Act Of Remembrance

Chapter 18

Mike had worked on his paperwork pile for around an hour and a half and was making good progress. Concentrating on clearing his desk had at least taken his mind off Steve temporarily although every report that he came across typed up and signed by Steve had tempted him to pick up his phone and call him to see if he was ok but every time he had fought back the urge and returned to his task. By two o'clock, Mike's desk was finally tidied and Mike sat back quite proud of himself for having it finally organized again. As he sat admiring his work Rudy Olsen had knocked on Mike's door and asked to be updated on the Fernandez case which Mike dutifully did. The Captain inquired about how Steve was and they had talked about Jeannie and the Captain's daughter too.

By the time Rudy left it was just after three fifteen and Mike was considering calling it a day and heading home. Picking up his keys, they slipped out of his hand and fell on the floor. Cursing his clumsiness Mike bent down to pick them up and something under his chair caught his eye. Reaching in he retrieved what appeared to be a notelet and as he stood up and read it Mike's heart sank. It was a phone message written in Bill's handwriting dated last Tuesday from Sherry Reese telling Mike about a memorial service for Evelyn Hennick's first anniversary! It was to take place on Saturday at three o'clock ! Mike sank back into his chair, the notelet still grasped in his hand.

THAT'S IT! Suddenly it all made sense. Sherry must have contacted Steve too! Tuesday was when Steve's mood had changed and when he had become very quiet and withdrawn. Then he had mentioned that he hadn't been sleeping well. Then he remembered Steve's reaction to the morgue table just yesterday! Dear God! The memory of a year ago flooded back to Mike and he remembered how devastated Steve had been as he saw Evelyn laid out in the Morgue! He had stood behind Steve with a hand on his shoulder as a show of support and had felt the young man shaking. He had steered Steve outside for a spot of fresh air but just like now throughout the whole ordeal Steve had refused to talk about his upset. He had bottled it all up and dealt with it by himself. Throughout the funeral, and even after he had taken out the murderer at Sherry's apartment he had still remained very withdrawn and depressed. As the weeks had gone by he had very gradually come back to himself however on more than one occasion when Evelyn's name had come up in conversation Steve still seemed to become distant and distracted. He should have realized! Some detective he was!

And that also explained why he hadn't talked to Mike about what was bothering him. He had found it difficult to talk to Mike when it happened a year ago and when Mike hadn't mentioned the memorial service Steve must have assumed that he wasn't going or that he didn't care! He had even asked Mike what his plans were for Saturday and Mike had unwittingly said that he had no plans!

He was annoyed with himself that he hadn't remembered Evelyn's anniversary but also that he had let his desk become so cluttered. If he had kept on top of his paperwork he would have received the phone message on the day it had come through and the cause of Steve's angst would have been clear. He vowed never to let his desk get into such a disorganized mess again. Looking up at his wall clock he saw that it was just gone three twenty-five. The service was already on but if he hurried he could still get there and be there for Steve. He would make it up to the boy! He wasn't going to let him deal with it alone any longer. Mike was going to be there for him whether he wanted him to be or not! Grabbing his coat and fedora he picked up his keys and headed out of his office. As he passed Steve's desk he hesitated momentarily and pulling out the top drawer of Steve's desk he picked up two packets of sunflower seeds that were on the top and there underneath was a photo of Steve and Evelyn in happier times. They were both smiling and when Mike remembered the sadness with which he had seen Steve studying the picture a couple of days ago a lump appeared in his throat. Placing the seeds back over it he closed the drawer and hurried out of the bullpen determined to get to the Service in record time.

Meanwhile at Union Street around 2pm :

A car sped out of a side street causing a truck travelling down Union Street to blare its horn loudly. The blaring sound woke Steve from his slumber and he sat bolt upright alarmed by the loud noise. He instantly regretted his sudden action as his tender side throbbed and made its presence known. Wincing and holding his side he took a couple of deep breaths and then realizing that he was back in the comfort of his own apartment he very carefully threw the blanket to one side, swung his legs off the couch and sat up, rubbing a hand through his hair. Seeing a note on the coffee table he picked it up, read it and smiled at Andy's thoughtfulness. Then wondering how long he had slept for he glanced at his watch casually. Five past two!

"Oh hell!" Steve exclaimed realizing that if he didn't get a move on he was going to be late for the Service.

Picking up his phone he rang a taxi company and requested a taxi to pick him up at two thirty-five. Then making his way steadily but carefully to his bathroom he quickly shaved and dressed in his best suit. Dressing himself again just like back at the hospital hadn't been an easy task. The stretching and bending took its toll and by the time he was finished he had broken out in a cold sweat. Adjusting his tie in the bathroom mirror he didn't tie the knot as tight as normal and left the knot lower too as he felt it almost constricting his airflow. Suddenly a wave of dizziness washed over him and he swayed where he stood feeling unbalanced. The familiar blackness threatened to close in on him so he sat down on the closed toilet seat and lowered his head as far as he was able with his aching side. Breathing deeply, thankfully Steve felt his faintness pass and he waited a few fearful moments before he went back into the hall and down into the little kitchen.

