Elena's POV
I was angrily trying to destroy all the ice cream we had in the fridge under my brother's disapproving look. He kept asking me if I was fine, but I didn't really respond properly. I'm not sure I was actually listening to what he was saying, I was just so mad right now. What was the point in trusting people when they always just screw things up, boys especially! Not that I didn't have the same problem with girls-girls sucked as well, they were cunning and sly and did you tricks in front of the whole school so that when you go to your locker you're scared to open it up because your notebooks might be soaking as well as your only jacket and outside the wind is gently finding its way through your half wet hair. Not that I was expecting anything less from Caroline. She didn't just forget things, if she wanted to get even with someone she would do it in the most nasty way possible and since I was the one to so to say break up with her now she had to have her own revenge and changing my position in the high school cheerleader chain wasn't enough-she wanted to humiliate me. Anyway, Caroline was only part of the reason why I was drowning in despair and destroying all the ice cream I could find in our enormous, but extremely silent and lonely as my own heart, house. I wanted to forget about it all. About the people who pretended to understand you and talk to you as if they know you for years and then just disappoint you and throw everything you've worked so hard away. By people I meant Stefan. The last time I saw him was yesterday at the Biology test, he hasn't been in school today and he missed our classes which made me extremely anxious. I guess he has screwed up so much on the exam and that he was such a pussy that he had no guts to came and face me. I saw how nervous he was during the test, he stayed in the room even after the bell rang and I got worried about him, because lately on our lessons he seemed very tired and more than distracted.
At first, I thought that this was just part of his big play to act as if he doesn't care what happens from now on, just so he would get it back at his brother and continue to stubbornly ruin his life, which was, of course, beyond stupid, but later on as we continued seeing each other every afternoon, I realized that he was simply extremely exhausted. I asked him if he was okay and if he wanted us to get some rest, because he seemed as if he'll fall asleep every twenty minutes, but he continued to stubbornly deny all my suggestions and to apologize that he was like this. He was pretty smart and he remembered everything I was explaining, but I think there was so much going on inside him right now that studying was the least of his problems. He had this..tortured kind of look as if he was passing through life while carrying so much and with a heavy heart and I couldn't figure if that made him look sad or if it made me pity him. Either way, I was trying to keep my emotions to myself, though I couldn't prevent myself from laughing at his stupid jokes after we finished with our lessons and he casually, just as a friend, bought me ice cream and talked about everything that wasn't school. I never let those short meetings last more than an hour, though. I was convinced, somewhere inside me, that this boy, no matter how kind he was towards me, will bring me trouble. Or maybe, I was just listening too much into the words my mother was using to describe him the other night when I casually woke up feeling thirsty and went downstairs for a glass of water, only so I could catch her and father discussing me and Stefan. She said the boy might be nice, but he's a mess and honestly…at first I got so mad at her for judging him without really knowing him, but then I realized that this is the exact definition that suits him perfectly-he was a mess in every aspect. Though, I couldn't figure out if that was good, sad or troublesome. After today-I think, it's the last one. He was a coward-he has probably screwed up on the test and now he didn't have the guts to come here and tell me that he's as good as gone from this school, so he was just skipping the lessons we were supposed to have, because that was the easier way to deal with things-to just run.
I heard the doorbell ring and yelled at my brother to go get it, but since he was probably upstairs playing games, he didn't pay any attention to me and the bell kept ringing, which annoyed me even more than I was already. I stood up, unwilling to let go of my precious ice cream, which is why I bought it with myself to the door. For some unknown reason today I was trying to protect absolutely everything I had from potential male treats and since my brother was in the house-he was still one.
"I am coming, dammit!" I yelled in anger as I was finally opening the door, only to face an extremely tired Stefan, with a sweat coming from his forehead and a messy hair completing his whole appearance of a person who has just gotten out of bed. But he hasn't, because his beautiful green shirt that matched his eyes seemed freshly ironed and made him look somehow..for the first time presentable. The jeans he was wearing weren't the old shabby ones-they were new and his whole appearance was somehow brighter, happier, though the big circles under his eyes and the tired expression on his face made me suddenly change my mind about yelling at him from the minute I saw him. I felt my heart clenching-he was just a boy, dammit. And yes, that was a reason to hate him and doubt him, but right now I couldn't feel anything but sorry for him. To see someone with shiny new clothes that are supposed to make him look all happy and good, but instead to realize that the person in front of you is nothing but a sadness covered up with patched up broken reality, was actually…a bit cruel. I tried to get myself together, though and crossed my arms on my chest, trying to appear mad. Not that I wasn't, I was just..a bit conflicted ever since I saw him.
