Aaah, sorry, it's been too long. But I had such bad writer's block for this chapter! Anyways, here is the Nationals chapter!
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the bands and songs mentioned.
-(x)-
Ryder drummed his fingers anxiously atop his large suitcase's handle as he (as well as the other members of the New Directions) arrived at the airport. They were on their way to L.A., where they would compete for the chance to be champions for the first time ever. Every moment had been leading up to the Nationals Show Choir Championship, and now, he discovered it was just around the corner.
A message came through on his phone, and he swiped his large thumb across the screen to find it was from his girlfriend.
'Enjoy Nationals sweetie! Miss u already ;) xxxx'
Ryder grinned and texted back an equally loving reply. As his thumb landed on the button which would trigger the message to send, though, he thought of her. Marley. She was still going out with Jake or so the school had forced him to believe (everyone was still buzzing and talking about their relationship) and he himself had a real, legitimate girlfriend now. They were both seeing other people, shouldn't they be happy? Over the moon? They had both seemingly moved on from the ridiculous, ludicrous fling that occurred months ago now, so why was he musing about her as he dragged his heavy feet behind the rest of the New Directions?
Ryder had it all. Firstly, the New Directions had not been ridiculed as much lately (everyone was too busy buzzing about the thought of the end of semester) and in turn, a few shoves to the side of the hallway was all Ryder had escaped with these past few weeks. He was going to be leading the group at Nationals with his perfected song and velvet-smooth voice and he was positive they would win. The chestnut-haired boy had a girlfriend now - God knows how - and she was pretty. She was clever. She was never judgemental, and never ever rude. She was perfect for him and they often caught sight of envious glances from singletons at McKinley when in the corridors together. Ryder lived for her; Ryder was falling in love with her.
But these far too naïve thoughts had caught up with him along time as thoughts of a certain brunette still clouded and fogged his brain up persistently. The usual daydream or two triggered the hopes of finally receiving her and the ever-cliché 'happily ever after' ending often raised his hopes even higher.
So when Ryder was called to hurry up by his fellow band members, he hesitated to scold himself as he finally grasped that his thoughts had once again drifted to her, before following behind his show choir counterparts.
-(x)-
Sliding a smart navy tie around his neck, Ryder straightened his smart suit out, admiring himself diligently in the mirror. Contacts replaced his glasses as the boy looked over his complexion - plain, dark navy slacks; a white buttoned shirt; a dark navy vest, all accompanied his tie and his overall appearance. He had a haircut now that was different to his classic and previous Bieber cut - messily gelled, cut, trimmed sideburns... reflecting, Ryder realised that so much had changed since the beginning of the year. Practically everything, in fact, but in many different ways.
"Ryder! We have to be down in ten minutes!" Blaine's muffled and distorted voice called through the hotel room door after a series of anxious-sounding knocks. Ryder's mouth released an exasperated and nervous string of replies. His insides were scrambled at the thought that soon he would be centre-stage, performing as the protagonist of the New Directions. His one dream. He was finally breaking the mould of swaying in the background and was leading - something he had desired for many years - but now he wished he could have swallowed his words all those months ago when auditioning for the much-awaited solo. Could he really do such a task? Only time would narrate the answer.
Hours later, minutes from performing, Ryder was lost. For words? Yes. But he was also lost in a tunnel that seemed... inescapable. A tunnel filled with fear, fright, terror, but also something neither completely positive nor negative - adrenaline. It raced through his veins at a record-breaking speed and pounded at his head; it vibrated at his very fingertips, rang through his ears. When adrenaline comes, boy, does it come. It's there, in every fibre of your being, every cell, every chromosome. And that adrenaline, once it arrives, is hard to rid of. Like a scar that refuses to fade on an otherwise perfect body, or an infinite pool, or a bird in a cage, it's inescapable. And that is why Ryder was lost in it. Lost in its ugliness, lost in its beauty... lost. And so that adrenaline refused to rise out of his body; it didn't raise out as statements of admiration and hopeful fortune were strewn across a classic show-circle, or when Ryder was informed of various technical things by a member of staff, or even when the classic, distinctive voice rang through the stadium as the New Directions waited anxiously at the wings of the stage.
"Ladies and gentlemen, right from McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio... the New Directions!"
The members of the group aligned themselves neatly at the back of the stage, walking on, singing A Cappella to the song with perfectly dictated harmonies. It was later, when the drum and the instruments were coming into the song as well, when Ryder took trembling steps to the front of the stage before a microphone stand. His legs felt like jelly, his brain losing focus before he somehow got over his nerves to begin singing, the New Directions still accompanying him in the background.
I feel the salty waves come in; I feel them crash against my skin,
And I smile as I respire, because I know they'll never win,
There's a haze above my TV, that changes everything I see,
And maybe if I continue watching, I'll lose the traits that worry me...
