Chapter Two

I could easily pretend that Ali is lying to me like she did so many times during our younger years, and go on about my life with my girlfriend. I could pretend that Paige is the love of my life and that I have no doubts about our relationship. I could pretend that Alison and I never spoke again and that she has stayed hidden from me just like she's been hiding from the other girls. But the truth is, although I know I will have to pretend that all of these things are true when I'm around Aria, Hanna, and Spencer, I also know that I could never truly believe them to be true myself.

"So Paige has been lying to me for the entire length of our relationship?" I ask Alison after sitting in silence for quite a while.

"In her defense," Alison begins, "I asked her to lie. There would have been devastating consequences for all of us if she had let you in on our little secret."

"This isn't a little secret, Ali," I argue. At some point, she had taken my hand in hers again, but I let it go as I feel myself growing more frustrated with the situation. "You were alive for years and we thought you were dead."

"Okay, what about the Witness Protection Program? Would you blame any of those witnesses if they wanted to keep their former identities a secret from the people they loved? It protects everyone. I'm like one of those witnesses, but without the formality. I need you to trust me, Em. You are all I've got."

I look up at the stars and the bright, full moon. I refuse to look into her eyes. "Why me? Why not the others? Why don't you trust Aria? She's the best at keeping secrets."

Alison laughs at my questions. "You're right. Aria is the best at keeping secrets. Have you ever thought about what kind of secrets she's keeping from the rest of you?"

I refuse to acknowledge her implications. I can't lose faith in both Paige and Aria in one night. "Answer my question. Why are you choosing to talk to me right now? Out of everyone else in the world you could talk to. Why me?"

"Because, I…Em. Please, look at me," she says. Her voice is begging me. I can't help but look at her and lock eyes for one of the first times since we met this evening. There are tears in her eyes and sincerity in her voice. "I chose to talk to you because you have always been my favorite. You are still my favorite."

I open my mouth to speak as tears fill my own eyes, but without warning, Ali leans over and kisses me. It is a kiss of apologies, of honesty, and of pleading. It is a kiss of want. Two years' worth of want and desire and missing one another. I can't even stop myself from kissing her back, because this is Ali. I have wanted to kiss her again and again since that day in the library. And even though I have a girlfriend, even though I should be the one to stop this, it is Ali who pulls away from me rather than the other way around. Alison sighs as she separates her lips from my own. She smiles at me with the tiniest smile.

"I need to go now, Em," she says. And suddenly, I feel the breath being sucked out of me again. I don't want her to go. I can't let her go. She cannot leave me again. What if it's another three weeks, or worse, two years before I see her again? Forget the fact that I just kissed her even though I have a girlfriend. Forget the fact that she just rocked my world with secrets that had been kept from me for way too long. Forget the fact that this is Alison, the girl who manipulated and abused me through my youth. She can't leave.

"You can't," I say.

But she doesn't listen to me. Instead, she grabs my hand and squeezes it before kissing my cheek and walking off into the woods, away from me, away from my aching heart, away from our perfect moment.

It's the next morning and I'm chugging my second coffee from the Brew before school. I didn't sleep at all throughout the night. In fact, I swam laps in the pool instead. I swam one lap for each minute that I had spent pining over Alison over the past two years. Maybe that's an exaggeration, but I literally swam more last night than I ever have before in one go. I'm just glad that today is only a half day at school and that we start Thanksgiving break as soon as our last class is over.

I promised Paige I would pick her up for school, but I'm wondering if I could think of a reason to skip out on her. Do I really want to see her or talk to her or think about her after the night that I had with Ali? Of course not. But part of me wonders if she'll bring up the subject herself. I want to know what she'll tell me without actually having to spill Ali's secret myself.

So I drive as quickly as I can to pick Paige up, and I try not to cringe as she gives me a good morning kiss. "Why do you look so tired, babe?" she asks. I cringe again. It's going to be very difficult to avoid showing disgust at every sign of affection that she offers me.

"I stayed up late swimming last night," I say, trying to force a smile. It's not that I dislike Paige or that I'm any less in love with her today than I was yesterday. I just feel disappointed that she would lie to me.

And I'm also a bad liar, but I don't think she's bright enough to catch on.

"Why didn't you call me?" she asks, still smiling. "I would have loved to join you. And it would have been nice to see you in the showers afterward…" She lets her hand travel up my thigh, but I grab it and give it a squeeze, hoping that she'll stop.

I fake another smile. "I just wanted to make sure you would be well rested. I know you have that big test this morning and I didn't want you to be up too late. Maybe we'll have a swimming date sometime soon?"

She nods in agreement, but I want to tell her not to count on it. I don't jump into the water with people I can't trust.