AHH YOU GUYS. THANKYOU ALL SO MUCH for your reviews and follows and favourites, this is the first multi chapter fic I've ever published on here, or anywhere, and I'm so glad you're all enjoying it! Sorry it takes me a while to update, but if I'm not in the right mind state to write Maxoline, I can't do it because then I just wouldn't do it justice haha. Anyway, hope you all enjoy this chapter! It's a tad more... angsty than previous chapters, but don't worry - I've got a lot of um, ideas for the future ;) yay Maxoline :D
Max's eyes began to flutter at the annoying sound of her alarm clock, as she reached over to turn it off. Eyes wide open now, she saw that the time was far too early for her liking.
She turned her head over and looked down slightly and saw a mass of blonde hair laying on her chest. It took a moment for Max to remember the previous night, and when she did, she sighed.
Her hand had absentmindedly started softly stroking Caroline's hair, and upon realising this she slowly pulled away, prying Caroline gently off of her.
Max didn't know how to speak to Caroline about what had happened, so for now, she decided to just act like it never happened. She was also curious to see how Caroline would act, and figured she could work with that.
Stretching and standing up, Max grabbed her work uniform and slipped out of the room. She knew the alarm would go off in another five minutes, so she let Caroline sleep for a little bit longer, not wanting to wake her.
Max headed to the bathroom and got changed, fixed her hair and make-up, and was left staring at herself in the mirror.
Do I really just act like nothing happened? She said… that word. And crap, I did too. Fuck. That stupid, messed up word that always, always, ALWAYS ruins everything. It can't ruin us. Oh freaking hell, get a grip. When the fuck did i develop feelings? Ugh. Focus. Get through work. Then… I don't freaking know.
She sighed, left the bathroom and went over to the kitchen to make some coffee.
While grabbing some mugs from the cupboard for her and Caroline, she looked up to see Caroline walking out of the room, already dressed in her work uniform with her make up and hair done beautifully.
"Morning." her voice sounded slightly wary, and Max brushed it off. "Hey Barbie. Made you some coffee. Drink up!" Pouring the coffee, Max handed Caroline the mug of coffee.
Their fingers brushed against eachothers lightly, and Max let go of the mug far too quickly, turning around to pick up and continue drinking her own.
"Thanks…" Max noticed Caroline's eyes never leave hers, and her mouth was slightly curved in a… worried? expression. Max knew Caroline was doing the same as her - trying to assess how the other would act, and react accordingly.
Only with both of them doing it, it was far too awkward. So Max decided she might as well put an end to it and do what she's always done - ignore her problems, especially when stupid feelings and emotions were involved.
"Cool. I'm gonna leave in a minute, I've got some stuff to quickly do before work." Max said this as she placed her now empty mug back in the sink, turning around to see Caroline watching her, looking slightly offended.
Max cleared her throat, realising this. "Um, you wanna come with, if you're ready? It's not any exciting stuff but you can tag along if you want…"
Max knew she sounded more exasperated than she usually did while speaking to Caroline, but truthfully Max wanted to head to work alone, and even though she tried to hide this it clearly came through in her tone of voice.
Caroline's eyes darted downwards, as she placed her mug on the kitchen bench and fiddled around with her work skirt. Idle hands, Blondie.
"Oh, that's okay. I'm not ready yet, I've uh… gotta do a few more things. I'll see you at work in a little bit then?" Max was unsure as to why this was a question, because obviously they would be seeing each other at work.
She simply nodded, bent down to put on her coat, grabbed her bag and headed for the door.
Just as she walked passed Caroline, she felt her hand grip tightly on her arm, spinning her around so they were both eye to eye with each other, mere centimetres apart.
Max could smell strawberries, and it made her head dizzy as she resisted the urge to dart her eyes downwards towards those perfect lips.
"M-Max…" Caroline's voice was pained, and it pierced Max right in the heart. She couldn't do this now, her chest felt like it was on fire with pain and she had to leave; now.
Shaking her arm out of Caroline's grasp and stepping back, her eyes fell to the floor in defeat and only managed to find her voice as her hand reached the door handle.
Looking back, she saw Caroline still staring at her with that damn irresistible puppy dog expression. "No, Caroline. Not now. I… I can't, okay?"
Before waiting for a response, she headed out the door, closing it behind her and practically running out of the apartment building.