Can we fast-forward till you go down on me?
At this short point where only a drum roll and the guitar riff were playing, Ryder gained confidence and swung the microphone stand up and down before taking the microphone off the stand, belting the chorus into it, earning whistles and cheers from the crowd.
Stop there and let me correct it,
I wanna live a life from a new perspective,
You come along because I love your face, and I'll admire your expensive taste and
Who cares? Divine intervention,
I wanna be praised from a new perspective,
But leaving now would be a good idea, so catch me up on getting out of here...
Can we fast-forward till you go down on me?
Ryder smirked as he walked eagerly around the stage as the members behind him completed some complicated but very stunning choreography, pacing around in time, still swaying and harmonising to the song. Ryder soaked in the applause as his new friend, adrenaline, raced through his veins still. He sung the next verse with even more soul.
Taking everything for granted, but we still respect the time,
We move along with some new passion knowing everything is fine,
And I would wait and watch the hours fall in a hundred separate lines,
But I regain repose and wonder how I ended up inside...
Can we fast-forward till you go down on me?
Still not over the shock of the crowd's adoring screams, he persevered with the chorus:
Stop there and let me correct it,
I wanna live a life from a new perspective,
You come along because I love your face, and I'll admire your expensive taste and
Who cares? Divine intervention,
I wanna be praised from a new perspective,
But leaving now would be a good idea, so catch me up on getting out of here...
Catch me up on getting out of here...
Ryder sucked in a hurried breath as he prepared himself for the bridge of the song.
More to the point I need to show,
How much I can come and go,
Other plans fell through and put a heavy load on you
I know, there's no more than need be said when I'm inching through your bed,
Take a look around instead and watch me go…
As the other vocals reigned supreme with the solo, the guys of the group danced phenomenally with the girls, picking them up and spinning them around in a breath-taking way, making everything seem so effortless. Then, as the music descended so it was now soft, more elegant and subtle choreography was performed as Ryder arrived back at the middle of the stage to sing a softer version of the usually-loud chorus:
Stop there and let me correct it,
I wanna live a life from a new perspective,
You come along because I love your face, and I'll admire your expensive taste and
Who cares? Divine intervention,
I wanna be praised from a new perspective,
But leaving now would be a good idea, so catch me up on getting out of here
More enthusiastic than ever, the chestnut-haired boy grinned as he sung the adapted chorus louder into the microphone as more howls and cheers erupted through the audience.
It's not fair, just let me perfect it,
Don't wanna live a life that was comprehensive,
'Cause seeing clear would be a bad idea, now catch me up on getting out of here...
So catch me up, I'm getting out of here...
Can we fast-forward till you go down on me?
Can we fast-forward till you go down?
The teenager's final note signalled the end of the first number as people got up to cheer Ryder and his friends. The applauding raced through Ryder's mind as he wiped his forehead of perspiration, now more prepared and motivated than ever to finish the set like he had proudly started it.
-(x)-
Ryder sat hours later with his still-moist forehead resting in his trembling hands, close to breaking. Had what really just happened just happened?
The New Directions were still giddily pleased with their successful set as Mr Schuester muttered good lucks to the gang behind him before walking up to see where they had placed and if they were in the top 10. His heavy and loud steps triggered the students to grow more and more anxious before he finally reached the board, letting out an obvious, quivering breath.
Slow seconds which seemingly matched hours passed before Mr Schue even considered the idea of revealing the answer. He looked down; gulping down all of the pride he had felt, turning slowly to his awaiting troops. "11th. I'm sorry, guys... we were so close..."
It's funny how emotions can change, isn't it? One second, one movement, one word is all it takes to replace fuming adrenaline with aching sadness. Isn't it funny how previous emotions can leave and you feel like they were never even there in the first place? Pride can turn to misery in nanoseconds - misery when you soon discover how naïve you were just a few seconds ago; as if seconds had really become lifetimes.
Ryder scoffed once again at himself before clawing a frustrated hand through his messy locks and arising from his seat in the deserted wings of the stage. He began slowly stepping towards the door, breathing in heavy sighs-
"You should've won."
Ryder almost cursed loudly at himself to stop imagining her again. His brain was cheating, and it was also cheating him. Before he acted on this, however, he turned around. Previously, when he did that, he was met with an empty space of nothingness. But when he pivoted on the heel of his shoe this time, she was real. She was there, and she was so beautiful. Her hair hung down her front and the rest halfway down her back as she fashioned simple but dramatic makeup, a mini chiffon-style nude and peach dress that fitted tightly to her curved and slim figure and pearl earrings as well as matching nude-coloured heels. She offered an awkward smile as she slowly walked towards him.
"What are you doing here?" Ryder spat at her ferociously - but rather it was aimed at himself for hating her and loving her all at once.