"Elena." he said my name as if he was trying to apologize with one single word. He sounded so desperate that it made me just want to open up my arms, sigh and let him in for a coffee so that he would understand that I've forgiven him, but that he's still a jerk.
"That's my name indeed." I said sternly.
"Look, please, you gotta hear me out." he started, but I cut him off.
"I'm not sure I want to listen to your excuses, Stefan." I was on the verge of just shutting the door under his nose. I hated excuses more than anything in this world. If you're gonna find reasons for being an ass, I don't want to have anything to do with you.
"Please, just hear me out. My brother," he was trying to catch his breath. Has he seriously been running all the way from his house to mine? I tried to shake this thought away from my head "he had an incident in the factory, he dropped one of those heavy packages on his foot and he can't walk so I had to go and deal with his work for those couple of days, because we needed the money." he just spilled that out as fast as he could, because he could see how relentless I was on not hearing him out. His green eyes pierced mine and I suddenly felt benevolent towards him, even though I was desperately trying to fight this.
"You couldn't call?" I didn't make a single move. I wanted him to understand that he can't just play with me like that.
"I'm so sorry, Elena. Please, I didn't mean to miss the lessons, I just had absolutely no time." he continued apologizing, while being completely aware how pathetic he looks right now, though that didn't seem to bother him at all.
"What happened with the test?" I asked and leaned on the door post, without even giving him a sign that I might invite him in. He didn't seem to mind though, but his posture relaxed a little and he took a step closer while rubbing the back of his hair in confusion.
"Well, I don't know." he said feeling confused by the way I changed the subject "It wasn't that hard I guess."
"You do realize that if you continue screwing things up, I won't be there to help you anymore and you're as good as expelled from the school, right? " I continued acting as if I'm judging him about absolutely everything and I honestly, I was feeling like I want to punch myself in the face, because he didn't deserve to be treated like that.
"Let me make it up to you." he asked and looked up with expectations "Can I take you out for a coffee or something?" I took a few minutes to think over his offer and he was so tensed that he didn't make a single move, I'm not even sure he was breathing. Jesus, this boy…did I really have such an influence on him? And if I was realizing that, then why on earth was I continuing to mislead him. "Please? I hate myself for disappearing like this. I hate when people just leave without saying a word out and then again I did exactly that."
""You're still coming to the tutor center tomorrow, right?" he nodded eagerly and I rolled my eyes in despair while completely realizing that I was giving in to his innocent childish behavior "Let me change." he gave me a big smile and put his hands behind his back, patiently waiting for me, without making a step closer anymore, afraid that he'll cross a line, that I'm not sure I've set up there in the first place.
Stefan's POV
"You've gotta be kidding me" I laughed out loud as Elena was just finishing her enormous vanilla, strawberry, chocolate ice cream order in a surprisingly fast manner, which only made me realize how sweet she was. I was trying so hard to prevent the feelings inside me for her grow. I wasn't supposed to fall in love, not right now, when my whole life was going downwards and I was on the verge of leaving so soon. I didn't want to admit to myself that I might actually care for this girl more than I've ever did for anyone, who wasn't part of my family by now. She was just so…good and kind to me. That was when I haven't pissed her off like I did today, but even then I could see that playful flame in her eyes that was burning me inside out without me even touching her-she was mad, but she was feeling bad for me and that was simply pathetic. I didn't want a girl to feel like this towards me. I couldn't deny that she was seeing me as the boy I was and I think she was the first person who never judged me even though I had so many flaws. She was nice and understanding, she never questioned my actions, because it seems like she understood why I have done a certain thing and I was so grateful for that. I'm not sure I had the right words to express how glad I am there was someone out there who finally understood me. "You let her copy your whole history test? Are you in your right mind, Elena?"
"Well she was my friend back then." she blushed for a moment, trying to figure out how to cover her own stupidity.
"Jesus, that girl totally sucks."
"Stefan!" she protested "Don't talk like that."