At the sink he poured himself a cold glass of water and downed it in one go. Then he retrieved the flowers that Andy had put in water for him. They were bright yellow roses. Evelyn's favourite! She had always had a special affection for them and he remembered all the times he had bought them for her. Most of the time for happy occasions except for the wreath he had made of them last year for her funeral. Her funeral! It was so surreal to use those words when he thought of her. She had always been so full of life, so carefree, so happy and easygoing. Factors that had always endeared her to Steve. But that had all been robbed from her in a few moments of a deranged man's madness. His heart felt strange as it filled with a mixture of sadness, rage and regret. Moisture once more filled his eyes and hearing the taxi's horn outside he quickly wrapped the flowers and put on his dark sunglasses, threw his painkillers into his pocket just in case he would need them later and locking up his apartment he made his way down to the waiting taxi and gave instructions to the driver as to his destination. And with that the taxicab drove off in the afternoon sunshine.

Steve remained silent for the trip to the church and truth be told was only half-listening instead to the vague ramblings of the driver. He politely nodded every now and then but he felt too emotionally drained to engage in small talk. While he wanted to be there for Evelyn, for the first time in the last five days he started to doubt whether he was up to it or not. They arrived at the church at two fifty pm in plenty of time and Steve got out gingerly, paid the driver and made his way slowly up the few steps. He had just entered through the main church doors when Sherry came rushing up to him with concern written all over her face.

"Steve! I heard you'd been shot! I wasn't expecting you to come! Are you alright?"

"I'm ok Sherry. Obviously the story about my injury has been greatly exaggerated! It was just a flesh wound. I'm just sore that's all."

"Well, you look very pale! You'd better go take a seat. Here's a booklet. I'm glad you could make it though ... for Evelyn." and she took his hand and squeezed it and they exchanged a look of mutual grief at the loss of someone who had meant so much to both of them.

"Yeah ...me too. I'll see you after" and squeezing her hand back he took Sherry's advice and made his way up the church however while he had hoped to make a quiet entrance and sit inconspicuously off at the side his plans backfired as Evelyn's mother saw him and came walking straight for him.

"Steve! Oh Steve, we're so glad you could come. It would have meant a lot to Evelyn." and then unexpectedly she pulled him into a tight hug.

Steve winced as she squeezed his injured side but bit back the yell that under different circumstance would have automatically escaped his lips. Then releasing him she looked at him closely and started ranting .

"Why Steve! Have you lost weight? You know you really can't afford to and you look so pale. How have you been coping? It's been such a terrible year. We all miss her so much. You were very special to her Steve. She talked about you all the time. You know Henry and I can never thank you enough for getting her killer. You really mustn't be a stranger. You're always welcome at the house. Anytime."

Luckily for Steve, just at that moment someone else came and distracted Mrs Hennick's attention and sympathized with her and Steve used the golden opportunity to take his leave and took a seat right beside the side door of the church. His side was hurting after the bear hug he had just received and he was feeling slightly light-headed again so he reckoned that if he needed air he could slip out fairly unnoticed from his chosen seat.

Soon the church had filled up and the service began. They had a large photograph of Evelyn on the altar with an equally large circular wreath around it. Seeing her smiling face on the altar brought another lump to Steve's throat. He listened as the priest said prayers and her brother and father both got up and spoke about Evelyn. Steve became emotional as he listened to the lovely stories they relayed about her and at some point he drifted off in his own mind to his own memories of their precious time together. He remembered her smile and her laugh. She had an infectious laugh and they had laughed a lot. He remembered their conversations. He was comfortable in her company and felt that he could talk to her about anything. She never judged or was forceful in her opinions. She was a good listener and they seemed to have a lot of interests in common. He had grown to care a great deal about her and had at one stage felt that perhaps she might be the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. But it had all ended badly. He had never got to tell her how he truly felt. As a matter of fact he hadn't told anybody how much he had cared for her. Everyone had assumed it was just another passing fancy of his but his relationship with Evelyn was so much more. And so he had coped with the loss on his own after the funeral, not feeling able to talk to anyone, not even Mike, about the fact that her death had broken his heart in two.

The sound of his name being mentioned brought Steve back to reality and to his horror he saw the whole congregation's eyes directed towards him. Evelyn's father was thanking him for getting justice for his daughter and praising his skills as a police officer. The family would be forever grateful to him for stopping the monster that killed their beloved Evelyn and for stopping any other family going through the heartache they had endured. They went on to say that Evelyn would have been proud of him. Steve forced a smile, nodded his thanks and wished in that instant that the ground would open up and swallow him. God he hated fuss! And anyway what would Evelyn be proud of him for? He hadn't saved her! He hadn't been there for her! She had died an awful death and he had done nothing to prevent it.

Steve felt himself get upset. The lump that was now permanently lodged in his throat was getting harder to swallow down. His mask was slipping and he was grateful when the priest resumed the concluding prayers and all eyes returned to the altar. However then they played the last song. As Steve listened to the words his bottom lip began to quiver, his eyes started to water and his hands started to shake. Steve knew that he had to get out of there and fast as he couldn't control his emotions any longer. Just then as if out of mercy the congregation stood and undercover of the large crowd of people Steve picked up the roses and slipped out the side door unnoticed.

He made his way down around the back of the church and headed towards the graveyard a little way off. As he walked, his tears fell freely and his body shook with sobs of despair. His emotions finally won out and found release, as Steve could no longer hold them in, beaten down by pain and exhaustion. Grateful for the solitude and the chance to release at least some his heartache Steve let the tears fall as he walked along with the picture of Evelyn in his mind.