Act of Remembrance
Chapter 16
It was just after one thirty am when Steve showed the first signs of coming to a little. The first thing he heard was lots of noise and loud voices. As he opened his eyes the first thing he saw was a blue curtain. His eyelids felt like lead and he struggled to keep them open for more than a few seconds at a time. The second time he opened his eyes he turned his head slightly and staring upwards he saw a white ceiling with glaring florescent lights. Again his eyelids refused to stay open. Next he heard a familiar voice calling him.
"Steve! Buddy boy! That's it. Open those eyes for me now."
The voice appeared to be coming from his right so slowly he turned his head again and forcing his eyes open for a third time he looked straight into the smiling face of Mike Stone. Steve smiled back weakly but closed his eyes again just as quickly as he had opened them.
"Come on now Steve! Keep those eyes open! The Doctors on his way in to check on you."
Steve looked at Mike again drowsily.
"That a boy! How are you feeling?"
But try as he did he couldn't keep them from closing again. Steve's head felt fuzzy and he tried to piece together what had led up to this moment. He remembered the rooftop chase and the face of Javier Fernandez as he ran at him with the knife. He heard Mike talking to him but his mouth wouldn't co-operate with his brain to allow him to answer. When Steve didn't respond to his questions Mike became worried and on seeing the Doctor enter the cubicle he spoke worriedly.
"He's opening his eyes for a few seconds at a time, he smiled at me but he's not answering me!"
Steve felt someone take his pulse and then someone forced opened his eyes one at a time and shone a torch into each one of them.
"He's not fully back with us yet Lieutenant" an unfamiliar voice announced.
"You have to be patient. He lost a fair bit of blood. He'll come back to us when he is ready to. I'd say he'll wake up fairly soon though judging by his vital signs. We'll keep a close eye on him. We've stitched the wound in his side. Now it just needs time to heal. He'll be very sore for a good few days. We will have fully replaced the blood he's lost over the next hour and that should give him back some strength but he's showing distinct signs of exhaustion. I'd recommend that he gets plenty of rest. I'll pop back to see him in another little while."
"Thanks Doctor." Mike said with deep gratitude in his voice. Steve was going to be just fine with a few days off and lots of rest and TLC. However things could have turned out a lot worse and that bothered Mike a great deal. Physically he would heal in time but whatever was bothering him still had to be determined and dealt with. That Mike reckoned from experience, wouldn't be as easy to fix.
Steve heard the conversation that went on around him but just hadn't the energy to even attempt to respond and soon he felt the familiar pull of unconsciousness and in his current weakened condition he allowed the darkness to claim him once more. However this time the darkness didn't bring him the peace it promised!
He was somewhere dark and unfamiliar. His side was hurting really bad and he couldn't make out where he was. He heard Evelyn's voice and followed the sound of it blindly in the dark feeling his way through the pitch darkness. His heart was pounding in his chest and all at once he saw a distant light. He made his way towards it and the nearer he got to the light he realized it was shining from a window. Reaching the window Steve almost recoiled in horror when he looked in and saw Evelyn struggling with Oren Prentiss! His first instinct kicked in and he grabbed for his gun but his holster was empty! He tried to break the glass with his elbow but it refused to break! Evelyn looked at him pleadingly and Steve felt as if his heart would break. Feeling utterly helpless he screamed.
"Get out of there! ... Get out of there! RUN"
Then he felt hands restraining him, pulling him away from the window. He struggled to get away from them and as he did he felt an excruciating pain in his side. Gritting his teeth to ride out the wave of pain he heard himself yelling again.
"NO! Let me go! You don't understand! I have to save her! PLEASE let me go!"
Steve pleaded with his captors but no-one seemed to listen or understand that Evelyn was in danger. Why wouldn't they let him go? But the more he tried to free himself the harder they held him. He started to get upset and felt himself sobbing in despair but then out of nowhere he heard Mike's voice. Unlike the situation he was in, it was comforting and soothing and finally Steve felt safe. Mike would help him. He just had to listen to him and do what he said. Mike would make everything right. He strained to hear what Mike was saying. He was telling him to be calm, to take it easy. He was telling him that everything was ok. He believed him. His breathing slowed, and then he felt someone holding his hand. A strong hand, a safe hand. He opened his eyes slowly and saw Mike speaking softly and soothingly to him.