"I came to see you guys rock Nationals." She stated simply but rolled her eyes and scoffed to Ryder's lack of trust; he was raising an eyebrow questioningly at her. "Oh, come on, Not-So-Four-Eyes, I wouldn't just come here for the hell of it - this is threatening a huge risk for my reputation, and you guys are total dorks, nerds, weirdos... but you freaks can sing. You guys were... really good. I'm glad I came." before
Ryder looked away, suddenly afraid to look at the girl before him, soon answering: "Th-Thanks."
After a very uncomfortable silence, Marley's voice once again sliced through the tense air. "I listened to more songs from that band... Half Moon Run...?"
"Oh, yeah." Ryder recalled, "And?"
"The album is really good - I actually bought it." Marley bit her lip somewhat nervously.
"Oh." Ryder was stunned - he just assumed she liked all the chart music, like her friends do. "That's pretty cool, actually."
"Who was your solo by?" Marley asked hurriedly, afraid that any lull in the conversation would kill her.
"Uhhh... Panic! At the Disco, I think-"
"That's so weird. I have all four of their albums but I haven't heard that one..."
Ryder was, again, stunned. He had not pinned Marley down for a Panic! girl. "Uh... I-It's from a different thing, I guess."
"Cool..."
And there it was again. The silence returned and tortured both of them as it grew louder and louder in their ears, to the point where it almost seemed deafening.
"Ryder... can we cut the crap, please?" Marley forced the words out of her mouth with a sudden irritation in her voice.
"Wha-"
"We can't go on pretending that nothing ever happened between us whenever we talk now." Marley explained, biting back the irritation as she made her voice softer and quieter, staring into Ryder's eyes.
"I know we can't." The boy retorted fiercely. "But, God, can't we pretend that it never happened anyway, Marley? Because I swear, it's the thing I want to forget most in the entire world. It would be so much easier to forget; we could at least attempt to, anyway." Ryder clenched his jaw, irritated, now piercing his sharp glance through the floorboards.
"I know..." Marley quivered, sensing his ice cold chill from a meter away. "I feel terrible-"
"You used me, though. I can't ever forget that." Ryder spoke through gritted teeth as he began to slowly walk away. As he approached the stage door, he turned around to the girl, now behind him, standing hopelessly. "And Marley, right now, you are the person I least wanted to see..." he hesitated, "even if every other second I want you to be right here."
Marley bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut, letting her moist eyes threaten to spill over with sudden tears. She tried to fight the words, but somehow, they escaped unscathed through the filter in her brain. "I miss you, Ryder. I miss everything about you." Marley sputtered out, sudden desperation becoming evident by the quiver in her words.
The boy, who had one foot through the door, spun his head around slowly to the girl's direction. "What?"
"I miss you, Ryder." Marley repeated even more urgently, walking quickly over to Ryder by the door. "I miss so much about you - I miss everything. You made me better... you reminded me that I could be so much more..." She leaned closer impulsively, their noses brushing together very softly.
"Marley, we can't do this right now..." Ryder sighed shakily, still taken aback by the recent event. "I have a girlfriend now-"
"And I have a boyfriend!" Marley replied simply. "But he doesn't treat me right. He doesn't treat me like you did... he does everything that I told you those guys do. He thinks of me how I used to see myself - just another body. Ry, please, can we forget... you said we could try to forget..."
Ryder sighed as their foreheads pressed together, Marley beginning to whimper at the sound of how this was ending. "I don't know what I was saying, Mar,"
"But can't we put it all behind us? Can't we just have another secret relationship?" Marley tried to cling to her intentions.
Ryder began to protest soothingly. "Marley..."
"But maybe we could make it public, over time, and we could change the face of that stupid high school and maybe," The brunette clasped her hands over Ryder's and squeezed them reassuringly, "maybe we could be together forever." She spoke the statement against his lips, tempting him.
"Marls, God knows I want those things, but..." Ryder trailed off as he turned his head to the side from Marley, forcing her to plant her planned kisses on his cheek instead; and they were filled with lust.
"But I need you, and that's just it. And Ry, God knows you need me, too." Marley whispered into the small space between them as she stared into his eyes.
Ryder didn't even to attempt the struggle of trying not to look back into her eyes- it was like staring up at a skyscraper that you had strict instructions to climb. It was effort to resist, and effort was not something that he had a whole lot of at that point in time. So Marley kept her moves subtle. Still staring into his eyes, she ran her hands to his broad shoulders, going weak under her simple movements. "Please."
And of course Ryder caved, because he was a coward. He didn't own the heart or have the guts to ditch her again and because adrenaline was no longer with him, he had nothing to assist him if he even attempted so. They leaned together in unison, funnily enough. Marley most likely leaned in because the amount of time it took for him to catch up was killing her. Their lips pressed together with a pressure that might have bruised if it was a punch, and they softened to each other over time. After what seemed like a short amount of time for them but in reality was probably not, they broke away, scanning each other's expressions. Marley leaned in for another, but Ryder stopped her by instead leaning their foreheads together.
