Chapter III - No home to return to

Kirk then turned to his friends. What Sarek had suggested was true, they weren't all in the same situation. He had no reason to leave Vulcan, but the same could not be said about the others. Uhura would hate the idea of a quiet life on the planet; Scotty could not stand long without a ship to care for; Sulu wouldn't accept the idea of never seeing his daughter, and even Chekov would be oppose to the idea of missing the development of Demora. He couldn't impose his choice to his team, to his friends. Everyone was more than willing to sacrifice everything for each other, and even knowing for sure they didn't repented of what they did to save Spock, they had their own lives. They haven't lost everything as he had, to them there was still something to come back to.

But he couldn't forget that all of them were now wanted criminals by the Federation and the Klingon Empire. They couldn't simply pick up the stolen ship and return to Earth, not without facing the consequences of all their actions. He couldn't allow that to happen, it wasn't fair with his loyal companions of so many adventures, the choice was his, the responsibility was his.

"If you want to return to Earth, I am willing to assume all responsibility. I intend to spend the rest of my days here, and I'm sure that Ambassador Sarek can ensure that I won't be deported. So you can all go back to your commissions and perhaps even deliver Bones for his daughter. There is no reason for us to give up our lives because of this, Spock would say..." he felt his throat tighten at the mention of the name, and gave a dry laugh to hide the pain. "Spock would say it's illogical."

The others waited for him to finish speaking as a matter of respect, but once he was finished, they began with the objections trampling one another. Seeing that he couldn't understand all four at once, Kirk motioned for silence.

"One at a time, please." he asked, unable to prevent a small smile, he should have known that they wouldn't accept his solution so easily.

They looked up for a moment, trying to decide who would start. Finally, Uhura decided to speak.

"We're in this together. We knew what we were doing, and we have always been willing to accept the consequences. I couldn't accept that the fault was removed from my actions as if I was just following orders. You gave us all the alternative to leave when we wanted, pretending that wasn't what happened is disrespectful to our loyalty. All we ventured for Spock and we won't say that this wasn't what happened."

As she spoke, the others indicated agreement. Everyone wanted to answer for their actions and wouldn't lie, wouldn't dump all the blame on their former captain. Discreetly, Scotty pressed Uhura's arm, pulling her close to him and offering support.

"The Enterprise sacrificed herself for the last time for her old team. She has paid the price for our choices, and in her name we should do the same. Spock's worth that, let's not pretend he isn't." Scotty said.

"When I was under Khan's, you didn't give up on me. Spock saved all our lives without hesitation, and we all would do the same. We can't pretend that this is not true to save our careers, Spock deserves more than that." Chekov said with his characteristic accent.

"I can't say I'll be here forever, but if I ever get back to Earth, I won't lie about what happened. We are all here because we wanted to take that risk for Spock. And I wouldn't be able to look at my daughter's nor my team's eyes if I returned to my life as if nothing had happened."

Kirk felt a renewed pride for his friends. They were above all a family, and would remain loyal to the end. Yet he hadn't his answer, and he wasn't so naive as to think that they would remain on the planet for the rest of their lives, nor he dared ask them this sacrifice, but he felt better knowing they were still together on this adventure.

"So what do we do now?"

"We don't have much choice. That old Klingon tub won't budge." Scotty began. "It would take a year to fix it, but I can do it in three months. At least until then, we need to stay here."

Everyone allowed a small laugh to see that again Scotty had multiplied the time required for repairs by four, as he always did. After all, he needed to maintain his reputation as a miracle worker. And with them his reputation was secure because together they had seen the impossible become real, with not inconsiderable help of the engineer's skills. But Kirk suspected that the period of three months was longer than the necessary, and that he wanted to buy time before a final decision had to be made.

"And after that?" Kirk insisted.

"We have plenty of time to think about it." Uhura replied.

It was determined. They were a family and they were all that was left to Kirk. Everything else was lost and he didn't have a home to return to. His only home exploded in orbit of a planet that no longer existed. Knowing that the Enterprise was gone was worse than losing her command, and he was a traitor for abandoning a ship as loyal to them as she was. But he had no choice. Don't get this chance wouldn't be a possible choice. Abandoning Spock wouldn't be a choice. Allowing him die a second time wasn't a choice. In a way, it was something cruel. If they had managed to rejoin Spock and his katra, he would have to survive all his friends, and not just by a few years, but by many decades and perhaps even a century. Maybe it was better that way. Maybe this was more merciful. He had to lose Spock, he had to feel what it was like to lose his better half. But at least Spock wouldn't have to go through it. How long would the Vulcan body survive? How long Spock would have to live without them if they had succeeded? Who Spock would have chosen as a partner after he lost his to the weakness of human health? Perhaps it was better that the pain was his to support, not Spock's.

And yet... More than anything he wanted Spock back.