"Why not? It's the truth. We have to call the things with their real names and I have a great one for Caroline Forbes that starts with a big ass B." she just shook her head with a big smile on her face.
"Look, you're right. But despite everything, I still can't hate her." she said and I caught some kind of sadness in her voice.
"I know" I said now seriously "And that's why I think you're a better person than she ever will be. It's easy to hate someone, but it takes a lot of strength not to, which is why she would never be worthy of your attention." she took the last bite of her ice cream and then slowly put the spoon down while I was desperately trying to avoid her look. I didn't mean to sound so serious, I just had those moments from time to time, especially when I was in her company. She always made everything so more important and significant.
"Thank you, Stefan." she said silently, slowly, because she wanted to make me understand how much she means it. I didn't let the words sink much though, because I didn't want to make the whole situation more awkward than it already was.
"And if she does that thing with the lockers one more time, I will make sure she understands that she can't mess with you anymore." I said seriously and she looked up at me surprised.
"Stefan, you don't have to deal with those stuff. They are my problem."
"Of course I have to" I said absolutely seriously "You are my friend." I spilled the last words out without even thinking about saying so in the first place. She looked at me surprised by my words for a moment, but then I saw the same kindness that was always so present in her eyes. She was grateful for me saying this out loud and even though we've been talking for such a short period I really did feel her close to myself. I was afraid how she would react to my words, but she surprisingly put her hand on mine and make me look up. "I'm sorry, Elena, I didn't mean to-"
"Stefan, shut up." she said fast, seriously, just as she was when she was scolding me for not giving her the right answer when we were studying together. "I'm very grateful that I have such a good friend in my life." she said after a few minutes of silence that almost caused me a heart attack. After she spoke up the words, I relaxed and nodded in appreciation with a big smile on my face. She hurried to pull her hand away, though and I nervously cleared my throat as I was trying to show her that this wasn't a big deal.
I ordered her more ice cream and even though she protested at first, she started eagerly destroying it the minute they've put it in front of her with an excusing glance which made me laugh out loud and she wondered what was so funny, while I couldn't figure a way out to tell her how sweet and innocently childish she looked, so I just lied that I saw the waitress trip over in the other corner and spill coffee on one of the customers. She laughed as well and it filled my heart with joy. I don't think I've ever felt like this with someone-just so happy, so free.
"Can I ask you something?" she asked after we've finally calmed a bit down after holding our tummies for ten minutes straight. I felt her tense a bit, she seemed somehow nervous, but I nodded with a smile, trying to make her understand that it was all fine "How come you are so smart but you're ruining stuff for yourself?"
I let a deep sight out. Usually, I avoided the subject, but with her I knew that there was no reason to do so, because she wouldn't judge me nor would she make fun of me. I knew she would simply listen and try to understand me, because she wasn't like the rest of the crowd, trying to make assumptions based on the way you look, talk or how rich your family is. Those stuff didn't matter to her-she made everything simple.
"A year and a half ago my mom got very sick. It was just about at the time we've started high school-a moment in which I felt annoyed from everything, lonely, unable to fit in or make the basketball team. I've lost all interest in anything connected to school, my brother he was working all the time or going out with his friends, having fun and leaving us behind. I was mad at the whole world, honestly-I still am sometimes. My mom" I sighed "She's the only person who ever took care of us since my dad died when Damon and I were kids-I remember him as a good person and I missed him as I was growing up, even though mom was trying very hard to make up for his absence. I love her and I am beyond grateful to her, but back then we fought all the time. She couldn't figure out a way to deal with me and my behavior-I was relentless, stubborn and indifferent to everything around me. My uncle Zach-he often called or came down here to visit us in his desperate attempts to make things right, but it didn't matter what he was trying to do, I just remained the same self-destructive person. One night, I came back home around midnight, only to find her collapsed on the kitchen floor with blood coming out of her nose. I got terrified-I was all alone, for a moment I couldn't really figure what to do." I stopped and took a sip from my coffee in desperate attempt to hide the desperation in my voice. I was avoiding her look, I didn't want to see her sad because of me and yet I could feel that she was when she put her hand on mine again and gripped it for a short moment as if she was trying to give me strength to keep going "Anyway" I cleared my throat and tried to find the strength inside me to continue "they took her to a hospital and after they made her some tests it turned out she has cancer, though it hasn't progressed and there was still a chance that everything would be alright. My uncle Zach took her in Boston with himself, so she could receive the right treatment and me and Damon remained here, all alone for more than half an year. Half an year in which both me and him lost ourselves completely, to the point where it was hard to go back. After we found out mother was sick, we both drowned in our despair, in all that guilt that was killing us for not being the good sons we were supposed to. We felt all alone, we barely talked to each other, occasionally we fought to the point where fists were involved and I later realized how absurd the whole situation was. Though the only reason we were doing all this was because we were afraid-afraid that mom will die and we'll be absolutely alone in this world."
