Chapter 5: Confessions

Low Ropes. That's were Jack, Kate and Charlie were headed. They were really excited to do it, Charlie was shaking, and Jack and Kate were laughing. It was still at the carnival, and Jack was close to Kate, their pinky fingers brushing against the others time and time again.

When they got the to the low ropes course, they watched they high ropes. Kate was glancing nervously at them. But calmed down when she felt Jacks pinky finger lock with hers. Kate looked up to find him smiling down to her; Kate smiled just as brightly back up.

"Ok, gather round, gather round all!" Called a deep voice, a large man was standing in the gate to the low ropes guide. The other group was just leaving, mumbling to each other.

"Fantastic."

"Safe."

"Sweet, man!"

Were the noises that came from the crowd. Kate beamed like a little girl at Christmas. Jack laughed at her and Kate stomped on his foot.

"I'll teach you the spotting positions!" The man said. The position was having one foot out in front out you and holding you're hands up so the person who was walking won't fall.

The first low ropes course was walking along a log, it was a little wet but everyone mastered it. When Kate went across Jack raised his hands up a bit higher. Kate smiled and wanted to pretend to trip just to scare Jack, and see what he would do but she didn't.

The next one was a course for two people. The two people stood on wires and walked across them, they both hit a bell when they get to the other end. Kate smiled and at Jack and climbed onto it and held out her hand, Jack reached up and placed his hand in hers, Kate pulled him up.

Jack put his hands on her waist, Kate's hand on his shoulders. "You look like you to are dancing!" Charlie pointed. Jack laughed.

"I have always been good on my feet." He paused. "My friend found it nice at their weddings." He said. Kate looked up and smiled. Showing me his pros and cons? Kate thought.

They stumbled around on the wire and laughed every time they fell against each other slightly. Jack had a pretty good look down Kate's shirt a few times; they both got to the end and rang the bell.

Charlie went with a pretty young thing, and they both sucked and fell.

"Ok, this is the last one!" The man told them. In it your goal was to walk across the wire (about 2 feet from the ground) and hold onto ropes.

Jack tripped 2 times, hearing Kate gasp both times before someone reached up and grabbed his hip. He just laughed it off, wanting to seem a little manlier for Kate then he really was.

Kate went last, she was near the middle and her shoes were undone. No one noticed until Charlie screamed it, Kate looked back, stepping on the lace and trying to take another step she flung herself forward and screamed, a few people, mostly men stepped out to try and catch her, but Jack got there first. She landed safely in his arms and looked up at him.

He bent down and whispered in her ear. "Catch you when you fall?" Kate smiled and Jack pushed her back up onto the bar.

Kate walked up the steps to Jacks house, they had dropped Charlie off at his and Kate's house and Jack had asked Kate over. He knew it was rude to leave Charlie but he couldn't have Charlie over to talk to Kate about this.

When they got inside, Jacks parents were already asleep. Jack led Kate into his bedroom which had been turned into a guestroom. Jack sat down on the bed and smiled at Kate. Kate smiled back and sat down on the flowery bed to.

"So." Kate said lamely. She started at Jacks brown eyes. He started back but looked a lot calmer then she did. "I had a nice time." She smiled at him.

"Just nice?" Jack asked. Kate suddenly panicked and blushed. But when she saw Jacks smile she just giggled.

"It was amazing, Jack…" She trailed off because Jacks lips were on hers. He smiled against them as he pushed his tongue into her mouth and pushed her backwards onto the bed. Kate moaned, it was a familiar feeling to have Jack laying on her. It made her feel protected and warm, safe and loved, but suddenly panic, for the second time that night filled her, she realized what Jack wanted, what she wanted but couldn't have. "Jack!" Kate gasped as he kissed down her neck. Jacks head popped up from her collar bone. He looked up, she knew that he knew it was not a gasp of passion.

"Are you ok?" He asked her softly, knowing the answer. Kate shook her head but then nodded and Jack sat up. He pulled Kate with him.

"I know what you were looking for, Jack, you want to make love to me." Kate said studying his eyes, looking for an answer. And she got one. "I want to make love to you too." She said smiling. She saw that Jacks face did not light up like she thought it might, but she was glad it didn't that meant he already knew why she couldn't. "But I just can't let you in yet, Jack, and I know you already told me that but I just can't, at least not yet. I really hope you understand that I still have big emotions for you but everything lately reminds me of what used to be. Not just when we were 18 but when we were…were…" She couldn't say it, and she didn't have to because Jack knew what she was walking about. "You hurt me so bad, Jack."

"I know." He said. "I hate myself for it. I want to throw myself out the window every time you mention it because I think it'll make you stop hurting to see me in pain." Kate gasped.

"Jack." She reached up and touched his face. "Don't ever think that hurting your self will make me happy, it just hurt that you didn't stop me." She paused. "And you being here is the most wonderful thing ever, but it kills me because of the memories. And because you didn't come for me, you came for work."

"Why do you think I tried to get a job here?" Jack said. Kate blushed and smiled softly.

"But that doesn't change what you did to me, Jack." Kate said. Jack looked down. "You were always out parting with your friends, never taking me, talking about girls like I wasn't the girl you were supposed to be talking about, your friends picked on me and you never stopped them." Jack suddenly cut her off.

"I needed friends, Kate!" Jack snapped. "You can't go through collage with out having friends!" Kate flinched and this and Jack instantly regretted it.

"And you did that a lot." She said quietly. "Especially when you were studying, but I guess I brought that onto myself, I should never have thought to interrupt you, I knew how important getting into that school was." She stopped and looked up at him. "I had to work a lot, to buy you food, and I cooked and cleaned for you, and your friends ate it and then mocked my cooking, and so did you and you know I'm not a good cook but I tried to learn for you…" She looked down.

"I know, I know." Jack whispered, he reached up and stroked her cheek.

"Why didn't you stop me?" Kate asked.

"Because I thought you loved someone else." Jack said, shame filled his voice. Kate blinked. "I thought you hated me, and that feeling killed me, so don't act like this is all about you!"

"I never did that, Jack." Kate smiled and stood up. "But I think you're failing to realize is that you made me cry my self to sleep for 5 years." Jacks face of anger faded. "And you didn't even hear me crying in our bed. You couldn't feel my shoulders shaking because you didn't have your arms around me. You didn't see my blood shot eyes in the morning because you never looked at me." Kate smiled down at him. "So I tried to change myself, Jack. Because I was so in love with you, and I still am, but I still cry myself to sleep because I know that living a life without you next to me is worse then one with you even if you don't love me."

Jack sat there.

Kate turned around and walked out of the room, the moment she closed the brown door she squished her ear against it. She heard something that broke her heart.

Sobbing, hard, hard sobbing.

"What have I done?" Jack said to himself.

What have I done? Kate thought to herself.

"She'll never love me." Jack said to himself again. Kate pulled her ear away from the door and said through it.

"That's were you're wrong, Jack, I already do."