."

"You're right," she conceded. "Father has a rule; none of his children should destroy each other. I suppose you'll have to live, for now. But you have to appease my anger. Hunt down a beast and sacrifice it to me."

Jason didn't feel like hunting down anything, but it looked like the only way they would leave this forest alive. Olympians were so unreasonable.

"Okay, so what do you want? A rabbit? A bird?"

"How about the Calydonian boar."

Jason didn't pay much attention in monster class, but he knew any creature with an ancient Greek city in its name was usually big and scary. The Erymanthian sow. The Colchis bull. Regular livestock suddenly become deadly killing machines with a Greek town name.

"So how do we find-oh, there it is."

A boar the size of a small truck came stampeding into the clearing. It blew apart their camp fire with its tusks (which were the size of Jason's arms) and disappeared on the other side of the clearing.

"You better get moving, boy. The Calydonian boar is quicker than it looks."

He beckoned to his friends and ran after the boar. He pulled Ivlivs out of his pocket and flipped it. The weapon fell back on his hand in javelin form. Longer reach, just what he needed. Dakota and Gwen raced behind him, their weapons back on their hands. Catching up to the boar wasn't hard, it actually came charging at them. They dove out of its way at the last minute, and it covered several yards before stopping. They took battle stances and waited for the boar to charge again.

"Nice Calydonian boar," said Gwen slowly. "Good Calydonian boar."

The boar snorted, its red eyes glowing.

"This little piggy's gonna eat us!" shouted Dakota.

The boar charged, and this time they stood their ground.

"Okay guys, let's try trident formation," said Jason.

Jason and Dakota stood on either side of Gwen and raised their spears. The boar went for Gwen in the middle, but the boys both stabbed at its flank. Dakota's spear got tangled in the creature's coarse hairs while Ivlivs found its mark. The boar cried out in pain and swung its head like a club, knocking Jason onto the nearest tree. He crashed through wet branches and leaves and landed on a bigger branch. He groaned audibly. His hands and face were full of scratches, and his jacket sleeve had a large gash. Below, the boar charged Dakota and butted him back several yards. Gwen was left to face the creature alone. It tried to gore her with its tusks, but she dodged swiftly. She swung her sword and cut one tusk in half. She made to cut the other tusk, but the boar moved quickly and skewered her in her left arm. She cried out in pain but still held her ground. Behind her, Dakota got on his feet and joined the fray. Together, they jabbed and swung at the beast, but they couldn't do any damage.

"Anytime you wish to help us out here, Jason."

Jason stood on the branch. "Okay, time to go ham."

He jumped off the branch and landed on the boar's back. He straddled it like a horse and stabbed at its head. He found its mark, but the wound he made was too shallow. Not enough to kill it. The boar stomped and jumped around, trying to throw him off. He gripped the creature's back hairs in an attempt to hang on, to no avail. He was thrown off, and he soared through the air before he fell and rolled on the ground several yards away. The boar seemed particularly more angry at him as it left his friends behind and charged him. Without thinking, he threw the javelin. It glanced off the creature's tough hide and fell on the floor uselessly. Now Jason was unarmed, facing a two ton monster pig. Just great. When the boar was close enough, he flung himself out of the way and rolled twice before getting up.

"Jason, move out of the way," shouted Gwen.

In her hands was his javelin.

"I don't think that's gonna work, I just tried it."

The boar turned, ready to charge him again. "I have a really good feeling about this," she said in an exaggerated manner.

"Oh, right."

Jason dashed out of the way, and Gwen threw Ivlivs. It sunk deeply into the area above the boar's shoulder. The beast gave a final cry of pain and collapsed heavily. The trio gathered around the boar.

"I'm never eating bacon again," said Dakota.

"So how do we sacrifice this thing before it turns to dust?"

Jason pulled out Ivlivs and flipped it back to coin form. He placed his hands over the dead boar. I hope this works, he thought.

"I sacrifice this kill to you, Diana, goddess of the hunt and of the moon. I hope you can leave us alone now."

The boar started smoking, and in a few moments it started burning in a silvery blaze. Soon only gray ash remained. Gwen fell on her knees, her arm on her bleeding shoulder. Her face was pale and twisted in pain. Jason hadn't realized, she had lost a lot of blood.

"Gwen!" Jason dropped and eased her into a sleeping position. "Dakota, quick! Give me some nectar."

Dakota handed him a small bottle. He made Gwen drink it slowly. Too much of the stuff would turn her blood to ash. Immediately, she spit it out.

"Dakota, this is Kool-Aid," she said.

"Oops."

Dakota gave Jason another bottle. Gwen sipped the liquid furtively. The cut on her shoulder stopped bleeding and started healing. Soon she was able to stand.

"Are you okay, Gwen. Can you walk?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Let's get back to the clearing."

They didn't find Diana waiting for them at the clearing, and they took it as a good sign. If she wasn't here, she wouldn't try to kill them.

"Can I just say, you have really crazy family, dude," said Dakota.

A/N: I'd like to state a few things. Firstly, the trio do not know about the prophecies in Heroes of Olympus (for obvious reasons). Their use in this chapter is purely for comedic purposes. Let's call it a coincidence that the gang got them spot on. Secondly, the Watch the throne track called 'h.a.m' came out much later than Lightning Thief. Jason's reference to it again is meant to be funny. Sorry about that guys. Review and tell me if you want me to stop with the jokes that don't respect the rule of time.

Next chapter, we finally meet the infamous chicken man. Stay tuned!