"You're ok buddy boy! Everything's alright! "
Mike's POV of Steve's nightmare :
Steve had slept for another hour after his first attempt at waking. Mike had sat beside his bed and watched him closely but soon tiredness had set in and he felt himself dozing off in the chair. He must have heard Steve groan because he woke with a start and was alarmed to see Steve in the throes of what appeared to be a nightmare of some sort. He was thrashing his head from side to side and was extremely agitated. Mike immediately pressed the bell for the nurse and tried to calm Steve down as best he could. Steve let out a yell that startled Mike. He was pleading with someone to get out of somewhere and telling them to run! But who Mike wondered? Within mere seconds the nurse and doctor had arrived and by now Steve was thrashing his arms about and appeared to be fighting some unseen enemy. As a result of his thrashing the needle came out of his arm and blood leaked from the tube. The Doctor became highly concerned and started barking out orders to an orderly that was passing.
"Help me restrain him! He's going to burst the stitches!"
Both the orderly and the doctor restrained Steve and yet he fought against them persistently. He called out again begging for them to let him go! He had to save someone! Again Mike wondered who? What happened next almost broke Mike's heart. Steve started to sob! A tear escaped from his eye and fell down his face and he sounded utterly desolate. Mike had to DO something but what? The doctor gave up trying to calm him and called for the nurse to bring a sedative. Mike feared that giving him a sedative would merely trap him in his terrible nightmare so he pleaded with the doctor to allow him to try to calm him down instead. Willing to try anything the doctor continued to restrain him while Mike was allowed in closer again. He took Steve's hand in his and leaned in so that Steve could hear him clearly. He told him everything was alright and that he needed to calm down and to everyone in the cubicle's amazement it worked very quickly. Steve stopped struggling and his breathing slowed. The Doctor released Steve and watched in awe as the older detective continued to calm the young man in the bed and then they watched as Steve regained consciousness.
Back to the present:
Steve woke from his nightmare very disoriented and uneasy. His breathing had slowed and had calmed down thanks to Mike's presence but the images from his latest nightmare were still fresh in his mind and he was confused about what was happening. His side was throbbing mercilessly and his left arm had seemed to join his side in sympathy as a new stinging pain was manifesting itself at the crease of his elbow. There were still hands prodding and probing at him but with Mike there beside him he didn't seem to mind. He knew that Mike would not let anyone hurt him so he trusted the hands that were attending to him. However due to his fuzzy brain his nightmare and reality had got slightly mixed up so he had to ask Mike the important question.
"Mike! Is she ok? ... Is she?"
Steve was actually talking about Evelyn but Mike wasn't aware of this and asked back.
"Who Steve? Are you talking about Mrs Sanchez?"
"Mrs Sanchez?" Steve repeated even more confused.
"Yes, the lady on the landing. The one you were worried about before you passed out. She's fine Steve. You don't have to worry. You didn't hurt her when you got her out of the way of the bullet. She was a bit shaken but she's fine. Actually she was quite taken with you! She said you were her hero! Eh? What do you think of that huh? "
It took Steve a good few seconds to process what Mike had said and then finally Steve's fog lifted and he remembered everything. Evelyn was dead! It was just a bad dream and he was in the hospital after the incident with Fernandez. Mike watched with concern as Steve stared past him struggling with whatever was going on his head. When he finally got his thoughts together enough to look back at Mike, he saw Mike's worried face. Mike spoke first.
"Did you hear me Steve? She's alright. You don't have to worry."
"That's great! I'm glad. ...What about Fernandez?"
Mike shook his head.
"Don't worry about that either. Mrs Sanchez' statement corroborated your side of the story. You had no choice. If you hadn't fired he would have killed you!"
Steve seemed to sag deeper into the pillows with a blank, hollow look on his face which only changed to a pained look every now and then as the doctors checked his wound and reattached his needles and his blood transfusion line. Mike didn't like his demeanor and decided to probe further.
"Well, buddy boy, that was some nightmare you just had! Was it about this evening and the shooting?"
Steve didn't want to lie to Mike but he didn't want to talk about it either so reluctantly he chose the first option.
"I don't know ... I don't remember ..."
