"Ne Sasuke," Naruto says once we had left the ramen stand. "Why did you go to Orochimaru?"
That's a good question. One that I always thought I knew the answer to, "I needed to get stronger to defeat my brother," but now I'm not so sure.
"But why did you go to him?" Naruto presses. He won't be satisfied with my usual answer. I don't blame him. After all that he's done form me, he deserves more than that, but I can't give him more. I've been spending the whole of the time that I was with Orochimaru telling myself that excuse. I don't have anything better to tell myself, let alone Naruto.
"I thought it would be quicker to go to him," I answer. It's a weak excuse, but I can't think of a better one. I did think that way when I first went to him, of course. Now I'm not so sure though. I had been stronger than Naruto when I left and now Naruto seems to be leagues ahead of me. Even if I had stayed, Naruto would still have surpassed me sooner or later. He is just too hard working and would probably never give up no matter what. Before I left, he even worked so much harder than I ever did. He was busy improving himself to gain the respect of the villagers while I was too busy wallowing in self-pity and hatred towards my brother.
"Was it?" Naruto asks.
"I don't know." That's a lie. I do know. Orochimaru taught me so many different jutsus that continually helped me improve. Everyday he helped me train without weighing me down with any stupid missions or the like. I would've have gotten so much stronger back in Konoha. With Naruto by my side.
"Do you think that you'll still be able to reach your goal now that I brought you back?"
"I don't know," but not for the reason that Naruto thinks. I don't know if I'll be able to fulfill my goal because now I have another one. I told both Sakura and Kakashi that I would stay alive for Naruto and I plan to stick by that promise. If that means that I can't defeat my brother, because I know that defeating him will probably cost me my life, then I will never defeat him.
Naruto frowns at my answer, but he doesn't push. I'm glad. I don't think that I can tell him about my promise just yet. Maybe one day in the future I'll gain the courage to admit it to him, but not now. Now I choose to be weak and let him think that I don't think I'll get strong enough while we're in Konoha. Because that's definitely what he's thinking. I can see it in his eyes.
Naruto always was the one to blame himself when something went wrong. He would yell at others, but I always knew that he spent more time training after a mission went wrong for some reason. He is strong because of it, but I wish that he would let others take the fall sometimes. He doesn't need to always be the one that suffers.
I, on the other hand, never once blamed myself. I'm ashamed to say that before I went to Orochimaru I always blamed Naruto for anything that went wrong. Even if I made a mistake, it was always because Naruto got in my way or Naruto was doing something stupid that distracted me. I think it's for that very reason that I got stuck on the long way around to strength. While Naruto always blamed himself and worked harder to improve himself, I was too busy blaming him and working on ways that I could get away from him.
You won't let me do that again, will you Naruto? I'll try not to let myself fall into that trap again, but you have to help me. I know you, Naruto. You're going to go back into that ideal of it always being your fault, if you ever stopped it, and I'm going to let you. I can't do that anymore. I can't take the long way around anymore. I have to stick to the straight and narrow now.
I'll be the one to protect you from now on, Naruto, and it'll be my fault if anything happens because I'm not strong enough to protect you.