"Marley, this is wrong. I have Katie... I like Katie. A lot..."
"But this isn't about her, Ryder...-"
"Marley, no. What about Jake?"
"Jake treats me like I'm the dirt on his shoe, Ry. This is about us." Marley looked into his eyes as smoothed her hands up and down his shoulders. At that point, Ryder didn't even know if adrenaline was there or not.
-(x)-
The following Monday, Marley was strutting into school with a devilish smirk on her face, as per usual. The minute she walked in, people were staring at her - as per usual. She didn't even care to look at them anymore - she wouldn't even have known if their looks had been any different to what they usually were. About halfway down the number of prying, seemingly admiring looks, the brunette spied her friends.
"Kit! Bree! How was that party you guys went to?" Marley clapped her hands together excitedly as she reached them before squealing, "Ooh, did you meet any guys?" Marley was shocked when they didn't reply and instead kept walking down the corridor. "Uh, hello?" she scoffed.
"You know, Bree-Bree," Kitty began as she slowly spun on her heel to glare at Marley, "it's funny how... wrong... you can be about someone."
Marley brushed the statement off and placed a perfectly manicured hand on her uniform-covered hip. "What are you talking about, Kit-Kat?"
"She was talking about how much of a back-stabbing, two-faced liar you are, Marley Rose," Bree cut in as Marley gasped in shock, "and we kind of don't want you to talk to us, touch us, or even look at us anymore. So back. The hell. Off."
With that, the two girls spun back around and continued to strut down the corridor side by side as they sashayed their hips. Marley, taken aback, scoffed once again and charged through the hallway of somewhat knowing glances to her locker. Taking out her books, a thought came to her. Jake would make her feel better, wouldn't he? He's always tried to make her feel better, and he has good intentions. Walking to his locker, the girl nibbled on her lip, grinning to herself. She caught sight of him across the hallway and darted to him quietly, soon after sliding her arms around his waist from behind. "Hey, babe..."
Jake pulled away in a nanosecond as if she was an ugly monster with a life-threatening disease. He looked at her in disgust, and she began questioning him straight away.
"Babe, why-?" She began before her words were silenced by his mumbling tone.
"Marley, get away..." Jakes eyes darted around the hallway nervously, now noticing that every step and every conversation had paused; all eyes were on them.
"Jake, what's going on? Are you okay-?"
"Jesus, Marley, I'm fine! The person that's messed up here is you, okay?! If you think we're still going out after this, I swear to God... you're filth." Jake yelled.
Marley was, again, taken back. It hurt a lot more this time because there were more witnesses and everyone was looking at him and her. Her speech was getting muddled - was he breaking up with her? The brunette's eyes were wider than ever now, staring only at Jake, but occasionally at their witnesses. She stepped closer and tried to get a few more words in, but he was backing away with every step he took.
"You know what? I didn't even think you could swoop this low. But congratulations, you did. Good luck with the rest of your damn life, bitch."
And with that, Marley was left amongst the whispering crowd, who were beginning to gossip about the entire matter under their breaths. Before Jake turned the corner, Marley yelled one more time. "What the hell did I do?!"
Jake yelled back. "Why don't you do everyone a favour and figure that out yourself? But if you're too dumb to work it out, I think Jacob Ben Israel's got the full story." And after one final glare had pierced into Marley, Jake had darted down the corridor.
Marley rolled her eyes and yelled "Fine!" (even though the brown-eyed boy had already disappeared into the depths of the school) and pulled out her iPhone, going onto Jacob Ben Israel's infamous blog. It took only seconds for the page to load up, and when it did, her heart stopped. Each and every one of her cells shrunk and shrivelled. The blood that was thriving and pumping through her skin went cold within seconds. Marley didn't even bother to pick up her phone, which had slipped out of her unmoving hand and had fallen to the floor, shattering the glossy screen; she just gazed uncontrollably into the distance like a deer in the midst of headlights.
They had found out.
-(x)-
WOOOAAAAHHH
Everyone knows about them! Did you guys expect that to happen?
The song that Ryder sung was 'New Perspective' by Panic! At the Disco – it's what this whole fanfiction is named after, and I've been planning to use it in this chapter since the beginning of the story! I thought it kind of related to their situation a bit. It's really worth a listen to – I love the song so much (as do I absolutely ADORE the band!) and I can just imagine them doing this, with the backing vocals and everything.
Thanks to my lovely readers so far, and I hope you guys keep FOLLOWING/FAVOURITING/REVIEWING! It only takes a few seconds…
So now I have basically caused myself to fall into a storyline ditch whereby I don't know at all what to do for the next chapter. Requests and ideas are particularly welcome right now! Haha.
Until next time,
-Beth :P