Mike studied Steve closely. While of course it was possible that Steve didn't remember all the details of his bad dream, something about the way he was staring blankly made Mike believe that he remembered it all too well, almost as if the scenes were replaying in Steve's head while he was now awake. Then why won't he talk about it? Damn it Steve! What is so bad that you can't share it with me?Mike thought to himself. After a few minutes Steve seemed to realize that his quietness was worrying Mike and it was as if he pulled a switch in his head and the mask dropped again. Looking at Mike, Steve smiled and spoke.
"What time is it Mike?"
Looking at his watch Mike answered.
"It's just gone three in the morning."
"You look like hell Mike. Why don't you go home and get some sleep? I'm ok now. Really. I'll see you tomorrow."
Mike could see that Steve was anything but fine and yet it seemed that Steve was anxious for him to go. Normally Mike could always manage to get to the bottom of whatever was bothering Steve even though most of the time it took a lot of time and effort but this time Mike was at a loss as to what was going on with his young partner and that bothered him greatly. However if Steve wanted him to go home then maybe it was something that he genuinely needed to work out by himself and Mike knew he had to respect that so reluctantly Mike went along with his wishes.
"Ok buddy boy. If you're sure you're ok? I guess I am a bit tired."
"Stop worrying Mike. I'm fine really. Just tired and sore that's all. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Ok. You do whatever the Doc tells you now you hear? Try to get some rest. Promise me now?"
Steve smiled affectionately at Mike. Then he nodded his head and replied.
"Ok. I promise. I'll see you."
Mike smiled back and winked at Steve then looked anxiously at the Doctor.
"Don't worry Lieutenant. He's in good hands. He hasn't done any further damage to the wound. We'll make sure he rests."
And with the reassurance of the doctor Mike turned and left. It felt strange leaving Steve there knowing that there was something still not right with him but he had to admit that his old bones needed some well overdue rest so he drove home downhearted vowing that after a good few hours sleep he would get Steve to open up to him tomorrow.
The doctor watched the Lieutenant leave and studied the young man in the bed. He had been amazed at how Mike had calmed Steve down so quickly and realized that there must be a very strong bond between the two men but something about the far away look in his patient's eyes bothered him. After Steve was cleaned up and made more comfortable in the bed the doctor decided to speak to him candidly.
"You did remember the nightmare didn't you?"
Steve looked up at the doctor and blushed slightly worrying now that if the doctor who Steve had never met before saw through his lie then it was safe to assume that Mike had too.
"Yeah ... Is there anything you can give me to help me sleep without the nightmare coming back?" Steve asked feeling exhausted but fearful of closing his eyes.
"Sure I can give you something but it would be fairly strong. How long have you been having nightmares like that?"
Steve again wondered how he seemed to find it so easy to speak to total strangers about Evelyn and yet he couldn't talk about it with the man he cared for like a father.
"Just a couple of nights. It's the anniversary tomorrow of someone I lost. Someone I cared about. She was murdered. There's a memorial service later this afternoon at three. Will I be able to go to it Doc? "
"Steve! You only came in here yesterday evening . You've got a hole in your side and we still haven't even fully replaced the blood you lost. To top it all you're exhausted. Today is too soon to release you. You need to stay a couple of days so we can get you back on your feet."
"Please Doc. It's really important to me! You said yourself there's no bullet in me and the wound just needs to heal right?. And I can rest at home. It's only a memorial service so I won't be doing anything strenuous. Come on Doc. I have to be there! Please!"
The doctor could see how badly Steve wanted to attend the service but worried about allowing him home so soon. Torn in his decision he weighed up his options.
"Ok, I'll tell you what. If you get some decent sleep for the rest of tonight and if your bloods, your wound and your vital signs are all ok in the morning I'll consider releasing you around noon ok? But I'm taking a big risk letting you go so soon so you have to promise not to overdo it and to get lots of rest. Alright?"
Steve felt relieved that the Doctor was willing to consider letting him attend the service and although there were a lot of "ifs" involved Steve felt sure that he would get to go. Grateful to the doctor for his understanding he nodded his head.
"Sure! I promise."
"Ok, how long do you want me to put you out for?"
"Just until about nine or ten please." Steve answered feeling utterly spent and exhausted and longing for some uninterrupted sleep.
So as the doctor prepared the sedative and injected it into Steve's arm, gradually the room faded and blackness closed in only this time it brought welcome rest and Steve slept peacefully.