"Stefan" she said apologetically, trying to find the words which were supposedly going to make me feel better
"It's fine" I interrupted her, freeing her from this torture to feel sympathy towards me "Anyway, mom came back-healthy and we couldn't have been more happier, though every now and then my brother and me feel on edge when we see her feeling too tired and sleepy. So the story ends good, right? And then why am I the way I am?"
"Because you're confused." she answered instead of me.
"That's probably a good answer" I nodded slowly "But it's not the truth. The truth is" I am scared." I sighed and looked away, because it was hard for me to admit such thing so I just continued talking, trying to suppress the lack of dignity in my voice "After everything started going down, I suddenly lost the desire to live, I was simply terrified. I found myself being unable to fall asleep, I often went to see if she was resting in her room or if she was in pain. I cared for my brother, I started looking out for him when he got late. They were my family and they were both in a bad place."
"But in the process you also ruined yourself." she interrupted me "You realize that, don't you?"
I shook my head and gently pulled my hand away from her while she furrowed her eyebrows. I didn't respond to that question, simply because I didn't think she was right and yet I wasn't willing to start arguing with her, but then again I couldn't figure what else to say, so she continued before I could try and come up with something.
"So you're now trying to make it up for everything?"
"Not exactly, if I have to be honest. I'm just trying to not get expelled and finish the school year so I can move away." she suddenly tensed and gave me a surprised look, which she didn't even try to hide.
"You're leaving?" she asked as if she hasn't heard my words at all. I nodded and she slowly leaned back on her seat, obviously thinking about something. I never thought I would provoke such emotions in her-she seemed truly stunned by my words and then somehow her expression softened as she has remembered something else. She gently put her hair behind her ear as if she wanted me to see her face better, to understand what she was thinking about, which was right now impossible as I was completely taken aback from her genuine beauty. "I'm sorry, Stefan." she finally let out.
"There's nothing to be sorry for." I hurried to assure her and she smiled lightly, but I could still sense that something between us broke the minute I mentioned my leaving. She never asked where I was going neither did she search for a reason behind it. It seemed as she has heard my words, accepted them and now she was trying to let that all be, which was fine by me, apart from the fact that she appeared distant until we separated. After we walked out of the diner, I offered to walk her home, but she said she was meeting her aunt Jenna at the Grill so we parted in a friendly manner and she reminded me to look over my notes again tonight. On my way home I couldn't stop thinking about her and why she seemed so taken aback. It's not like anything has actually ever happened between us. We might've said out loud that we were friends, but we didn't know each other from a long time and yet her mood changed so drastically, which made me feel guilty for yet another thing.
As I was passing by the basketball court I stopped and looked at some guys playing. The only desire I had right now was to join them, but I had to go home and take care of Damon, who has probably spent the day grumping on the kitchen couch as he was unable to really move around much because of his foot. Mom was night shift and as I remembered that I sighed tiredly at the thought of her working despite Damon and mine's persuasions to get away from work for at least another half an year after she was back from Boston. She didn't listen to us of course, she was stubborn just as me and Damon were. She didn't want to lie around the house and do nothing, she wanted to make sure we both had everything we needed, even thought Damon was working and paying half the bills, which yet again made me feel guilty for being the lazy bone, the one who's doing nothing and who's been expelled a couple of times, ruining his life in the worst way possible. I wasn't making it easy for them all, which is why I wanted to leave. My mom had to stop worrying about me and since Damon was back on track, not drinking recklessly as he did before I was convinced that things would get better once I move away. She was disappointed in me enough. I was sure that if I stay here, I would continue screwing everything up and I knew I would be worried about her, but at least I wouldn't piss her off all the time and cause her more sleepless nights than she already had.
