24.

"No, no, I'm all right," Rufus told his outraged entourage. "Just a little tangled up in some lights…which happen to be smoking."

"Sir, I believe this may have been intentional," Tseng stated, eyeing the crowd darkly. "The strand seems to have been placed across the chair's battery terminals…"

Rufus waved his hand dismissively. "Tseng, who would want to kill me?"

Several seconds passed before Tseng asked, "Wasn't that a rhetorical question, sir?"

"What I want to know," Elena muttered, "is who plugged it in?"

Reno muffled a cough. "Anyone want some punch?"

"Reno!" Rufus snarled. "Enough with the punch, already!"

"Excuse me."

Rufus turned toward the speaker. "Yes, Ms. Stewart?"

Behind Rufus, Reno poked Tseng in the side, pointed at the scorched wall socket, and made an "oopsie!" gesture.

Tseng, in turn, pantomimed signing a paycheck and then ripping it in half.

"I'm so sorry," Martha said, "but I think that someone is trying to kill me, and that makes you a target, too."

Rufus tried to parse the statement, failed. "Come again?"

Martha Stewart sighed. "You see, I'm so loved by so many people all over the world, that I've become like a goddess to them. And you know what they say about believers destroying their deity before the deity can destroy them." She shrugged and let out a sad little laugh. "It's the cycle of things. I'd just hoped you might be spared."

Rufus put the chair in reverse and subtly hit the power.

The battery farted sulfurously; the chair did not move.

"Never fear, Ms. Stewart," Rufus stated gamely, "I do have my own elite bodyguards. Though I don't think they're enough to safeguard your holy self."

Tseng bristled, but Elena leaned up to whisper in his ear. His flat affect broke a moment as he arrived on the same page.

"That's all right," Martha said. "I have Mrs. B."

"Good, good…" Rufus signaled to Rude, who stepped in behind the chair. "It's been a lovely evening, I really wish I could stay…"

"Oh, but the Presidential Suite is waiting for you!"

Rufus glanced back at Tseng, who only shrugged. He tried Rude, though he could never be sure if he'd managed to make eye contact with the man; needless to say, his lack of comment didn't mean much. He turned toward Elena, but the girl seemed in awe of Martha's mad hostess skillz.

Reaching his last hope, Rufus looked over at Reno.

"What the fuck was that?!??" shouted the redhead, pointing up the stairs.

"Nice!" Rufus murmured, nodding his approval.

"No, really!" Reno exclaimed fervently. "What the fuck was that? It looked like –"

"It couldn't be!"

"I saw it too!"

"Santa?!??"

Reno smacked his partner's shiny noggin. "Don't you know he's invisible?"

"Turks! Report!" Rufus snarled, losing patience and a little of his nerve. Ever since those goings-on back before Meteor he'd had little love for ghost stories, and this was starting to look like one of those.

"Sir." Tseng snapped to attention, momentarily distracting Rufus from his freakout. "It was either the Ghost of Christmas Future, or –"

"SEPHIROTH!" Cloud bellowed, charging toward the stairs. Midway there he remembered he'd left his sword(s) with his motorcycle. He paused to rethink his strategy.

"Here, use this." Vincent handed him a fireplace poker and the ash shovel.

Cloud contemplated the rustic wrought iron implements, debated heating them to a cherry glow, then decided that heroes still didn't resort to such gruesome tactics. Would have been a nice touch, though…

Brandishing the poker and shovel as best he could, Cloud finished his charge, arriving at the second floor only to find no sign of his nemesis. He cast about, checking the doors and barging into the rooms that were unlocked, but he only succeeded in catching Yuffie playing dress-up with one of the cats. "Did you see anyone up here?" he asked frantically.

"Just those three biker boys," Yuffie replied happily. "I think they're playing Hide And Seek or something."

"Watch yourself," he warned. "I think Sephiroth's back."

"Great," Yuffie muttered, rolling her eyes. "Well, it's been nice knowing you, Cloud!"

"Your confidence in me is staggering." Cloud resumed his search. The song in his head had stopped, which he found more puzzling than its presence in the first place. If Sephiroth was trying to contact him, no matter how annoying the method, why would he just stop?

He stepped aside to let Kadaj pass, then began his second sweep of the upstairs.

He'd only gone a few feet when he halted dead in his tracks, a cold chill sliding down his spine.

Kadaj was singing that hippo song!