As Max turned the corner and was out of sight of the building, she reached into the bottom of her bag and pulled out a cigarette packet.
Max didn't usually smoke cigarettes anymore, but she kept a packet just in case the stress of her life ever got to her too much, and now was definitely one of those times.
She knew Caroline hated smoking, so she never told her about the safety packet. It was only the third time she'd needed a cigarette due to stress in nearly a year anyway, so she's done pretty damn good.
Lighting up the smoke, she inhaled deeply as she kept walking, savouring the slight burn and taste in her throat. It clearly wasn't the nicest taste, but it calmed her down just enough to be able to function.
Nearly at work, she stood around the corner and leaned against the wall to finish her cigarette. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.
She stood there a while, even after the smoke had been butted out and thrown in the bin. Taking a deep breath and pushing down all thoughts of Caroline, Max headed inside the diner.
The staff at the diner she worked with could sense Max was not in the mood for chatter, due to her solemn expression - well, more solemn than usual.
Max headed straight to the back of the diner and put away her bag and coat, nodding to Oleg as her way of saying hi.
Usually Oleg would say some kind of light hearted sexual remark to Max, which mostly made her feel better about herself, but if even Oleg could sense the stress from Max, she knew it must be serious.
Sighing, she made her way to the freezer, planning on grabbing some more cheesecake on her way out, but mostly because she couldn't deal with anyone and just wanted to be alone.
She walked to the far corner, out of sight of the door and closed her eyes. Before she could stop herself or even form a coherent thought, she felt her arm lift up of it's own accord as her hand balled itself into a fist, and began smashing and pounding it against the cold surface of the freezer wall.
Back and forth, smash, pain, back and forth, smash, pain. She didn't know how long she did this for, but felt a tear trickle down her face.
Sensing a change in the room barely a second before she heard a small gasp and a gentle hand touch her shoulder, Max whipped around to see Caroline's tear filled eyes glued to her own.
Max held her breath, not knowing what to say or do, as she felt her mind get dizzy again with the scent of strawberries and the hole in her chest on fire again.
"Max…" Caroline's pained voice choked out this one word, and Max knew she had no more control over her body. She stood there numb, forgetting how to move.
Both girls eyes still stuck on each others, Caroline removed her hand from Max's shoulder and brought it down to Max's still clenched fist, holding it and lifting it to her lips.
She pressed her lips to Max's skin that was starting to bruise already, kissing it softly with her eyes closed. Letting go of her hand, Max regained feeling and lifted it to Caroline's hair, tucking it behind her ear. "Caroline… I-I'm sorry…"
Caroline reached up and placed her hand over Max's, holding it against her cheek. Max knew her body was about to work against her mind, and she didn't care.
She saw a glint in Caroline's eyes - it was filled with hurt, love, and confusion all at the same time. Max gave in and moved closer to Caroline, their lips almost touching, the strawberry scent overwhelming her entire body.
Caroline's bottom lip trembled ever so slightly, before she closed the distance and pressed their lips together.
The second their lips touched, Max knew she didn't want it to end. Her hands tangled in Caroline's hair, pulling her closer as their lips crashed against each other.
Max felt Caroline's hand slither to her neck, pulling her in closer as well, until their bodies were pressed so hard against the other Max couldn't tell where she ended and Caroline began. She didn't want to know.
Eyes closed, her mind, lips and soul were completely engulfed with Caroline, the only entity that had any real purpose and reason to Max's existence.
Fuck. What am I doing? Her thoughts regaining back to the front of her mind, she pulled away suddenly, eyes flicking open to stare back at Caroline's.
She was confused again, hurt again, by Max. Max was frozen, confused as to what had just happened and why the hell she made it stop.
"Max… it's okay." Max heard Caroline speak these words, but they made no sense to her. After a few seconds of gazing at one another, Max finally understood what Caroline had spoken, and shook her head.
"No, Caroline. No, it's freaking not okay. Don't you understand that? IT IS NOT OKAY. This, us, whatever the hell is happening, CAN NOT HAPPEN. It just… it just can't."
Seeing Caroline's face contort with pain as she spoke these words, Max couldn't take it anymore. She pushed passed Caroline and ran out the diner, ignoring the calls of her name.
Fuck. It can't fucking happen, doesn't she get that? Anything good that happens to me gets fucked up. I am NOT going to let her be another thing I mess up. I love her too damn much.
Wait. I do?