As soon as I entered our house, I heard my brother's happy yell from the kitchen. He was acting like a total child, glad that there was finally someone to keep him company. While I was taking my shoes off with a smile on my face I realized that I'll miss his ruffled hair and his casual, but loving behavior, though deep inside I was still convinced that I was doing the right thing and I was too stubborn to even allow myself and think otherwise.
Elena's POV
The bell announced the end of my last class before the lunch break and I hurried to get out of the room so that Caroline Forbes and her precious pretty cheerleaders haven't found out something else to mock me about. Lucky for me, she was still staring at her test from last week and was about to go and argue with Mr. James about her grade, which made me smile lightly to myself as I was sure that now, without my help, she would be hitting rock bottom in matter of weeks, beating even Stefan, which was quite the accomplishment for her. Speaking of Stefan, he was extremely quiet lately on our lessons, though he still remain totally friendly towards me and we kept going out for an ice cream or a coffee after we were done, which were probably the best moments of my the day, hours that I was looking forward to from the moment I woke up. I never thought that I would find a friend so fast after my row with Caroline, and I surely didn't expect it to be a boy, but with Stefan, things weren't like with any of my friends before. He was careful, he always listened to me when I talked, unlike Caroline who never paid attention to my words, he was honest with me. When I was seeking advice, he told me exactly what he thought I should do, even though he was aware that it was the thing I was least up to making and I loved him for being that person. After we talked about his mother that afternoon, we never again spoke of him or his family. He always asked about me, about how I was doing and how was my day. He wasn't curious-he was just acting like a person, something that hasn't happened in my life for a long time.
As I found myself in the hallways I realized I was unconsciously looking out for him, trying to find him in the crowded space, but since I didn't I went to eat all by myself and joined my brother and his friends for the time being. As we were getting ready to get in for the next class, I realized that the reason I might not be seeing him is because they must have given him the Biology test back today and he was trying to avoid facing me. I furrowed my eyebrows as I was already figuring quite the speech in my head that I was about to give him this afternoon at the tutor center as I saw him opening the door to the yard on the other side of the corridor. He seemed determined and he was carrying a list in his hands. I hurried so I could catch up with him and by the time I was out he was slowly, patiently, with his typical lonely pace, walking away, even though I was sure he had more classes.
"Stefan!" I yelled an noticed a few people turning towards me, with confused glances as I was running in his direction. He stopped when he heard his name and once he noticed me a wide smile appeared on his face. He seemed genuinely happy, but I couldn't figure out if I was the reason for it or if there was something else going on. As I finally approached him, he waved the lists in front me.
"Elena!" he said happily "Look what I've got." it was an A- on his biology test. I looked up at him and only to notice his sincere smile still present on his face. I'm not sure I've ever seen him so genuinely happy, so relieved that he has managed to achieve something. Out of nowhere, I threw myself on his neck and hugged him tightly, surprised by my own behavior. What was going on with me? Why did I do this? And then I felt his warm embrace and his big palms gently scrubbing my back, I could feel his scent-he smelled like spring, like grass and that fresh but stubborn wind that had the ability to bend down young trees, his warm breath was tickling my ear and his ruffled, messy hair was playfully teasing my cheek. Surprisingly, I felt so safe in his embrace like there was nothing in the world that could ever do me harm. I don't know how long we remained like this, it might have been less than a minute, but it also felt like hours and I surely, didn't want it to end, even though everything inside me screamed-get away from this boy, he is a mess, he's wrong for you.
As we finally parted, I noticed how red his cheeks were-he was shy, confused. Our faces were so close to each other and I found myself staring his peaceful lonely green eyes, which were however pierced in my lips. For a minute or two it seemed as if time has stopped and then all of a sudden I felt his lips pressed on mine.
I closed my eyes as he was gently cupping my face with his warm hands. I felt the scar on his palm, the one that he got the night he helped me slightly tickling me and before I knew it, I was giving in as well, while my own hand found it's place somewhere at the back of his neck, touching carefully the end of his sandy ruffled hair.
A/N: Since you were all so kind to me in your reviews, I decided to sit down and write some more these past few days. I need to remind you, though, that I've stated in the first chapter that this story will be short. Right now it actually has more chapters that I initially intended to write, but since I prefer to dig a bit deeper in what's happening, I shrugged my shoulders and decided to make it a bit longer.