25.

Yazuu's long legs made short work of the laundry room as he paced back and forth, deep in thought. How Kadaj had achieved Reunion didn't matter, though Yazuu had to admit he hadn't seen that coming. And whether or not Jenova was going to hold this whole Martha Stewart thing against them seemed moot as well: Jenova had what she wanted, thanks in part to Yazuu's planning, so she'd better be happy about it.

No, what had Yazuu vexed was a more immediate problem. "If he's our little brother and our big brother at the same time, does that make me the baby, and if so, does that entitle me to spoiling? But then, that would make Loz the middle child – would he have to become a cold-hearted bitch just to deal with the pressure?"

"Um, Yazuu?" Loz interrupted his brother's train of thought with caution. "Is Kadaj going to turn into Sephiroth again?"

"Probably," Yazuu replied. "I don't know why he keeps changing back and forth, though…."

"I think Sephiroth has to leave whenever Kadaj wants to do something else," Loz mused.

"Hm. Maybe… Or whenever Sephiroth himself gets bored. Thanks to sharing a body with Kadaj, Sephiroth may just have the attention span of a two-year-old."

"That's not good," Loz observed. Then something caught his eye, and he became fascinated with the Swiffer. "Uh, I'm sorry, what were we talking about?"

Before Yazuu could dignify that with a response, the door swung open. "So that's where you guys went!" Kadaj darted inside and shut the door. "Are we hiding from Martha again? She's scaring people."

"No, we're just talking," Yazuu told him. "How are you feeling, Kadaj?"

"Great! I think that punch had a lot of sugar in it!"

Loz and Yazuu exchanged a meaningful look. "Punch?"

"Yeah! Ever since I had some, I've been bouncing off the walls! Hey, check this out – it swivels and goes flat to get under the appliances!"

"Yeah, isn't it great?" Loz agreed, Swiffering beneath the dryer.

Yazuu closed his eyes and leaned back against the door. "We need to get out of here and sort this through. I'm really at a loss – I mean, what are we supposed to do with you?"

A low voice laden with pheromones replied, "What do you want to do with me?"

Yazuu's eyelids snapped up like a sprung window treatment.

Where Kadaj had been now stood a tall, bare-chested, leather-clad hunk of legendary proportions, his perfectly chiseled lips curved in a smile that hinted at higher levels of perversion than Yazuu had ever dared to imagine.

Yazuu's own mouth dropped open and stayed that way.

Sephiroth leaned closer, his silken hair caressing Yazuu's cheek. "Well?"

Yazuu's mind flashed through the list in record time:

1. Here stands my god, sole purpose of my existence.

2. Is it warm in here?

3. Will my legs even fit around those powerful buttocks?

"Yes!" Yazuu shouted, flinging himself at Sephiroth with no pretense of modesty, dignity, or shame.

Loz sniffled. "But Yazuu, what about me?"

Sephiroth turned a wicked eye his way. "You're a seme, aren't you?"

For the first time in his life, Loz' mind worked faster than Yazuu's:

1. Here stands my god, sole purpose of my existence.

2. Wait, did he just say –?

3. Hot SOLDIER sandwich!

As the three began to enthusiastically explore their options, Loz paused to ask, "But what do we do if Kadaj comes back while we're in the middle of…you know?"

Yazuu broke from a breathless kiss and said, "Well, that would spare me from having to have The Talk with him…"

From her vantage point in the all-seeing Lifestream, Aerith (aka The Ghost of Christmas Present) smiled down on the inhabitants of the laundry room and turned on her webcam.

* * * * *

And so it was that Kadaj got to "meet" Sephiroth, Yazuu found a new mother, and Loz…well, we're sure that the scorching three-way in the laundry room more than made up for Santa not bringing him a pony.

Here's wishing all of you a wondrous, magical holiday season filled with naked bishies and other tasty treats. May all your fandreams come true!

The End.

Wait, what about the loose ends and plot holes, you say?

That's what epilogues and fan fiction are for. (Hey, it worked for J.K. Rowling!)